Anything But Onscreen

In high school, I took a media productions elective. At the time I wanted to be a journalist. Well, at the time I wanted to be a novelist but I figured it was better to have a paying job and branch off from there. I never wanted to be on television. The newspaper was going to be my game. I guess it’s a good thing that never panned out although I could have had a pretty good run before newspapers started declining.

Anyway, my goal in taking the course was learning how things worked behind the scenes. I never wanted to be on-air talent. Camerawork, writing, lighting, etc. Anything, anything but onscreen. As these things happen, I was chosen to be onscreen. Pale, blend-into-the-backdrop me was in front of the camera. I looked like disembodied hair, eyes and mouth floating around above a bright red sweater, incredibly self-conscious and uncomfortable. And that, thankfully, was the extent of my video presence on the local cable-access airwaves of my hometown, and anywhere else for that matter.

You’ve seen pictures of my hands on this blog. We’re pretty careful to keep anything recognizable out of view. I’m not quite sure how a video of a blow job would do that. Would my face be pixelated? Blurry little boxes obscuring all but my lips and maybe my chin? Given the experience above, no amount of blurring would cover the discomfort.

One could argue that I’d be doing something I love and there shouldn’t be any nervousness involved. Just do what comes naturally. Pretend everyone is in their underwear. Everyone? Everyone, who? Ah…there’s the problem. I’ll know everyone will be watching. Or at least I’ll assume people are watching. Maybe no one will be. But maybe they will be. And there go the nerves.

Aside from that, what can be seen of a blow job? You can’t tell where my tongue is at any given moment. You can’t tell how much pressure I’m applying to a specific area. You can’t tell how much suction. Unless I was going to travel the world and give “samples” (which I am not!) I don’t know how much value a video would have. And I was only kidding about making videos anyway. Lion said I should teach a course and I asked if he was making into me Professor Lioness.

What do I know? Maybe the thought of Professor Lioness turns him on. You know, the whole Catholic schoolgirl thing except now I’m the one with the ruler and I’m the one bending Lion over the desk. He’s never shown much interest in role-playing though. But he is still talking about making a video. I’m shaking my head but, somehow, I know I’ll still get roped into this. Are disembodied, pixelated lips sexy?

[Lion — Let me set the record straight. I had no thought of a blow job video. I agree that it would be too revealing and not very instructive. My suggestion was for a handjob video showing Mrs. Lion edging me multiple times perhaps ending with a ruined orgasm.]

[Mrs. Lion — I think the confusion came about because we were discussing, in email, the previous night’s blow job and he wrote a post about my teaching people my technique. That’s why I asked him if I should use bananas or hot dogs in a video. And then we both went with our separate meanings. I may be wrong, but I don’t think my hand jobs reach the same level of intensity that my blow jobs do. I’m not sure anyone needs to see yet another hand job video.]