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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

Lion was a good boy this morning. Not only did he contact me before noon, but he also reminded me that it’s punishment day. Now it is up to me to remember tonight. Last night I gave him time off from his nightly punishment. I remembered early in the evening and then forgot so I decided to let it go. That was not a scheduled punishment day so he gets no swats for not reminding me.

We are two days away from Lion’s scheduled orgasm. Rather than tell him when his next date is I will keep it a secret. I have no idea how this will affect us. Or if it will affect us. Perhaps Lion will like not knowing if he will get lucky on a particular night. Will I remember what the date is without it staring me right in the face from the calendar near the tv? I don’t have a good track record in that department. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Maybe I don’t need to select a new date. If Lion doesn’t know what it is then I can make it any day I want. Maybe we can be like some other couples I’ve read about. Each teasing session the wife/top/girlfriend asks the male if he can make it another day. One more day doesn’t seem like a lot at the time so he agrees he can make it. Before long they have a large wait time amassed. I’m not sure Lion will agree that he can make it another day though. Sometimes he thinks he’s unbearably horny. He can’t make it another day. No way, no how. It might be something to experiment with though.

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In: Edging, Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Ruined orgasm

Last night Lion forgot it was punishment night. Again. And the silly part is that he had nothing on his list so he would have been home free. Well, he would have gotten the maintenance swats, generally 4-6 hard ones, that I’ve been giving him nightly. But he wouldn’t have had any for things he had done wrong. And he moved while I was giving him the swats. In fairness, I know I should at least sit on him when I go above six swats. I think I gave him ten swats and then one or two extra for moving. Still not a bad punishment for a tough Lion butt.

Yesterday, in one of his emails to me during the day, he said he was massively horny. I said it was a good thing he was locked up. He said it was too bad he was locked up. So then I told him he has the emergency key. If he wanted to take a chance that I would consider being massively horny an emergency then he should go for it. He declined. However, I did promise to play with him to “help” the situation. An unsolicited extra play day. No coupon required. A freebie. What a nice Mrs. Lion I am.

The only problem with that extra play session is that I flew too close to the sun. After edging him a few times and then snuggling for a few minutes, I went back for more. With my mouth. Always dangerous. I was listening for him to indicate that he was close and either he didn’t indicate or I missed it because the next thing I knew he had a ruined orgasm. Damn! Not what I wanted to do at all. I assume today he won’t be as horny. Of course, it’s still a play day so I bet I can make him horny. I’m just annoyed that I went too far. He asked if he would get punished for not telling me he was close. He said it happened really quickly. I won’t punish him for it. It was my fault. I should have left well enough alone.

We also discussed wait times and whether he should know the date. I think maybe after this scheduled date I won’t tell him the next one and see how it goes. I told him he wouldn’t know if I cheated. He said that would be fine with him. He’s usually always ready for an orgasm. I don’t know how his not knowing will affect me. I like being able to tell him how long he has to wait. On the other hand, it might be fun to see how he reacts when he doesn’t know if this time it’s just another edging or if it’s the real thing. I guess we’ll find out.

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Spanking
spanking spoon
Mrs. Lion’s wooden spoon is about 24 inches long and very thick and heavy. She spanks me with the back of the spoon. I can’t help but squirm with each swat.

Yesterday, I was extremely horny. Mrs. Lion’s tease on Sunday night had a strong effect on me. Mrs. Lion said that she would give me an extra tease and deny last night. First, she told me to roll over for spanking. She asked if there were any items on my list that needed discipline. When she asked me, I realized that there was now one: I forgot to remind her that Monday night is punishment night. So, in addition to her “practice” spanking, she had to discipline me for forgetting to remind her.

She used the large wooden spoon last night. Each swat really hurt. I squirmed away a few times. She patiently pulled me back into position and continued. This went on for some time. My bottom stung for an hour after she finished. She reminded me that I got more swats because I forgot to remind her about punishment night. I will be sure to remind her on Thursday.

A half hour later, she did a long tease and deny. She edged me over and over. At the end she used her mouth. Her last oral edging went a bit too far. I ended up with a ruined orgasm. She was genuinely sorry she did that. I wasn’t upset. That ruined orgasm reduced the tension I had been feeling.  It was my fault. I didn’t signal the oncoming orgasm soon enough. I’ll have to ask her if I should add that omission to my list for Thursday.

Over the last year of so we’ve learned a lot about enforced chastity. I thought I knew all I needed, but I was wrong. Mrs. Lion, being much smarter about these things, understood that we both needed a lot of training before we were seriously pursuing enforced chastity. I had to learn to handle the emotional roller coaster that being kept horny and unable to come causes. Mrs. Lion had to learn to harden up and try to enjoy my frustration. That is very difficult to do.

The problem is that when I asked her to lock me up, I had done lots of research and had thought about enforced chastity for over fifteen years. I figured that I was truly ready. Mrs. Lion agreed because she knew that she would make me happy by locking me up. Neither of us understood what it would really be like. We went through considerable pain and difficulty. It turned out that I need gradually increasing waits to help me learn to handle the frustration. Those same waits taught Mrs. Lion to handle me.

Based on my email and what I read on forums and other blogs, it appears that the majority of men starting out with enforced chastity expect to be where I am today. They believe the same things I did; enforced chastity is easy to do and a keyholder only had to tease and set release dates. I think that one reason so many couples quit is failure to realize that enforced chastity requires substantial training for both partners.

When I sprung domestic discipline on Mrs. Lion, she immediately realized that we both had a lot to learn if we want to succeed in our FLR (Female Led Relationship). I have to agree. There are quite a few new things for us in FLR: We both have to get used to Mrs. Lion observing and correcting my behavior; we both have to learn how to handle serious discipline; and, we have to make her authority second nature to both of us.

Each of these challenges flies in the face of our life experience. Mrs. Lion is a giver. She works hard to accommodate and make people happy. She doesn’t like being in charge and certainly doesn’t like to punish. I am a very autonomous person who is generally in charge of things. I have no real experience being submissive. I have experience being spanked, but only for fun where the sensation builds slowly and the entire experience is erotic. In the past, Mrs. Lion has punished me with a few hard swats that hurt a lot. I had a hard time accepting them and generally squirmed away after four or five.

Successful domestic discipline goes way past the level of spanking we ever tried. This video shows a reasonable domestic discipline spanking. Neither of us is prepared for that. The objective of any domestic discipline punishment is to emphasize the authority of the top and to provide a real deterrent to future misbehavior. There are many kinds of punishment other than spanking. But Mrs. Lion has selected spanking as her first method.

Last week she decided to give me a nightly spanking. Her plan is to get practice doing punishment spankings and to give me a chance to learn to take them gracefully. Her plan was to do this every day for a week. Progress has been slow. This isn’t easy for either of us. I think she might want to extend her daily sessions until we both reach a point closer to that video. I suspect I will need to be restrained for much of this. She learns much more quickly than I do.

I realize that I am in for a painful period of learning. But if FLR / domestic discipline is going to work for us, we have to take discipline to an entirely new level. Clearly, neither of us can handle the kind of spanking I need to get. In the process of learning domestic discipline, we both have to learn to be more aware of my behavior and for Mrs. Lion to begin developing a standard she wants me to meet. That will not happen quickly.

At least the process itself is familiar. We’ve had the same sort of challenges with enforced chastity. In the process of learning, we discovered significant benefits for our relationship; so many benefits, that we won’t be quitting for any reason. That’s positive feedback and suggests that if we seriously pursue FLR/domestic discipline. we may discover new benefits for our marriage.

As with enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion needs to remember and to remind me that I asked for this change. As each practice spanking gets more severe, I may need to be reminded that I asked for this and there is no backing out. Yes, Mrs. Lion, I understand and accept that. I am willing to have difficulty sitting while we learn about domestic discipline.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Spanking

I know I can whomp Lion’s butt hard. I’ve done it. That’s not really in question. The part that bothers me, still, is that I am doing it as punishment. Why am I punishing him? Why am I punishing him? What right do I have to punish him? Yes, I’m still stuck on that. If I wasn’t then I think the logical thing to have done when he got mad at me the other night would have been to get out the paddle and start whacking. Instead, I just felt hurt and I was sure everything was my fault.

First of all, Lion does not want me to whomp him out of anger. If I’m ever that mad it is better for both of us for me to just walk away and come back when I’m more rational. I forget what my sons did when they were little but I remember telling them that I should spank them but if I started I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop so they should just go to their room for a while. Second, at least in this case, it was my fault. The part about ignoring him. Not the part about him not communicating. Third, why can’t I spank him for punishment? Isn’t it similar to spanking him for play? He wants the play and he wants the punishment.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with tease and deny. I thought that it was cruel. Getting my mind wrapped around punishment is just as hard. Lion says I talk a good game in my posts. Well, yeah. I feel like I’m developing a split personality. The top wants to make Lion happy. She’s able to deny him and be mean. She’s able to punish him. She laughs when Lion says his butt hurts or he’s horny. “Regular” me also wants to make Lion happy but every once in a while realizes what the top is doing and slams on the brakes. She’s not mean. She wants to make Lion breakfast on the weekends. The only thing both agree on is that they’re pretty sure they fail at making Lion really happy.

My experiment of punishing Lion every night for a week is to prove to myself I can do it. I know I can. But I have to drill it into my head that this is what he wants and I can do it. Lion wonders why I have focused on spanking as punishment. Well, he suggested it. And I have to start somewhere. Once I am more comfortable with it I may branch out into lengthening his wait, or taking away play days, or maybe something I haven’t thought of yet. Baby steps. I’ll get there.

[Lion — Mrs. Lion wrote this post at the same time I wrote mine for tomorrow. They are very similar. I think Mrs. Lion needs to continue her practice punishment until she is comfortable making it hard for me to sit. I will regret saying this, but it’s the right thing. One thing she is wrong about is making me happy. Both Mrs. Lions make me very happy with or without this stuff. I am happier than I have ever been in my life.]