By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

Have you ever noticed that time sometimes feels like it’s moving very slowly? I’m not sure what it is, but for some reason I’ve been exceptionally horny. It feels like a year since the last time I got to ejaculate. The reality is it’s less than a week. I’m not a stranger to sexual frustration. It’s been six years since I’ve been able to ejaculate at will. You’d think I’d be blasé about wanting sex.

There are times when I just don’t care. Other times, like now, have me panting for relief after just a few days. I don’t understand what it is. I have sexual cycles where I go from no interest at all in sex all the way up to getting an erection if a gentle breeze blows across my penis.

No big deal, right? Actually it is a big deal for me. Usually, I get teased almost every day. Mrs. Lion plays with my penis until I’m just about ready to explode, and then she stops. She repeats this several times. Then, with a gentle kiss on the tip of my penis, she tells me she’s done. This routine successfully keeps me interested in getting off during the wait between orgasms.

Now, however, Mrs. Lion is exhausted every evening and hasn’t touched my penis since she made me come this past Monday. In the past when this happened, I lost most of my interest in sex; sort of a use it or lose it kind of thing. Not this time. I’m as horny now as I would be if Mrs. Lion had edged me repeatedly every single night. Go figure!

Frankly, I’m very surprised. Doesn’t make any sense at all why I’m suddenly so super interested in sex. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Of course he is! He’s always horny, a typical male.”

It’s true that we males are in heat pretty much all the time. Being in heat simply means that we are ready, willing, and able to have sex with a female if she lets us know she wants it. As we get older, unprovoked erections and strong desire for release become less and less urgent. I still respond eagerly when Mrs. Lion touches me, but I don’t go around humping tree trunks.

Mrs. Lion has let me know that I’m out of luck until things get less chaotic here in our new house. She still has a couple of loads of our belongings to ferry from our old house to our new one. We are inundated with boxes of possessions. We both know that we can’t keep living this way for long. We are eating on paper plates and scrounging to find utensils.

Ironically, the Ziploc bag containing my Jail Bird and Cherry Keeper managed to surface almost the first day after we moved in. I’m not advocating wearing them right now. Peeing is difficult enough without the additional challenge of doing it through a chastity device. However, under other conditions this would be a perfect time to cage me.

Fortunately, I have the willpower, let’s face it, the training, not to masturbate. I know I won’t no matter how horny I get. I do find my hand straying south and promoting an erection every now and then. Apparently, this is okay with Mrs. Lion as long as I don’t do it too much. She hasn’t defined what “too much” is. I suppose I’ll find out when I do it too much.

So far, she hasn’t asked me how often I’m arousing myself. I don’t do it in front of her. It somehow feels rude to do that. If it feels rude play with my penis in front of her, it seems sneaky to do it when she’s not around. It’s not like I do this very often, but when I do, I question myself about why I seem to want to do it at all.

I’m not a porn fan. I do browse some of the sites to look for inspiration for my posts. I don’t get turned on watching most of them. Occasionally, one excites me. I mentioned one of those in yesterday’s post. It’s a wife fisting her husband video. I found it very exciting. I admit it. I did find myself provoking an erection when I watched it.

I don’t randomly make myself hard. I find myself doing it at odd times when my thoughts become very erotic and I reminisce about past sexual fun. And, like yesterday, when I’m digging up a video, I might find myself helping an erection along. At this point in my life I almost never get hard without some physical stimulation. The situation has to be incredibly hot for me to get erect without touching.

I don’t think this is a function of age. I’ve been this way since I turned 40. I guess it’s the way I’m wired. There’s very little information available about how guys react sexually. Am I unusual because I need some stimulation to get erect? Should I get hard simply watching something very erotic? Is it necessary for me to have an erection if I’m sexually aroused?

I don’t need the erection to feel very aroused. If I am flaccid and I’m aroused, it will take very little touching to bring me up to full attention. I will remain soft until that touch arrives. It doesn’t work the other way. I can’t just play with my penis and get hard and sexually aroused. It’s difficult for me to attain an erection if I’m not turned on before touching.

This disconnect between arousal and erection has been increased since we began male chastity. Spending years locked in a chastity device that makes erection impossible has trained me to disconnect physical arousal from the mental sort. It’s not fully disconnected, thank goodness. It’s just become more difficult for my penis to become the indicator of how I feel sexually.

Is this unusual? Please let me know how you react to mental and physical stimulation.

 

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Anal play

Mrs. Lion has been wearing herself out moving the last of our belongings from the old house to the new one. We filled one moving van and still had stuff left over. This is all after we had a removal company take four truckloads of stuff we don’t want away. She is exhausted. She’s said that until the rest of the stuff gets to the new house and she’s been able to unpack some of the boxes, she won’t have the energy for anything else.

I certainly can’t argue with that. Well, if I were the heartless, sex-fiend I sometimes consider myself, I would argue. The bottom line is that there really isn’t any good reason why any of Mrs. Lion’s energy should be diverted to sexual or disciplinary activity. Right now we both have to focus on getting our new home in order and restoring our lives.

Mrs. Lion gave me an orgasm only a couple of days ago so there’s no reason for me to feel deprived because she has no time or energy to play with my penis. Perversely, my penis doesn’t care. It keeps getting hard in the evening when I’m trying to get to sleep and again in the morning as I awaken. It’s not the normal morning wood. I find myself having very erotic fantasies as I wake up.

You might think it would be a good idea for me to be locked in my cage. Alas, it’s not. The last thing we need is for me to spray pee all over. No, I can’t pee sitting down right now. I’m having difficulty getting up and down and the extra strain of having to sit down to pee would be too much.

The current situation is a departure from the way we agreed we would handle life events that disrupt our power exchanges. The idea was that one way or another we would make time to do the minimum. We never anticipated the extreme level of exhaustion that Mrs. Lion is having. She’s had to take on all of the physical work.

Okay, where do we go from here? Maybe this is a good time to share thoughts and ideas. When we first began enforced male chastity, we bounced a lot of interesting stuff back and forth in our daily emails. The same was true when we began our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). We had some amazingly hot spanking exchanges, promises of future oral sex, and detailed thoughts about anal activity. I miss those emails. I got many an erection reading Mrs. Lion’s thoughts.

The other night I briefly mentioned that I thought it might be fun to try fisting again. Over the years, from time to time Mrs. Lion would try to get her hand up my ass. She worked her way up to three fingers. At that point it seemed that I couldn’t stretch any further. I’m pretty sure that I was just being a baby about it. We have one and three-quarter inch diameter dildo that Mrs. Lion has used to penetrate me.

It was uncomfortable at first. After a while, I didn’t mind it inside me at all. I even learned to accept her thrusting in and out. It took time and patience on her part and some disagreeable sensations on mine to get there.

A while ago I found a video of a woman fisting her husband. That’s not unusual since there are thousands of them out there. This one, looked like both partners weren’t professionals. She gently began with one finger and works her way up being inside him past her wrist. Here is a link to that video. The guy in this video is clearly no stranger to being fisted. I imagine it will take Mrs. Lion a lot longer until I get used to it. This thing, contrary to popular belief, is not a stretching of the anus. It’s actually training the anus to relax.

large dildo going up lion's ass
I can’t stay hard when my ass is being penetrated. In this picture, a 1-3/4 inch diameter dildo is slowly pegging me.
(Click image to view larger)

One thing about seeing the video and a couple of others puzzle me. The guys always have an erection. Some of them play with themselves while their partner is penetrating their asses. I’m never erect when receiving anal attention. Maybe it’s like spanking; thinking about it turns me on but actually doing it isn’t exciting at the time. I know I want it even if it doesn’t make me hard.

We used to do a lot of anal play. I imagine that the extra work involved in getting lube and other necessary items, as well as cleaning up afterward, discouraged pursuing this further. I think if we put together an anal kit consisting of: lube,dildos, wet wipes, and other useful accessories including our ever-handy lube injecting syringe, we can keep this kit by the bed so when the mood strikes, all will be ready. Alternatively, Mrs. Lion can just tell me to go fetch whatever it is she needs.

I think it comes down to motivation and inertia. Both of us tend to get into ruts. We generally work our way out by committing to do whatever it is we’ve procrastinated about every day or every other day. In the case of anal penetration, every other day it is probably the most often I could handle.

I’m not blaming Mrs. Lion for this. I am very likely to want to avoid anal activity. It’s uncomfortable and requires me to move my butt. Nevertheless, I think it’s an excellent choice for us for precisely the reason we avoid it. We need to move out of our comfort zone and take more physical action. I need to work harder at accepting.

Another positive value in anal activity is that success is measurable. Two fingers the first day, next session 3 or even four. The fact that learning to be fisted and pegged is very uncomfortable for me helps train Mrs. Lion as well. Just as she learned over time to deliver very painful spankings, she will learn to persist in penetrating me even though she knows I am hating it at the time. If she goes slowly, my discomfort isn’t necessarily an indication that she’s hurting me. It’s just that it is painful to learn to relax my anal sphincter.

I’m a fan of this sort of activity. I need to learn that everything done to me, aside from punishment of course, doesn’t have to feel good. I think that’s important.

By:
In: Punishment, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Spanking

One thing Mrs. Lion and I make a point of doing several times a day is letting each other know how much in love we are. It’s always the last thing we say to each other before we go to sleep. I’m a little superstitious that way. If I should die in my sleep last words I’ve spoken were my declaration of love for my lioness.

Over the years, there have been times when we went to sleep with Mrs. Lion angry at me. At some point during the day or evening I had done something to piss her off. This was before we began our disciplinary relationship. It doesn’t happen anymore. Don’t get me wrong, Mrs. Lion doesn’t rise up, get her paddle, and spank me if I say something that annoys her; at least not up to now. But she lets me know that I did something she didn’t like. That’s a big step and appears to relieve enough of the tension to restore our loving behavior.

We’ve both wrestled with how to handle things that genuinely upset her. Even if she was inclined to punish me on the spot, she has yet to work through a concern about spanking me when she is angry. She’s worried that she would really hurt me. I don’t share that concern. In my experience, people are a great deal more controlled than they imagine they are. Mrs. Lion has been known punch walls (not with me, but her ex) and do other angry things. She’s said that she worries she might be as out-of-control when giving me an angry spanking.

I know she wouldn’t. Even in red-hot rage, people somehow manage to understand what would be too much. At least most people do. You read about the people that don’t in the news. I am not advocating punishing while angry, at least not on a regular basis. There are plenty of good reasons to avoid that. What I am suggesting is that it can be appropriate, even valuable to express anger in a permissible, physical way.

A great deal of the lexicon of appropriate punishment behavior is drawn from parenting experience. The longer I’ve been in a disciplinary relationship the more I realize adult discipline is very different from the sort you learn to do as a parent. That’s not to say that I don’t act like a toddler sometimes. I do and Mrs. Lion’s quick to let you know about it in her posts. Nevertheless, punishing me for being a toddler is different than punishing a real toddler.

All I find on the web that addresses adult punishment, stresses the need to do childish punishments which serve to humiliate as well as punish. I agree with that. But I don’t think that’s really the important part. In my opinion it isn’t what you do when you punish an adult, but how you do it.

Obviously a 200 pound man is going to be capable of receiving substantially more sensation than a little kid. Similarly, he will understand what’s happening to him and why. This suggests that adult punishments in the context of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD), or as some call it domestic discipline, has to have a very different flavor.

For one thing, it can’t be mistaken for BDSM play. This sort of play can be very intense and painful. It’s welcomed by the people who bottom. I am one of them. If Mrs. Lion is to effectively punish me, I have to understand on a visceral level that this isn’t play. That can be challenging for her.

Over the years I have heard lots of people offer suggestions on how to differentiate between, for example, a play spanking and a punishment one. We’ve written about this over the years as we struggled with trying to discover how to make this distinction. One of the initial thoughts was to make a punishment spanking hard and fast. The first swat would be as hard as possible. This didn’t work for us. Mrs. Lion could no more than get seven or eight swats in before I rolled away trying to escape.

After getting some very helpful advice, Mrs. Lion adjusted her technique. She starts with “warm-up” swats, the kind you could mistake for play. I would make that mistake if I didn’t know what was coming next. After the warm-up, the swats come harder and faster. There is no mistake in my mind that I’m being punished.

The adult spanking goes on and on. The objective is to make it so painful and unpleasant that the unlucky recipient will avoid making the mistake that got him there in the first place. There is no sure way to know how much is needed to make that point. Apparently it takes a lot to get it through my head. Mrs. Lion’s spankings have been getting harder and longer.

Part of the problem is that I need to learn something about spanking as well. I have to learn to stay in place regardless of how much it hurts. This isn’t so much a conscious decision as it is training. Mrs. Lion started out by giving me a series of 10 hard swats on one cheek, then pausing for 10 or 15 seconds and doing the same thing to the other. She would repeat this until she felt she had made her point.

The stops and starts gave me time to settle from the need to escape after each burst. Over time she’s shortened that waiting more and more. As of now, she barely pauses as she delivers bursts to different areas. I’m probably at the point where she doesn’t have to pause at all. After a while, she delivers very hard single swats about one or two seconds apart. She has been increasing the number and intensity of these. I expect that my next spanking will have a great deal more of these particularly painful swats.

I also think that as we learn to manage our roles more effectively, the pause between those very hard swats will grow shorter and shorter and the number I received will become larger and larger.

There is a tricky issue here. Do my spankings continue to get more and more severe forever? Is there some point that represents an optimum punishment for me? If there is, how will we know we reach it?

I don’t know the answer to this. Some people say that when the person being spanked produces tears, it only takes a few more swats to complete an effective spanking. I’ve never cried as the result of spanking. Of course, I’ve only been spanked as an adult. I don’t agree that tears represents the sure sign of spanking success. Maybe knowing when a spanking is truly complete is like an orgasm. You will absolutely know when you have one.

Meanwhile, I am hoping that Mrs. Lion continues to dial up the severity of my spankings. I’m not asking for this because I like the idea, I don’t. I think that if we are going to do this, we owe it to each other do it right.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Punishment, Spanking
lion's naked butt
It’s bigger than a tranquilizer tablet, but it turns out that my butt and Mrs. Lion’s paddle do an excellent job of relieving stress for us.

Monday night ended two droughts: Our rules are back in full force and I got my first orgasm in our new house. Both are welcome additions to our lives. I did point out to Mrs. Lion that now that we are sleeping in our new house, she has yet to find the box containing her paddles. She replied that she can always walk out to our camper and get one from there.

I took my life into my hands on Monday night when I suggested we have dinner at the local Mexican restaurant. I’m happy to report that I didn’t get anything on my shirt despite the fact that I had lots of chips and salsa. That’s a very good thing since I am still owed seven spankings for two accidents over a week ago. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will locate an appropriate implement and begin catching up on her backlog.

Little by little she is making dents in the massive number of boxes piled everywhere in our house. Mrs. Lion spent most of yesterday at the old house. The junk removal company came back to remove the final load of unwanted stuff. When we moved here from the East, the corporate movers sucked up everything in our house like a giant vacuum cleaner. They then deposited it in the house we had rented. We’ve been in that house for 13 years. During that time, we’ve managed to accumulate even more stuff. It’s taken four truckloads (large trucks!) to dispose of all this stuff. The junk removal people will donate anything we are giving them that’s still useful to charity. They will also recycle appropriately. It’s nice to know that we aren’t simply contributing to landfill.

Today housecleaners are coming to the old house to get it ready for us to turn it over to our landlord. It will be good to finally close the book on that location.

I was really happy that Mrs. Lion was willing to end my orgasm wait. I noticed at dinner that she was carefully watching me in case I let some food hit my shirt. This may sound silly and trivial to you, but for us it’s significant. Moving is the third most stressful event, only exceeded by death and divorce. I think we’ve been doing remarkably well. Restoration of our normal routine — abnormal to many people — is a very healthy sign.

Stressful situations like moving can cause permanent damage to a relationship. I’m convinced that our power exchanges provide unique communication channels that keep us emotionally healthy.

We have a self-imposed framework to cope with two of the most difficult areas to keep normal in difficult times. Our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) is like a pressure release valve on a pressure cooker. When things get stressful, Mrs. Lion and put her foot down and stop escalation with a single hard stare. If necessary, she can follow that up with a spanking. As I’ve said before, the value of the spanking is twofold: It provides a break in whatever situation provokes it. And it reestablishes our pecking order in a very graphic way.

We’ve both had a hard time articulating how valuable these punishments are to us. It’s difficult to see past the obvious physical discomfort spanking creates. We get lots of people wondering why I encourage Mrs. Lion to make her punishments memorable. The reason is almost visceral. A memorable punishment helps condition me to correct the behavioral problem the punishment addresses. It provides Mrs. Lion with positive closure to the event that upset her.

Prior to beginning our disciplinary relationship, spanking was a welcome BDSM activity. It’s no secret that I like to be spanked. This creates both the benefit and the challenge. The benefit is that I get sexually aroused thinking about being spanked. This assures that I will be willing to get into position or my punishment without complaint. The challenges that this is sexually exciting to me when I think about it. The punishment has to be severe enough to assure that I will understand that it isn’t being given plus I find spanking exciting.

Trust me, Mrs. Lion’s spankings are absolutely not exciting to me. Yes, I get turned on thinking about them, but when she starts, any sexual thoughts disappear after the first few swats. By the time she is done all I feel is a burning bottom and regret for provoking it. We both believe this is as it should be.

We’ve had a few conversations about all this. We agree that we could probably get the same result without physical punishment. We also agree that the physical punishment is necessary for us. I really can’t articulate exactly why we feel this way. I mentioned a couple of reasons, but I’m not convinced there is something deeper going on as well. We both miss it when we have to suspend punishing me when needed.

I’m not trying to convince you that a disciplinary relationship is what you need. It makes no sense to try to convert people. Because we value you as a reader, we want you to understand how these pieces fit into our marriage. With or without FLRD, we will stay together. With it, we function better.

I have to give Mrs. Lion a great deal of credit. Before she met me she had no idea that people did the sort of thing we are doing now. I introduced it to her. Acting purely out of love for me, she gave these alien, seemingly-crazy practices try. She persisted even though it was very difficult to do in the beginning. Now, it’s second nature to her as it is to me. We are both very happy that we stayed with it long enough to make it an integral part of our marriage. I think it is our most significant stress reliever.