Mrs. Lion has been wonderful about daily sexual activity. She has done CBT followed by oral teasing almost every night. I’m horny nearly all the time. It’s big fun. On Wednesday night she created a “racing stripe” of sandpaper-lined clothespins from the bottom of my perineum to the top of my balls. Some of them really hurt.
As she put them on, she kept masturbating me. I was fully erect the entire time. Worse than when she puts them on, it really hurts when she takes them off. My state of arousal reduced the discomfort. Sweet lioness!
Lioness 3.0 is indifferent to my discomfort. In fact, she is proud and happy when she finds a spot that is particularly tender. I may have created a monster. She is equally unconcerned when she spanks me. My reaction doesn’t particularly interest her, though I think she enjoys it when I scream. She gauges her progress by the color of my skin. She gets a little annoyed when I bleed. Her paddle spreads the blood around and makes it difficult for her to see the skin below.
She isn’t being particularly cruel when she draws blood. For some reason, I tend to bleed after she hits an area on the right side of my bottom. When she wipes up the blood, there is no trace of a cut or sore. Apparently, a tiny crack in my skin opens up. It closes almost as fast as it opens. I don’t bleed much. The paddle spreads the drops of blood around as it goes about spanking me. Since she knows that the bleeding is very minor, Lioness 3.0 doesn’t even pause when it happens.
I’ve tried using skin cream to keep my bottom soft and supple. That doesn’t seem to help. Perhaps if I change my position to stretch the skin more, it will stop this from happening. Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem to feel that is necessary.
The entire spanking process is completely out of my control. My only job is to present my bare bottom and stay in position. When I loudly complain and tell her I want her to stop, she ignores me. It’s become very clear to me that spanking isn’t for my entertainment. It’s the punishment that I am supposed to hate. I do.
For the longest time, I had trouble reconciling the fact that spanking, at least the idea of it, turns me on. I can get hard thinking about being spanked. Yet spanking is how Mrs. Lion punishes me. It seemed wrong to get any pleasure out of something designed to make me unhappy.
I finally understand what’s going on. Yes, I’ve always liked the idea of being spanked. Before our domestic discipline, I looked forward to Mrs. Lion spanking me. I would often be hard when I got into position for a spanking.
Once Mrs. Lion learned to spank hard enough to hurt, I would quickly lose my erection once she got going. I didn’t like how it felt to be spanked. Yet, I got aroused at the prospect of getting my butt swatted. This isn’t too different from my reaction to other BDSM play. It was very hot to anticipate and remember, but not while it was happening.
I worried that if Mrs. Lion used spanking to punish me, I would feel the same way about a punishment spanking as a play spanking. For a long time, I did. Things changed when Lioness 2.0 began spanking me harder and longer. It hurt like hell. I wanted her to stop. It was definitely not a play spanking.
3.0 is even tougher. Her spankings are ferocious. I think she is still turning up the volume. I truly hate punishment spankings. Even though I like, even need to be spanked, I would never purposely do something to earn one. They are just too painful to do that.
This, of course, is exactly what we need. We both know that when Mrs. Lion punishes me, it is real. There is no play BDSM element at all. If I happen to get hard thinking about one of her spankings, once she starts I will remember that there is nothing sexy or fun going on. I don’t care what paddle she is using. Frankly, I can’t tell and have no time or energy to try to guess. I am way too busy trying to get through this horrible experience. All I think about is how I could be so stupid to earn this spanking.
Lately, on nights that I get spanked, there is no sex play. Mrs. Lion explains that it isn’t because she wants to withhold sex as part of the punishment. She knows that for some time after I get spanked, the last thing on my mind is sex. She’s right.
Mrs. Lion has mentioned that going to the trouble of spanking me after I annoy her is almost like adding insult to injury. She says that she usually doesn’t feel like expending the energy to punish me. I can understand that. However, we both know it is necessary if I am to learn. I don’t think she has bought into this yet. It’s probably time to bite that bullet. 3.0 knows that. It isn’t easy being Lioness 3.0. It’s also not that easy to be her lion.
“It is also not easy to be her lion.”
But if you want to be, then you have to try.
I do my best.