Things are still not back to normal around here. If anything, they are worse. We’re both snapping at each other. Lion keeps pointing out chores that need to be done like he doesn’t think I see them. And no matter what I try to do, I seem to be wrong.

I brought out the yoga pillow so we could try it out. Lion annoyed me earlier in the day by saying I hadn’t specifically invited him to my son’s wedding. The only thing I said was whether it would be better for him to go with me or stay home – which was less of a problem. Stupid me. I assumed he realized when the invitation came that it was for both of us. It might have been addressed to me, but he hasn’t really had much contact with my kids over the years.

Anyway, it took a bit to figure out how Lion should position himself on the pillow and then I was hitting too hard and in the wrong spots. The pillow didn’t open his ass like I’d hoped but maybe there’s another position we should try. I don’t think his buns were even a little pink when we stopped. There’s always tonight. [Lion — The position I took on the pillow had me kneeling on the bed with my chest on the pillow. I’m not exactly sure why, but that position intensifies the pain in ways I find very hard to handle. When I am more stretched out with my legs straight, it is easier for me to take the pain.]

We snuggled for a bit and I don’t remember why I moved but Lion asked if we could snuggle again like we hadn’t snuggled at all. In both cases, I was rubbing his chest and he was watching TV. I think we’re both feeling so far apart that we don’t quite know how to get back together. Our marriage is not in trouble. We’re just not communicating very well. It’s not a case of one person giving in first. Maybe we’re both caught up in how the other one is snapping that we can’t see past that.

Julie gave me a nice comment about massaging each other with no expectation of sex. It would be a good way to be close without pressure. We can certainly give that a try. Neither of us would say no to a nice massage.

Beyond that, I think the television has got to go. I don’t mean physically ripping it off the wall. For a long time, I’ve said one of the problems is the TV. We use the bedroom for everything. The TV is usually on. Lion is quick to point out that we can pause or mute it at any time. Since he’s said we need more kissing and hugging, I’ve seen no evidence of the TV being paused or muted. If I’m snuggling with him, trying to get my weenie’s attention and he doesn’t pause the TV, then I assume he doesn’t really want attention. [Lion — Itisn’t just the TV. Mrs. Lion immediately picks up her iPad and begins playing games. If the TV is off, she is still playing with her iPad.}

At this point, though, I think the biggest hurdle is Lion thinking he’s a chore and that we’re not really having sex if it’s all for him. If we have to wait until I’m “fixed” then we might be in for a long dry spell. I’m hoping he’ll take pity on me and let me give him attention again. [Lion — It isn’t that I’m not letting Mrs. Lion give me attention. I just find it hard to react to the standard routine we have.]

Sometimes I’m not exactly sure what went wrong. Maybe it was because I didn’t check out Lion’s buns or ask how they felt. Maybe it was because I didn’t pull out a butt plug. When I came back from my shower and got under the covers, Lion said he wanted dessert. It’s true, I could have asked if he wanted any other kind of attention. Instead, I just assumed he didn’t. We held hands and then he fell asleep.

He’ll be the first to say if he falls asleep, I automatically remove the possibility of sex. It’s not absolutely true, but there have been times that I was ready to do something when he was sleeping and when he woke up I wasn’t in the mood. He also says I can wake him since he doesn’t usually realize he’s fallen asleep. The problem with that is I think if he’s asleep he must be tired. Waking him won’t help anyone. Of course, there are other times when I think he must be well rested after a nap so we can play then. Sometimes he wants to and other times he says it’s too late.

We may not communicate well at times, but boy do I know he wants to be waxed! He’s mentioned it several times including last night when he asked if I had any idea when I could wax him. Unbeknownst to him, I already had the pantry ready and was planning on telling him we’d do it today. Way to steal my thunder, Lion. Sheesh! At this point, the wax has been melting for about an hour. I estimate it will be ready by 3. Depending on how I feel as I get going, I may or may not be able to do the whole Lion in one shot. I usually do the front on one day and the back in another. Since it’s Sunday, there really isn’t another day until next weekend. However, Lion tends not to be very furry on the backside. That means I can either ignore it till next time or I can polish it off quickly. In either case, the most important parts will be done today.

As I wax him, I usually give him some weenie attention. As I oil him up or clean him off, we have some fun. Today, it will also be a gauge as to how horny he might be for later on. A very excited Lion at waxing time doesn’t always translate to a very excited Lion at night, but there’s a good chance it will. If nothing else, I’ll know if he’s open to the challenge.

I am a creature of habit. Not that I don’t go with the flow, but if the flow is interrupted too much I get thrown off. This mess with our computers at work and coworkers getting COVID and now we have to pick up our camper that’s been happily residing at the repair shop for months is getting to me. Oh, and it’s the end of the year which is traditionally not my favorite anyway. I’ve been on the phone more the past week than I’ve been in the entire year. I hate the phone. I feel like everything needs to be done by yesterday. So when Lion asked if I was doing a post, well, let’s just say it was more fuel for the fire.

I don’t know if that’s part of the reason I didn’t follow through as much with Lion last night. I was playing with him under the blankets and it didn’t seem like he was in the mood. At a certain point, I had to move because watching TV over my shoulder hurts my neck. From my point of view, Lion wasn’t in the mood, although I didn’t actually ask. I assumed, which definitely makes an ass of me. I think it was more than an hour later, Lion asked if I just wasn’t in the mood. Huh? I thought he was the one not in the mood. He said he doesn’t normally get hard when I play with him under the blankets. He got hard on Monday night. Is my memory that short? Do I really not realize that he doesn’t get hard under the blankets? I thought he did. At least a little. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

We’ve had the discussion recently that maybe all I have to do is “insist” that he get hard and he’ll probably respond. I don’t know if it was cold in the bedroom. I came out of the shower and snuggled under the covers with him. I don’t remember if he said he was cold. I don’t remember any conversation about coming out from under the blankets. I just assumed he wasn’t interested because he didn’t even seem to be attempting to get hard. I don’t remember any purring from him. Work must really be frying my brain.

Tonight I’ll turn off work at five and pay more attention to Lion. Unless he verbalizes that he’s not in the mood, I’ll do my best to get him hard and to the edge. I think we’re at day 17. He should be coming up on orgasm time, but he can’t have one until I edge him for a day or so. And he can’t get to the edge until I figure out what the hell I’m doing.

Lion got my new computer all set up. I’m using the same keyboard and mouse though, so all typos will be the same. I have two monitors at work and it was a little difficult working from home with only one monitor. Now I have the same setup, although Lion tells me I have things backwards. He likes the left screen to have X whereas I have Y. That’s the good thing about him having his computer and me having my computer. We can set them up however we want.

We weren’t as full after last night’s dinner. We had leftover turkey and fixings, and I swear we had the same amount of food on our plates, but we managed to do a bit more than roll into bed. Lion said he was frisky but he didn’t want to come out from under the covers. Once I got him out, he said he wasn’t sure how far he’d get. I don’t normally care how far he gets. I mean, I want to get him to the edge, but as long as it feels good, it’s fine. The thing I wonder about last night is, did he just want to snuggle? And, if so, why not say that? I don’t think I’ve ever put any real pressure on him to perform. I may tease him a bit, but it’s just me being silly.

For example, sometimes I snap my fingers at his penis and say, “Up, boy. You can do it.” I don’t have any expectation that he’ll get hard. I always do this in the very beginning before I’ve even tried to get him hard. It’s not done as a jab to his not being able to get hard at any point. He may tell me how mean I am when I spank him, but I’m not really mean to him. I’m actually very nice to him and I think he’ll agree. [Lion — I do agree.]

My point in bringing this up is that, even though we talk about fitting together like hand and glove and being close, we still have room for improvement. First and foremost, we need to communicate better. We do a pretty good job, but we can always do better. Maybe that can be our shared New Year’s resolution.