It’s always surprising to me when people tell me that my role as the submissive partner in our marriage is to cheerfully obey my lioness. As long as I am obedient, I am doing my part. Of course, that’s a load of crap. Power exchanges, even 24/7 lifestyle exchanges, are two dimensional. Even though power-based activities may reach into every corner of life, they are sexually based. Don’t like that thought? It doesn’t matter. The point is that in any context, assignment and acceptance of power can’t possibly define the relationship.
Consider the role of an employee. There is an expectation that the employee will successfully complete activities assigned to him. He has no expectation of more than his compensation, and perhaps, some rewards for doing an especially good job. He may form friendships with his coworkers, but that is external to his reason for being there. At the very root of it, the employee has a task-based role.
My relationship with Mrs. Lion is anything but task-based. We love each other deeply and we are committed to making each other happy. When things go wrong, like my recent surgery and the resulting recuperation, she does whatever is necessary to help me recover. I will, of course, do the same for her. She is my mate for life. We belong to one another.
We have a fairly comprehensive power exchange. On paper, at least, Mrs. Lion is in charge of everything. My job is to do whatever she wants. Guess what? Without the power exchange that’s still my job. And, her job is to do the same for me. We don’t need contracts or agreements. We love one another. We function together as a single unit. When we decided to begin enforced male chastity and later to do our FLRD (Female Lead Relationship with Discipline), the underlying mutuality didn’t change.
Our power exchange includes sexual control. With or without a male chastity device, I have agreed to turn over my sexual satisfaction to Mrs. Lion. In practice that means I’m not going to have sex with anyone but her and I’m never going to masturbate again. Before this agreement I did masturbate.
Let’s look at a hypothetical situation. Instead of having the enforced male chastity conversation, I happened to mention to her that two or three times a week I jerked off. I’m sure her reaction would have been the same. She was surprised and definitely not pleased I did that. I’m sure she would’ve told me that she didn’t want me to do it any more. I’m also sure I would have talked about why I was doing it. I would have told her that I wasn’t getting frequent enough release from her.
The outcome, I’m absolutely sure, would have been that she would agree to make sure she would make me ejaculate more frequently. She would also have asked me not to play with myself. I certainly would’ve agreed. Chances are good, that we would have slipped back into the old pattern and I would have started jerking off again. Over time, we would improve and I would no longer masturbate.
I can’t think of anything she makes me do or I do on my own for her that I wouldn’t do without our power exchange. The fact is I would do anything for her. If you are in a similar relationship, I’m pretty sure this is true of you too.
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean our power exchange is frivolous. It’s very real. Mrs. Lion makes and enforces rules. She punishes me if I break them. She’s also said that she will begin punishing me if I do things that annoy her. The difference between this and what would happen without the power exchange is the fact that there are concrete consequences if I don’t do what I’m told.
That doesn’t mean I would not have done these things without the consequences. I’m sure I would. I’m equally sure that I wouldn’t be as consistent and diligent in accomplishing these things. The fact is we have agreed to concrete, and painful-for-me punishments when I displease her.
In the situation where we don’t have this clearly defined disciplinary path, I wouldn’t be punished of course. But I would still annoy her and anger and resentment would smolder under the surface. Granted, she wouldn’t smolder very much if I spilled food on my shirt, but she would if I interrupted her.
Some couples argue and hurl accusations at one another when the backlog of annoyances on either side grows large enough. There’s no safety valve that allows these negative feelings to be expressed in a constructive way. While it may seem silly at first, paddling my bare bottom is an excellent tool to show me Mrs. Lion’s displeasure. Repeated spankings teaches me in a very primal way to avoid these negative behaviors. Pressure is released.
A logical question is how do I deal with my smoldering embers? After all, I can’t spank her. I certainly can’t yell at her, or for that matter, even growl. She has a way to release the negative energy. What am I supposed to do? Some couples practice mutual discipline. Each partner has the right to punish the other for infractions. It’s been written about as the “Spencer Method”. It’s not for us.
Our power exchange works because of fundamental differences in our personalities. I’m a sort of type-A lion. I don’t let things smolder under the surface. I let people know how I feel. So, there’s no risk that Mrs. Lion won’t find out that something upset me.
She, on the other hand, is more introspective. She has spent a lifetime internalizing her feelings. That makes her a very dangerous lioness. If allowed to keep stuffing those negative feelings, eventually she’ll explode and do something destructive to herself and maybe to me. She’s agreed not to do this. She works hard to let me know when I do things that bother her.
We jokingly refer to various versions of lioness. Lioness 1.0 kept me locked in chastity and occasionally punished me, not too harshly, for breaking rules. When lioness 1.0 played, she was careful to avoid doing things that hurt too much.
Lioness 2.0 has no such compunctions. She made her points very clearly. She spanked me where it hurts the most long enough for me to understand her displeasure. When we played, and for example put clothespins on my balls, she would intentionally put them on the spots she knew hurt me the most. I was very proud of her reaching that point.
Lioness 3.0 extends her power to cover things that bother her. 2.0 would punish me for breaking explicit rules. Spilling food on my shirt or eating before she started, earned me a very painful punishment. Interrupting her or acting like a know it all upset her but didn’t earn any physical retribution. Lioness 3.0 treats these annoyances as serious behavioral problems. She punishes severely to teach me to stop these behaviors.
3.0 isn’t completely here. She’s close enough that she writes about resolving not to spare the paddle when I annoy her. However, she hasn’t yet used it on my bottom. There has been no soap in my mouth or corner time for these types of infractions. I have no doubt that’s coming soon. Her normal pattern is to begin observing the behavior she doesn’t like and noting it in her posts. At some point after that, she notes this in a much more direct way that bruises my bottom.
Each of these growth steps make us a healthier couple. For one thing, our FLRD balances our relationship. More importantly, Mrs. Lion is learning to not only express her feelings, but also take action to see that they are respected.
I’m certainly not claiming that every couple practicing enforced male chastity and/or FLRD do it for the same reasons we do. However, I’m absolutely certain that to be successful these activities have to fold comfortably into the loving lifestyle that they have. There’s absolutely no way these two dimensional power exchanges can be the foundation for a good relationship.
I’ve observed this over the years when I’ve watched people seek and find partners based solely on power compatibility. Dominant women look for submissive men, generally younger than themselves, who they can mold and control. Similarly, submissive men look for women who can make their fantasies of submission come true. It works for a while. But it’s really not enough. I’m not the only one who’s observed this. Relationships based on a power exchange don’t seem to last more than a year or two. Couples who fell in love and enjoy a vanilla relationship, tend to be very successful when they begin a power exchange.
The power exchange is kind of like gravy. It adds flavor and depth to the good food it covers. Gravy doesn’t make a very good meal. But it turns bland food into exciting cuisine. I think that’s the way our power exchanges work for us. I love gravy on nearly everything!