Sometimes I’m not too bright. For example, on Saturday morning I remembered it was punishment day. Mrs. Lion wasn’t in the room at the time so I figured I would wait and tell her when I saw her. I didn’t. It completely slipped my mind. You’d think I would remember because I know very well what happens when I forget.
When I did remember, it crossed my mind not to tell her because I sort of wanted a spanking. I quickly decided that was not a good thing to do because it felt dishonest. Maybe my unconscious mind made me forget. My very conscious bottom pays the price. You might also argue that Mrs. Lion planned to spank me anyway. She wants more practice working in the “crack”. That idea sort of excites me too. I would much rather receive a maintenance or practice spanking than a punishment one.
Yesterday morning I was thinking about how I would react to our blog if I had never considered a Female Led Relationship with Discipline or, for that matter, enforced male chastity. Both concepts are pretty strange. Then I started thinking about why I would consider them strange. Then it came to me.
The obvious reason is that I am subjecting myself to a loss of pleasure (orgasms) and painful punishments. This is happening in the context of marriage, an institution where two equals are bound together for life. Wait a minute! Two equals?
If you go by the situation comedies that were on television when I was a kid, husbands were the nominal heads of the household. However, the real intelligence and authority came from the wives. Husbands, think Ricky Ricardo, were constantly outsmarted by their cute “little” wives.
My parents seem to have no clear idea of who was in charge. When it suited her, my mother would tell me that my father would speak to me when I did something wrong. Neither of them ever spanked me. Otherwise, she seemed to do exactly what she pleased regardless of what my father thought about her activities or spending. Apparently, (I don’t remember this but the housekeepers who raised me told me) my parents would have long, loud fights. These fights had no resolution other than my father going off and drinking.
There was no real structure. My mom worked and had her own money. My father worked more and paid most of the bills. Absent was any real affection between them. They were horrible role models for my future.
This lack of tradition left me free to decide for myself what might work in my life. My first wife was, for want of a better word, submissive. She let me make any decision I cared for. I think a better explanation is that she left me to deal with the things that mattered. She was free to pursue her career and, after we had kids, become a doting mother.
We had a good sex life. It was absolutely vanilla; well we did have anal sex once in a while. There was no kink. I wanted to be spanked and once I asked her if she would. In a flat, unemotional way, she said, “No.” That was that. I guess it was this event that made me realize there was a lot more wrong with our marriage that I wanted to admit.
Mrs. Lion, as you know, has no problem spanking me. She did in the beginning but overcame that hurdle. I suppose that is strange. What can I tell you? Much, more importantly, is the dynamic we share.
In no way is Mrs. Lion a femdom. She’s an easy-going, wonderfully sweet woman. I never really wanted a classic dominant woman. My submissive desires are pretty limited. I like that she controls if and when I will get an orgasm and I like that she spanks me. I really don’t think that’s a big deal. Some people may consider it odd, but it’s harmless.
The much more significant change is the way the power dynamic evolves in our relationship. We are partners and we do pretty much everything together. From the beginning, she has deferred to me. This isn’t a problem for me, but I think that it could ultimately hurt our relationship.
Now we’re getting to what many people will believe is strange. In fact, I think that most of the people who enjoy male chastity will find this next part really odd. Instead of the BDSM, femdom sort of female authority (something I really don’t like), we are evolving into a true female-led marriage. It’s nothing like most people think about when they hear this expression. In fact, is very close to the way real lions relate to one another.
The females defer to the male almost all of the time. They let him eat first and have his way with the pride, up to a point. When he does something one of them doesn’t like, he gets a very painful bite on the rear end as a reminder that his authority only extends as far as the lionesses allow.
It’s the same dynamic we have in our marriage. Mrs. Lion is happy to go along with what I want until she isn’t. Then I learn of her displeasure via a painful punishment spanking.
Developing this dynamic hasn’t been easy for her. She has a strong sense of fairness. She doesn’t like the idea that she should punish me for something I didn’t know was wrong. This concept comes from raising children. It’s unfair to punish children if they don’t know they’ve done something they shouldn’t. I’ve argued it isn’t the same with adults. Adults should know better.
In vanilla marriages, dissatisfaction with the behavior of one mate may seem to be overlooked. Sooner or later as things accumulate, destructive behaviors emerge that can destroy the marriage. I felt this was particularly dangerous in Mrs. Lion and my marriage. Even though we both work hard to make each other happy, I’ve done things that upset her. Her typical reaction was to ignore my transgression and move on. Eventually, her anger would build up and she would give me the silent treatment. That’s particularly difficult for me to handle. I have a strong fear of rejection.
The solution is the FLRD we have now. The idea is that if I do something that displeases her, I get punished. Mrs. Lion prefers to spank me for punishment. She’s learning that it doesn’t matter if I have a rule for the behavior she doesn’t like or not. All that matters is that I’ve done something that displeases her. My punishment is an expression of her displeasure. Simple, right?
Yes, I have explicit rules I have to follow. More importantly, I will learn when Mrs. Lion is displeased with my behavior. She may growl at me. In fact, until very recently, that was all she would do. Now, she will growl and then at her earliest convenience, punish me.
I like this change. I don’t like the discomfort of the spanking. I really like that she lets me know in no uncertain terms when I’ve done something she doesn’t like. Since I don’t like having a sore bottom, I should quickly learn how to avoid repeating that behavior. Even if I do like a sore bottom, eventually enough is enough. One way or another, she gets to let me know and I learn to avoid repeating the error.
It’s not complicated. There are no BDSM rituals; just my bare bottom and her paddle. It’s always the same. Sometimes, the spanking will be longer and more severe. Generally, Mrs. Lion reserves those extra unpleasant sessions to things that she particularly dislikes or for things I can’t seem to learn. Forgetting Saturday punishment day appears to be one of those. Eventually, I will learn.
I don’t think it’s particularly strange or crazy. It represents a treaty between us. It’s an agreement that allows us to resolve the sort of emotionally loaded issues that hurt other relationships. It’s not dangerous. It almost certainly isn’t your cup of tea. It’s ours. I hope you understand.