Facing Some Hard Truths

Today is the day I see the urologist and learn how to inject Trimix into my penis. I’m a little sad that it has come to this. No man likes to admit that he needs medical help to get hard. Erections are more than symbols of male arousal. They represent potency and strength, the essence of being male. Impotent doesn’t just refer to the inability to satisfy a woman. It means weak and ineffective.

I realize that my problem is medical, but it carries a lot of other baggage. For example, did I decide to ask Mrs. Lion to lock me into a male chastity device as a way to disguise my flagging ability to get hard? After all, if I’m locked in a male chastity device, I am prevented from getting an erection. It’s an excellent way to cover up the inability to get one without a device.

At the time I asked to be locked up, I could get hard quite easily. I had a secret. The few times I tried penetration from behind (doggy style) or missionary, I lost my erection before we could get started. If Mrs. Lion rode me, I didn’t have a chance to get soft and intercourse worked. When I asked her to have sex this way, I also asked her to ride me until she was fully satisfied. Then, I asked her to jerk me off as my reward. In my mind, I was playing out a sort of submissive fantasy. I didn’t invent the scenario as a way to preserve my potency. At least, I didn’t think I did.

Looking at it now, I found ways to keep sex going with my erectile issues. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me. I was able to have sex. Mrs. Lion could get me off with oral attention or with her hand. I could satisfy her. I blamed my inability to initiate on my lifelong shyness when it came to initiating sex. I didn’t know that even though we were having regular sex, Mrs. Lion was unhappy about my lack of aggression.

I thought that wearing a male chastity device was a practical solution to that problem. It eliminated the mating dance that I had so much trouble starting. It seemed to work. It was sexy fun for me, and Mrs. Lion said she liked it too. She likes writing posts about our activities. It looked like our new dynamic was working well. It wasn’t.

During this same time, Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex for her. It may have been the result of menopause. Loss of libido is a fairly common outcome. Maybe hers was more my fault. I put her into a role that was sexually stressful for her. Perhaps the loss of libido was her reaction to my adaptation to my loss of potency.

chemical help

I wondered if generic Viagra (Sildenafil) would make sex easier. I got a prescription for it, and it worked.  I had great boners that were rock-hard. I loved it. I didn’t talk about when I took it. Mrs. Lion was largely unaware that the blue pill was helping me. When generic Cialis (Tadalafil) became available, I tried it. The great boners continued. Unlike Sildenafil, Tadalafil was long-lasting. It was effective for thirty hours after taking it. It helped with our play.

The effects were temporary. After a while, I began getting soft soon after stimulation started. It was the old problem coming back. I said that I was broken. Mrs. Lion disagreed. She wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t broken. I could still get hard and get off. It wasn’t reliable. Most of the time, I would lose my erection mid-blowjob. Jerking me off rarely worked. The problem kept getting worse.

I keep track of my orgasms. I started in 2016, so when we wrote about sexual activity, I could be sure I was accurate about how many orgasms I was getting. When I look at the spreadsheet, it’s clear that I was ejaculating less. Since Mrs. Lion wasn’t trying to train me to come less often, something else was going on.

For a long time, I thought that the reduction in activity was due to age. We are supposed to slow down as we age. Still, I wanted sex. My desire wasn’t simmering. I still boiled inside my head. Mrs. Lion said she would be happy if I came more often. Yet I didn’t. I couldn’t. The pills weren’t helping.

That was when I had to face the horrible reality. I was becoming impotent. There were no obvious physical reasons. My prostate was in good shape. Both blood tests and palpation revealed it was fine. I have type 2 diabetes, but it has always been well-controlled. My a1c is 5.9, a sub-diabetic value. I don’t have cancer, and I’m not taking any drugs that affect my libido. In other words, there is no obvious medical reason for my problem.

Maybe it’s psychological. I’m not depressed, or at least I wasn’t before the current situation. My behavior hasn’t changed. I’m sleeping as well as ever. In other words, no symptoms. That doesn’t mean some subtle physical imbalance has changed me. I want sex with Mrs. Lion.

the next step

I’m at the next option to get my potency back. I will inject a drug into my penis. The drug will dilate the spongy tissue in my penis and create an erection. The erection should be strong enough to allow penetration and stay hard between thirty minutes and an hour. Later today, I’ll get a lesson on how to inject the drug and a prescription for it. Later this afternoon, I’ll start injecting. It will take several tries with stronger and stronger doses before I get the result I want. Sexual arousal isn’t required. The erection the drug produces will probably be about ninety percent of the hardness I am capable of achieving. When Mrs. Lion arouses me, it will reach full strength.

I’m happy about this outcome. It means we can have sex again. Maybe Mrs. Lion will let me mount her from behind the way we used to enjoy it. Maybe we can have anal sex again. I dream of both. I also want her to ride me again. I miss the connection. I doubt that Mrs. Lion will get her libido back, but maybe she’ll have fun too. I know these are selfish thoughts. I can’t help having them. It’s been more than five years since I’ve been inside her. Obviously, sex won’t be spontaneous. I’ll have to inject the drug and wait for it to take effect. Still, it’s better than nothing.

am i a fraud?

I used enforced male chastity as a way to help fix a sexual problem. Yes, I’m turned on by the idea of being locked in a male chastity device. We had a lot of fun with our play. With or without a male chastity device, Mrs. Lion continues to control when I get to ejaculate. I haven’t masturbated since 2013 when she made a rule that I couldn’t do it.

I’ve written a lot about male chastity. Our blog is in its tenth year and we’ve written over 6,100 posts. In all that time I never suggested that male chastity is a way to cover up a male sexual dysfunction. I didn’t admit it to myself. As it turns out, wearing a male chastity device is also a good way to disguise a woman’s loss of sexual interest as well I supposed there’s nothing wrong with this unusual way of maintaining sexual balance in a relationship.

Maybe I needed a decade and complete impotence to face this. It doesn’t change anything. Both of us continue to get value from our power exchange. Our love continues to grow. Despite our handicaps, we still have a lot of fun. We’re still playing. Even though I have trouble with sex, Mrs. Lion still controls the orgasms I’m able to have.

Listen to this post.