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In: Games, BDSM, Lion's Journal, Sex

Since Mrs. Lion has no interest in sex for herself, managing our badly lopsided sex life has been challenging. In a relationship where both partners want sex, mutual horniness assures satisfying action happens regularly. Unfortunately, it is rare for a couple to have identical sex drives. One partner generally wants more than the other. This usually gets worked out by the less horny person providing some one-way sex for their partner when needed. Men, who are generally the more needy partners, will often masturbate to “fill in”.

In our situation, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex at all. She knows I have an active libido and provides me with sexual fun. The challenge is that she has no biological clock that makes her want sex regularly. In that sense, every day is the same as the last. For her, sex is artificial; a service she provides for me.

We have found ways to make things more exciting for me. Male chastity (orgasm control) is a permanent game we play. She is very willing to provide me with sex almost any time I want, but that sexual activity will rarely end in allowing me to ejaculate. I usually end up being edged several times and left panting and wishing for an orgasm. Mrs. Lion enjoys this. I do too.

I don’t always want sex. Mrs. Lion has no automatic way to know when I do or don’t. In the past she would either ask me, or just move over and play with my penis. When she asks, I feel a little uncomfortable saying yes. I feel selfish since I am unable to reciprocate. When she simply moves over and starts playing with me, it often feels abrupt and I start feeling guilty for having her work with nothing in it for herself. I can’t work around this by jerking off. Mrs. Lion forbids that. Power exchange aside, she has strong feelings about me getting myself off. She’s said it’s almost like cheating. I’m hers and she believes all of my sexual pleasure should come from her alone. She would feel this way even if we were totally vanilla.

She recognizes that it is fine to frustrate me by teasing me without a happy ending. She knows that simply ignoring me sexually makes me feel bad. There really isn’t a good solution to this problem. I dislike feeling that sex is a chore for her. She may disagree and say it isn’t. I don’t think it is something she would do very often unless she knew it hurt me to be sexually ignored. In that sense, it’s a chore. Reciprocity is the only way to avoid that.

Given that we have this problem, the question of how to determine when to stimulate me can make it even worse. It turns out that we have stumbled on a solution. Mrs. Lion created the Box O’Fun as a way of assuring we did BDSM activities on a regular basis. It’s a wooden box with little cards inside. Each card has a BDSM or sexual activity written on it. Mrs. Lion creates these cards.

The activities range from things I hate, like dollhouse clothespins on my penis, to fun things like being masturbated (not to orgasm, of course) with coconut oil, which I really like. After I pick a card and we do the activity, Mrs. Lion puts the “used” card in another box. That way I end up eventually having to experience everything she has put in the box. We both enjoy this, sometimes Mrs. Lion more than me.

In the past, once I suffered through the activity, Mrs. Lion would play with my cock (non-orgasmically most of the time). For quite a while Mrs. Lion didn’t bring out the Box O’Fun at all. A week or two ago she started again. She always asked me if I wanted to pick a card. Sometimes I didn’t want to play that way. It didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in sex. I just didn’t want a painful BDSM activity.

I noticed that Mrs. Lion would usually not approach me sexually on nights I didn’t pick a card. I don’t think it was a conscious decision on her part. She wasn’t motivated to move since there was no play activity to do. That got me thinking.

What if performing a Box O’Fun activity is required before I could receive anything sexual? If I didn’t want the BDSM, I couldn’t get the sex. At first glance, there is no logical reason why the BDSM has to be connected with teasing me. However, it appeared that there was a sort of unconscious connection.

BDSM is my foreplay

The more I thought about it, the better I liked it. For one thing, it put me in a position to decide if I would get sex. It also gave Mrs. Lion control. If she didn’t offer me the box, I couldn’t pick a card and experience the activity. If I had to experience that first, there would be no sex that night. We each had a way to signal interest or lack of it.

If I hated the activity I picked, and if I had a do-over card, I could pick a different activity. If I just didn’t want that experience, I could tell Mrs. Lion and we wouldn’t do anything that night. When I was ready for the activity — I was horny enough to take anything — I would let her know and we would do what was on the card. It could be the next night or it could be days later. That’s up to me. In the meantime, no sex until we did what the card said.

That adds a nice game flavor to things. While I can temporarily refuse, I have to be prepared to get no sexual stimulation until we do what is on the card. Mrs. Lion is free to add some cards with things she knows I hate. That adds interest to the game. So far I think she has been rather tame in that department. She is very kind about letting me wash off the Icy Hot when it gets really hot. Maybe she should set a timer and make me endure it until the timer goes off. If I wash it off too soon, it’s the same as if I refused the card. We try again when I am willing or so horny I will do anything.

There is another wonderful benefit of this game: Mrs. Lion doesn’t just dive in and go for edging me. The activity is a sort of foreplay. She usually gets me hard and then does what the card says. It delays the more intense sexual activity and gives me a chance to warm up. I think one of the more serious difficulties I’ve had with what we’ve done in the past is that Mrs. Lion starts and continues until I am as far as she wants. It turns out to be way more fun if we do less goal-oriented stuff first. This would happen almost automatically if we were both horny. With it being me alone, it is easier to just start on my penis and keep going.

I have to pay before i can play

Our current rule is that I have to pick a card and perform what’s on it before I get edged. I can refuse. If I do, no sex until I experience what is on the card. I only get one chance a day. Mrs. Lion can not offer me the Box if she doesn’t want activity. I can refuse to pick if I’m not interested. We both get a choice. By requiring this “payment” before I get jerked or sucked, our sex is more structured and closer to how it would be if we were both interested.

I think Mrs. Lion needs to remove any sexual-stimulation cards like coconut oil from the box. That activity comes after what the card makes happen to me. We’ve only been doing this for a few days. So far, I like it a lot!

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In: BDSM, Games, Mrs Lion Comments

I was a bit surprised at Lion’s reaction to being able to put off the Box O’Fun. I figured it was a way for him to tell me if he was up for play or not. I was keeping up my end of the bargain by offering, but he’d be able to beg off if he wasn’t feeling well or wasn’t horny, etc. I never envisioned it as a way for him to pay for sex.

While the things in the Box O’Fun are mostly painful things, Lion likes pain. He’ll never admit to it, of course, but why else would he like having his balls tied tightly or being spanked? He’s the one who came up with most of these tortures. The two that come to mind that as my additions are Velcro and the tiny clothespins. I guess they’re the evilest, but they’re only variations of things he’s suggested. I’ve recently added coconut oil masturbation to the box. How is that paying for sex? [Lion — Maybe that’s sexual green stamps.]

I don’t really mind his thinking. As a character in one of our favorite sitcoms said when she was asked if it bothered her that her husband was fantasizing about another woman during sex, “He can think about whoever he wants. I’m thinking about Denzel Washington.” He can think he’s paying for sex. I’m thinking I’ve done my job by offering. I guess it works out just fine.

I’m more concerned that I haven’t come up with any more ideas for the Box O’Fun. I mean, Lion thinks I do too much cock and ball torture. There is a lot of it in the box. But there’s also pegging, figging and butt plug cards in there. We eliminated them from the box recently because of Lion’s intestinal issues. If he’s okay to continue with that, I’ll add them back in. Obviously, we’ll have to get some ginger for figging, but that’s easily solved. I was also thinking of adding in a card called “Lioness Choice”. As you can imagine, I’d get to pick what I want to do. I know I can do that any time I want, but I really want to try to keep doing the Box O’Fun. Any time we stop doing something, we tend to stop for a long time. If I don’t have him pick from the box one night, I’m more likely to forget it the next night. It’s a slippery slope.

We seem to have a lot of slippery slopes. Having him masturbate for me, my forgetting things, health issues, etc. can or have all derailed us at different times. The worst one is inertia. Once we stop something, it’s extremely difficult for us to start again. That’s why I think the Box O’Fun is so important. Even if we’re down to the last card I should bring out the box. He needs to pick it. If we make it a ritual, we’re more likely to continue.

travel box o’fun

I was sort of concerned how we’d manage things on our camping trip. We’re tired when we get home. We tend to leave things in the camper until we’re more rested. Certain things come in quickly, like laundry and food. Unless we had a Box O’Fun for the camper, I could see it sitting out there and we wouldn’t have it in the house. Or, and this is more likely, I could see us simply forgetting it altogether. And then we wouldn’t play. And then we wouldn’t play once we got home. And then inertia would set in. And you know how the rest goes.

Lion ordered a larger Box O’Fun because I said it was difficult for him to mix up the cards for a real random selection. Once we have that box, we can use the old box for the camper. It should be just fine for a few days of camping. And I might want to modify the cards that are in the camper box. I don’t think we’ve ever traveled with ginger, for example. There may be other things that the camper is just not conducive to doing. As soon as we get the new Box O’Fun, I’ll start working on the Travel Box O’Fun.

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In: BDSM, Lion's Journal, Sex, Spanking
Symbolic Lion Receptiveness Meter at “Ready to Go”. Click here to see my real “meter”.

We both have difficulty initiating sexual activity. My inability to do it is partially responsible for Mrs. Lion’s loss of libido. I feel horrible about that. She has difficulty too. A few months ago she bought a red-light-green-light toy that I could use to signal my receptiveness. Mrs. Lion never instituted its use.

When we worked in different places, I would often give her a lion “weather report” indicating my level of sexual interest. After a while, that didn’t work either. Yesterday, in her post (“Zooming Along “) she wondered if enough time had passed from my last orgasm for her to assume I am receptive to BDSM play (Her Box O’Fun). That made me realize we need a more direct way to determine my willingness. Obviously, the easiest is to just ask me. That is difficult for her, just as it is hard for me to tell her I want to play. We need a ritual.

I come with built-in “receptiveness meter”. A couple of minutes of weenie massage resulting in an erection is a perfectly reliable indication of my interest. Even a partial erection is enough to signal my receptiveness to BDSM play. Mrs. Lion usually says that she sees no point in BDSM play if I’m not “interested”. I might argue that if she wants to make this activity a regular thing, my interest meter is irrelevant. If she is achy or otherwise indisposed, she simply doesn’t take a meter reading.

We both do well with following through if we agree to make the activity mandatory. A perfect example is punishment. If I break a rule or upset her, I know that I will be spanked. Yesterday I forgot to set up the coffee pot. A spanking is happening. Sometimes if she is very tired or achy, the spanking is postponed a day or so. I will get it when she is ready. There is no escape. That’s how we both want it.

I think we have to be unrelenting with BDSM and sex. Both of us are entirely too ready to find excuses to put off the Box O’Fun or other activities like edging. We both agree that it’s important for us to be sexually active. Right now BDSM or even penis stimulation is infrequent. We both said that we think that unless one or both of us is under the weather, we should be doing something six out of every seven days.

Could we actually do this? I think so if we are flexible in what activities are chosen. Mrs. Lion can decide to do something minimal like some velcro or clothespins on my cock and balls. Or she could simply apply the vibrator for a while. Another low energy activity is the butt plug. We have a large collection of them. The idea is to do something sexual. It’s an important connection for us. We both are more content and even sleep better if we are sexually active.

Punishment isn’t supposed to count as sexual activity. In most respects it isn’t. However, it is a physical activity we share. Even though Mrs. Lion says she is neutral about spanking me and I absolutely hate those disciplinary spankings, they are physical contact between us. Mrs. Lion’s effort to correct me is definitely a sign of her love. My willingness to accept a very painful spanking is a sign of mine. Maybe that’s a good reason to do maintenance spankings (same as disciplinary) if I go too long unspanked.

I’m digressing. I propose that Mrs. Lion check my “interest meter” on a daily basis as a good way to determine my level of interest.. Of course she can disregard the “reading” and play anyway (or not play) if she wants. I think that either way, a daily Lion meter check is a good habit for both of us. What do you think?

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In: BDSM, Mrs Lion Comments

Unlike many women, I don’t like to shop for clothes. It annoys me. I don’t usually find anything I like and, if I manage to, it’s not in my size. For this reason, I do most of my shopping online. It’s easier to filter things by size. If I want to compare prices on another site, I just open a new window and off I go. Aside from the availability of things and delayed ship times, having stores closed during the pandemic hasn’t really affected me.

Shopping for toys in real life isn’t necessarily possible anyway. There are a few stores I could go to but the quality would probably not be good. Of course, Home Depot is open for all my rope/chain/clamp needs. I get emails from Extreme Restraints. Despite the name, they do not limit themselves to restraints. I dare say, they have everything imaginable, and then some. I got one of their emails this morning. I don’t even remember the subject line. Whatever it was, it enticed me enough to click on it.

Once I saw what they had to offer, I realized I wasn’t at all interested. We have so many toys we actually gave some away a few years ago. One person eyed a prison strap and was excited about the prospect of using it or having it used on her. I know I was pretty vanilla before I met Lion. I know he’s changed my outlook on many things. But I also know I’ll never look at any toy the way the person looked at that prison strap. I think she was actually salivating.

It took me a long time to go from the feather-light swats of starting out swatting Lion to the he-wonders-why-he-ever-showed-me punishment swats now. I remember tying his balls so loosely he probably wondered if they were even tied. I didn’t want to hurt him. The underlying question in my mind was why would anyone want this done to them? Now I can lasso Lion’s balls in a second. I can get him squirming in less than a minute with a paddle. I can cover his balls in clothespins without batting an eye. I can shove my fingers or a butt plug up his ass without pausing to wonder if he’s ready for the assault. But still, the underlying question is why would anyone want it?

Many years ago, I asked Lion if he should spank me so I could figure out what the allure was. He didn’t want to. His reason? He was worried I’d like it and always want him to spank me when what he wanted was for me to spank him. Fair enough. I’m pretty sure the problem would not have been that I’d want him to spank me. It would have been that my question would then be why the f*ck would anyone want this done to them? I’m not into pain. I’m not into humiliation, unless you count good-natured teasing between friends and coworkers.

I figured out a long time ago that I don’t have to understand why Lion needs things done to him. He needs it. I can do it. It seems reasonable. But it doesn’t stop me from wondering every so often.

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