sexually frustrated lien
Please, please don’t stop now!
“You know that you love it when I tease you.”

Friday night Mrs. Lion was feeling better and we had a really nice teasing session. She began orally and worked very hard to get me off. After a while she tired and moved over next to me and continued with her hand. Predictably, I reached the plateau in my arousal and stubbornly refused to continue toward orgasm. This time, Mrs. Lion kept going anyway. Sure enough, after a few more minutes I felt myself getting more and more excited. She noticed that my erection had grown even stiffer. I felt myself moving closer and closer to ejaculation.

It felt like she had decided to push me all the way over the top. My breathing quickened. I braced for orgasm.

She stopped.

I breathed a deep sigh. Her hand moved down and caressed my balls. I could feel my arousal and erection draining away. After a while, she went back to work on my penis. It took longer than I expected to get back to the edge, but she got me there. This time I wasn’t so sure she was going to let me come.

She didn’t.

Again she caressed my balls and my inner thighs waiting until my arousal had substantially receded. Again, she began masturbating me. Once again after a while, I felt myself getting closer and closer to orgasm. Maybe this time she’ll give me a break and let me come.

She stopped.

In an even tone she said, “This isn’t your night.”

She leaned down and briefly sucked my pulsing cock.

I was a little surprised that she didn’t push me all the way. But then again, why should she? After all, edging is the name of the game. Friday was my sixth day of waiting. My last orgasm was on April 27. I think she’s figured me out. It’s not so much that I’m stuck or broken, it’s just that for some reason it takes longer to get me to the edge. There is nothing either of us can do about that.

I also think she’s being conservative in terms of her edging. Along with the delay in reaching the edge, apparently I go from very aroused to ejaculation much more quickly than before. Friday night, Mrs. Lion didn’t push me as hard as she usually does. Most of the time after she gets me close to the edge, she won’t wait more than a few seconds before beginning pushing me again. Her pattern is very much like the one she uses when she wants to give me a ruined orgasm. She’ll give me a burst of rapid short strokes continuing until she sure I’m about to come. Then she’ll stop for just a few seconds and give me another short burst of strokes pushing me again.

This is a very difficult technique. In the past, a good deal of the time, the result of this kind of edging was a ruined orgasm. Since we have agreed that ruined orgasms are okay with me, she’s been willing to push me into that territory much more often. I think that at this point she doesn’t want to risk that since it’s been so difficult for me to get highly aroused.

I get it and in a way I agree. On the other hand, I think Mrs. Lion underestimates her talent at edging. I welcome her returning to the riskier, much-closer-to-ejaculation edging style. I’m confident that she can go considerably further without giving me a ruined orgasm. If she does, no big deal.

A while ago I proposed using lube when Mrs. Lion masturbates me. I had seen and shared with you a couple of videos that showed what looked like, very exciting hand job action. Mrs. Lion tried all this and it did feel good. However, her dry hand feels much better. She understands exactly how to arouse me and doesn’t need lubrication to help her along. Of course, if she wants to vary things and use some, I’m not going to complain.

I’m very glad that she decided to just edge me. While I certainly would love a chance to ejaculate, I also welcome a bunch of days being brought closer to the edge. I’m very fond of those teasing sessions. I get hard just thinking about them; like now. I’m very happy that Mrs. Lion has the perseverance to get me to the edge again. I think I’m starting to like that just about as much is finally getting to ejaculate.

I’ve been so tired lately and I don’t know why. Last night I took a sleeping pill and it seems to have helped. At least, so far. There’s still a lot of day left and a lot to do. At least I won’t be sitting at my desk doing boring work today.

The sun in springtime around here always seems like a miracle. And to string a few nice days together so the lawn is dry enough to mow is certainly miraculous. We have to run to the store and then I’ll be outside “enjoying” the sun while mowing the lawn. Lion said I could stay inside and mow the lion if I didn’t want to mow the lawn. The difference is, of course, mowing the lion in not weather-dependent. And I reminded him that mowing the lawn is something that needs to be done. As much as he wants to be furless, it’s not a necessity. I need to make hay while the sun shines, as the saying goes.

I need to make sure mowing the lawn doesn’t wipe me out for the rest of the day. I’ve still got things to do to Lion. Last night I was able to edge him a few times. I got him started with my hand, then moved to oral action and then back to my hand. He thought I was going to give up after the oral fun. I guess I surprised him when I continued with my hand.

I was considering giving him an orgasm. I have no idea how many days he’s been waiting. Whatever it is, it didn’t seem like enough. The boy needs to be edged sometimes without getting an orgasm. What kind of message does it send to him if he can lounge about not getting to the edge and just get an orgasm? It’s true, we had our wires crossed for a few days and he might have gotten to the edge but I didn’t try. Maybe, and this is a big maybe, if I’d been trying and he couldn’t get there, I might have given him an orgasm as a sort of a trophy for making it to the edge.

But now he’s suggesting I do more work to jump start him. He needs to get past this “stuck” part. I don’t think he should have an orgasm until he proves to me that all this extra work is worth it. If I have to work harder then he should too. Maybe he should have to make it to the edge for three days straight before he gets to come. Maybe he should be punished if he doesn’t make it to the edge on any given night, assuming there’s no illness/good reason. Maybe he should have to do the dishes or be the maid for a few days. Nah. I just threw that in to see if you were paying attention.

If Lion wants me to take charge of getting him unstuck, I can do it. He just may not like it. Who am I kidding?

He’ll love it!

What would happen if the male side of a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) lost interest in sex? Let’s say several years into an established FLRD relationship the male partner’s libido disappears. I think it’s pretty obvious that most of the basis for these practices originate in male sexual feelings. Would this signal the end of the disciplinary relationship?

Before going any further, I want to say that my sexual feelings have not disappeared. But I’ve been thinking about how the various building blocks of this special kind of relationship interact with one another. Probably the largest and most difficult to overcome would be loss of male libido. After all, our male horniness drives us to accept sexual control and puts us into position for discipline. I don’t believe most of us would willingly assume the position for a painful spanking if we also didn’t get aroused thinking about receiving one.

What about our disciplining wives? How are they going to feel about their role if we males are not getting any sexual pleasure from their ministrations? Do they also lose their reason to continue? In other words, do all of these powerful relationship activities depend on an active male libido? If they do, does that mean all of this stuff is simply a sexual activity?

There is no question that my sexual interest affects Mrs. Lion’s pursuit of her role. Lately, I haven’t been very sexually responsive. While she gamely goes on trying to arouse me, most of the other FLRD activities have fallen by the wayside. Mrs. Lion also reports that she’s feeling tired lately and this, of course, is probably one of the main reasons she isn’t as active as usual.

I can’t help but think that if my libido were at a higher level, we would be more active. That’s what got me thinking about the dependency on male sexual interest driving our female-led relationship. I’m not sure this is a bad thing, but after years of FLRD, I would hate to think that we would drift away simply because I’m not interested in getting off.

In our case, Mrs. Lion has lost her interest in sex but still soldiers on as my disciplining wife. The reason she does this is because she knows it supports my sexual needs. At this point that may not be the main reason. FLRD, I think, has become a force unto itself. By this I mean that the activities around Mrs. Lion’s authority are a kind of emotional glue we have both learned to depend on.

erection of consent
This is unmistakable evidence of my consent!

There have been times when Mrs. Lion spanked me and I was in no mood to be punished. She persisted and made me assume the position and accept a severe spanking. This is a reasonable example of what a sex-free punishment would be like. I think it was difficult for her to administer as well as very hard for me to accept. However, it was probably a perfect example of FLRD as a standalone part of our marriage.

I am pretty sure that almost all of us start out in a disciplinary relationship out of sexual arousal. I’m also pretty sure it’s the fuel that keeps the male side going. Indirectly, the female side is energized by that same male arousal. I think that in most cases FLRD is a service rendered by the female partner, at least in the beginning.

But that doesn’t mean she’s not getting benefits from this relationship. She has to be or it would die quickly. I think that one of the biggest benefits, however, is seeing the male’s positive sexual reaction to female leadership. It’s a very sincere form of approval when a guy gets hard at the prospect of being made to do something he doesn’t want to do. No matter how much we protest or even cry, that erection betrays our real feelings.

When the erection disappears because of a loss of libido, male approval isn’t so easy to see. The example of my non-sexual spanking illustrates how something other than my approval needs to drive punishing me. In a BDSM scene, pre-scene negotiations provide permission and approval of painful activities. In a 24/7 power exchange like FLRD, the permission is still there but it is not anywhere proximal to the administration of punishment. The fact that the male willingly-but-grudgingly accepts it provides cold comfort.

I believe that our FLRD is important on many levels. Of course, the easiest one to see is sexual. However, I think it goes much deeper than that. It gives Mrs. Lion the ability to express and enforce her will. It provides me with the security of knowing that I’m doing what makes her happy. Even the punishments offer us an opportunity to communicate on a very different and deep level. Over the years, Mrs. Lion has commented about positive effects punishing me brings her.

It’s way too easy to miss this. I get hard thinking about being spanked. That means when the time comes for punishment, my arousal at the idea of a spanking will put me in position to accept my swats. It will also offer tacit consent to Mrs. Lion to bruise my bottom even though I clearly hate what she’s doing while she’s doing it. We both remember that “erection of permission”.

flaccid penis
Does this mean I no longer want FLRD?
(Click image to view larger)

Once that signal is gone, it becomes much more difficult for her. It doesn’t matter if it becomes harder for me because punishment isn’t supposed to be fun. The fact that I’m turned on thinking about it doesn’t change how much it hurts when I actually get it. The only change is that the obvious signal of my consent disappears.

If I lose interest in sex, obeying rules and accepting punishment will be harder for me. I’ll have to find deeper reasons to accept my role as a disciplined husband. They are clearly there. There is a deep emotional connection we’ve forged through Mrs. Lion’s authority and enforcement of her power. Somehow, her use of a paddle supports and enhances our marriage.

Even though I haven’t lost my interest in sex, the medical distractions and my recovery has reduced the importance of sex recently.  As a result, the disciplinary side of things receded. It’s true, that I did get spanked for spilling on my shirt. I didn’t say things disappeared; they just moved into the background. The two main rules we started with, no spilling and no eating first, are so deeply ingrained that they survive the distractions.

I’m convinced that even if we both are completely sexless, our disciplinary relationship needs to survive and flourish. Mrs. Lion doesn’t need to see an erection to know that I’m completely committed to our FLRD. I want to see her authority expand and her enforcement grow.

We’ve been in an FLRD for over four years. If I never get another erection, that alone is clear evidence we should continue. I’m not trying to imply that we are at a point where we have to deal with the loss of my libido. My recent difficulties served to get me thinking about the motivations behind our FLRD. I hope that I never have a completely erection-free disciplinary relationship. But if I can’t get it up, I expect things to continue unabated.

A couple of nights ago Mrs. Lion had an upset stomach. We didn’t get in our usual snuggles. On Wednesday night, she did come over and we snuggled. It was great. But I noticed she stayed far away from her weenie. I didn’t want to say anything because I know she had been having stomach problems. Finally, when she was about to move away, I asked her why she do anything sexual. She told me that I wrote that I wasn’t that interested in sex in my post for yesterday. I went back and reread my post. I didn’t actually say that I wasn’t interested in sex. I did mention that the medications I’m taking may have a negative effect on my interest.

It’s not important that we had that little misunderstanding. It is significant that even a slight mention of lack of interest would generate such a strong reaction. If you’ve been reading our blog for a while, you know that we learn about each other both through conversation and via what we write every day. We also have an email conversation that goes on throughout the day while she’s at work. Prior to all this surgical stuff, Mrs. Lion would either ask me about the “lion weather” or I would let her know my sexual temperature.

Between our email exchanges and the blog, we would clearly communicate our sexual interests for the day. I’m not sure why we started doing this . I know that it seems sort of mechanical to spell out in advance our sexual expectations. Optimally, this should be a spontaneous activity. The fact is that we were never very good at that. Our personalities just don’t lend themselves to romantic outbursts.

Since our sexual activities tend to be kinky and one-sided, spontaneous expressions become even more difficult. I don’t particularly like having a conversation about what are going to do immediately before we do it. That just doesn’t feel awfully sexy to me. So, over time we’ve developed our signaling system.

This isn’t just compensation for things we should do that we don’t. It’s also an opportunity for Mrs. Lion to build anticipation. If she starts writing me about things she’s thinking of doing to me, my mind starts chewing that over and my penis reacts accordingly. She pulled back on doing this because sometimes she doesn’t feel able to follow through and then knows I’ll probably be disappointed. If she under promises she’s covered and if she does end up doing something more, I’m delighted.

This worked very well for us. It worked even better when I was given more to think about. I think it was better to risk a little disappointment then not to promise anything. I really like anticipating. I’m a big boy and if some activity needs to be postponed I have no trouble handling it. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, really hates to disappoint me in any way. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to come through for me.

I appreciate this effort, but I think it’s not good for either of us. I don’t think she can help it. All I can do is remind her that good intentions are better than no intentions. Delaying some fun activity can increase my anticipation even if it provides a momentary disappointment that I can’t have whatever it is when I thought I would get it. After all, the key precept of our FLRD and enforced male chastity is that I don’t control sexual things. Making me wait is certainly part of the game.

In one important sense, Mrs. Lion is right about my sexual interest. All these medications and medical procedures have blunted the sharp edge of my horniness. All of these necessary-but-distracting activities affect her almost as much as they affect me. It seems to me that now is a very good time to go back to our old pattern of announcing plans in advance to provide lots of anticipation. The risk of disappointing me is much smaller than the benefit of refocusing both of us on things we like.

A week or so ago Mrs. Lion covered my balls with clothespins. I didn’t enjoy it. That seems very odd to me. CBT is something I generally find very exciting. Thinking back, I realize that she silently did this. She didn’t say anything she just got me hard, pulled out her bag of clothespins, and went to work. I had no idea that any BDSM play would take place and I was focused on trying to get past being stuck. I was unprepared to enjoy being covered with clothespins.

It’s taken me until now to realize that I was so focused on dealing with being sexually stuck, that I had no room to consider any activity that didn’t include trying to get me past that brick wall. Had we discussed the clothespins as part of the planned activities for the evening, I think my focus would have been on that kind of fun and not on being unable to reach the edge of orgasm.

I don’t think either of us thought much about the way we use our daily conversations as a form of foreplay. It was a style of communication that evolved over time. We never discussed the trade-off between risking not following through after all the buildup. We never considered that postponing activities is a reasonable part of the anticipation process.

Over time, Mrs. Lion has learned to enjoy frustrating me sexually. She knows that on some level I like it when she brings me to the edge over and over and then locks me up panting for an orgasm. It took her a long time to feel good about that. It’s obvious how badly I want to ejaculate. She can see that sometimes I get frustrated and a little angry that I can’t get to the promised land. She’s learned that this is part of the game. I think she even enjoys seeing my frustration. Maybe building anticipation for activities and then postponing them is just another form of the teasing she can learn to enjoy.

I’m not suggesting she should build up my hopes for a fun spanking or CBT session and then intentionally disappointment me. On the other hand, it’s really not that different from getting me within one stroke of ejaculation and then locking me back up in my cage. It’s all part of sexual control.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that building my anticipation is one of the most fun parts of what we’ve done. I think Mrs. Lion may miss my weather reports. I also wonder if I give a neutral or negative report, she shouldn’t use her considerable writing skills to change the lion weather. I think we’ve inadvertently taken a lot of the fun out of what we do. What do you say Mrs. Lion? Can we fix this?