Saturday night Mrs. Lion made another valiant effort to get me to the edge. She surprised me by using a lot of silicone lube. Her hands used techniques I don’t recall feeling before. Nevertheless, I remain stuck. She could easily get me hard but I just couldn’t get anywhere near ready to ejaculate. I’m starting to think that this issue may have something to do with the antihistamine I’m taking. I’m going to try to avoid it and see what happens.
Saturday was my 10th day since I last had an orgasm. For me, that’s a pretty long wait. I know Mrs. Lion will be giving up. I’m still wild and my bottom remains un-spanked. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will correct this when she feels the time is right.
Aside from the potential orgasm stopping problem with my antihistamine (it never got in the way before my surgery), another possible issue is the fact that I’ve learned too well how to obey my rules. Let’s face it, there’s an arousing sense of drama around breaking a rule and suffering the consequences.
It’s true that the punishment isn’t intended to be fun, and it isn’t. It’s hot thinking about having to face Mrs. Lion’s spanking paddle. It’s odd that I can find something exciting when I know that once I’m facedown on the bed, I will be very unhappy to be there.
That’s why I think the absence of punishments can be contributing to my current sexual situation. In the past, when I’ve been stuck a punishment spanking often signaled my juices would begin flowing. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I have to admit it can’t be pure coincidence.
Just thinking about that special “look” I get when I break a rule gives me a little tingle. Remembering the sharp burning of a spanking, especially with her very mean paddle, like the one with holes in it, starts making me hard. It’s a little confusing realizing that something I hate and work to avoid can also turn out to be something that provides me with strong sexual motivation.
I would think that if I got this sort of indirect pleasure out of punishment, that it would be something I seek and that it would be ineffective teaching me not to do whatever I did wrong. I don’t seek punishment. I absolutely do learn from strict, consistent application of the paddle whenever I break a rule. That’s why I’ve been spanking-free so long. Her paddle has taught me well.
It’s probably time for some new easy-to-break rules to get me back on track. I think Mrs. Lion has a similar need for this as well. It’s not that she gets particular pleasure out of beating me. But, I think it’s a very positive feeling for her when she observes and punishes me for breaking a rule. It’s a form of loving attention that I believe we both have learned to enjoy.
I’m not trying to pretend that Mrs. Lion gets joy out of catching me. It’s not that simple. It’s every bit as complex as my love-hate relationship with being punished. On some level, I think we both feel our disciplinary relationship is a form of love. It’s a combination of trust, emotions, and the obvious physical contact. In a way, it’s almost like sex.
While sex involves a whole set of feelings and physical reactions like arousal and orgasm, our disciplinary relationship involves a special kind of intimate trust. Mrs. Lion gets a sense of accomplishment out of consistent observation and punishment of my infractions. I think she also gets positive reinforcement from my willing acceptance of what she knows I hate. She intentionally hurts me. At my request she works to increase the amount of pain I can take.
In that sense, she’s doing this for me. But I think there’s also something positive in it for her as well. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I believe there has to be something for her that helps keeping her motivated. After all, we’ve been doing this now for over four years. She could’ve put a stop to it at any time.
I suspect that other couples have the same sort of complex relationship with discipline that we do. I doubt that anybody is being punished for something serious enough to threaten the relationship. That means punishment is most likely a positive force. I’m convinced it is for us. The fact that my sexual responsiveness appears linked to an active disciplinary relationship, suggests that we use it as an important substitute for more traditional sex.
It’s really not possible for me to articulate how this works. All I know is that it does for us. I don’t think it’s important for Mrs. Lion to know exactly why punishing me is good for her. Similarly, I don’t need the right answer to get the benefit I clearly enjoy when she is consistent and strict.
The fact that things get better for me when she has very strict is a clear message that I need exactly what I’m getting. It just feels very strange to ask for something I know I really won’t want when I’m getting it. It has to be equally difficult for Mrs. Lion to remember she’s giving me exactly what I asked her for.
Now that I’m physically capable of accepting my disciplinary relationship, I wonder that if once it resumes, my libido will as well.