Love Hurts

Tuesday night I was very pleasantly surprised by Mrs. Lion giving me an oral orgasm. I know Mrs. Lion is under a lot of pressure with all the work that we have to do getting ready to move next week. I thought I would probably be able to snuggle a bit, but not get any sexual activity. It was a great surprise when she went so much further.

Predictably, I received my second of three spankings for spilling food on my shirt last weekend. This time she used the very nasty, stinging tenderizer paddle. It was a very unpleasant spanking. I know, it’s supposed to be. Well it was!

Later that evening, I had an ice cream pop. The chocolate coating fell off and I missed recovering a piece that landed on my shirt. That’s right, Mrs. Lion added two more spankings for this latest offense. I will be receiving a spanking every night until Saturday. Given my bad luck, and the inherent tensions surrounding our move, I suspect Friday night isn’t going to be the end of it.

You may be getting tired of all this spanking talk. We both like to write about what we consider significant at the time we post. Even though we began our disciplinary relationship almost 3 years ago, it’s grown in importance as time goes by. A few months ago, Mrs. Lion decided to take her disciplinary role more seriously.

Lioness 2.0, who emerged over a year ago, stopped worrying about being too mean or hurting me in the course of play or punishment. I wanted that very badly. Without her feeling completely free to make something hurt, she would always be self-limiting what she could do. This evolution worked very well for both of us. Now when she plays or disciplines me, she makes sure I know how she feels.

2.0 also vastly improved her consistency in observing and punishing rule breaking. Except for rare times when she suspends my rules, every infraction, no matter how trivial, is punished. The inevitability of a punishment for any infraction has made me much more careful. It’s also made things easier for her. Once we agreed there would be an absolute cause and effect relationship between infraction and punishment, everything else became automatic. Spill on my shirt, get punished. Case closed.

Lioness 3.0 expanded the good work 2.0 started. She not only observes infractions of my relatively trivial rules, 3.0 enforces the more subtle and important offenses when  I make her angry. She hates when I interrupt her. She also hates when I act like a know it all. 3.0 severely punishes any interruption or know-it-all behavior I may display. She hasn’t quite reached absolute consistency yet. However, I believe that now she is ready, willing, and able. During the disciplinary hiatus, she growled at me if I interrupted or did anything else that upset her. Now, I’m sure in addition to any growls I will get a sore bottom.

I welcome this addition. The more consistent she is, the more comfortable I am in our disciplinary relationship. For example, Monday night and Tuesday night Mrs. Lion was preoccupied thinking about the large number of activities needed to get us moved. She didn’t think of the punishments she owes me. I reminded her. Technically, that was not my job. You might think that’s silly of me since reminding her invariably brings on a painful spanking.

It’s just as important to me as it is to her that we consistently do what she said we would do. This is one big difference between adult discipline and punishing a child. An immature person would take advantage of any absent-minded failure to deliver a punishment. As a responsible adult and Mrs. Lion’s partner, I have an obligation to help her if she forgets. When I remind her, it doesn’t mean that I was looking forward to being beaten. I wasn’t. But I was feeling responsible to assure that we completed the discipline that Mrs. Lion meted out to me.

An adult approach to enforced male chastity has similar responsibilities. I think that too many guys believe that the chastity device is what prevents them from masturbating. By and large, it does. But that’s not the point. If you agree that your partner is the sole source of sexual pleasure for you, that is enough to keep your hands off your penis. I don’t think that any of the guys who complain that they are compulsive masturbators and can’t resist jerking off, are telling the truth. They want to be forced to stay chaste. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s not enforced chastity. It’s BDSM play.

I’m not claiming that we are all perfect. A guy with his penis free of a chastity device, might slip once in a while and ejaculate on his own. Since most people practicing enforced male chastity don’t have a disciplinary relationship, this kind of misbehavior could become problematic. Luckily, we all have chastity devices. So, if a guy is lucky enough to be allowed to run wild for one reason or another, and he abuses this, his keyholder can lock him back up in his chastity device. Problem solved.

My point is that enforced male chastity is as much of a disciplinary relationship as our FLRD. It’s true, my consequences are very painful. However, in a chastity situation there can be consequences too. That’s the whole point of the power exchange. Control is meaningless without consequences. Both enforced male chastity and FLRD are about obedience. Each has its own set of tools to assure compliance. Obedience is not voluntary.

Both exist with full consent. The consent extends to enforcing the agreed scope of the power exchanges. If you ask your partner to be your keyholder, whether or not you wear a chastity device, you agree to give up any ability to ejaculate without the expressed permission of your keyholder. Yes, the chastity device assures that obedience. But the real source of your obedience is your promise. You can never claim that you are unwillingly dragged into sexual frustration. You asked for it.

I can’t claim that I am being cruelly beaten for breaking rules my disciplinary wife has given me. I consented to obey her. I further consented to accept whatever punishment she thinks I need to help me keep my commitment. This agreement also means that I will help her. I will work hard to avoid breaking rules. If I do break any, I will make sure to remind her if she forgets to punish me.

The more consistent we are, the better I will behave. In the case of male chastity, I was locked in a chastity device virtually full-time for over three years. The only opportunities I had for sexual stimulation came from my lioness. There was no way I could get myself off. I’m not saying that I would jerk off if I weren’t locked up, but for that time I had absolutely no options. As a result, I was conditioned not to masturbate. In a very real sense, I’ve forgotten that I can. I can play with my penis and make it hard, but I really question whether I could bring myself all the way to ejaculate. I’m not interested in finding out. I am absolutely forbidden to masturbate, even under Mrs. Lion’s supervision. It’s absolute and not subject to any interpretation.

I think that’s the most important characteristic of a power exchange like ours. In our FLRD it’s the inevitability of consequences. If I break a rule, I will be punished. We both know and accept this. It doesn’t matter how trivial the offense or how lighthearted Mrs. Lion is about spanking me. I will be physically punished for each and every offense. Our agreement means that neither of us can make exceptions. Yes, Mrs. Lion can suspend a rule or all rules when she feels is good for us. But when rules are in effect, consequences are inevitable.

Inevitability is the required consequence of our power exchange. We are both bound by it. I know there are times when Mrs. Lion would much rather give me a pass and save herself disciplining me. There are plenty of times I wish she would do that. She can’t and I can’t. I think this is what makes it work for us. It may seem strange, but our disciplinary relationship is an important kind of communication we share. It’s a very tangible sign of our commitment to one another. You may see me yelping and getting a very sore bottom. On a deep level, I’m feeling reassured of Mrs. Lion’s love. It demonstrates the awareness she has of me and her willingness to help me improve. My active acceptance of her authority provides her with a secure feeling that I belong to her and I love her.

In my mind, a very severe spanking is a sign of love and commitment. I realize that may seem perverse, but it’s how I feel. Anything less suggests less commitment. I do know that Mrs. Lion is 100% committed to me as I am to her. However, for whatever reason, I am reassured by a very strict lioness. Doing something I hate, in this case being painfully spanked, has a deeper meaning to me that’s very positive.

She needs to spank me and I need her to do it. I need her to do it in a way that very clearly communicates her commitment to our disciplinary relationship. I think we’ve learned recently that she feels the same way. She missed spanking me as I missed her paddle on my bottom. In our case, love definitely can hurt.

What do you think?