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In: BDSM, Lion's Journal

Last night Mrs. Lion was looking over t-shirts that we might wear at the April Kinkfest event. Cafe Press has a t-shirt for every occasion. One that she particularly liked read, “I can go anywhere I want, but I need permission to come.” Hoo boy!

I’m not sure I could wear that. I guess I have a lot more ego investment with how I am perceived by the BDSM community than I thought. It goes deeper than that. I don’t identify as submissive. Currently I am. I can’t deny that Mrs. Lion is in charge of me. But still I think of myself as “letting” her be in charge.

The fact is that she is the boss. She isn’t an in-your-face, drill-Sargent sort of boss; but she is in charge. I accept that. Well, I mostly accept it. This past weekend I realized that Mrs. Lion waits for my cue to play with me. I told her that I just figured she would play with me when she wants. Then I started thinking about what I said.

From a fantasy perspective, the dominant woman plays with her bottom for her amusement. He just accepts it submissively. From what I’ve seen, this is rarely the case. It certainly isn’t with Mrs. Lion and I. BDSM play is something she does for me. She knows it’s something I want.

It isn’t really fair of me to insist she also decide when I want it. I suppose we should set up a signal or a fixed day for this activity. Yes, it isn’t the spontaneous action of my fantasies, but it is a realistic way to keep this sane. Maybe we should run it the same way as we do punishments. Monday and Thursday are punishment days. Mrs. Lion has the option of accumulating my sins and delivering retribution on those days; or she can punish me any other time.

We set up the punishment days as a teaching tool for domestic discipline. At this point, Mrs. Lion rarely waits to punish me. But we both like the ritual. So, punishment days remain. What if we did this same sort of thing for BDSM play? A specific time could be set aside for it. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion won’t take other opportunities, but we know that the scheduled day will have some play in it.

I like this idea. It allows me to let go of requesting play. It frees Mrs. Lion from worrying that she is neglecting me. It also frees her from wondering if I am in the mood to play.

This brings me back to my original thought. If I get play on demand, it doesn’t make me feel submissive. Of course, you may wonder if I want to think of myself as submissive. I don’t think I do. But should I? Should I get that t-shirt and wear it even if it feels humiliating to me? Mrs. Lion doesn’t think it’s necessary. I would rather not. What is the right thing for me to do?

By:
In: 2.0, BDSM, Lion's Journal

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion’s post discussed a new “athletic event” for me: enema retention. This came completely out of right field. I never saw it coming. Until now, we used enemas to clean my lower bowel to make way for various visitors that Mrs. Lion cared to insert. We use Fleet enemas and they do a good job.

In addition to being the overture to anal activity, we may now include enema retention to our play repertoire. As she proposed it, there would be consequences for failing to retain the enema for specified periods of time. Diaper wearing was one of the ideas she put forward. You can read her post here for her initial thoughts.

There’s actually a practical benefit in training me to hold my water, so to speak, longer. The longer the enema is retained, the better the cleansing. I tend to expel it at the first sign of urgency. I suggested that to be mean and to avoid any mess, that I wait while sitting on the bowl. We aren’t talking about long periods of time. Those prepackaged enemas have stuff in them that increases the urge to “go”. We will have to experiment to see just how long I can hold it.

Neither of us is particularly drawn to playing with excremental bodily functions. It’s true that I am made to sit in wet diapers. But that’s more for the humiliation and discomfort than it is about piss play. That doesn’t appeal to either of us.

I was amazed to read that post yesterday. I never thought about that form of play. It was a total surprise. That thinking is definitely Lioness 2.0. She’s becoming a creative top. Providing physical challenges is a sophisticated category of play. Bodily function control is one of that type of challenge. In a sense we have been doing this with the diapers.

For example, I am sometimes required to wear a diaper until I have peed in it twice. Then, I have to keep it on until I need to pee again. This can have me sitting in a very (2 pee’s worth) soggy diaper for hours. If I can find a way to need to pee soon after I fill the diaper with the second pee, I will minimize how long I am trapped in that very heavy, wet diaper. Indirectly, I am being trained to try to control my urination schedule.

Obviously, I can’t do it very well. But that’s not the point. The soggy diaper training focuses my attention on a bodily function I don’t think about under normal circumstances. For the time I am in diapers, I am acutely aware of how my need to pee affects my comfort. It’s an interesting form of mind control. All 2.0.has to do is put me in a diaper and she seriously refocuses my thinking.

Holding an enema is less about poop than it is about force of will. My body is screaming to have me let go. If I’m on the bowl, all I have to do is relax and let things happen. But I can’t. I have to endure the increasing pressure if I want to avoid the consequences of going too soon. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t let me see the time, I can’t anticipate the clock reaching the point when things will be ok. I just have to hold on as long as I can. It’s a test of my will and endurance with real consequences for not going the limit.

Both are obviously humiliating forms of play. But in reality neither has anything to do with excrement. Diaper time is not about pee. It’s about a form of mind control. Enema retention is a test of my will. It has nothing to do with the poop that is causing me distress.

Bodily function play forces me to try to manage things I normally take for granted. She can smile at my distress and discomfort. Oh yes, this is definitely 2.0 fun and games. I have to admit that in a weird way I find the diapers exciting. I don’t know how I will feel about the enemas.

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion is in research mode. She has been conducting a number of “experiments” that involve me. She wanted to try for daily orgasms to see if I could sustain that much activity after years of fairly infrequent opportunities. That experiment has been interrupted by issues that I’ve been having not related to sex at all. It’s frustrating for both of us.

I encourage Mrs. Lion to try new things even if the outcome is guaranteed to be unpleasant for me. Usually, she likes to stick to the tried and true. That’s why she spanks me for breaking rules. I can’t fault her for that. Virtually every disciplinary wife uses spanking as her go-to punishment. It seems to be universally effective in making a point to a husband in need of correction. It certainly does for me.

I’ve suggested alternatives or enhancements she might try. The only one she has adopted is zapping me with the training collar when we are out. It is pretty effective. It gets my attention and stops me in my tracks. I am careful to avoid trouble when I wear it.

When I think about the alternative punishments I suggest she might use, I realize that there is little reason to adopt any of them. If this were a D/S scene, I could argue that variety improves the fun. But it isn’t. The only reason to vary a punishment is to make it better fit the crime. Or, because she might want to experiment.

I think that Mrs. Lion doesn’t like to take the risk of doing something “wrong”. This is the main reason she hasn’t branched out. Of course, as we both learned with spanking, practice makes perfect. She is very good at spanking with a paddle or wooden spoon.

If I want to see how it feels to experience something new, like mouth soaping, then I should ask and then experience it in a non-disciplinary setting. I understand that discipline isn’t a menu of painful or humiliating consequences I get to choose from. Well, it could be if Mrs. Lion wants; but it isn’t right now. I don’t think I would care to make that kind of choice. It’s like digging my own grave.

Anyway, I’ve come to understand that BDSM type stuff is something I might love to hate. That’s not true of punishment. It can’t be. So, while I am always available for Mrs. Lion’s experiments, if I want her to try something on me, I must ask for it in a play setting. Right now, I’m not ready to ask for anything that I won’t like.

By:
In: BDSM, Mrs Lion Comments

We’ve been doing a lot of experimenting lately. Not all with sex, much to Lion’s disappointment. Earlier this week, our doctor told Lion he should cut out carbs. He told me the same thing weeks ago, too. Starting Tuesday, we tried to cut out as many carbs as possible. Last night, we had cheat night.

For months, we’ve both been falling asleep for no apparent reason. Weekends have been lost because we’ve had a hard time dragging our butts out of bed. True, we’ve both been sick off and on, but even when we’re not we keel over. Lion’s theory was that it was the carbs doing it to us. Once we started eating better, he managed to stay awake through Jeopardy and beyond. After last night’s cheating, he was snoozing away through a few television shows. Apparently his carb experiment came to a positive conclusion. Carbs equal snoozing.

Given the fact that he snoozed last night I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that he was too tired to play. We did snuggle for a bit, but that was all. Lion is working from home today and I only work half days on Friday so we’ll find a way to rectify the situation. I don’t know if we’ll play earlier but there shouldn’t be any issues with falling asleep. As long as we stay away from carbs, that is.

I think I might actually compare the new butt plugs we got to the nJoy to see what the real size difference is. They’re certainly squishier than the nJoy, which is made of metal. I don’t know what the new ones are made of. It seems to be silicone covering foam. I don’t know if I’ll do anything with this knowledge this weekend. I’m just trying to get back in the swing of things. It’s been a long time since we did any sort of real play. Enforced chastity and domestic discipline aren’t the only games in town.