Female Led Relationship: A Woman’s Guide

A Female Led Relationship (FLR), also sometimes called Wife Led Marriage (WLM) is a broader form of power exchange than enforced chastity. There are tons of definitions floating around the Internet but I think Wikipedia says it very well:

The term female-led relationship (“FLR”), or female-centered relationship (“FCR”) refers to a model dynamic for a romantic heterosexual relationship in which both partners agree that the woman, (whether she is regarded as wife, girlfriend, significant other or life partner), will act as the leader, principle partner and ultimate authority of the relationship, while the man will obey, comply with and fulfill her as she desires and sees fit. If the participants are married, the arrangement may be termed a female-led marriage (FLM) or wife-led marriage (WLM). (article)

Like enforced chastity, FLR is generally initiated by the man. This is the typical pattern of power exchanges. Generally, the male partner has had many fantasies about how this power exchange might work. Like enforced chastity, the woman may well reject the FLR concept because of these fantasies. In fact, when I did an exhaustive search for information about FLR, all I found were fantasies cloaked in female-to-female “advice” on how to conduct an FLR. More about that later.

FLR is a role reversal in most places. Traditionally, the male partner is dominant in the relationship. He

OK, what should a woman expect?
When the subject of FLR is brought up, your man has been thinking about this subject for some time. Without a doubt he has thoughts on your role. The best suggestion is to let him explain what he wants and why. It may give you useful hints. But totally disregard what he says as a guide for your behavior. Instead, recognize that you are being asked to perform a specific role play that he finds sexually and emotionally satisfying.

I have to admit that the idea of surrendering control to Mrs. Lion is very hot for me. Also, the idea of being disciplined by her is a big turn on. So, because she loves me and wants to make me happy, she agreed to a FLR. The main point is that FLR is a role playing game. Guys, don’t get too bent out of shape; it really is. It definitely becomes part of day-to-day life, but it isn’t reality. A typical relationship involves sharing work and responsibility. Decisions are made by both partners, either individually, or after consulting each other. How is a FLR different?

What should our FLR include?
You should ask him this question right away. You should never accept, “Anything you want.” Does this mean you can have him castrated if you want? The point is that if you get a broad answer, he is talking about his fantasy, not a real-life power exchange. To be fair, neither of you will have a very good idea of exactly how FLR will work in your relationship. So, start in a simple way. Try asking him these questions:

• What specific areas of our relationship do you want me to control? If his answers are too broad, stop him and get him to create a small list. Maybe:
  • Decide what we eat
  • Decide where we go out
  • Decide what TV shows I can watch and when I have to turn it off.
  • Decide what I can spend on “extras”
  • Make sure I do what you ask.
• What may I correct you for? (This is not the same as decisions you should make). Maybe:
  • For forgetting to do something I am supposed to do (chores, errands, etc.)
  • For not paying attention to what I say.
  • For not doing something I asked (told) you to do.
  • For interrupting (I am very guilty of this one!)
  • For breaking a rule.
• What rules do you want? This is an area that male fantasies have a lot of rich-if-unrealistic  ideas. It’s absolutely possible to have a FLR with no rules. But if you are doing this to make him happy, some rules will make FLR much more exciting. Here are a few that might make good starters:
  • Orgasm control.
    • No masturbation when alone
    • Orgasms only when I want you to have them
    • Obedience to instructions during sex
    • Permanent wear of a chastity device
  • Household rules (these are common fantasy-driven rules found all over the Web). Only use these if it works for both of you.  They’re primarily designed as mildly humiliating reminders of his role. Here are some I either follow or have found. Remember, these are the main fodder of male fantasies. None are required, ever.
    • Naked when at home if there are no children or guests present. (my oldest rule). If others are around, naked in the bedroom. This is a very easy rule for you to make and enforce.
    • Wear panties or other “special” underwear of your choice. This one is very common in fantasies. Again, easy to enforce. It has the effect of reminding him of his role all the time. (I don’t do this, but have panties if needed. Not a turn on to me but definitely gets my attention)
    • Assign chores. This is actually useful. While a lot of fantasies include forcing the male to completely take over household chores, it isn’t a good idea to go that far. A fair division of labor, with his chores covered by FLR will both get things done and provide him with the satisfaction FLR provides.
  • Discipline. Obedience needs the ability to enforce your wishes as well as to reward exceptional behavior. When discipline is included in FLR, it is generally called Domestic Discipline since it is punishment associated with day-to-day living and not a BDSM session. There are many articles on this in the Male Chastity Journal.

Why would he want this?
You may wonder why a man would want this. I think the reasons are buried deep in his psyche. It could have to do with a need for a loving “parent”, or authority figure. I could be the result of sexual fantasies that have nothing at all to do with his past. In a study done about 10 years ago, American men were asked about fantasies and dreams. More than 80% of the men dreamed of being tied up and otherwise being sexually submissive. I have no idea why we are like this, but we are. FLR is a very real way to turn these dreams into reality.

What FLR Isn’t
I think it is more important to keep in mind what FLR isn’t than what it is. It’s a quick path to marital disaster to use FLR for the wrong reasons. Here are a few common ones that can get you in trouble:

• It will stop him from flirting with other women. Are you kidding? Do you think punishing him when you catch him will cure this, you are sorely mistaken.
• You can cure him of bad habits. This is really dangerous territory. FLR is consensual power exchange. It is something you are doing to make him happy. It may also make you happy, but it isn’t therapy.
• Your marriage is in trouble and he suggests that FLR will fix it. Power exchange never makes things better in a bad situation. In fact, it can hurt a good situation. This is an activity that stirs up deep feelings in both partners.
• It’s a good way for you to express your anger by punishing him. Like punishing children, discipline should never be administered when you are angry. It should be done when you are calm and over the flare of anger.

You should do this 24/7 regardless of what else is going on. This is a key part of the male fantasy and easily the most destructive. You are together because you work well as a couple. If something happens in life that needs you to work together: lost job, illness, family problems, the last thing you need is to also be in charge of him. Sane FLR is a blend of partnership and female authority. Only fantasy has it going without exception.

However, orgasm control can go on regardless of issues. I am in my chastity device regardless of any situation that doesn’t include me undressing in front of someone who won’t understand. Even if free of the device, I am still sexually controlled by Mrs. Lion. Even with a financial crisis like the loss of my job, orgasm control goes on. This turns out to be reassuring for both of us. We may suspend FLR for some time so that we can be a team of equals. Once we have handled the immediate issue, we go back to FLR. Orgasm control never stops.

FLR is an exciting power exchange for people who want to do it. Like any other power exchange activity it requires careful negotiation and specification of limits. It has to remain an activity and not a total lifestyle. Both partners must agree on how it works. Most important, take your time. Start very gradually and grow into more and more control. Only you can know when you have gone as far as you want or how fast you want to assume more control. Most important, have fun with it.

How to spot worthless FLR and Enforced Chastity sites
There are very few websites that provide any valuable information on either of these subjects. Here are a few quick ways to spot the fantasies:

• If the pronouns that refer to the woman are capitalized, like “She”, “Her”, etc. Or, if the pronouns referring to him are always lower case, like “i”,  you are dealing with fantasy.
• If there are lists of things you must do if you practice FLR, that also represents fantasy. I’ve seen some hilarious lists. There are no rule. You and he make your own.
• If the article suggests there is a correct way to do FLR, hit your back button.
• If you get the impression that what you are reading is beyond your interest, hit that back button again.

In visiting 50 sites I found on Google, only two had any sane advice. That’s the main reason, beyond the fact that Mrs. Lion and I are beginning a FLR, I decided to create this area on the site. If anything I write comes from fantasy and not practice, I will tell you. I do have some very hot fantasies.

Listen to this post.