BDSM

Me in a diaper.

Last night Mrs. Lion announced that I had a choice: I could either have three of the tiny dollhouse clothespins on the head of my penis or I would have to wear a diaper for the entire day today. After very brief thought I elected the diaper. Both are unpleasant choices. Those tiny clothespins are incredibly painful on that sensitive spot. I’ve never had three on it. I don’t look forward to that happening. Mrs. Lion’s diaper rules are pretty yucky. I have to wear a diaper at all times. When I pee I have to leave the diaper on while it’s wet until I have to go again. Then I can change the diaper and wet the new one immediately. This way, I end up in a wet diaper all day.

My other choice!

Here I am sitting at my computer in a dry diaper. I haven’t had my first pee yet. Fortunately for me, modern adult diapers wick away the moisture. They also cancel out most of the smell as the urine ages. There is still some unpleasant odor. The liquid makes the diaper heavy and it sags and tries to fall off when I stand up.

This choice came out of the blue. Even though she wrote about it, Mrs. Lion didn’t want to do anything during the day yesterday. After dinner, we watched some TV and then she moved over to snuggle. She asked me if I wanted to come out from under the covers. I was feeling chilly all evening. I came out from the covers but I was still too cold, so back I went. There was nothing sexual at all. Then, about an hour later, Mrs. Lion offered my choice. Maybe she’ll explain what prompted her in her post later today. I’m not complaining. After all, it is what we do.

I can’t help but wonder if now that I used one of the two choices, I will get the other one without being offered any alternatives. I don’t know she thinks that way, but that’s the way I do. I’m glad she’s been thinking along naughty lines. It certainly adds spice to our quarantine.

I realize that to most of the world the way Mrs. Lion and I carry on our relationship can look pretty extreme. What I find interesting is the level of judgment other people apply to what we do. For example, if you happen to believe in adult spanking, you probably would have no trouble accepting the level of beating I receive if Mrs. Lion found me drinking excessively. Many believers have trouble accepting that I receive a bruising spanking for spilling food on my shirt.

This comes out of a sense of proportionality or, if you will, fairness. Most people have an internal fairness meter. When something seems unfair or out of proportion it triggers a reaction of outrage or indignity. In most cases, this is a very positive thing. It keeps us from executing shoplifters. The trouble comes in when the same sense of fairness is applied to adult consensual behavior. It’s easy to forget that I am not defenseless. I choose to be defenseless as part of my power exchange with Mrs. Lion.

If instead of referring to my spankings as discipline for breaking a rule, I identified them as BDSM scenes, nary an eyebrow would be lifted when I reveal that my bottom has some new bruises. Yet, when I get some salsa on my shirt and as a result I receive the same beating, invariably some people react with outrage.

I think this is because many people misunderstand consensuality. Pretty much everyone knows that if I agreed to be spanked as part of a BDSM scene, I deserve whatever I get. I asked for it and I got it. How is that different from me giving consent to Mrs. Lion to punish me as she sees fit when I break a rule? The only difference I can detect is that my consent is displaced by one level. I agreed to let her punish me. However, I didn’t agree with her to punish me this time. That’s the difference between a scene in BDSM and domestic discipline.

Simply put, both situations are absolutely consensual and they’re truly identical in terms of my agreement to receive a spanking. Whether or not you think spilling food warrants me having a painful bottom for a few days is irrelevant. Mrs. Lion and I think it is appropriate.

There is another situation that is substantially more difficult to justify. It has nothing to do with domestic discipline at all. It comes up with people who are in longer-term BDSM relationships. Sometimes the top (dominant partner) enjoys inflicting pain and degradation too much. I will admit this is pretty rare, but when it occurs it disturbs me.

For example, there is a couple who have been together for more than a decade. He is definitely a bottom. He likes, even needs, humiliation and pain. It turns out that his wife gets very aroused by inflicting it. Over the years, she has become more and more extreme. She hasn’t caused him any permanent injury, but she makes his life with her a living hell. On occasion, he’s mentioned this to her. He’s indicated that things may have gone too far. Her response is that she can stop if he wants. He has two choices: he can continue to endure the ever worse torture, or he can return to a completely vanilla life.

She knows very well that he will never choose for her to stop. She also knows that he hates what she is doing. She likes that he hates it. In one sense he is getting what he needs, if not what he wants. In another, she is exploiting his weakness to feed an increasingly toxic relationship. This is something that I find disturbing.

While most of us who like to bottom also like to believe our consent is unlimited, the fact is that the deep needs that drive much of what we want can be exploited to feed a very sick partner. It’s way too easy to say that this can be avoided by setting limits. Limits are only useful if they represent the outer boundaries of activities. Limits are useless if the top takes the position that if the limit is less than she wants, she will quit any activity entirely. In the world of enforced male chastity, this is the same as saying that if the male cheats and removes a device, his keyholder will unlock him and never lock him up again. I’m not claiming that this is an unreasonable punishment. In the case of a chastity situation, it makes sense. However, any time it’s all or nothing there is a potential for abuse.

I’m very lucky that none of this applies to me. Mrs. Lion is perhaps too willing to reduce severity if she thinks she is making me unhappy. In fact, it’s taken years to get to the point that she is reasonably comfortable punishing me in a meaningful way.

There are a number of blogs purported to be written by dominant women that clearly demonstrate how abusive a BDSM relationship can become if the submissive partner will do anything to avoid his partner stopping their play. Every so often I check in to see what’s going on. I have no way of knowing whether it’s fiction or reality. I dearly hope it is fiction. There’s nothing wrong with a man who wants very strong domination. There is something very wrong about imposing it on someone who has no choice but to accept it. That’s abuse.

I’m not abused. I’m absolutely not defenseless. I am punished fairly, sometimes to leniently by my loving wife and lioness. Thank you, sweetie.

clothespins on lion's balls
Lion wearing clothespins. He usually likes it, or at least puts up with the pinching.

I guess I knew it was too good to be true. The cage is not the answer to a slump. It might have worked for a few days, but now Lion is not making it to the edge again. He gets a good running start but falters near the finish line. I’m not sure what’s going on. I don’t think Lion knows what’s going on.

There are several possibilities. Lion may be losing his mojo. Things fade over time. We may be losing our mojo. I joke that I’m not enough for him anymore. I may not be turning him on. By that I mean I don’t play with him enough. Lion may be overthinking things. He worries he’s asking too much from me. Of those, a few are more likely:

I may not be turning him on. It’s true. I don’t play with him as much as I used to. For the past week or so I’ve been unlocking him and going straight for edging. He’s been hard almost immediately and I figure playing will waste time. I haven’t wanted to divert attention from the task at hand. That’s probably incorrect. Playing will bolster that erection and potentially add to it.

Lion may be overthinking things. He tends to do this. He feels selfish because I don’t want sex and he does. He feels bad that he’s asking me to do more around the house because he isn’t able to do as much as he used to. He feels bad that I’m tired and he still wants attention. I think he shouldn’t feel bad. I am perfectly capable of speaking up when I feel put upon. I don’t do it often, but I do. It’s usually after the fact, which is wrong, but I do.

Luckily, both of these things can be fixed. I need to start playing with him more. With the cage on. With the cage off. I just need to tease him before I actually tease him. He deserves to have things done to him whether they are things he likes or not. He says he’s not a pain junkie and maybe he’s not but he needs a certain amount of torture in his life. He may not want to admit it but he needs Icy Hot and tiny clothespins. How else would he know that having his balls tied up is preferable?

Okay, Lion. We have our marching orders. I have to play with you more and you have to stop feeling bad. Off we go! [Lion — Yes Ma’am!]

I admit that I was skeptical. Mrs. Lion suggested resuming play spankings and to inaugurate their resumption she brought in her heavy, rubber paddle from the camper. Wednesday night was dark and stormy. It really was! The wind was howling and a power failure was threatened. Mrs. Lion did a lot of work preparing us for that possibility. She dragged our generator out of the storeroom, brought out some gas cans, got our lanterns ready, and made sure we both had flashlights at hand. After a whole day’s work, I figured she would be too tired for anything else.

I was wrong. She brought out the rubber paddle and said, “Want to play?”

Predictably, I agreed. What followed was exciting fun. Mrs. Lion combined hand spanking with the use of the paddle. I may have yelped once or twice, but in general, the spanking was pure pleasure. I guess it’s true that we can have both fun spanking and punishment spanking. She took her time. When she was done, she told me to roll over. I obediently followed her instruction. Then she took a long time masturbating me. I didn’t get exactly to the edge, but I got damn close.

She combined intense rubbing with much slower, deliberate strokes. I started “helping” her. And for a little while, she let me hump her hand. I really love that. After a very short while, she took over jerking me off. I could feel myself starting to plateau. She noticed too. She stopped leaving me breathing quite hard and clearly wanting more. She told me that we would continue on Thursday night and she would leave me wanting even more than I wanted Wednesday. I believe her.

Wednesday night was the first time in a very long time that we played this way. Maybe we had sunk into a routine that wasn’t doing either of us much good. Perhaps starting earlier and using more energy is good for us. It is certainly good for me. I’m writing this post on Thursday and I can tell you that I’ve been horny since I woke up this morning.

Even though we are active, kinky lions, it’s very easy for us to fall into ruts that may seem comfortable at first, but invariably lead us in a direction neither of us wants. When we first started playing, long before we got married, Mrs. Lion admitted that she was concerned she would get bored with me and the things I liked. At the time I was confused by this. After all, if all the variety I liked was boring can you imagine how dull vanilla sex would be for her?

I get the idea now. It wasn’t that she was concerned about the activities being boring, just that without a great deal of personal involvement, she might be bored providing me with these services. When Mrs. Lion’s libido disappeared, my concern about this issue grew stronger. All this is for me. What’s in it for her? This still worries me a little.

lion's balls tied tight

One way I think we get past it is that Mrs. Lion is more than a service provider. She’s in charge. She may not get turned on doing all this kinky stuff to me, but she has an opportunity to take pride in her skill delivering it. For example, I know she’s proud of the fact that she’s gone from someone who was afraid she’d injure me with light love taps to a very effective disciplinary spanker. Her skills have grown in other kinky arts as well. She is brilliant at CBT. She can tie up my cock and balls in a myriad of ways. When she ties them tightly with my balls separated, jerking me off is accompanied by the rhythm of my balls banging on the bed or my legs. I think she likes that.

The jury may still be out in terms of anal play. For a long time, she was unable to make any real progress. Now, she is able to get a full four fingers up my ass. I am pretty sure her thumb will be joining them in the very near future. Then it’s just a matter of working the knuckles in before she’s completely fisted me. I’m pretty sure she never imagined this is a skill she wanted to acquire. Perhaps she will enjoy her new proficiency.

From my perspective, I like the fact that once I set her off in a new direction, she takes over and I no longer decide how much or when she does those activities. We’ve reestablished our respective roles: It’s my job to experience and appreciate what she does to and for me. It’s her job to initiate and perpetuate those things she would like to do. Together, we enjoy her progress and success.

Even though in a lot of cases her success means more discomfort for me, I can still feel proud of her for becoming what I asked her to be. Lioness 3.0 is absolutely here to stay. I hope that makes her as happy as it makes me.