Yesterday in my post “Great Sex As We Age: Four-Step Foreplay” I talked about modifying both male and female foreplay to account for changes as we age. Even though I understand what’s happening, it still bothers me. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that I need substantial warm up to be ready for sex. It just doesn’t feel fair.
Meanwhile, we continue to enjoy our adventurous sex life. I should really say my adventurous sex life. Mrs. Lion isn’t interested right now. I keep hoping I can find a way to get her back into the game. In the meantime, she has to work a lot harder to arouse me. I’m very grateful that she’s willing to put in the effort. It’s a truly altruistic act.
Even though it’s not directly sexual, our female led relationship is exciting to me. There are very real, painful penalties for failing to please my lioness. The penalties are meted out with Mrs. Lion’s paddles. It’s exciting to think about being spanked.
This is one of the more confusing aspects of a disciplinary relationship. Even though the rules and punishments are real, there is a sexual undercurrent. What we do isn’t power-play. It’s real punishment for real offenses. Nevertheless, it apparently provides sexual stimulation for me.
I’m carefully avoiding the labels, “dominant” and “submissive”. These suggest an oversimplification of a fairly complex process. I like to feel Mrs. Lion’s authority. It is deeply exciting to me. I’m not sure it’s an emotional necessity as much as a sexual one.
I don’t want to have sex after being punished. The spanking hurts a lot and I just want to go off and lick my wounds. Yet, the next time Mrs. Lion tries to arouse me it’s easier. Go figure!
maintenance spankings keep the sexual furnace burning
We’ve come up with all sorts of rationalizations about why maintenance spanking is important. Other people have too. I think the actual bottom-line truth is that receiving punishment-level spanking flips some deep-seated sexual switches. I also think that for me the more severe the spanking the more satisfying it is on this deep level.
If my spanking makes my butt sore for days, the memory of each twinge is both sexual and instructive. This is complicated for me. I definitely work hard to avoid earning a spanking. The memory of how much it hurts is in my mind when I remember to set up the coffeepot or do other things Mrs. Lion has told me to do. I am actively working to avoid another spanking.
Yet if I don’t get what I’m avoiding on a regular basis, my sexual interest seems to drop off. Spanking me charges my sexual battery. Experience has taught me that a lighter, play spanking isn’t that effective. That deep, dark part of me wants it to hurt and hurt a lot. I want a maintenance spanking to hurt as much as one delivered to punish me.
That’s hard for me to admit. If in some way spanking provides me with sexual fuel, is it really a punishment?
I think it is.
Punishment hurts and it also turns me on
Just because I have a sexual connection to spanking, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t an effective punishment. My underlying attraction to it may be why I willingly get myself into position for a beating I will hate. It also may be why I accept it. Experience has shown us that punishing me does change my behavior. The change isn’t permanent. Eventually, I will slip and need a painful reminder.
I guess we both have to accept that our disciplinary activities operate on more than one level. P promptly spanking me for breaking a rule or annoying Mrs. Lion, makes me change. I also get much more interested in sex.
Mrs. Lion has always treated sex as completely separate from punishment. It doesn’t matter to her if I am turned on by my punishments. It’s just helpful to her when she wants to arouse me later. It would be a problem if the spanking didn’t correct the offense.
It’s a little hard for me to understand how something so unpleasant ultimately turns me on. I think Mrs. Lion has known about this for a long time. If I’ve been a good boy for too long, a maintenance spanking will recharge my sexual battery without affecting our disciplinary relationship.
We’ve agreed that if I break a rule soon after the maintenance spanking, I get a punishment spanking as severe as usual. Just because my butt may be marked by a spanking, it doesn’t stop Mrs. Lion from punishing me again even if it’s only an hour after my last spanking. She sees it as my problem for not being more careful. I agree.