diapers (Page 16)

Years ago a comedian did a bit about the “movie in people’s heads”. You know, what is that guy wearing a bunny suit on the subway thinking? What is the movie in his head? The same can be asked of me and others who practice forced male chastity. Why in the world would we want our penises locked in masturbation- and sex-proof cages?

A simple answer is that it could be some psychological defect that drives us to this weird fetish. It might also be some past trauma that makes us seek the solace of penile prison. Everyone is different, of course, but since I started writing this journal I have been asking myself why I want to do this. Now that I have been locked securely for over a month, why do I continue? This time period is long enough to take things out of the fantasy phase and move to being part of my life. So here is my six week report. What’s playing inside the lion’s head?

Initially, I saw being locked up as a very sexy way to live out a longstanding fantasy where Mrs. Lion takes firm control of my sexual pleasure. No more masturbating, no humping the sheets in my sleep, just the ministrations of my dear wife if and when she chooses. I never imagined endless forced abstinence or some evil-but-loving mistress sadistically torturing me sexually. That’s not true, I’ve had some seriously hot dreams about sessions like that; and if the truth be told, lived some of them over the years. But these interludes lasted only a few hours and then my penis and I returned to normal.

Over the years, Mrs. Lion and I  have played and she has bound and tortured my genitals, spanked me, and inserted objects into my butt. These sessions have been exciting and always ended with a very lion-sized orgasm. The movie playing in my head was always that Mrs. Lion had permanent control of me and did all this stuff; spanking, cock and ball play, and anal play because she liked it and wanted to “train” me. That was my movie. It played when Mrs. Lion agreed to a play session. It’s one of my favorites and I can enjoy it over and over. It always has a happy ending.

These sessions have become so infrequent that I can’t remember the last time we played this way. Did this drive me to a more extreme method of getting a new showing of my movie? That was certainly one of my initial motivations when I suggested that Mrs. Lion lock me up. Even if being locked in a cage didn’t end up as the main feature, it did promise a number of very nice short subjects in my mental theater. And, of course, lots of coming attractions as I wait for the chance to get release. However, while that may have ignited the flame, it isn’t behind our continuing activity. It’s gotten much deeper than that.

My movie isn’t like the ones many of the other male chastity practitioners write about, at least I don’t think so based on their writing. Many crave long dry spells of months, even years between opportunities to squirt. They write of regular, frustrating teasing by their (real or imagined) keyholders. A nice movie, but not mine. Instead, I see my forced chastity as an exercise of Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. I see her using this control to condition me to do things she wants, in and out of bed. Somehow she figured this out immediately and put me in a diaper every weekend. I haven’t grown to like wearing one, but it clearly makes me feel her control. She is getting my obedience to do something I truly don’t like. I love that! It’s my movie!

She is getting me to obey her wishes, even when her wish isn’t what I want. The big problem with most power exchange play is that the top is essentially playing a role written by the bottom. There is no real power exchange. The top is providing a service. Why would a top do that? Having been one for many years, I can say that by and large it is fun and there are benefits. Good bottoms realize they need to provide their tops with pleasure to encourage further play.

In my current situation, Mrs. Lion has me locked up because I asked her. I made some suggestions about activities she could consider: tease and deny, obedience, withholding release for infractions of rules, etc. She heard me and has done some of this. However, it is growing increasingly clear that my movie is getting a new writer. I may be the star, but she is now writing the script. You have been reading about her evolution into writer, director, and producer. I hope at some point if I ask her to release me from my cage because I no longer want it, that she will refuse and let me know that she wants it and it will stay on as long as it pleases her.  At some point she will probably tie my hands so that on the occasions that she temporarily frees me for “stretching” or cleaning, I can’t intervene.

That’s the magic moment when the movie in my head is replaced with the reality of a dream come true. I may still have my own movies, but the live action is all of Mrs. Lion’s doing. That’s what I want most of all. Maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

 

One of the most difficult things about forced male chastity for me are the long dry spells between chastity or sex-related activities. It’s not a problem with my keyholder. I don’t think it is a defect of mine eihter. The simple reality is that I am constantly aware that my cock is locked in a cage. It’s a small cage that is comfortable enough, but it is a cage nonetheless. So here I am with this steel hanging between my legs and nothing is happening beyond my getting 2 inch semi’s (that’s all the cage will allow).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend all my waking hours thinking about my poor, confined, little weenie. It does come to mind when I sit down to pee, or need to make a quick adjustment when sitting. It’s not even unpleasant realizing that she doesn’t have to do anything more to prolong my suffering. Generally, in a dominant/submissive situation, the person holding the power has to act on the person receiving. Not with forced chastity. Mrs. Lion’s actions ended when she snapped that little lock shut.

Like most men who are in forced chastity, I expect there will be more than solitary confinement. My expectations include some teasing, cleaning, and inspections…hopefully some orgasms too. In my case I am getting lots of attention, sometimes more than I want (like having to wear diapers). But then that is part of the power exchange.

The trouble for some males is that their expectations are fantasy-based and no mortal keyholder is going to be able to meet them. I see this kind of whining fairly often on chastity forums. It makes for dull reading. Actually, if two-year-old’s could type, this is what they would write.  I have even see one toddler type “If she won’t play with you the way you want, throw a tantrum and cut the cage off. That will show her.”

Wow, I bet a threat like this scares the poor woman into doing just what he wants. Even though I have to endure long periods of confinement with no stimulation, I am the one benefiting from Mrs. Lion’s kind indulgence of my kink. As someone who has been on the dominant side of power exchange, I can say with complete confidence that the way to enjoy a long term, submissive (read forced chastity) relationship is to treasure your keyholder and the work she does to please you. If you don’t think it is a gift, start reading the Web. You will find endless, sometimes pathetic attempts single males make to simulate a forced chastity situation. There are quite a few females out there who collect thousands of dollars just to receive and mail back chastity cage keys. I am a very lucky caged lion.

 My weekend wardrobe. Mrs. Lion has me in a diaper from Friday after work until Monday morning each week.
My weekend wardrobe. Mrs. Lion has me in a diaper from Friday after work until Monday morning each week.

There is a big difference between my fantasies about being locked up and the reality. For one thing, Mrs. Lion doesn’t share my enthusiasm for male chastity. She is definitely supervising me, but she is doing it for me, not her. I wondered if, in fact, I was really in control with her just holding the key and opening it up anytime I want. I am pretty sure that as of now she would unlock me if I want. I don’t want that. She did have a surprise for me. When I asked her about being locked up two weeks ago, she agreed and then also told me that she wanted me to wear a diaper from after work Friday until I had to leave for work on Monday morning. We bought a package of briefs, 18 of them, and I was in diapers. I wondered if she would want to continue this after the first weekend.

The next Friday morning I asked her if she still wanted me to wear a diaper. She said, “Of course.” On Saturday we headed out to shop. We were on the way to the warehouse store. She asked if I had shopped for more diapers. I told her I hadn’t. She said we would do that at the club. We came home with a pack of 72. I said, “I guess you want to keep me in diapers every weekend from now on.” She nodded. Of course, for the last decade she has requested that I am naked when home, so the diaper is a new extension.

This past Friday we had a show to go to and another on Sunday. She told me that I would wear the diaper starting after work on Tuesday until Wednesday morning and then again from Wednesday night to Thursday morning. She said I could go diaper free Friday night and Sunday night. At that point I realized that she had crossed a line. She was serious about my obedience to her rules.

I’ve been locked up continuously since we started. The first week, she released me on Wednesday night for inspection and a nice hand release. She noticed that I was pretty irritated. It was starting to hurt every time I moved. I understand that this is fairly common in the beginning. She let me go “wild” until the next night when I asked to be locked again. Since then, I have been continuously caged. Last night (Sunday) I mentioned that I was a bit sore and asked her to check. This time she didn’t unlock me. She just inspected through the cage. I asked if she wanted to take it off. She said, “Do you want me to?”

I thought for a bit and said, “No, I guess not.”

At this point I don’t know if she would say no if I asked to be uncaged. I hope she will. It is important to me that she stay in control. Certainly I feel the control about the diapers. That’s good. I don’t think she is ready to consider punishment as part of our arrangement. We are not in a Wife Led Relationship. I’m not sure we will ever go to that. My hope is that she will be in charge sexually. If she wants me to handle our day-to-day affairs and make the decisions about where we go, etc. that is fine with me.

The Mature Metal Bird Cage can’t arrive soon enough! This imported cage is effective. There is even a metal plate right at the spot where if I rubbed I could get off. It isn’t a good fit and when I get a nocturnal erection, pressure is painful against that plate. My desire for release is weaker. I mentioned that to Mrs. Lion and I suggested that regular teasing would keep me wanting. It might also make me grumpy. She needs to consider discipline to help me get over that.