Month: August 2019 (Page 2)

Lion’s spanked butt
This is my butt after a spanking. In the past, we showed you this to demonstrate Mrs. Lion’s improved spanking skills. Now, you can see how her technique has been improving. Every time she gets more effective, we both benefit.
Click image to view larger.

When this post publishes, I will be on my way to the hospital. My prep time begins at 5:30 AM and the actual surgery should start around seven or 7:30 AM. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will keep you posted in her afternoon post. I spent 1/2 hour on the phone with the surgeon this afternoon (Wednesday). She and I reviewed the risks. We agree that while this operation is not risk-free, surgical correction can be made to save what vision remains. In any case, I’m tired of being a one eyed lion.

I am very happy that Mrs. Lion has truly taken ownership of her role as my disciplining wife. She’s actively planning how to store her collection of paddles and assure that whatever one she wants will be easily accessible. One of the problems that comes from multi-decade BDSM is the amazingly large collection of toys one gets. While I may have purchased most of our paddle collection for BDSM fun, they are obviously perfect for discipline as well.

What’s important to me is that she feels motivated to inventory the collection and utilize it as she sees fit. When I topped, I tended to favor one are two implements of a type. I had two or three paddles, each with a specific role, that are used for spanking. Even though I had a large collection, I tended to stick to this small group. Mrs. Lion has a much more experimental and innovative streak. The truth is that very few, if any of our paddles failed to make an impression on me. Some are much more intense than others.

Interestingly, Mrs. Lion has yet to find one that can reliably bruise me where she wishes a more memorable souvenir of my punishment. Part of the problem is that historically I’ve learned that I don’t mark easily. Another part is that to be able to reliably place a mark, takes a lot of practice with suitable instrument. I think the entire concept of consciously making marks is more of a BDSM concept than one that applies to punishment.

I’m not sure why both of us are independently spending so much time thinking about punishment spankings. There’s no question that we are. I think it may be that because we’ve had to suspend them due to the eye surgeries, we both miss them. In recent weeks, I’ve managed to rack up lots of punishment spankings. Since the mildest offense earns me a minimum of three spankings, administering and receiving them have become far more routine for us. I don’t think either of us spent much time thinking about how important they are.

I’m not saying that I need regular spankings; though I suspect I do. It’s very different than that. I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion will completely agree, but I believe that adult punishment spanking has become a valuable part of our relationship. I really didn’t see this coming. In my mind the biggest benefit of our disciplinary relationship is that Mrs. Lion becomes aware of my behavior and feels free to correct it as needed. It’s taken a long time, but we are at that point. No matter how you feel about spanking, it is the way Mrs. Lion expresses displeasure to me. Because any infraction earns multiple spankings, she needn’t worry about spanking in anger. She may be pissed off at me for the first one, but it’s highly unlikely the anger will survive subsequent sessions.

I think that any corrective measures she might have chosen could be equally effective. The key was understanding exactly what had to happen for a correction to work. I’ve talked a lot about needing more intensity to make a punishment effective. I believe that every time Mrs. Lion steps up my spankings, I come out on the other end better educated and happier. I’m not going to claim that she has fun when she spanks me, though I’m starting to believe she gets something positive out of her side of the experience.

The reason I think this is that she shows strong interest in using different paddles and has been trying different things during spanking. My spankings are definitely taking more time and many more swats than in the past. She is actively exploring new real estate including my inner and outer thighs as well as the tender skin inside my crack. She’s been very sensitive to my reactions and when she detects more meaningful yelps, I think she’s enjoying her success.

I’m happy about this. Even though the reason she is paddling me is punishment, she is starting to take pride in her skills and ability to make me understand how important it is for me to change. I wouldn’t call that “fun” for her. It’s more, I think, a sense of accomplishment. As she continues to grow in her skills and I react to her “improvements”, she will get positive feedback for her ability to punish me.

I think it is perfectly justifiable to take pride in her ability to strip me of my dignity and impress on me the need to do as she wishes. Now that we have been in a multi-week hiatus of punishment, we are getting a truly different perspective on what we’ve been doing. Before we had to stop, I think that both of us considered my punishments as something that I need. We accepted Mrs. Lion’s hard work learning effective spanking as a way of accommodating this need. It appeared to be a chore no different than washing dishes or vacuuming a rug. I was the sole beneficiary of her effort.

I no longer think that’s true. I can’t believe that I ever imagined it was just work for Mrs. Lion. I’m not saying it isn’t, but she does get something out of it. I don’t think it’s necessary to label exactly what that something is. But her interest in selecting appropriate paddles and monitoring my reaction to her experiments indicates at the very least she finds beating me to be interesting.

I think the hard part was getting past the idea that she was hurting me. She spent a lifetime trying not to hurt people she loves. I think she got around those feelings when she spanks me by remembering that this is something I want. She is performing a service for me. Now that we both have a lot of experience at our respective ends of the paddle, I think she is allowing herself to enjoy the process.

It seems to have moved from doing something I want to effectively communicating to me how much better it is to do as I am told. The objective evidence that I benefit and learn more quickly when she makes my spankings more painful, is a strong incentive to keep improving her technique. Some people will never understand why we both find this not only acceptable but valuable.

From my perspective, being spanked takes any kind of control away from me. For example, if I interrupt her, without the spanking all she would do is growl at me and I could appear sorry. There’s no real sense of closure or satisfaction in effectively communicating with me. However, if I interrupt her and she then sentences me to five spankings, if the spankings go considerably further than something I would want because I like to be spanked, she knows I am feeling her disappointment in my inability to avoid interrupting her.

This is a very important point. Generally speaking, all the conversations about corporal punishment for adults centers around either the technique for administering it or how it affects the person being spanked. It completely disregards how the spanker benefits. That benefit isn’t just a simple power trip. A lot of people like to think it is. I think it has a much deeper level of satisfaction for the spanker. She knows that the person she is spanking is definitely unhappy feeling the pain. She also knows, or should know, that she has a very effective way to change behavior. If I interrupt her and get five spankings as a result, and then interrupt her again, she is going to give me seven or 10 spankings the second time. She can up the ante upon each repeat until I learn to stop the negative behavior.

Now that we’ve been doing serial spankings for a while, once the novelty wore off, receiving more spankings for repeat bad behavior has proven to be a strong incentive for me to avoid all that discomfort. It took a long time to figure out that for all practical purposes, the spanking is a spanking. Some people add strapping at the end of the spanking to indicate an offense with more severe than others. I don’t think that works. Once the punishment has begun, I don’t think there is much incentive to behave better just because the intensity might be stronger.

The incentive to behave created by serial spankings is far stronger. I don’t expect the intensity of any spanking to be more severe than any other. It may well be that some are milder than others, but that’s Mrs. Lion’s choice and isn’t directly tied to my offense. On the other hand, knowing that every night I’m going to have to assume the position and get another intent spanking, makes a very strong impression on me. It’s not that three spankings given one a day hurt more. Sometimes they do. It’s that I know I have to look forward to another uncomfortable paddling every day until I’ve served my sentence. Trust me, earning three spankings for spilling, and then five more for spilling again, gets my attention.

Call us crazy. Maybe we are. But in our marriage it turns out that strong use of a paddle is an essential part of the way we relate. When both of us miss this part of our relationship because we’ve had to stop for medical reasons, we can be sure that spanking is for both of us. It may have started as a way to meet a need I have, but it is now I need we both have. I didn’t see this coming. I’m very glad to discover that this is another positive change we have made in the last few years.

I imagine that by this time next week, Mrs. Lion’s paddles will come out again and resume their role in our relationship. Whether or not you can see yourself in a similar situation, I think you can see that we’ve found something that works very well for both of us.

As I’m sure you noticed, Lion and I got our posts backwards yesterday. Lion wrote his and then accidentally published it. My job was then to come up with a post for this morning. Since I’m the play by play guy, I have very little to offer when there’s nothing going on.

Today, I can get you up to speed about Lion’s surgery tomorrow. We need to be at the hospital by 5:30 am. I’m not usually even awake by then. It will definitely be a struggle. However, I’m trying to be positive by imagining the light traffic at that hour. And I can probably snooze a bit while Lion is in surgery.

This morning we woke up early too. I’m really tired right now. I know I should do some packing tonight, but I also know I should keep Lion company. He’s very nervous about the surgery. We’ll do some snuggling and probably some snoozing. I doubt he’ll be looking to play but we can if he wants to. Snuggling sure sounds good right now.

As I go through the house, packing and tossing things, I’m planning where things should go in the new house. Lion will have his office and I’ll have a little alcove outside his office for my computer desk. There’s a larger bedroom that we’ll use as a pantry and the freezers will be in there. I’m hoping there will be enough room left over for the waxing equipment and maybe even the sling. Of course, the waxing table is portable so it can stay folded most of the time. And the sling doesn’t have to be up all the time either. I’d just like enough room for the possibility of either of them to be used in the pantry.

I don’t know how much thought Lion has put into how play will work in the new house. I’m sure he doesn’t know how much I’ve thought about it. I want to make sure things are within easy reach. Even if they’re in a different room, they need to be accessible. I’m tired of not being able to find a certain paddle because it’s downstairs or under the bed. That’s another reason for the torture book. I’ll know what paddles should be available to me.

I’m sure there are paddles I’ve forgotten about because they aren’t with the others. If I have photographic proof one exists, I won’t have to get another one. Although, I have often wondered if it’s workable to straddle Lion and whomp him with two paddles as I’ve seen people in videos do with floggers. It may only work with floggers, but wouldn’t it be fun to try?

[Lion — Actually, I have a pair of matched floggers and I have used them with one in each hand. I think the paddles are different matter entirely. For one thing, floggers take time to wind up and then finally strike. The rationale for using two is to make a more continuous impression. Paddles, on the other hand, can be used very rapidly so there is really no need to use to at the same time. I would imagine to paddles would get in each other’s way. It is an interesting thought. Maybe get another spoon shaped paddle and use them like drumsticks. That sounds more like BDSM than punishment. Of course, it’s one more area for experimentation.]

Today is the calm before the storm. Thursday morning, Lion has eye surgery. It’s a long surgery compared to his last two. And there will likely be some pain afterwards. In addition to taking care of him, I have to give myself a turbo boost to pack. Sunday is September 1. We get the keys to the new house. Everything is happening very quickly now.

On one hand, I need Lion to stay out of the way while I pack and move things. On the other hand, I don’t want him to stay out of the way. I want him right in the middle of things where he belongs. Obviously, not being able to see is not beneficial to being in the middle of things. It’s actually somewhat dangerous. But I still want him involved.

What I’m hoping is that Thursday’s surgery will miraculously let him see better. I know he’ll probably have blurry vision for a week or more, but I’m ready to get Lion back to normal. Not because I want to spank him again. Not because I’m tired of taking care of him. He’s my other half. I need him.

So I’m thinking of setting a deadline. By October 1st, I want Lion’s vision back and his balance back and it feels like there should be a third thing but I’ll have to come up with it later. And what happens if this deadline isn’t met? Probably nothing. It’s just a wish list after all. Maybe it’s less of a deadline and more of a goal. Of course, as Lion gets better, we can do more along the way. The rules might be back in force in a week or so.

Yay!

Thursday, I go back for surgery on my left eye. About four months ago I had an operation on that eye to relieve pressure. The day after the surgery something bled into the eye blocking my vision. Over the first month or so, the blood in the front of my eye cleared. Unfortunately some blood got into the jelly in the back. It’s slowly been clearing, but at the rate it’s improving, I won’t have vision in that eye for another year. This latest surgery will be to remove the blood and surrounding jelly. It should restore my vision in that eye. Meanwhile, last week’s surgery on the right eye while successful, takes a while before my vision will clear. I’m left with blurry vision in the one working eye.

I’m using voice to text software to write this post. It isn’t perfect and very often makes amusing mistakes interpreting what I dictate. Since I am not able to reliably read the screen, Mrs. Lion proofreads and corrects these errors. It was good to read her post yesterday and learn that she misses our active, disciplinary relationship. More correctly, she misses being able to continue my education with her paddle collection. In a perverse way, I miss it too. It’s not that I’m trying to earn punishments. I’m not. But as she correctly observed, the stress of impending surgery and moving are high enough to make me forget some of my rules. Unfortunately, the rules I am most likely to forget involve doing things that truly annoy her, like interrupting and making pronouncements like a know it all.

I get no pleasure from immunity to punishment. It’s not like sneaking out of school and not getting caught. When she growls at me for interrupting, for example, I feel sad and guilty. I know how much she is doing for me, more than anyone is ever done for me in the past. The last thing I want to do is upset her. This is where I think there is misunderstanding with some of our readers. I truly don’t want to interrupt her. I want us to have free-flowing conversations without irritating her. The last thing I want is my anxiety to cause her distress.

She knows this. We’ve both learned how powerful our disciplinary relationship can be in terms of relieving stress and guilt. While it might not be a conventional path, what we do keeps us on an even keel. The big misunderstanding is that physically punishing me is the source of satisfaction for Mrs. Lion. It’s not that simple.

Our disciplinary experience includes first and foremost, the ability for Mrs. Lion to establish groundrules. She doesn’t have to write law books. She does have to know when I do something she doesn’t like. Before we began our female led relationship with discipline (FLRD), she was much more likely to overlook things that annoy her. At some point, the annoyance would bubble over and she would stop talking to me. Both of these behaviors are passive-aggressive she gets no satisfaction and has nowhere to go with her anger.

Since we agreed that she would be my disciplining wife, she knows that it’s her responsibility to notice when I do things I shouldn’t. I let her know that I’m glad that she’s keeping a close eye on me. That represents a positive feedback loop. Add to that her ability, no, her responsibility to punish me for infractions, and we have a way to safely ground the emotional currents that can sabotage a relationship. Negative feelings that have nowhere to go can torpedo an otherwise loving relationship. What we’ve done seems to have come a long way toward solving this.

Another puzzling part of our equation seems to be my focus on making things worse for myself. Actually, that’s not what I’m doing. We’ve discovered that for this disciplinary relationship to be effective, the discipline has to be meaningful. There is no standard for adult physical punishment. Neither of us got into this with a clue of what we would eventually end up doing. For example, in my post this morning I offered suggestions on just this topic — apparently making things worse for myself.

A key component of a successful disciplinary relationship is positive feedback from the disciplined male. Odd as it might sound, my input and approval are necessary for Mrs. Lion to feel good about what she is doing. By offering ideas on how to make my punishments more effective, I am expressing approval of what she does and I’m asking her not only to continue but to become stricter. In an extremely perverse sort of way, she knows that by becoming an effective disciplinarian she is making me happy. In fact she is.

It’s not that I like painful punishment spankings. I don’t. I like that my lioness works hard to become a better disciplining wife. She gets my approval in many ways. When I tell her how proud I am that she’s expressing her feelings and making me accountable, I’m letting her know that I not only accept her punishments, but I value them as an important part of our relationship. I’m not just the passive, submissive recipient of capricious punishments. I am an active participant cheering her on as she grows in her role.

As an adult, I understand the benefit of what we are doing. I also understand that ultimately I control this. All I have to do is follow my rules and the only paddling I will receive will be for fun. I think it’s a long way off before I get to that point. Meanwhile, I think it’s important that you understand that the value of the all this activity isn’t spanking me. It’s a feedback loop that insulates our love from interruption by aggravation.

Mrs. Lion knows why I am misbehaving. She knows that I’m distracted and fearful. She also knows that this is no excuse. Actually, it’s a plea for the lifeline of her leadership. It’s way too easy to focus on the physical aspects of this. Of course, the physical part is necessary. Meaningful punishment is a major component in expressing and releasing negativity. But it isn’t the entire story. It’s also the security of knowing that I’m loved enough to be worth the effort to observe and correct misbehavior. At times like this when physical punishment is really not possible, it becomes very clear just how important our disciplinary roles have become to us. Mrs. Lion is taking advantage of my physical inaccessibility by learning to growl and even scold me.

It’s very clear to me that we are both absolutely committed to FLRD. We are not insane and Mrs. Lion is not a bloodthirsty sadist. We’ve adopted an unusual-but-effective way to eliminate negative energy. We both miss being able to express this fully. If the surgery Thursday is successful, we are within a week or two of resuming physical punishment. As my eyesight improves, my behavior will as well. Mrs. Lion will make sure of that.