It’s 1 AM Sunday morning. Mrs. Lion has aches and pains in my sore arm is also keeping me awake. We may quite a pair. Last night we had dinner at Outback Steak House. The blooming onion was my downfall. I managed to drip globs of the dipping sauce on my sweatshirt.
You know what that means? I earned three spankings. It’s been a long time since I got punished. The last time was weeks ago right after we moved in. That spanking was to make up for a deficit I had run up during the process of changing homes. Mrs. Lion had resolved that she wasn’t going to let that happen again. She didn’t. That means there will be a Sunday night and Monday night spanking for me.
I’m proud of her even though it’s a little uncomfortable sitting here at my desk. It was the right thing to do. We were watching a TV show just a few minutes ago that had a joke about all men being immature and dorky. I mentioned to Mrs. Lion that she has referred to me as her oldest child. She replied, “You are.”
I’m not entirely sure what she means by that. I know it’s kind of a joke with her but I suspect she’s a bit serious too. Is it because I do childish things? Or, does she feel in some way like my mother?
Certainly, the fact that I am under her control and she disciplines me by spanking me and sometimes soaping my mouth, you could say that there is a certain maternal flavor. When she’s talked with other women they’ve all agreed that their husbands are their oldest children. Clearly it’s a common thread in female circles.
On the other hand women commonly complain when their husbands aren’t take-charge, aggressive males. They like to feel protected and dominated in some respect. Yet these same women refer to their husbands as children: their children. I can understand it’s not as weird as it sounds, All of us are rather complex critters. We happily exist at different points in the emotional spectrum at different times.
Much of the time Mrs. Lion and I function as partners. She will frequently defer to my choices. That’s been our pattern as long as we’ve been together. When it comes to rules she has made, she is a stern disciplinarian.
I believe that her disciplinary role is one she assumes and works to perfect. I don’t think it comes naturally to her. Even now, after several years, I think she still struggles with it. Sometimes I say things that bother her. If I probe because I notice she is withdrawing, she will tell me about it. One of the key purposes of her disciplining wife persona is to get her to not withdraw but instead bring out the paddle the same way she does if I spill food on my shirt.
I know that she doesn’t have any trouble at all giving me a painful, disciplinary spanking. She does it as a routine part of her job as my disciplinary wife. Yet, she doesn’t find it easy to transfer that acquired skill to letting me know how she feels when I say something that might upset her. You could almost say that the spilled food spankings are almost like a BDSM scene. They aren’t because we both take our Female Led Relationship with Discipline seriously.
Yet, we can’t seem to get past spanking for a couple of rather trivial rules. I believe I’ve committed several offenses that are certainly spankable. It’s not that she doesn’t want to expand her disciplinary role. I think she has a lot of trouble turning outward instead of inward when something upsets her.
I know she’s not alone with this. I’ve read other women’s struggle with outwardly expressing emotions. I think society conditions women to turn negative feelings onto themselves. When placed in a relationship where they’re expected to express their feelings, especially upsetting ones, in a concrete, helpful way, it causes them difficulty.
I had hoped that once Mrs. Lion routinely punished me for breaking rules, she would have less trouble punishing me for behavior that upsets her. I really want her to do that. I want to feel her upset through her paddle. I think it would be extremely therapeutic for both of us if she did.
We’ve both learned that it’s not injurious for her to administer a very severe spanking. I’ve yet get one that I feel more than a few hours later. In this case it’s not that I want to challenge her to be more severe, though I certainly won’t mind if she is. I want her to use what she’s learned about discipline to let me know how she feels.
The way I see it, if I say something that upsets her, it would be great if she would tell me at the time that I did. In the beginning, at least, it would also be good if she says that this is a spankable offense. That would be beneficial because it sets up an expectation that her paddle will be used when convenient for her. It also lets me know that if the paddle doesn’t come out I should remind her.
A lot of people think that the kind of domestic discipline we practice is originated by the spanker; in this case, Mrs. Lion. It almost never is. It’s almost always initiated by the partner who will be punished. There’s a good reason for this: I really want to feel Mrs. Lion’s emotions, positive and negative. I love it when she is in control and when she spanks me I considered an expression of love. She is taking the time and energy to help me become better. That’s a real gift.
