When I think about it, I realize that the key to my kinks is very basic: control. I have to be careful about how I use that word. Control isn’t the same as domination. It’s far more subtle. I don’t want Mrs. Lion micro-managing my life. I don’t need the gross, humiliating psychodramas of a full-on BDSM scene. Well, maybe sometimes that can be fun, too, but it’s not what I’m talking about now..
Youo know, when I started this post I thought I had a clear idea where I was going, but now I just feel stuck. What is it that I want from Mrs. Lion? I want her to spank me. I don’t want her to spank me. See what I mean? Sitting here now, I feel aroused when I think about her spanking me. I also know that I will hate every second of it when she actually paddles me. It’s exciting to know that she’s watching to make sure I do what she wants. Yet, I’m also very independent and generally take charge of things.
Still…
When she catches me breaking a rule, my stomach churns like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You know, that gut-jarring sinking feeling when you realize you will get a spanking. At those moments, I regret asking Mrs. Lion to punish me as needed. I’m sincerely sorry I started this whole domestic discipline thing. I suppose I could ask her to stop. She might agree and our disciplinary relationship would be over. If I ever were stupid enough to say that, I hope that Mrs. Lion would just laugh.
That’s the point. We both know that I want her to continue even at times I say I don’t.
|
|
