I went back to using the camper paddle last night. It drew some blood but I think that’s only because the other paddle opened the skin the night before. There’s really no way to avoid those areas with daily spanking. Lion said I should avoid bruised areas too. Again, I’m not sure how that will work. His butt is not that big. [Lion — It’s not an absolute safety rule to avoid bruises, but it’s a good idea.]
I’ve been varying things a bit. I’m not sure how it’s working because Lion said I’ll know when I’m hitting too hard because he’ll try to get away. Sometimes I do a flurry of hard swats. Sometimes I do a flurry of lighter swats. Then I do harder swats with time between them. He says I shouldn’t wait so long between swats. I figured I was making him think about each hard swat when I did them slowly. I guess not. Or maybe I need to do super hard swats with time between them so he can think about them. [Lion — Uh huh.]
Ultimately, it’s my decision how hard or soft to hit, how fast or slow to go, and how many swats he winds up getting. I haven’t been counting. I go until I think he’s gotten the message. How do I know? It’s all guesswork. I really have no idea how sore his butt is or what’s going on in his mind. He could be thinking he’s gotten the message by the second barrage of swats and he just wishes I’d stop so he can nurse his wounds. In reality, he’s probably thinking I should hit harder and keep going until I can’t raise my arm any more. [Lion — Nuh Uh]
The other day, we were talking about pain. I said I wish I knew how much pain he was in from his shoulder. He wondered why. People feel pain differently and I wonder if his pain on a scale of one to ten is a six would feel more like eight or four to me. I live with chronic pain so I assume I feel acute pain differently. I have no basis in fact for that. The other thing is that I’m used to “playing through the pain”. I played soccer and quite frequently I’d feel an injury some time after the actual injury occurred. I always chalked that up to adrenaline. But I wonder if it’s the same with chronic pain versus acute pain.
At any rate, Lion said it wouldn’t be a good idea to use that ability to feel the pain of a spanking. I hadn’t thought of it, but I do wonder why. If I know that his six is my eight, then I might know when he was approaching his limit. I guess it wouldn’t be fair, for one. I could push him more than he wants to be pushed. Or I could stop sooner than he wants me to. Regardless, I was just interested in general pain, not punishment pain. [Lion — I don’t want to control how much I am pushed or when Mrs. Lion stops. That’s up to her.]
It seems— especially given the title of the post— that you actually do enjoy doing this to him. It also seeks to be more than giving him what he wants.
Do you know what it is that you enjoy about doing this? How much do you look forward to it? If you don’t know what is going through his mind as he absorbs the blows,‘what goes through yours while you inflict them?
Is there something you want to go through his mind as you do this to him? How do you want it to make him feel: scared, anxious, desperate, depressed?
Let me clear things up a bit. I added the “And I love it” to the title of the post. Mrs. Lion didn’t. I added it because I know she has been working hard to get to this point. I shouldn’t have done it without consulting her first.
As Lion explained, he added the part about my loving spanking him. I don’t look forward to spanking him in the sense that i get to inflict pain. Most of the time i forget to spank him.
What goes through my mind is hoping I’m spanking him well enough. Am i giving him what he needs? I’m hoping he’s thinking it’s a hard spanking and he wishes he never did what he did to deserve it.