Passing The Baton

It is impossible to know what another person is thinking. Sure, we get verbal and non-verbal clues, but most people are good at concealing their feelings when they want to. Mrs. Lion is almost a sphinx when it comes to expressing how she feels. For example, I know she has been uncomfortable at least for part of the weekend. I asked how she felt several times and got a neutral, “OK.”

The reason I’m wrting about this is that without good information, I have no way to understand what, if anything, I can ask her to do. She isn’t very good at taking charge. I’m not just talking about domestic discipline or BDSM. This is generally true. Most of the time, I need to ask her to do most things. The problem is that if she isn’t feeling well, she will do what I ask. Once she starts, I can see that she’s angry, but she won’t admit it.

That makes me very wary of asking for anything. I don’t want to push or upset her. My ability to do things around the house, like unpacking the hundred-or-so moving boxes is very limited. More seriously, I am stuck with deciding if we stay in this house or move next January. I am very uncomfortable making this decision alone.

It’s true that I am a better planner. I’ve been a manager for much of my career. Still, it isn’t fair for me to have to decide everything. As you can imagine, this bleeds over into our sex life too. Even though Mrs. Lion is in charge, it’s up to me to decide when we have sex. Spankings almost always come after I post about their absence.

The big problem for me is that there are two very large issues that I am very uncomfortable about. The biggest is that I have to make all of the major decisions alone. It’s becoming too much for me. Part of that is that I need to ask for things to get done. I hate having to do that, and I am very upset when I see that Mrs. Lion acts put upon when she does those things. It’s getting harder for me to keep up.

The second one is that I am essentially topping myself. Mrs. Lion knows me well enough (after 20 years) to know what turns me on and pushes my buttons. I’m not that complicated. I should probably realize that by now, if she hasn’t taken the baton, she truly doesn’t want to do this stuff. I’m going to stop asking.

This is very serious stuff for me. My vision continues to fail. I have two more eye surgeries scheduled between now and the end of August. That means I’m more dependent. My ability to manage is shrinking. I am very grateful for the loving care I get from Mrs. Lion. Her love keeps me going. I just wish I could figure out how to help her become self starting.

Listen to this post.