Mrs. Lion has a great dry wit. Over the weekend I lost a crown. The hole it left has some jagged edges that irritate my tongue. My dentist offered to see me yesterday, but I put it off until today because that would allow Mrs. Lion to work a full day. She encouraged me to change the appointment because I was in pain. I wrote her a note saying that I could manage until Wednesday. She wrote back that she didn’t like me to be in pain unless she caused it. How many wives say that?
I’m not claiming that our relationship is unique. I know other people are in similar situations. But as a group, we represent a pretty unique cross-section of society. It’s not just the sexual control, though that alone puts us in a tiny minority. It’s also that we’ve incorporated physical punishment (spanking) as a serious part of our marriage. People who do that are generally referred to as abusers and victims. That’s absolutely not the case in our house.
Over the years, I’ve read a great deal written by and about people who practice domestic discipline. Some of them do it because they see it as a biblical imperative. These aren’t the people I’m writing about. In fact, I’d say that these are the abusers and victims. The kind of domestic discipline Mrs. Lion and I practice was initiated by me. In my reading, I’ve discovered that this is very typical. It’s exceedingly rare to find a couple where the wife establishes domestic discipline over her husband without him asking for it.
I thought that I was unusual in that I asked Mrs. Lion if we could have a Female Led Relationship with Discipline. I had to convince her to spank me as punishment. As it turns out, virtually every DD couple I’ve run into via the web had male-initiated domestic discipline.
In almost every case the male wanted help controlling what he considered poor behavior. Some of the time, he recognized that this destructive behavior could damage the marriage. I suspect that in every case there was also a sexual interest in spanking. I certainly get turned on thinking about being spanked. It makes me feel exceedingly stupid to realize that after years of very unpleasant spankings, I still get an erection when I think about receiving one. I deserve the “stupid lion” award for that.
It’s really not unusual at all. I’ve read lots of pieces by women who spank their men and note that their partner gets hard just before receiving a spanking. Maybe there is a genetic defect in some of us. For the record, I’m never happy during and after one of Mrs. Lion’s punishment spankings. If I am hard when she starts, my erection disappears in mere seconds after she gets going.
An adult punishment spanking requires some technique. As we learned, it’s ineffective if Mrs. Lion picks up the paddle and swats me full force right from the start. I’ll be trying to escape after six or seven of those swats. It took us a while to realize that a punishment spanking isn’t very different from the sort used in a BDSM scene. There has to be some buildup. I need time to grow accustomed to her paddle. That’s not to say she isn’t hurting me. She is. Once I’m warmed up, which doesn’t take very long, Mrs. Lion is merciless. At that point, I can hold still under the barrage of swats. Even then, she has to use a certain amount of restraint and continue building up force.
There is probably a good reason why the old adage warns never to spank in anger. Spanking is an art. Done correctly, the person being spanked will stay in place for an amazing amount of painful paddling. That’s the point, after all, or is it?
One of Mrs. Lion’s earliest questions about spanking me for punishment was how much should I get? We discussed this, wrote about it at length, and tried different things for a very long time. We couldn’t agree on what constituted an adult punishment spanking. We both agreed that if a spanking did not result in a change in my behavior for the better, it probably wasn’t severe enough.
It also turned out that there has to be a minimum level of discomfort before the spanking was perceived by me as something to avoid. Bear in mind, I’ve always wanted to be spanked. At this stage, we agree that a minimum-intensity spanking should be severe enough that I feel the aftereffects for at least a day after the spanking was finished. That means I will almost certainly have some bruises. That criterion automatically makes the actual spanking longer and more unpleasant than it might’ve been without this goal.
That’s where we are now. If an offense is particularly annoying, Mrs. Lion will make my spanking last longer and hurt more. If I repeat an offense, I can expect a longer and harder spanking since obviously the first one didn’t make enough of an impression on me.
It turns out that spanking is a tool, not an end in itself. Yes, I wanted to be spanked. I also wanted a Female Led Relationship with Discipline. Mrs. Lion’s primary form of punishment is to spank me. But the spanking isn’t a goal. It’s a way of teaching me. The fact that I find thinking about being spanked as erotic, makes it easier for her to get me into position and accept my punishment. It also makes it easier for her to spank me. She knows it’s something I asked for. She also knows that I really hate how far it goes once I get spanked. I think that amuses her.