Spanking Without The Sex

Yesterday, I wrote (“What’s Your Flavor? “) about my frustration when Mrs. Lion didn’t want to read blogs I thought would help teach her how to spank me. She added a very eye-opening comment.

“Actually, it had more to do with the fact that the writer was too gung-ho about spanking. It seemed unrealistic to me. For example, the statement ‘We all know how good it feels to spank a man’ was a common sentiment. Well, no, we don’t all know how good it feels. Some of us will never know how good it feels. Some of us just want to know how to do it. I wanted instruction rather than hyperbole.”

Mrs. Lion made a very good point. Every blog, including ours, that talks about male spanking tend to sexualize the activity. Women are supposed to enjoy beating their men. Of course, I get it. The vast majority of readers are men who like to be turned on by reading about spanking. Bloggers are almost always the guys who get spanked. We know that sex plays a strong role in getting us to want to be spanked. The few women who write about spanking men are well aware that their male readers want jerk-off fodder.

I won’t point to specific posts and pages, but I can’t find many that aren’t aimed at getting male spankos hard. Mrs. Lion wasn’t looking for sexualized descriptions about spanking husbands. She wanted technique. OK, fair enough. Back in the days of in-person BDSM clubs and classes, spanking was taught as a skill. Sex wasn’t on the table. I taught them how to spank women. Of course, the material was easily applicable to male bottoms too. My demo bottoms were all female.

here’s how to spank without the sex

Obviously, Mrs. Lion no longer needs instruction. She is an expert, and I hope her next post will be her take on how to spank me. She is very skilled at making me regret breaking a rule. I digress. Let’s start with the basics. A spanking is very simply hitting a butt. There are no rules regarding position or intensity. It’s simply the act of hitting someone’s rear end.

Let’s start with the basics. There is no rule that the rear end needs to be bare. However, from the perspective of a spanker, a naked butt is easier to hurt and much easier to interpret in terms of any damage the spanking might be doing. My suggestion has nothing to do with sex. Effective spanking begins with a naked rear end.

OK, the next part is fraught with fantasy. Most people who want to be spanked probably imagine themselves in some helpless position for the beating. Some think of over the knee. Others imagine lying on a bed or bent over a piece of furniture. There’s nothing wrong with trying to accommodate the fantasy if possible. Most of the jerk-off websites advocate over-the-knee spankings. This is the position most children find themselves in to be punished. There’s nothing wrong with it. If you can comfortably accommodate your husband over your lap, it’s an easy, comfortable way to accommodate his fantasy.

Mrs. Lion can’t find a good way to put me over her lap. We experimented with lots of spanking positions. The most painful and difficult to hold was for me to be on my hands and knees. I just couldn’t manage to stay in position. I needed support. We tried over the edge of the bed. That worked quite well. Another popular choice is bent over the back of a chair or couch. The idea is to stretch the skin of the bottom, so it presents a smooth target. That’s why standing straight up isn’t particularly effective. Mrs. Lion has spanked me bent over a kitchen counter. The key is to have the bottom sticking out, and the skin stretched.

beating him

The least effective spanking implement is your hand. It’s the most intimate and is good for warmup, but your hand will hurt more than his bottom if you go on too long. Remember, the objective of a spanking is to make him sore, not you. A spanking is a little more complicated than grabbing a paddle and hitting as hard as you can. You need a little finesse.

Any spanking, including one for punishment, has to start rather gently. Very hard swats with a paddle, hairbrush, etc., will send him running if you start that way. There is often a misunderstanding about exactly what a spanking should be. It’s supposed to hurt. There are two variables when it comes to an effective spanking: pain and duration. A short, painful spanking is much less effective than a longer one. In fact, the worst thing about being spanked by Mrs. Lion is that it goes on for at least ten minutes.

There are three phases to a good spanking: warmup, punishment, and the finale. The warmup prepares him to be punished. It is gentle swats that gradually build up until he begins reacting. When you warm him up, he has a chance to allow hormones to begin flowing that act as a sort of anesthetic. No, it doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling it. It just prepares him for the main event. My spankings are timed at a minimum of ten minutes. Mrs. Lion doesn’t start the timer until she finishes warming me up. Believe me, warmup doesn’t feel good. The next phase is much worse.

Once the timer begins, the real spanking starts. The idea is to hit hard enough to get a reaction without making him run away. It’s a delicate balance. Over time, you will learn his reactions and will be able to keep him on the edge of running. In other words, maximum pain for him. Remember, the idea of a spanking is to hurt him. Don’t feel bad about doing a good job. It may bother you in the beginning. Over time,  you will lose the bad feelings. Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly enjoy beating me, but she doesn’t mind doing it.

Remember, the entire point of spanking is to cause pain with minimal injury. Your partner may disagree. He almost certainly eroticizes spanking and will intensely dislike the real thing. I do! However, he will willingly get into position the next time he needs a spanking. It’s the way we’re wired. Physically, every guy’s bottom reacts differently to being spanked. Some redden. Others bruise easily. I bleed a little. All of those reactions are normal and shouldn’t cause alarm.

Chances are very good that you will be pretty gentle in the beginning. That’s fine. He may expect some massive beating he dreamt about. Too bad. You need to develop your own style and pace. Speaking of pace, rapid swats alternating between cheeks is a particularly unpleasant way to be spanked. Try for even coverage. Focus on the bottom half of his butt. Pay particular attention to where his ass joins his thighs. That’s his sit spot. If you do a good job there, it will hurt him to sit for a few days.

The last part of a spanking is the finale. Mrs. Lion always ends with very hard swats spaced a couple of seconds apart. I can’t wait until she stops! Over the course of a spanking, his bottom will become numb. It will take more force to get him to yelp and scream. No matter how desensitized I get, those finale swats make me scream.

Don’t forget to have a safeword. Ours is “red.” If I use it, the spanking stops, even if it is for punishment. It’s there as a safety measure. I’ve never used it, no matter how much pain I was getting. If I feel that I am in real trouble, I will use it.

That’s it—spanking without sex. The best way to learn is to do it. Often.

He won’t mind.

Listen to this post.