Here We Go Again
Yesterday, the movers spent nine hours getting most of our stuff from our old house to our new one. Today, Mrs. lion is renting a truck and she and a friend will be picking up the rest. I am in the new house waiting for the satellite TV installer. It’s a maze of stacked boxes here now. It’s hard to believe that we will ever get this stuff unpacked and find a place to put it all.
I suppose this is a normal reaction to changing homes. We really have an enormous amount of stuff. It’s all baggage. At least it’s not the emotional kind. We’ve been getting on exceptionally well through this process. I firmly believe that our success in be largely credited to the things we’ve learned about each other and about our roles.
I’m not claiming that our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) is the reason. Mrs. lion suspended her rules through the move. They are in effect again starting today. Even without rules a lot about our communication as a couple retains the very distinct flavor of our FLRD.
Changes are sometimes very subtle. For example, Mrs. lion has learned that she doesn’t have to stuff any negative feelings. If I do something she doesn’t like, she’s much more likely to let me know. True, while the rules are in effect she not only lets me know by telling me, I get spanked to help me learn. I’m not claiming that we no longer need the punishments. We do. For whatever reason, that physical translation of emotional communication is very important to us both. However, even without a paddle, we’ve both learned to be much more sensitive to things that could develop into conflict. I’ve been thinking about why this is so.
Anger is generally an expression of frustration. Occasionally, it’s the reaction to being hurt. In the context of a relationship is usually frustration. The frustration is generally poor communication. Failing to listen or disregarding what Mrs. lion says is generally the root.
The benefit of FLRD is that it’s taught us to have a healthy channel for those feelings of frustration. This isn’t just the obvious practice of punishment when I frustrate her. It’s more subtle than that. We are both acutely aware of our agreement to follow this power exchange. Mrs. lion knows that she not only should respond to things that I do that annoy her, she has made a commitment to respond in a very specific way. For my part, I’ve agreed to unconditionally accept her decisions to punish me. This is true whether or not I agree that I did something wrong.
If I get frustrated it doesn’t look like I have a way to channel this frustration in a positive way. But I do. Mrs. Lion is learned to be very observant of my behavior. If I am frustrated and I show it by being angry, her role requires her to remind me that I’m not allowed to growl at her or express my frustration in an indirect way.
At that point, if I’m smart, I will calmly tell her what’s frustrating me and she will help me work it out. If I’m angry or petulant, she will use her paddle to remind me that I am not communicating appropriately. The net outcome is khat one way or another my frustration will be dealt with in a positive way. I can hear some of our readers grumbling. No, the spanking does not cure the source of my frustration. It simply reminds me that I am not communicating appropriately. It does this in two ways: It distracts me. It’s impossible for me to feel grumpy or upset while I’m dealing with a painful spanking. My mind is fully occupied by the intense sensations. It also gives me a chance to think about what I really need to say. It’s a forced timeout.
Mrs. Lion can choose just give me a timeout without the spanking. I’m not sure if that would be effective in the beginning. However, if she chooses this strategy, she can begin by telling me to take a timeout and if I don’t respond appropriately, her paddle will remind me listen next time.
It really doesn’t matter which partner in a relationship holds the paddle. It doesn’t have to be woman. The reason this sort of power exchange works is because there is a clear understanding of who is in charge. The partner who is in charge has to understand and fully accept the role. Mrs. Lion does an amazingly good job in her role as my disciplining wife.
FLRD is not about oppression. It’s about communication. It eliminates the most problematic source of frustration in the relationship. Mrs. Lion has absolute control. She has it because I asked her to take it and she accepted. We both live by the consequences this implies.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s taken us over three years to get where we are now. We still have a long way to go. Even in our imperfect state, there is sufficient acceptance on a very deep level to lubricate situations as stressful as moving. I consider myself very lucky that my mate is worked so hard to perfect her role.
Now that rules are back in effect, there is a backlog of seven days of spanking I am owed. Mrs. Lion may not begin tonight. She’s been exhausted dealing with all the physical work she’s had to do. I know that she wants to begin again. She will as soon as she is able.
This amazes me. It’s easy to understand why I might miss getting my punishments. After all, there is a sexual component thinking about spanking. There isn’t anything like that for Mrs. Lion. I think for her, punishments have become an important component in her communication with me. It’s not that she wants to spank me, it’s more that physical punishment is part of the language she uses to communicate with me. I can’t put it into words. What I can say is that for us, discipline lubricates our relationship. Yes, we can have a happy marriage without it, but we both acutely miss it when we have to suspend it.
Call us crazy. Maybe we are. I don’t think so. I think that we restored a practice that people have been using from time immemorial. We have a clear and well understood set of roles. My role is not being submissive. I am as independent and headstrong as ever. It’s one of the things Mrs. Lion likes about me. However, I can’t do anything I want without risking consequences. I acknowledge that Mrs. Lion is in charge and will punish me if I get carried away.
I am in charge of many things in our life together. Mrs. Lion happily accepts my lead in many areas. FLRD for us is not some sort of female dictatorship. It’s just that anything I do is ultimately at her pleasure. I don’t know if you can see the difference between this and submission. In my mind there is a very profound distinction: I can do whatever I want. I don’t need permission in most cases. However, if my lioness doesn’t like something I do or say, she can stop me or correct me as she wishes. Most often my corrections are reinforced by a spanking. I’m absolutely fine with that. More importantly, so is Mrs. Lion.