Wifely Duty

There is a ton of mythology surrounding sexual power exchanges. Female Led Relationship With Discipline (FLRD) is no exception. The majority of the stories center around the “submissive” male member of the relationship. Surrendering power, particularly sexual power is a very common turn on to members of both sexes. In study after study both men and women overwhelmingly reported that they actively fantasized about being spanked. Depending on the study, between 75 and 95% of respondents dreamt about having their bottoms paddled.

The dreams were sexy. They weren’t bleak, oppressive nightmares. All respondents who dreamt about being spanked reported being sexually aroused. A lot of people also dreamt about doing the spanking. This was also very sexual. If a guy can get a woman to expose her rear end and allow him to spank her, he has a very good chance of being able to have sex with her as well. It’s easy to understand why a man who secretly wishes he could be spanked, takes on the role of dominant spanker. There is something he wants in it for him.

It’s apparently not the same for women. I don’t recall hearing that a woman chose to be the spanker in order to get laid. I’m sure it happens. But it isn’t a very common reason. I started this post talking about the large body of mythology surrounding submitting to spanking. I’m pretty sure you are familiar with a great deal of it. You also know that in my marriage I am the partner who gets spanked. I’ve written thousands of words about how I feel about it and what effect it has on me.

What about my lioness? She has become a very active spanker. When she thinks I deserve it, she spanks me without a second thought. I’m very sure she has no surrounding mythology to draw on for inspiration. I imagine that she isn’t that different from other women who discipline their partners. Spanking in our house is a simple, business-like affair. Mrs. Lion selects the paddle she wants to use, brings it into the bedroom, tells me to get into position, and without further ado begins spanking me.

8There is nothing sexual about it. Yes, I am naked and my bare bottom is exposed to her. She never touches my genitals and some of the time will rest her arm on my back. The entire experience is the painful swatting of the paddle on my bare skin. When she’s done, she may pat me on the back to let me know I can get up. She doesn’t ask me for a review. She gets up and puts the paddle away. She’s all business.

Years ago, when spanking was newer to me, I would often be erect when I got into position for my spanking. It didn’t take very long for my erection to disappear. I don’t get erect anymore. I know what’s coming and I know I won’t like it. There is no submissive mythology in our house. Punishment, whether spanking or something else, is a routine activity that isn’t given a special place. It’s just another activity we share. I do thank Mrs. Lion after each spanking. She made that rule sometime ago to remind me to express my appreciation for her efforts.

She’s always made sure that there is a good separation between my punishment and any sexual activity. She recognizes that I won’t be in a very horny mood for a while after being punished. The other night she did something very different. She teased me and edged me and then, almost immediately afterward, told me to get into position and administered the spanking I had coming. There doesn’t need to be any time between sexual activity and punishment if the sexual activity comes first. I never thought about that before. Apparently it was an inspiration for Mrs. Lion. It certainly opens up more opportunities to structure her evening activities.

She gave me that spanking very close to when we turned out the lights to go to sleep. That meant I was still feeling the burn of my punishment as I closed my eyes in the dark. Since the sexual activity was edging, I was hornier when she started punishing me than I was on evenings when I get spanked before anything sexual happens.

There is a variant of this we never tried. Supposedly, a spanking is much more unpleasant if it is administered shortly after the male has ejaculated. I suppose the theory is a little like the way people think about eating semen. It’s a hot idea when turned on, and absolutely no fun after ejaculating.

Since I don’t get turned on before spanking, I don’t think ejaculating and then being spanked will feel any different to me. Also, at least in the recent past, I get spanked a lot more than I get to ejaculate. In the last 10 days, I haven’t ejaculated once and I’ve been spanked at least eight times.

It may be my imagination, but I think that Mrs. Lion has been spanking me harder and longer each time over the last couple of weeks. That’s a good idea. No matter how frequently I need to be spanked, each one has to stand out as something I really don’t want. Because I’ve earned daily spankings for various stupid things I’ve done, the bar has been raised on making each one especially memorable.

I don’t think Mrs. Lion has consciously considered this. I think she should. The one drawback of serial spankings is that I might get “used” to being spanked. I think that can be easily avoided by being sure that each spanking is particularly unpleasant. The bedtime spanking the other night was a step in the right direction.

Mrs. Lion has no sexual incentive around punishing me. In a very real sense it’s an inconvenience for her. I’m sure she would be happier if she didn’t have to punish me at all. She knows that on one level, I need reasonably regular spankings. That level has nothing to do with my behavior and a lot to do with my sexual composition. In the past, when no punishments have been earned for a while, Mrs. Lion has given me play spankings. In the last couple of months, I’ve managed to do enough wrong to earn disciplinary spankings on a very regular basis. The disciplinary spankings, while thoroughly unpleasant, also satisfy that inner need.

Mrs. Lion has accepted her role as disciplinarian. I suppose in our world it’s a “wifely duty”. Much more important than sex, properly disciplining me is a key part of her job as my wife. That may seem odd. It isn’t. She knows that I really enjoy it when she masturbates me to the edge of orgasm over and over and then stops. She’s happy to keep me ejaculation-free for days and days. In fact, she suggested that maybe all I would get is teasing until we move to our new house in September.

Sexual activity is more like a hobby for her. She does it because I really like it and she enjoys stretching out my desperation to ejaculate. She feels no particular pressure to do anything differently, or for that matter, do it all. On the other hand, her disciplinary role is more demanding. She knows that I need her to consistently enforce her rules and make punishments sufficiently unpleasant to motivate me to avoid breaking them. In other words, spanking and her other punishment activities are work.

I think it took her a long time to take that particular job seriously. Think about it: How do you approach paddling your husband’s bare bottom as a serious domestic job? Unless you grew up in a family that regularly practiced disciplinary spanking, you have absolutely no context for the activity. If you have a history of BDSM spanking, then you probably have the skill set but you almost certainly will have difficulty approaching it as a serious component of your marriage.

I’m not entirely sure Mrs. Lion understands this fully. Spanking me as a punishment is a domestic skill she has to master. There’s no question that she’s well on her way to doing this. She knows exactly what to do. I’m not sure she thinks about it as a serious part of her role as my wife. I suspect she considers it something she does because I want it.

I do want it. That’s almost beside the point. It doesn’t really matter if I want it or not any more. It’s absolutely a necessary part of our marriage and I cannot change my mind about accepting punishment when needed. The flip side of this is that Mrs. Lion punishes me because it is a job she has accepted. She doesn’t need my approval to perform it. She certainly has no reason to care if I like it or not.

I have to learn that punishment is the inevitable consequence of breaking a rule or failing to obey. It has nothing to do with sex. Mrs. Lion has to make sure that each punishment experience is unpleasant enough to make it crystal clear that she will not tolerate my misdeed. This can be very hard for her. After all, how seriously should she think about me spilling food on my shirt? Or, how important is it if I forget to remind her of a punishment day?

In the scope of our marriage, it isn’t important at all. I would suggest that is probably not the way to think about it. Each of those things represent instructions that I have been given. Failing to follow them is a form of disrespect. It doesn’t matter if it’s trivial or not. It matters that it is something I am required to do. Teaching me to take small things seriously is a very good way to teach me to follow more important requirements. In that sense, the price I pay for these trivial offenses has to be high enough to make sure I don’t repeat them.

It’s Mrs. Lion’s wifely duty to assure herself that I take every single instruction to heart. Giving me a sore bottom is a small price to pay for me to learn to respect her wishes. It may not be easy to give me a sore bottom, but she can do it if she wants to.