Mrs. Lion talked about it lately, I’m in a sexual slump. It may be that I have a stomach virus, which is now on the way out. Mrs. Lion appears to have the same thing. In any case, I’m not interested in sex, and I haven’t had an erection in days. Every time something like this happens, I wonder if it’s the end of the line for me. We’d be quite a couple — both of us with no libidos.
Mrs. Lion isn’t willing to quit yet. For that matter, neither am I. It’s a little awkward being a sex blogger and not feeling horny. I’ve also been pretty tired. Neither of us has been sleeping very well. It seems that every time I wake up in the middle of the night and reach across the bed, I find Mrs. Lion’s hand, and she holds mine. I’m not sure that means she’s awake, but it feels delicious to have company in the middle of the night.
One of the problems associated with writing a daily post is that it’s impossible to skip over dry periods. It’s easier for me because I frequently write about topics other than what’s going on in my life right now. Mrs. Lion is our self-appointed historian, and when nothing much is happening, she finds herself with little to write about. Sometimes, she is saved by a provocative comment that she can post about.
We both love comments on our posts. We love some more than others. I like the fact that this is an interactive medium. If we didn’t want comments, it’s a simple option not to allow them. I feel that some of our regular commenters are friends. Their feedback and advice are often constructive. Other regular commenters remind me how difficult it is to successfully communicate about an odd set of kinks like ours.
I’m not always sure why I like something or want it. A good example is anal training. The idea turns me on, yet when Mrs. Lion is training me, it doesn’t feel good. The same is true of play spanking. I get turned on by the idea, but while things are happening to me, I don’t find it hot it all. Go figure!
There are a lot of contradictions in the way I think about sexual things. Even my interest in domestic discipline has some roots in the sexual thrill of thinking about spanking. I think this is true of most guys who receive disciplinary spankings from their partners. It’s not that it’s arousing to be spanked for doing something wrong, it isn’t. The sexual component for me is more complicated: it’s exciting to think about the fact that I put myself in a position to be spanked.
Maybe it’s not a good idea to think too deeply about things that turn you on. I remember reading a post written by a woman attempting to explain why men allow themselves to be punished, particularly by spanking, even though they hate it.
Her contention is that male sexuality being what it is, allows a man to feel aroused thinking about being spanked simply because it’s arousing to be humiliated that way and expose his naked bottom to his partner. She was quick to point out that this is not rational. I agree it isn’t. But it is a turn on for me. The weird thing, she claimed, was that even after many experiences with unpleasant, disciplinary spankings, the same sexual feelings brought him back for more punishment when needed.
When I read that, I admit that it struck a chord with me. It’s true that what I think about being spanked, I feel a little rush and I get a nice tingle between my legs. When a spanking is imminent, and Mrs. Lion instructs me to get in position, there is no tingle at all. I still do it anyway. As I recall, when we first began disciplinary spankings, I would get an erection when Mrs. Lion told me I was about to be spanked. The erection wouldn’t last very long after she started, but I was hard until a minute or two after she began.
My point is that I am obviously attracted to certain activities which end up being very uncomfortable. More puzzling is the fact that I continue to be attracted to those same activities long after I’ve experienced over and over their unpleasant consequences. I’m not alone in this. Even some of our harshest critics admit to paying people to spank them.
There are deep sexual connections to actions that have strong power symbolism. I have to admit that allowing myself to be spanked and anally penetrated are very clearly sexually submissive activities. It’s less clear why I would want something that I love to hate to turn into something that is intended to make me unhappy. I’m thinking about the fact that I want Mrs. Lion to punish me for doing things that upset her. I completely agree with her choice of spanking as the best way to do this.
She’s commented that she feels bad that by punishing me with the paddle, she’s taking away something I found exciting in the past. That’s why she frequently refers to “play” spankings is something she would like to do again.
I’m not sure whether that will work. I don’t think that I’ve fixated on the idea that spanking is for punishment alone. I just think I expect punishments to go a certain way. I also worry that if I get something that is usually a punishment as a form of play, it can be emotionally confusing to me. I do know that I haven’t craved any BDSM spanking for quite a while. Even thinking about it doesn’t turn me on.
All this could change in the blink of an eye. Under the right circumstances, I could get very aroused thinking about a paddle hitting my bottom. I don’t know what those circumstances might be. That’s not entirely true. If Mrs. Lion wants to play a spanking game, I will probably find that quite hot. When we played our NFL football game, I would end up getting over 100 hard swats in the course of a game. I found it very hot. Go figure!