It Isn’t Just About My Sexual Pleasure

I was surprised by Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday. She wrote that she had a twinge of sexual desire. Reading the post was the first I’ve heard of that. I would have been very happy to fan the flames had I known. She also said that she wondered if her focus on my sexual pleasure might be suppressing her own interest. She made this comment because she has not been thinking about sex for me since the instructions from the hospital said I should not have “intimate activity” for a while after the surgery. I don’t know how much time that information sheet said, but Mrs. Lion is decided it’s important for her to stay away sexually.

Before reading her post, I was considering writing about what turns me on. No, not the obvious stuff; the deeper, more subtle forces that act on me. In light of her post, perhaps it’s useful to consider what has the opposite effect on both of us. One of my biggest turn-on’s is when I can excite my lioness. I’ve missed those wonderful sessions when I could bring her to orgasm after orgasm. Apparently, doing the same for me may suppress Mrs. Lion’s sexual interest. I don’t understand that. Does it mean that we can bring her libido back if she ignores my sexual needs?

I wasn’t aware that she put much time into thinking about those needs. It would be a good thing if she thought about her sexual needs instead. Mine aren’t all that complicated. If, in fact, taking the spotlight off me does allow her to get turned on, our enforced male chastity power exchange makes it very easy for her to do this. If I’m locked into a chastity device, it could be the signal for her to stop thinking about sex for me. After all, unless she unlocks me, I’m effectively sexually unavailable.

As a point of fact, my sexual unavailability started after my eye surgery last Friday. If by Sunday, this freed her up to focus, consciously or unconsciously, on sex for herself, there was only a matter of 24 hours or so to flip that switch. It certainly would make a nice male chastity story if she only got turned on when I’m sexually unavailable. Obviously I don’t need my penis to please her.

I don’t think not thinking about my sexual needs is what turned her on. It’s easy enough to test. I suspect that it was something else.  I don’t doubt for a second that I am a contributor to her loss of libido. I felt that way for a long time. At one point she said that her loss of interest was connected to the fact that I’m not very good at initiating sexual activity. She may be right, after all.

I doubt at this point that it would be very comfortable for either of us if I suddenly became sexually aggressive. I suspect that I am a large part of the problem, but not because of who initiates sex, but something more subtle. In some sense, I’m sure she considers that satisfying me sexually is important for her to do. She may worry about how well she is doing. She never mentions it, but I’m pretty sure it is a concern of hers.

I can hear the chorus of chastity fantasizers saying all she has to do is lock me up and stop worrying. That won’t work. It would probably make her anxiety grow because she would worry that I was unhappy. When I think about it, it seems to me this is part of the same issue that our disciplinary relationship is addressing. Mrs. Lion is learning that she has not only a right but an obligation to improve my behavior. One of the key principles behind our disciplinary relationship is that Mrs. Lion decides independent of me, what rules I must follow. If I do something that upsets her, she’s learning not to worry about making me happy, but to change my behavior through punishment.

Six years ago when we began enforced male chastity, our agreement was that Mrs. Lion would provide sexual attention, not necessarily orgasm, at least every other day. This has become a source of pressure for her. My medically required abstinence has given her license to disregard our every-other-day agreement. Maybe, it’s time to cancel that agreement. Mrs. Lion after all, is in charge and I’m completely behind letting her decide when I get sexual attention. I know it will mean I will go days without any genital contact. But if letting her establish the rhythm of my sexual stimulation allows her libido to return, I will be very happy.

This is an area where our FLRD and enforced mail chastity connect with one another. Our FLRD is teaching her to stay on top of her feelings and discipline me any time I upset her. Our male chastity agreement requires her to entertain me sexually on a fairly rigid schedule. I think when we first began, regular teasing was a way to make up for the lack of sexual attention I received prior to us beginning. It was a little like my no spilling food on my shirt rule. It guaranteed we would build disciplinary habits that would then carry into more serious parts of our relationship. The every-other-day teasing schedule was the sexual equivalent of assuring that I would break trivial rules frequently enough to build disciplinary habits.

Mrs. Lion has had more than enough time to build up sexual habits in relation to me. I think it’s perfectly safe to cancel the every-other-day clause in our original agreement. It may be time for her to think less about keeping me happy and more about what arouses her. I don’t know how this might work out for both of us. I suspect that very little will change, at least in the beginning. We’ve learned that over time, things will change. Mrs. Lion has evolved in our disciplinary relationship. She truly is in charge and appears to be comfortable punishing me as severely as needed.

The first step in our sexual change is as trivial as me letting her know that I no longer feel badly if I don’t get my near-daily teasing. In fact, it can be a punishable offense for me to nag her in any way about needing sexual attention. Part of me worries that we could revert to our pre–chastity state where I got nearly no sexual activity. I don’t think that will happen. However, it’s a worthwhile risk to take.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?