Male Domestic Discipline In Our Marriage

Male domestic discipline is a fairly esoteric practice. Domestic discipline itself, particularly if a woman is being disciplined, has fallen into the very deep well of political incorrectness. Society doesn’t really comment about the male version. I imagine that a lot of women secretly applaud it. Mrs. Lion and I have been practicing it for several years. During that time we’ve discovered more and more people who are writing about their versions of this practice. We all seem to follow a similar pattern when we start. We diverge widely over time.

From what I can tell based on my limited reading, women who get disciplined are generally spanked for being bratty or otherwise displaying disrespect. Men, on the other hand, appear to be punished mostly for behavioral problems. These range from spending too much money to drinking too much or coming home late from work. The difference is that the male version of bad behavior is easily observed and measurable. The female version is largely subjective and relates mostly to how her partner perceives her.

Mrs. Lion punishes me for breaking specific rules. For example, I have to remind her of our punishment days (Monday, Thursday, and Saturday). I also have to prepare the coffee pot every day so that all Mrs. Lion has to do in the morning is to press a button and start it brewing. I have to wait until she begins eating before I can start. I am also required to avoid getting food on my shirt. She really enjoys watching me and catching me breaking one of these rules. What she doesn’t do is punish me for being bratty, interrupting, or being a smartass.

It seems to me that there could very well be a gender difference in what a disciplining spouse chooses to punish. It’s almost as though we men simply expect our women to remember and follow through on their duties. Our women don’t. They discipline for overt behavioral problems.

it’s more than spanking for breaking a rule

Since we first began our disciplinary relationship, I’ve encouraged Mrs. Lion to observe and punish behavior she might find annoying. She’s been generally unwilling to do this. It may be an evolutionary step. It appears to me that the longer a couple practices domestic discipline, the more likely the disciplining spouse is to punish the sort of behavioral infractions I think Mrs. Lion should do with me.

I wonder if it has to do with comfort and safety. After all, it has to feel a little risky to give your husband a very painful spanking. It’s one thing to do a BDSM spanking which might be very painful, but is done on request and is tied to sex. Disciplinary spanking is purely painful and absolutely nonsexual. The disciplining wife knows that her husband does not want to be spanked.

Sunday’s painful lesson for forgetting Saturday was punishment day

On Sunday night, Mrs. Lion spanked me for the second time in just a couple of days. I had forgotten for the third time in a row that Saturday was punishment day. She was tired of this. She used our heavy rubber paddle and gave me one of the worst spankings I can remember. At one point I was thinking that I didn’t want to do domestic discipline anymore. I was sick and tired of all this pain. It was making me angry.

Anger is a normal phase during a spanking. In fact, it’s a sure sign that the spanking is effective. After the angry phase, tears usually develop and the person being spanked becomes submissive. The angry phase can be scary for the spanker. I know that I never act threatening while I’m being spanked. I do make louder and more angry growls and yelps when I enter that phase. I have no idea of Mrs. Lion even notices. I feel my fists tighten and my toes curl. I am definitely entering the fight or flight zone. It feels almost impossible to stay in position to accept more punishment. Somehow I manage to do that. It’s taken a lot of training. As Mrs. Lion’s spankings have become more severe, I’ve gradually learned to accept the pain without running away.

During the punishment while in that angry phase, I growled to myself about being hurt so much for just failing to remember to remind her of a day. It didn’t really hurt her. That was my irrational self. I know full well that failing to do anything I’m supposed to require consequences. My consequences involve a very painful rear end.

From what I’ve read, domestic discipline has its limits. For example, it seems relatively ineffective as a way to control excessive drinking. I’m sure it isn’t particularly useful for any sort of addictive situation. It has been proven to be extremely effective at behavior modification. Surprisingly, I think it modifies both the disciplinary wife and her husband.

the paddle as marriage counselor

The benefit is that there is a clear path within the marriage to manage disputes and behavioral issues that frequently push people toward divorce. By simply agreeing to a disciplinary relationship, the couple has elected one member to be in charge. This isn’t the same as BDSM master/slave stuff. It’s generally an agreement that the disciplinary spouse has the ability to have the final say. Mrs. Lion does not rule me with an iron fist. I pay the bills and make a lot of decisions for our marriage.

Before we had a disciplinary relationship, I could become autocratic and do things on behalf of our relationship that she didn’t like. She would never tell me if I did something like that. Hopefully, now that we have a disciplinary relationship, she will not only tell me but let me know that any future occurrence will result in a spanking.

The point isn’t that I’m going to be spanked for doing something that annoys her. It’s that she has a voice and the ability to be heard. She has tools at her disposal to guarantee that I will not only listen to her but follow her direction. Since I agreed to this relationship, I may be annoyed when she asserts her authority, but I know that I agreed to allow her to do this. I don’t want her to spank me, but I have to allow it because that is what we agreed.

In the beginning, this was a conscious effort on my part to do what I said I would do. As time goes by, I don’t think about it very much. I’m just as unhappy about being spanked, but I truly believe that I have no choice but to accept it. I’m conditioned to be a disciplined husband. On Sunday I absolutely did not want another spanking. When Mrs. Lion told me to get into position, I did it without complaint. Whether or not I wanted it was completely irrelevant to both of us. That is a big change. In the past, Mrs. Lion would be concerned that I would be unhappy and would cancel the spanking if she thought I wouldn’t like it. I would let her know if I didn’t want it.

Now, I can let her know I don’t want it, but she will just simply tell me that it doesn’t matter. I earned it. I may grumble a bit, but my bare ass will be lying over the edge of the bed waiting for her paddle. That was never in doubt in either of our minds. That represents a pretty big change. An even bigger change is that Mrs. Lion actively works to make my spanking very painful. We are both convinced that if the spanking is sufficiently intense, I will learn to avoid the infraction that prompted it. If I repeat the infraction, it’s a clear sign my last spanking was too mild. I can’t argue with that logic.

What I still don’t understand is why Mrs. Lion doesn’t discipline me for doing things I would imagine are much more impactful for her. I know there are times when I annoy her. From a practical perspective, it shouldn’t be any more difficult to tell me I’m in trouble for that then it is to tell me I’m in trouble for forgetting to remind her of a punishment day. She really doesn’t even have to say anything. She can just give me “that look”. Later, at her convenience, she can remind me of what I’ve done and tell me to get in position for a spanking. It doesn’t require her to do anything at the moment of my infraction.

When this happens on a regular basis, I think we will have made a big step in our marriage. I will be held accountable for my communication style with my lioness. Since I’m pretty sure I make the same mistakes with other people, she won’t only be improving how I deal with her, but she will be helping me with how I am with others.

I really don’t understand why it’s easier for men to punish this sort of behavior from their wives, then it is for the wives to punish their husbands. I think that our disciplinary relationship will continue to benefit us regardless of whether or not Mrs. Lion expands her list of offenses.

Apropos this topic, Julie of Strict Julie Spanks wrote a post, “Catching Up” about her recent experiences. She and her husband have a sort of switch arrangement. In her post she wrote about how they decide what constitutes an offense:

“David and I have settled into our switch routine. We’ve decided the household rules are a) either of us can get spanked anytime for any reason, and b) you get punishment spanked if your spouse is annoyed with you for any reason at all, even if you are in the right. Our theory is that the spanking is to get out some frustrations to keep the relationship healthy, and for the person who annoyed the other to do penance, as our goal is to NOT annoy the other and when we do we have failed.“

This is exactly what I think Mrs. Lion should do with me. We don’t have a switch arrangement, so the punishment goes one way. However, Julie has it exactly right.