I wasn’t feeling well yesterday so I came home from work early. Lion gave me some medicine and I managed to do some work from home. Dinner was bland noodles and, although I felt better, I was still afraid to move around too much. I’m not sure if Lion was in the mood, but I wasn’t up for anything.

I’m not sure what to do for Lion. He’s been feeling, well I’m not sure exactly what he’s been feeling. I think he’s feeling guilty that he wants sex and I don’t. But it’s more than that too. It’s affecting his ability to get aroused. It’s affecting his ability to even care about sex right now. I don’t know what to do to help. The obvious thing is to give him more attention, but that will likely make him feel more guilt. It’s a catch-22. If I leave him alone to sort it out, we become stagnant. I don’t want that. While I’m looking forward to the new cage getting here, I know it’s not a cure all. It won’t magically fix Lion. If I thought it was that easy, I’d slap the Jail Bird back on him.

It’s just as likely that his doldrums, for want of a better word, are the result of COVID-19 and his furlough. He got an email the other day from work that said he wouldn’t be called back anytime soon, if ever. It’s the “if ever” part that’s the most worrisome. Of course, with the $600 a week dropped down to $300 a week, short term money is an issue too. This can’t be good for his mental or sexual health. It’s pretty stressful being stuck in a house for so long, especially knowing anytime you venture out you could get a virus that could kill you. That may be exaggerated. The disease isn’t rampant around here, but it wasn’t rampant in Florida or California until recently either. You just never know.

Maybe what we need to do is to come up with a new routine. Maybe we need an over-the-top routine to get back on track. With a decent amount of work, I could transform the pantry/waxing room into a dungeon. We could make it dark and evil looking like they do on TV when the cops burst into the “pervert’s” house looking for the murder scene. I could lead Lion into the dungeon by a leash, tie him up and do all sorts of unspeakable things to him. If I thought that would help, I’d certainly do it. I don’t think Lion is swayed by the way TV depicts BDSM.

I know he’s happy with the way we do things. Sure, he’s having trouble right now, but it will get better. I think he needs a purpose. Being out of work has taken that away and taking a man’s work away can make him feel like less of a man. Lion never seems like less of a man to me, whether he’s working or not. But it doesn’t matter what I think. Lion has to think it.

[Lion — Being out of work doesn’t make me feel rudderless. It makes me worry profoundly about our ability to survive. Right now, we aren’t even getting the extra $300 a week. I have little chance of landing another job now. My worry is economic. The other stuff that Mrs. Lion talks about is much more serious to me.]

Mrs. Lion works incredibly hard to make me happy. I know she does it out of love and doesn’t expect anything in return. I can’t help feeling guilty for imposing on her. I’ve had to impose on her even more recently due to the problems with my vision and balance. I know we are together until death does us part for better or worse. I think she’s getting a lot more of the “worse” lately.

This affects me sexually. I don’t want it to, but it does. I feel that it’s just another way I add a burden to her. She tries incredibly hard to get me aroused into the edge almost every night. I seem to be blocked no matter what she tries. It’s not that she isn’t doing everything she can. She is. Maybe that’s part of the problem for me.

I have a well-known issue with initiating sex. Between wearing a male chastity device and Mrs. Lion’s loss of sexual interest, initiating stopped being an issue; at least that’s what I thought. This issue may have a lot to do with my current situation. For one thing, I think it’s unfair for me to expect Mrs. Lion to initiate pleasuring me and then have me react to the quality of this initiation. I’m expecting her not only to provide me with sexual activity, but also figure out how to get me interested if I’m not in the mood.

I’m behaving like a stereotypical sitcom wife. In her post yesterday, Wham! Bam! Thank You, Lion? Mrs. Lion referred to “Everyone Loves Raymond” as an example of our sexual situation. She wondered who is wearing the panties here? Clearly it’s me, and not in a good way.

I face a dilemma: If I “initiate” it feels like I am demanding sexual attention. If I expect Mrs. Lion to get things going, I’m burdening her with responsibility for my sexual arousal. In my mind, that feels like I lose either way. She suggested that we follow a schedule of sexual activity. From the very start of our male chastity, she specified how often she would tease me. Initially, it was every other day, or more often if she decided she wanted more activity. More recently she said that she would sexually stimulate me at least six out of every seven days. That’s a very ambitious promise.

The idea of having a commitment in terms of schedule sets both of our expectations. It doesn’t guarantee how either of us will feel on any given day. If we drop the idea of a certain number of sex days a week, we run the very real risk of not doing anything. I get that. The chasm between Mrs. Lion’s complete lack of sexual interest and my continuing horniness is the real problem. In relationships where both partners are interested in sex, the least common denominator is sexual activity at the rate of the partner who is least interested. It may not be ideal, but it guarantees guilt-free sex.

Since there is nothing in it for Mrs. Lion, any sexual activity makes me feel guilty. When she does something with me I always ask her if she had fun. She always says yes. I find that difficult to believe. There are things she does that I know are fun for her. She gets a genuine kick out of catching me breaking a rule. It’s not that she wants to punish me, but she finds it fun to find errors in anything. I like that she enjoys it. I even like that she gets some sense of accomplishment out of spanking me. These are points of emotional connection.

It isn’t that we aren’t connected. We are with a deep, abiding love for one another. It’s just that specific areas like sex, don’t connect us. It almost feels like the best thing for me is to find a way to give up sex entirely. That way, the stress disappears. Maybe I could do that. Somehow I don’t think it would work if I try.

That leaves us in our current situation. I had hoped that if sex for us would include some BDSM activity as well as trying to get me off, or at least to the edge, it might add some interest for both of us. When we played with the Box O’Fun I think that worked for a while. It didn’t take me too long to realize that once again the fun was just mine.

I’m concerned that when Mrs. Lion reads this she will blame herself for not doing a good enough job. She’s been doing a wonderful job. The problem is mine. This isn’t the kind of situation you could take to a marriage counselor. It isn’t that one of us is refusing to do something for the other. It’s the opposite. Mrs. Lion is willing to do anything to make me happy. I just don’t seem to be able to be made happy. I want her to be happy. I want her to have fun when I have fun. I want her to enjoy every contact we have. Clearly, this is unlikely when it comes to sex.

None of this has anything to do with male chastity. It also has no connection to domestic discipline or our female led relationship. It’s a deep, emotional issue. Mrs. Lion can’t spank my guilt away. She can’t offer me more oral sex to cure the problem. I can’t take over initiation without creating a new kind of guilt. And, I can’t take care of this sexual need myself.

As of now, I have no idea how we can work this out. I don’t think it’s hopeless because both of us are strongly motivated to make anything either of us wants work. I just have no idea how we can do it. If you have a thought please let us know.

[Mrs. Lion — Snap out of it!]

When I made dinner, I realized Lion hadn’t set up the coffee pot. I always debate with myself whether I should give him a hint. I know it’s been a while since he’s been spanked. We’re trying to figure out what to do if he’s followed his rules and goes for a long time between punishments. If I warned him, he’d miss another punishment opportunity. So I didn’t say anything.

He went into the kitchen to check on the progress of our dill pickles. We should see bubbling by now, according to the recipe. No bubbles. The first batch of dills we made are very salty. This batch doesn’t seem salty enough. I wondered if we forgot to put the salt in. I don’t know how that figures into the fermentation process, but I thought it could be part of the problem. He went into the kitchen again so we could check the recipe and maybe add the forgotten salt. But we didn’t forget the salt.

When I gave the dog her medicine and ice cream, I got our dessert too. The coffee pot was still in pieces in the dish drainer. Again, I resisted reminding Lion. He needs to remember on his own. I can’t keep telling him how to do his job. I don’t remind him about punishment day. Why would I remind him about the coffee pot. Then, after the dog went out, Lion wandered into the kitchen again. Did he remember? I wasn’t sure until this morning when I told him he narrowly escaped punishment. This isn’t technically true. There have been a few times he’s gotten up earlier than I have and sneaked into the kitchen to correct his mistake, but last night was still pretty close.

If he’d forgotten, it certainly would have taken care of our spanking dilemma. I would have whomped him and restarted the clock. Now, it’s been about two weeks since his last spanking. Should I spank him for not getting himself in trouble? Should I spank him for making me get out of practice? My swatting arm needs a workout. Maybe he should get in trouble for falling asleep watching TV. I think I’d be exhausted enforcing that rule. No. I know he can’t help it. But there must be something I can catch him doing so he earns more swats. He’s not a saint.

My thinking cap is on.

Mrs. Lion took my request to heart to unwind before beginning any activity with me. It meant she started later, about an hour after dinner. It was worth the wait. She started by putting clothespins on my nipples. She was using the wooden ones lined with abrasive tread tape. Those sharp little rocks hurt! She didn’t stop with my nipples. She moved south and put some on my balls.

The wooden clothespins without the tread tape aren’t too uncomfortable. When Mrs. Lion applies one to a particularly sensitive spot, it hurts a lot. She knows where all those spots are and makes sure she puts a clothespin on each one. With the tread-tape version, the discomfort is magnified. Even when applied to less sensitive spots, they hurt. It’s more fun for her if I feel each one.

She masturbated me between the application of each clothespin. I was very hard and aroused. That distracted me from the discomfort. I’ve noticed that if I’m very aroused I feel less pain. It’s much easier to accept Icy Hot and other painful play if I am very aroused. That’s one reason why I don’t like it when Mrs. Lion starts before enough foreplay to get me ready.

You could argue that it’s fair for her not to arouse me first. That way I will get the full effect of whatever painful activity she is performing. This is where we get into the murky area of who is supposed to have fun. Mrs. Lion insists that all this is for my entertainment. Shouldn’t that mean she should restrict her tortures to things I enjoy or at least tolerate?

I’m pretty sure she would disagree. Does that mean she should maximize my discomfort when she “plays” with me? This question is answered differently as Mrs. Lion continues to grow into her role. Lioness 1.0 definitely stuck to minimizing discomfort. She was rather timid and her play and spankings were not very painful.

She evolved to Lioness 2.0 when she consciously aimed for the spots she knew would hurt the most. She was willing to spank me hard enough to make me yelp. Her punishments became increasingly severe. 2.0 wasn’t willing to use the tiny dollhouse clothespins. She wouldn’t punish me for annoying her. She stuck to a small number of household rules.

Lioness 3.0 arrived when she stopped reacting to my screams and yelps during a spanking. She is more than willing to use those nasty little clothespins on the head of my penis. Instead of just two, she starts out with four. She also seems ready to repeat this often until I learn to manage the pain and take more. She prefers more intense play. As a treat, she will use the plain clothespins or just tie up my balls. Lioness 3.0 play is much more uncomfortable for me.

You might think that I would yearn for the good old days of 2.0. Everything was much more manageable then. I don’t. 3.0’s change of focus is what I wanted from the start. When she spanks me, she looks at the physical changes to my bottom. She wants a certain deep red color. She would like some bruises too. I feel bruises for a couple of days after I’m punished.

It doesn’t matter what she wants to see. What matters is that she is deciding what’s enough. I no longer have a vote. I can scream and cry all I want. She isn’t interested. The only way I can stop a spanking is to use my safeword. If I do, she will stop at once. I will only use it if I am in genuine distress. I know that spankings are supposed to hurt a lot. I don’t like that, but I’m not supposed to.

She is only just starting to apply the same sort of control to play. The last time she put a menthol rub on my balls, she made me leave it on for a certain amount of time no matter how much it burned. It isn’t harmful, just really uncomfortable down there. The same was true last time those nasty little clothespins ended up on the head of my penis. She didn’t keep them there very long but told me they were staying on until she decided to take them off. I let her know that I wanted them off NOW! Too bad. She told me I could take it.

When it comes to lesser tortures like the tread-coated clothespins, I don’t beg to get them off. I can endure with only an occasional grunt of pain. As 3.0 evolves, this activity may move into the “treat” column. This evolution doesn’t upset me. Mrs. Lion has observed that I am very aroused and ready for sex when she finishes even my least favorite play. As she correctly points out, I obviously like it.

It’s hard to deny that observation. I do get excited when she gives me advance warning of the night’s play. Go figure!

I am particularly happy that she is punishing me for annoying her. Well, I am not happy I am being spanked. I am happy she is finally letting me know when I upset her and she is willing to go to the trouble to help me change. I won’t admit it when I am in the spanking position, but I am happy she is willing to increase the intensity of my spankings. I am also glad she is less interested in pleasing me when we play. The fact that we play pleases me. What she does isn’t supposed to.