{This is the day after my surgery. I wrote this post in advance to take some of the pressure off me when I know I’ll probably just want to stay in bed until I have to go see the surgeon for my “day after” checkup.}
The other day I wrote about the effect of losing male libido could have on a female led relationship. Another interesting question is what effect loss of male libido would have on enforced chastity. Obviously, if the man loses interest in sex, chastity becomes moot. At least that seems to be the obvious outcome.
If enforced male chastity is only about male orgasm control, that’s certainly the case. Many men, including me, don’t need to wear a chastity device in order to control impulses to masturbate. Years of being locked in a device and having a strong rule against masturbation has trained me never to do it. Still, wearing a chastity device remains part of our chastity experience.
Many guys like wearing chastity devices. It’s a hot fetish. Let’s face it, it’s the only form of bondage you can wear 24/7 in public. Aside from that, a chastity device is a powerful symbol of commitment to the keyholder. A lot of us think of it as a form of wedding ring that symbolizes our commitment and obedience to our partners.
It doesn’t matter that I’m fully trained not to masturbate yet I still wear a chastity device. It follows that if I no longer care about having sex, the chastity device is still relevant. There have been times in the last couple of years when I really couldn’t wear the device. Health issues complicated my ability to successfully wear one. I missed being locked up.
(Click image to view larger)
Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, prefers leaving me wild. In order for her to have access to her weenie, she has to get the key, then unlock, and remove the device. When I’m wild, all she has to do is reach down. I thought the locking cock ring would solve her access problem. Apparently it doesn’t. She strongly prefers a naked penis and dislikes even the minimal restriction of the cock ring (Image, left).
In practice, there really aren’t that many times a day when Mrs. Lion is in a position to play with her weenie. Still, it’s inconvenient to have to un-cage it for access. If I no longer had a libido, the only times she would need to unlock it would be for inspection and cage sanitation. Happily, I do have a libido and nearly every day I’m unlocked for teasing.
If you believe that the purpose of a chastity device is to prevent masturbation, then it makes no sense at all for me to wear one any longer. The thing is I miss it. Yes, it’s more trouble for me. Using a urinal requires checking for my urethral alignment before I can begin peeing. Adjusting can be annoying. I do enjoy the occasional erections even though they never end in ejaculation. It’s nice to get hard. I can’t do that in my 1 inch cage.
When it’s not on me, the cage sits next to my bed on my nightstand. I find myself looking over at it wishing it were where it belongs. Once it’s on and I go through a day or two of adjustments, I start to think that I liked it better on my nightstand. Actually I don’t. I think it belongs around my penis. After all, it was custom-made to live there.
I think we can solve accessibility for Mrs. Lion. Perhaps every day when she comes home from work and changes into her play clothes, she can also take off my chastity device. That way I’m wild and available for her pleasure. Since she’s with me, I’m fully supervised. At the end of the evening when we go to brush our teeth, perhaps at that point she can lock me up again. That way I’m securely caged until she gets home from work the next day. On weekends she can leave me wild if she so desires.
This seems to be a reasonable compromise. I think the daily routine of locking and unlocking her weenie, while some trouble for her, is also a nice sexual ritual that confirms our commitment to each other. While I wear the device locked on my penis, she puts it on and removes it. It’s sort of like the ring ceremony at a wedding, just repeated every day. I don’t think we need to recite vows, but we can renew our commitment and power exchange through this simple ritual.
It may seem odd that we find a connection through a piece of bondage hardware. I can’t speak for her, but I definitely do. There is something strongly affirmative and assertive about the act of locking the device on my penis. I know that many couples allow the men to remove and put on the chastity device for themselves. I think they are missing out on an important part of the chastity experience. Even though the keyholders may retain possession of the key, the act of physically putting the device on the penis and locking it is very powerful.
Even though I would never consider unlocking myself, the keys for the device are kept in a locked safe. Only Mrs. Lion knows the combination. The act of locking and unlocking me is not sexual. Pretty much everything else Mrs. Lion does with my penis is. I know that it’s hot to be locked in a chastity device, but that doesn’t make the act of locking and unlocking me necessarily sexual. The reason I emphasize this is that the locking and unlocking ritual is a strong statement of domination and submission. While it may be something that we do every day, I have no assurance that Mrs. Lion might at some point, choose to leave me locked for an extended period of time. I’m very aware that I have no access to the mechanism that will let me out.
On the other hand, times when Mrs. Lion doesn’t lock me in a chastity device leaves me feeling a bit lost. That commitment ritual is important to me. In one way, being left wild feels a little like she doesn’t care what I do with my penis. I know that’s really not true, but on a gut level it does feel that way.
It turns out that wearing a chastity device has less and less to do with sex as time goes by. Instead, it becomes a powerful symbol of the power exchange and ownership between locked male and his keyholder. It may be a little difficult for a keyholder to understand this. After all, her part in the chastity experience is pretty limited in terms of the chastity device.
That’s too bad. I think the the locking and unlocking ritual can be a very meaningful part of the sexual power exchange. I’m not suggesting that special words be spoken, though I know some people like to do that. I am suggesting that the keyholder does the actual physical work of putting on and removing the device and that both people think about the important commitment this act symbolizes.
Another thoughtful, reflective post. I’ve thought for a long time that a permanent resolution of how you use your chastity devices would be a mistake. I think that the changing approaches add an edge to the dynamic, keeping it fresh and active.
It’s very true that the removal and replacement of the cage is a powerful message to the male in the relationship. My Queen seldom does it but when she does, I love it!!
Perhaps she doesn’t realize how strongly it affects you. Mrs. Lion and I have talked about it and she understands much it means to me that she and only she puts on or takes off my Jail Bird.
Yes, it is a pain but that CLICK of the lock is such a powerful sound.