Domestic discipline (Page 2)

Mrs. Lion finally spanked me. We got off to a poor start. The strap she found was a short one bought for a different purpose. She decided to go ahead without restraining me. I wasn’t too cooperative. She was right. My butt was virgin again, and I couldn’t hold still on the spanking bench. I wasn’t too bad at first. She used a leather paddle that hurt but was manageable. When she switched to wood, I nearly levitated.

Well before the ten-minute timer went off, she quit. She told me that I needed to get back in condition. I know what that means: more spankings, a lot more. In the spirit of cooperation, this morning, I suggested we try the restraint belt I got. She agreed. I’m pretty sure that the try will include a spanking once I’m strapped down to the spanking bench.

I asked Mrs. Lion if she liked to spank me. She said that she doesn’t know. OK, fair enough. She doesn’t mind paddling me. On many occasions, she’s commented on the quality of her work. She likes seeing my bottom turn deep red. She likes feeling the skin turn leathery. She also likes to learn that it hurts to sit for days after she spanked me.

This seems to fit the way she views our disciplinary activity in general. She likes catching me breaking a rule. I think she likes seeing my obvious conflict between wanting a spanking and hating it once she begins beating me. I also think she likes how regular spanking seems to activate my interest in sex.

There’s also the matter of control. Mrs. Lion doesn’t enjoy being in charge. Our marriage is a partnership. We make most decisions together. She likes me to manage our finances and make many decisions for us. She doesn’t want me to be submissive. It’s a good thing; I’m not.

That doesn’t disqualify her from taking charge of our domestic discipline. No rule says a disciplinary wife has to be the dictator in charge of the household. Each couple has the freedom to define it how it works best for them.

In our family, Mrs. Lion has the right to make any rule she wants me to follow. She can assign chores and dictate behavioral changes. Anything she hasn’t specified remains part of our original partnership. She can punish me at will and in any way she wants. So far, she has made very limited use of this power. Spanking remains her sole method of punishing me.

Her interest in using this power ebbs and flows. Life often intrudes, and Mrs. Lion puts her disciplinary role on the back burner. It’s difficult for her to prioritize domestic discipline. Spanking was never part of her life before me. Exercising authority is alien to her. I’m grateful that she’s worked so hard to be my disciplinary wife. I hope we can get back to DD very soon.

Everything has been on hold for the last few days. We both have/had a bug that makes us need to lie down. I spent all day Wednesday in bed watching PBS documentaries. Well, mostly watched; I snoozed a lot too. Mrs. Lion managed to put in a full day’s work and then went to bed. We got take-out Chinese food (bad) for dinner.

As you probably guessed, there was no spanking or sex. It was the last thing on our minds. That’s not entirely true. Mrs. Lion did agree that it’s been a while since my last orgasm. She also made it clear that the orgasm is second on her list. A spanking is her first order of business. I agree, in case you want to know.

As a writer, I think I can describe every experience. I’ve written a lot about my complex and often conflicting feelings about being spanked. It’s hard to admit that so much of my life connects to having my bottom paddled. Like it or not, it does. Mrs. Lion has her own difficulty articulating the role spanking plays in her life. The easy part is that she spanks me because I need it. That’s the same reason she gives me oral sex. She wants me to be happy.

For a long time, I figured that was the only reason she spanked me. I knew that enforcing rules was mostly a game she liked to play. The fact that playing effected positive changes in me was a nice extra. I like the idea of domestic discipline. It’s a subject that I’ve spent a lot of time writing about. In the harsh glare of daylight, I have to admit that there really aren’t that many issues in our marriage that would benefit from disciplinary spankings. Mrs. Lion would have divorced me years ago if there were.

I think that Mrs. Lion likes domestic discipline, too. She enjoys catching me breaking a rule. She gets a glint in her eyes when she informs me that I forgot to do a chore. It doesn’t really upset her if I forget to set up the coffee pot or remind her of punishment day. I know that. She likes the game. You know what? It doesn’t matter. The result is the same. I get what I need, and she has fun.

When it comes to the actual activity of beating me, things get more complex. For a long time, she genuinely disliked spanking me. Over several years, she said that she stopped having bad feelings about beating me. She said that it became just another thing she did for me. There were no emotions attached. Vacuum the bedroom, beat the lion, all the same thing.

If that’s how she feels, I’m fine with that. I think that there is more under the surface. Mrs. Lion doesn’t like to drill down into her feelings. I could be completely wrong, but I think spanking me is more important to her than just another way to keep me happy. I think it has value for her as well.

Of course, she’s the only one who can know that. It would be nice if she found some pleasure in it, too. If not, we are certainly OK. I’m getting what I need, and Mrs. Lion gets some extra cardio exercise.

turning the tables

One of the more amusing aspects of spanking is how it self-cures one of a submissive’s most annoying habits: more. One constant in BDSM that leaks into disciplinary relationships is the “greedy bottom.” Nothing is ever enough. I have to admit that I’ve suffered from this, too.

If the primary activity is spanking, no matter how pain resistant the bottom’s butt, it’s fairly easy to push him to his limit. If a request for “more” is greeted by a serious increase in spanking force, speed, and length, the bottom (me), will be sorry he wanted to step things up.

In most BDSM activities, the top has to work long and hard to provide stimulation for the bottom. More bondage, more CBT, more…well, you get it, means more work for the top. More spanking does require additional effort from the top, but she has considerable leverage in terms of the amount of suffering she can deliver without breaking a sweat.

Most spanking toys are designed to make it easy for the top to have a strong effect on her bottom. As Mrs. Lion has learned, changing to a heavier wood paddle, or just swinging a bit harder and faster, will make me yelp and scream. I used to ask for more serious spankings. I rarely do that now. Why? Because Mrs. Lion is happy to oblige and I’m always very sorry when she does.

January 1 was punishment day. Mrs. Lion didn’t spank me, and I was relieved. Three spankings a week aren’t easy to take. However, I’m not going to argue if that is her choice. We need to get back on track, and if it takes three spankings a week to do it, I’m certainly willing. I wonder if I should remind her. I let her know it was punishment day, but I hadn’t prompted her for a spanking. [Mrs. Lion — I remembered. I was just lazy.] That brings up a second question. Should she make up the missed spanking today (January 2)?

We watched the Washington-Texas semi-finals last night. It was a true nail-biter. Since we live near Seattle, we were cheering for the Huskies. One good thing about living in the Pacific time zone is that the game ended at about 9:30 PM here. In the East, it was after midnight. We had time to stream a couple of “Rookie” reruns before going to sleep. Exciting life.

The question about whether or not to remind Mrs. Lion to do painful things to me keeps coming up. Part of me believes that I owe her reminders to spank me. Another part, probably the little kid in me, is happy to escape. Mrs.Lion goes both ways on this, too. I also worry that if I remind her, she will feel that I’m nagging her for attention. After all, shouldn’t she remember ?

It’s true that I’ve bought most of the spanking implements she uses. That’s how it generally works; the spanked partner ends up providing the painful means of their destiny. Yes, I know. I want to be spanked. Mrs. Lion’s interest in it is limited to providing me with something I need. I don’t think that’s going to change. The best I can hope for is that she likes the results her spankings produce. We’ve both noticed the educational benefits of giving me a sore bottom. That’s indisputable. It’s also embarrassing to me. I think the humiliation is a helpful component of my punishments.

The scientist in me likes to find the root causes of things. My analysis of domestic discipline generally upsets a lot of guys who would rather live in the fantasy and disregard the underlying facts. The first hard-to-swallow fact is that male domestic discipline is initiated by the man who wants to be spanked. I haven’t run across any couples where the wife initiated the practice. This makes sense since spanking has to be consensual if it isn’t going to be spousal abuse. Men in domestic discipline want it.

It’s harder to generalize about the women. Obviously, all of them are willing to spank their husbands. Some find it arousing to beat their men. I suspect that most are like Mrs. Lion; they spank their husbands because they were asked to do it. Most, discover the educational value of DD and make use of it. I think they also know that their men need their bottoms beaten on a regular basis. Like many kinky practices, domestic discipline is hard to sustain over time.

Another bit of strong evidence that domestic discipline is more than punishment comes from the almost universal desire to have others aware that the men are spanked by their wives. A great deal of blogging has been done about wishing that relatives and friends become aware of the spanking. A great deal of spanking fantasy centers on witnessed beatings. It seems to me that this is a desire for sexual humiliation.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this. I think that a woman would be far more likely to enter into a DD situation if she understood the underlying reason for the request. I strongly doubt that most women would like the idea of having to correct their husband’s behavioral issues with a paddle or strap. That represents a significant power exchange, almost putting the wife into the role of disciplinary mother. On the other hand, if she understands that there is a deep-seated need for spanking and that satisfying that need will help her man, she would probably be more inclined to say yes.

The fact that spanking does affect some behavioral changes is icing on the cake. If we want to be completely honest, the most important aspect of DD is that we get spanked on a regular basis. Yes, we like the power exchange too. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be writing about DD, would we?

The other obvious-but-often-overlooked fact is that most men don’t want to be reminded that they want to be spanked. They would rather live in the fantasy that they need spanking to improve their behavior. It’s a harmless role play. I don’t like it when Mrs. Lion reminds me that I’m being spanked because I want it. I would much rather believe I need the discipline.

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