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In: Mrs Lion Comments

Yesterday afternoon I read Lion’s post that published this morning. We usually read each other’s posts before they publish. Another set of eyes often catches typos or other unintended things. Aside from, and maybe more important than, his wanting me to want sex, Lion wants me to want to give him sex. Huh? When I ask if he’s in the mood, it can actually turn him off. I do this so he doesn’t feel bad if he’s not. Frequently he’ll apologize for not being able to get erect or make it to the edge. Since sex isn’t for me, I’m not the one who is disappointed. From my point of view, if he doesn’t want sex, I’m just annoying him by trying. It’s not surprising that the view isn’t different on the other end of the penis.

Of course, Lion would love to have vaginal sex. He’d love for me to love to have vaginal sex. When I said I made an appointment with a new doctor for a pap smear and a libido discussion, he did a little research and found an entire department devoted to female sexual dysfunction. Yes, I am dysfunctional. On many levels, but specifically sexually. But in the interim, he wants me to decide when we have sex. I can’t ask him if he’s in the mood. That’s a turn-off.

After I read his post, I emailed back that I’ll try to be more 4.0? He asked what she was like and I went on to tell him that she takes what she wants and doesn’t want to hear any of his “poor Lion” nonsense. This got a laugh; not what I was expecting, but okay. Normally he’ll thank me for saying I’ll try. I mean, I did get silly. I changed the lyrics to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, but he laughed before that. I guess it’s good that he laughed. Better to laugh than to be sad. I don’t think I snapped him out of it, by any means. But laughter is good.

When I was done with the dinner dishes, we snuggled under the covers. We were both cold and I made sure my chilly hands found Mr. Weenie and the boys. Once I settled in, I informed him that I was much too comfortable and warm to get out from under the covers to play with him. He agreed that it was too cozy to move. I stayed close until he started to snooze and I got too warm. Tonight I’ll have to find some way to entice him into the cold so we can play. Maybe Icy Hot will warm him up.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

When you write a blog you get to decide exactly what you want to reveal. Since our blog is a journal that sticks to facts about our lives, I feel that it’s fair to talk about more than just our sex life. Every couple has to confront and overcome challenges throughout a relationship. It’s impossible to avoid bumps in the road. I’m very lucky. Mrs. Lion always wants to work with me.

Over the years we have been writing, Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex. That’s pretty ironic considering we have a sex blog, but it’s what happened. We settled into a pattern of Mrs. Lion providing me with sex. Our power exchanges made this easier than it might be if we were a vanilla couple. As she’s written, Mrs. Lion is comfortable with this arrangement. I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult. Part of the discomfort is certainly based on my feelings of guilt for not being able to reciprocate. Part of it is also missing the pure fun of giving my partner pleasure.

Sex is more than getting off. Even with Mrs. Lion being completely happy providing me with orgasms, I feel a sense of loss. I realize that this is almost the exact opposite of what happens in most marriages where one partner loses interest in sex. When that happens, the partner still interested in sex is deprived of pleasure. Most people who don’t want sex aren’t as generous as Mrs. Lion.

What if she can’t work out a way to want sex? That’s a very real possibility. Does that mean that I’ll continue to feel bad and it will drive a wedge between us? It could. This may be something neither of us can control. Maybe we have to get more creative. It would be completely unfair to lay the burden on her. It isn’t as though Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to like sex. Her interest just evaporated.

It occurs to me that there could be workarounds. I realize that I had hoped some of the things she could do to me would be fun for her. For example, if she enjoyed spanking me, it would be a way I can give her pleasure. I don’t think it’s that I need to give her orgasms in order for me to feel happier. I want to know that if I can’t give her pleasure directly, she can have fun doing things with me.

This is a little tricky. Women I’ve known who enjoy delivering spankings, for example, find it sexually exciting when they paddle a man’s butt. Similarly, they might get excited about doing CBT. Generally, activities like this manifest as arousal. Since arousal is off the table, I wonder if there are some other ways Mrs. Lion can feel and express pleasure.

I know she loves me. She says she enjoys teasing me and getting me off. It’s hard for me to believe that. I’m not being difficult. It’s just that there are signals that I interpret to let me know when something is fun. A big one is when someone tries to initiate an activity because they like it. This all comes down to something as silly as semantics. If Mrs. Lion says, “Do you want to play?” I interpret this as her trying to satisfy an obligation she feels. In my mind what I hear is that she is telling me, “If you want to play, I’ll do it.”

I don’t interpret that as an expression of a desire to have fun. More often than not, I feel a little pang of sadness when she asks me. I say yes because I do want to play. I just feel sad that the only reason we are doing it is that I want it. Yes, it’s an expression of love and I appreciate that. There is a not-so-subtle issue. It’s one way. Maybe it’s unrealistic for me to expect, but I would think that if Mrs. Lion enjoyed something, she might say, “I want to play. Are you up for it?” The same thing happens with our spanking games. If I don’t initiate, we don’t play. Mrs. Lion agreed that she really should decide when we play. In a sense she does; she can always say no.

The problem may not be one-way sex. It may be far larger. In a way, it feels like it’s one-way everything. The thing about sex is that if I’m doing a good job, Mrs. Lion will let me know. She can’t help it. That’s not true of anything else we do. It may not be about sex at all. As difficult as it is to say, it may be about active expressions of pleasure. The only time I can find out if Mrs. Lion enjoys something is if I ask her directly. Even then, her answers are generally indefinite. Orgasms are never indefinite. It would be really wonderful if Mrs. Lion could get her libido back. I would love that. I think it’s more important maybe that she understand the wider issue. I’m not saying it’s her fault. I just think we have to find a way to fix it.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion is smooth as a baby’s butt after I waxed him. There are no hairs to tickle my nose either on his shoulder or at the base of his penis. His balls are hair-free too. I didn’t play with him much while he was oiled up. My back was starting to hurt and the wax was not coming off easily. I made sure I cleaned the areas and oiled them before I started. Why is the damn wax sticking? Oh well. I finally got it off after soaking with oil.

I did a few chores while Lion showered to get all the oil off. We watched part of our football game before waxing and watched the rest while eating dinner. Our sorry team actually won. Unfortunately, the local team did not. I took a shower after I cleaned up from dinner and was ready for Lion before 8.

From our conversation earlier in the day, I wasn’t sure if Lion would be up for anything. His sadness is not just from not working or from thinking he’s selfish. It’s also because I don’t want sex so he can’t satisfy me and we don’t have “regular” vaginal sex. I have to say, it really doesn’t bother me that I don’t want sex. I guess I’ve gotten used to it. Apparently it really bothers Lion, so I’ll go have my damn pap smear and find out what to do about my libido. Blood test will likely rule out (or in) some issues.

Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I really do just have to suck it up and “enjoy” sex again. That may be as likely as Lion snapping out of his sadness. Is it stupid of me to be rooting for a hormonal imbalance or brain tumor to explain it? At least there would be a cause.

By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal

What man wouldn’t want a blow job? That’s what she said. Mrs. Lion was talking about my lack of interest in getting one on Saturday night. She suggested that I have a kind of ideal sex life. She has no interest in sex for herself but is happy to satisfy me, or at least edge me. Her assumption is that in relationships where both partners want sexual satisfaction if the woman isn’t in the mood, the man gets nothing. Mrs. Lion is never in the mood, yet I always get something.

That proves Mrs. Lion is very generous. She’s willing to keep up my sex life without one of her own. I’m sure she has some idea how that affects me. I’m not so sure she really understands. I can’t generalize my feelings to all men. I can only tell you how I feel. I used to get a significant amount of pleasure out of giving orgasms to my lioness. Aside from making me feel macho pleasure, it was also very arousing when I gave her pleasure.

That was quite a while ago. It’s been years since Mrs. Lion has wanted sex. She has lubed up and ridden me on very rare occasions. The last time was March of 2018. I knew she didn’t really enjoy the experience. She did it because she felt I missed vaginal sex. I do. It was fun, but not the sort I had wanted.

None of this is her fault. She can’t help that she no longer wants sex. It’s certainly not her fault that I sometimes don’t want the one-way sex she offeres me. As she said, “What man wouldn’t want a blow job?” I would want one. But that desire isn’t unconditional. To be clear, a blow job from Mrs. Lion isn’t like an impersonal one I could buy from a sex worker. Mrs. Lion wants me to have the most fun possible. When she edges me, she wants me to be as frustrated as I am capable of being. She takes pride in her ability to please or frustrate me.

She does a great job. The issue is all mine. At some point I will reach a hormonal tipping point. I will want an orgasm enough to push down the other feelings. Sometimes that happens right after an orgasm. I want another and I can pretend we have a two-way sex life.

I don’tthink that two-person sex where only one person actually experiences sexual pleasure is all that different from one-person sex. It certainly feels better. When I used to masturbate, it never felt as good as my lioness jerking me off and wasn’t on the same planet with her blow jobs. But this isn’t about degree of sexual pleasure. I think it’s about a connection that is forged and reinforced by mutual sexual satisfaction.

One of the top reasons for divorce is sexual incompatibility. Generally, one partner is sexualy frustrated by lack of attention from the other. Often, this results in adultery. The need for sex is a powerful force. It will make sane people do crazy things. For the record, I don’t have a lover. I haven’t had sex with anyone but Mrs. Lion since we’ve been together.

I’ve helped her help me. Our male chastity and domestic discipline partly replace two-partner sex. At the least, it distracts me. These practices provide us with a sexual framework that doesn’t involve Mrs. Lion wanting sexual pleasure. It would be a lot more fun if she did, but it works pretty well without her having orgasms.

She writes about me being sad. She seems confused by why I would be. Wisely, she realizes that she can’t just tell me to cheer up. That never works. Without question, she can get me hard and with some work get me off. I can get her off too. She is perfectly capable of having orgasms even though she isn’t interested in sex. I’ve given her several over the time she’s said she isn’t interested. I’ve wondered why she doesn’t want me to do this for her. I’ve never gotten an answer I can understand.

Does this lack of sexual compatibility have the ability to damage our relationship? Or, can devotion and willingness to get me off be enough to offset the lack of two-partner sex? These are hard questions to answer. I think that without Mrs. Lion’s ongoing efforts to satisfy me sexually the problem would grow and potentially consume us. I’m pretty sure she believes this.

My periods of being “sad” have become more frequent. I can’t honestly say that Mrs. Lion lubing up and riding me will improve things. I know it is artificial and just another way to get me off. Giving her more frequent orgasms have a better chance if she enjoys them. I’m not sure either activity will do it for me. Maybe what I want is just not possible. Perhaps we can stave off these frequent “sad” times with more lion-only activities. Spanking seems to distract me. I don’t know.