Year: 2020

Sometimes Lion and I remember things differently. I think it’s normal. My ex and I used to fight for hours before we realized we were saying the same thing. Maybe it’s the same reason people can witness a crime and see different things. It all depends on your point of view.

Oddly enough, the two points from his post this morning that bother me the most are not tickling his balls and the mechanical handjobs. You’d think it would be the part about losing my sex drive or his inability to come in any position but on his back. (Okay, that last one bothers me a bit.) Those two might be somewhat related. I loved it when Lion took me from behind either vaginally or anally. Ah, the good old days.

Every time I edge Lion I play with his balls. I always tickle them. I know he loves that. Obviously I can’t/don’t tickle them the entire time. I do it to get him harder. I do it to get him closer to the edge. I do it to make him think this time will be the time he’ll get to ejaculate. If he doesn’t even know I’m doing it, why do it? [Lion — I absolutely know when she does it. I’m greedy. I want more.]

When I’m giving him oral attention I generally do more of a ball massage, but I do still tickle him. And I have been known to wiggle my finger toward his ass hole. He moans whether I tickle, massage or finger so I always assumed he knew what I was doing. Now I wonder. [Lion — Of course I know!]

Over the past few months, Lion has been taking a lot longer to get to the edge. That’s part of the reason I did my oral experiment. I gave him attention until my neck or mouth got sore. If he got aroused enough to make it to the edge in that time, happy day. If not, oh well. Yes, oral is more uncomfortable for me. Doing it depends on how my stomach feels and other aches and pains. Last night, for example, my sinuses were bothering me. I didn’t want to be gasping for air while sucking him.

Vaginal creates a different problem. I have to get Lion excited enough to maintain the erection while I lube him up and get into position. More often than not he’ll make a comment about wishing I could enjoy it too. I love feeling him inside me. I just can’t get him excited and myself excited at the same time. I want him to enjoy the ride.

Handjobs tend to feel mechanical, in part, because it takes him so long to get to the edge. If I want to maintain the ability to jerk him off, I have to do it a certain way. If I want to make it less mechanical, I run out of steam. Last night I was trying to make things more varied (I always try to) and my hand and arm started to go numb.

I have issues with pain. My left bicep has been sore for quite some time. My right shoulder probably has a rotator cuff tear from years ago. Having gone through doctor appointments with Lion, I know it has most likely torn a little at a time for a long time. It only hurts when I laugh.

Because of my aches and pains, I adjust things accordingly. I don’t throw footballs or baseballs anymore. Damn! I could have been a contender. I also adjust how I jerk Lion off depending on the length of time I’ll be doing that activity. The longer the duration, the more mechanical. That’s part of the reason I use the Magic Wand. It speeds the process up even though it tends to hurt me more. Sometimes it’s a toss-up.

Why do I do things for him when I’m in pain? If I waited until I wasn’t in pain, I’d never do anything. I want to do things for him. When I’m in too much pain I let him know. Sometimes he doesn’t take the hint when I say “my XYZ is really killing me”. Sometimes I have to come right out and tell him we won’t be playing because, as I’ve said five times since I’ve been home, my XYZ hurts. Sometimes he needs to be hit over the head with the obvious.

Is it any wonder he needs to be spanked?

There are a few things that we don’t usually talk about in our posts. I suppose they are potentially sensitive areas. One that I almost never mention is how I get to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex for herself some years ago. She can still have orgasms but doesn’t really care for them. (I’ll never really understand that) As a result, any sex I get is purely for me.

Most of my sexual activity does not result in ejaculation. Mrs. Lion teases me until I’m just ready to come. Then she stops. Invariably she does this with her hand. When she does decide to let me ejaculate 75% of the time she uses her hand the same way she does when she teases me. The other 25% represent oral sex. In 2019 that was 16 oral orgasms. All the rest of my sexual activity was provided by Mrs. Lion’s hand. She’s very good at it. The last time we had vaginal sex was in April 2018.

There are good reasons for this trend. For one thing, it’s a lot easier for Mrs. Lion to jerk me off then to get her body into position to suck or fuck me. I know she likes to have me in her mouth, it’s just more difficult for her. A more subtle nuance is that none of my orgasms have been generated by anything I do. A year or two ago Mrs. Lion let me hump her hand until I came. She’s let me do that again since then but always takes over the motion herself after a while. I think it’s fun to get to hump.

mrs lion makes lion ejaculate
75% of my orgasms are at Mrs. Lion’s hand. That’s really us when I still had my frenum piercing.

Sex for me is always with me lying on my back, legs wide apart. I’m not sure I could come in any other position at this point. When Mrs. Lion uses her mouth, I generally bring my knees up to give her more room between my legs. It’s a very female position. I suppose it’s an inevitable sex-role reversal. I never gave it a lot of thought when we first started male chastity. But it makes perfect sense. If I surrender all sexual control, by definition I am the “passive” partner. My sexual stimulation is 100% dependent on Mrs. Lion.

We have a couple of male sex toys that so far have not been very successful. Of course, we’ve only tried each of them once. We have a couple of Fleshlights. I only tried one of them for a brief time. We have a Lelo F1 vibrating sleeve, and an Autoblow ai. That looks promising but we only gave it one brief try. The only sex toy that has been successful getting me off is the Magic Wand. Mrs. Lion can use it to edge me and, if she wants, make me squirt.

I don’t think any of the changes I’ve discussed were conscious choices on her part. They evolved out of a need for convenience and comfort. I don’t get a choice. Since that’s the case, it’s very much a “beggars can’t be choosers” situation. Mrs. Lion does let me decide whether or not she uses lube when she masturbates me. Generally, I prefer her dry hand.

magic wand on lion's penis
When Mrs.Lion uses the Magic wand here, she almost always gets juicy results.

Since the process of edging or getting me off is very one-way, it sometimes becomes almost mechanical. At least that’s how it feels to me. Mrs. Lion almost never tickles my balls or puts a finger in my ass while she stimulates me. She’s never asked me to get on my knees so she can “milk” me. And, as I said before it’s been years since I’ve been allowed to hump myself to glory or at least to the edge when she let’s go.

I know she’ll never let me use my own hand. I wonder if she thinks that allowing me to hump her hand is too close to letting me jerk off. It would be fair to make that assumption. I can accept that. It might also be fun to hump her lubed hand. I’m not sure I will like it as well as her dry hand, but I certainly would enjoy trying.

This post represents a tricky kind of topic. It’s almost rude of me to ask for sexual activities. I should just feel lucky that I get any sex at all. Make no mistake, I do. Now that we are in our seventh year of enforced male chastity, I’m beginning to realize that maybe it’s fair for me to ask for more variety. It’s also perfectly fair of Mrs. Lion to tell me that I’m lucky to get whatever she chooses to give me. She would be absolutely right.

In other news
I was spanked Thursday night for interrupting Mrs. Lion on Wednesday. It was a very different spanking than any I’ve gotten before. Mrs. Lion brought out her small, nasty blue silicone paddle. She focused my entire spanking on the tender area between my cheeks. She started by spreading my upper thighs and working both sides of my lower crack. Then she spread my cheeks further up and continued her assault.

At first, it was exciting. Her warm-up swats weren’t painful enough to keep me from beginning to get hard. When she started her second trip from the bottom of my crack upward, the swats were much harder and I was yelping loudly. When she finished, she commented that she got a nice red color. It was burning between my buns. That area is extremely tender.

I think she pulled her punches a bit this first time. There are no bruises and I can’t feel it the day after. I’m very sure that next time she won’t be so gentle. It feels very vulnerable when she pulls my cheeks apart and spanks me in that virgin territory. I know that she has focused some of her attention between my cheeks in the past. She never made it the theme of my entire spanking. I wonder how she feels about it.

The reason I’m sure the future inside spankings will be harder is that it takes a while for her to work out exactly how much force to apply and where the best place to aim is. I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get maintenance inside spanking in the next day or so. She needs to zero in on just what will make it most miserable for me.

In his post this morning Lion asked why I would put off a punishment spanking. On Wednesday, he had PT and a dentist appointment. He was in a fair amount of pain. What if that pain lasted into Thursday night? It’s possible. I’d be heartless if I discounted his pain and punished him anyway.

Lion insists his arm has nothing to do with his spanking position. He says he’s on his tummy. This is true but pain doesn’t necessarily care if the particular part is in use. Pain does its own thing. It can make your life miserable even if you’re babying the effected area. It is entirely possible that his shoulder pain could overshadow any pain I could inflict on his butt. In that case, it would just annoy his shoulder more to whomp him and it would waste my time because the pain wouldn’t reach the intended target.

Another contention of his, from his post, is that a maintenance spanking and a punishment spanking are different. When he asked me about this yesterday I said I thought we decided they should be the same. The point of the maintenance spanking is to keep his buns in practice for punishment spanking. It’s true I don’t tend to spank as long or even as hard as I would if I was trying to improve his behavior but it should be right up there. What I didn’t take into account was his feeling about a maintenance spanking. I guess I assumed there would be a different mindset between a play spanking and a punishment spanking, but I didn’t realize there was a difference between a maintenance spanking and a punishment spanking. In hindsight (sorry) it makes sense because I just said I don’t tend to hit as hard or as long with a maintenance spanking so I must see it differently too.

Lastly, Lion said he thinks I have trouble accepting that his annoying behavior should be punished. I guess this is true but I think there’s more to it than that. I think he should be happy I acknowledge that he annoyed me at all given the fact that I never used to. Besides that, punishing him for annoying me seems to be more in 4.0’s realm and she doesn’t come around much yet. It will take time. I think it has more to do with it being a new concept than being something I’m trying to correct from my past. Plus, just “me” wonders why we’re trying to correct interrupting. People do it all the time. It’s only 3.0 and up who think Lion should pay for this transgression. It’s very difficult for “me” to get worked up about it, let alone punish for it.

I know I’m weird. I sound like I have all these personalities. Maybe if you look at them as moods, it makes more sense. If I’m in a laid back mood, Lion can do a lot of things he wouldn’t be able to get away with if I’m already annoyed by something. I guess I need to figure out how to keep 4.0 simmering on the back burner so she can reach full boil when needed.

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote her post about what she considers a failing of hers. I interrupted her and she told me at the time that I did it. That, in itself, is a gigantic step forward for her. It’s been hard for her to consciously recognize and point out things I do that annoy her. A little later, I asked her if I was going to be spanked for interrupting her. She said I would.

The reason I asked was that her initial reaction to my interruption was very mild and casual. I didn’t expect her to scream at me in indignation. I wasn’t sure at the time what her citation meant. It seemed very mild and unannoyed. I asked her to let me know if I had committed a spankable offense. I was genuinely confused. Yes, I know that interrupting earns me a spanking. However, more often than not, Mrs. Lion overlooks the punishment.

For the record, I’m very glad she didn’t. I know that I need consistent enforcement. In her post yesterday, I was a little confused by some of the things she said. She seemed to be saying that I had a maintenance spanking coming, so instead of giving me that, she would punish me. I think I understand what she meant. But it bothers me. Is spanking me for interrupting her no more than a maintenance spanking with a name to it?

Maybe I’m being oversensitive. She also said that I would be punished if I felt up to it. Now I can understand delaying a maintenance spanking. After all, it’s just a form of disciplinary exercise. Its intention is to keep us in practice. The punishment, however, is intended to teach me a lesson. Short of a serious illness or injury, I would imagine that a punishment should be administered as soon after the offense as possible.

Wednesday night would not have been a good time to do that. Even though I interrupted her then, I was in considerable pain from a particularly vigorous physical therapy session as well as almost 3 hours of dental work. As you probably know, I write this post the day before you read it. It’s now Thursday afternoon. I wouldn’t expect to be excused from a spanking tonight unless something much more serious than leftover dental pain was bothering me.

I’m bringing this up because I believe that there is a more important subtext. Had I spilled food on my shirt I’m pretty sure Mrs. Lion would have given me that knowing smile and would’ve let me know that I would be spanked the next day. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion has a problem remembering to tell me an offense is spankable. I think the real issue is that she’s having trouble accepting the fact that behavior that annoys her should be punished at all.

I realize this is very hard for her to do. Just spanking me at was an extremely difficult undertaking for her. Unlike the spanking fantasies, she’s had to work very hard to get to the point that she can punish me with a paddle. I imagine it’s even more challenging to accept the fact that she owes herself and me a strong reaction to the behavior she doesn’t like.

I get that. Punishing me for spilling food or forgetting to remind her about punishment days, or forgetting a chore is almost like a BDSM game. We have agreed rules and I pay a penalty if I break one. When we get into the much murkier territory of her feelings and potentially disrespectful behavior, there’s a lot more going on.

She’s had a lifetime of training to remain silent when someone interrupts her or otherwise disrespects her. On the occasions when she has let me know it’s been in the form of a sort of passive-aggressive response. She would become quiet and essentially ignore me. It’s a giant step to go from that sort of response to actively identifying the cause of her irritation and not only labeling it but punishing it.

Obviously, I don’t expect her to fly into a rage. However, I think she needs to realize that she’s fully entitled to be angry at me and to express her negative feelings with her paddle. I don’t expect her to use me as a punching bag; that’s not the point. I do expect her to let me know I upset her and as soon as practically possible use her paddle to underline her displeasure with me.

I recognize this is tricky. Mrs. Lion and I are first and foremost partners and mates. It’s difficult to figure out how if she is my partner, she is expected to punish me. I believe she has the right to expect me to maintain respect for her at all times. Interrupting her or overriding what she’s talking about is disrespectful. I need her to respond to this sort of behavior immediately and painfully. I am not only consenting to her doing this I am asking for her to help me this way.

Interestingly, an area that a lot of people consider more challenging seems easy for us. Our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) puts her in clear charge. I have agreed to obey her. Other than forgetting to do something she is told me to do, I can’t think of a single time that I had to be punished for disobedience. I’m sure it will come up sooner or later and when it does I hope Mrs. Lion will promptly use her paddle to remind me of my agreement with her.

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else. I just know that the more consistent Mrs. Lion is in demanding my respectful, obedience the happier I am. I’m not excited about being spanked tonight. I wasn’t particularly happy about a maintenance spanking either. Truth be told, Mrs. Lion’s maintenance spankings are considerably milder than when she punishes me.

I’m convinced that the more consistent she is the better we will both be. I recognize that by saying this she will understand that I actually want a stricter lioness. I suppose I do. Well I can say is that I am very happy she caught me interrupting her and is going to punish me as we agreed she would. I need to pay more attention to what she is saying.