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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments

I guess it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by new things. Yesterday I mentioned I had a moment of terror with regard to domestic discipline. It wasn’t any different than the moments of terror I got when we started male chastity. Or, for that matter, any time we introduce something new. There are always times when I think I’m in way over my head. I just need to remember that there’s a learning curve and we need to take one step at a time. If you’ve been following us, you know that we’ve made our share of missteps along the way. Male chastity hasn’t always gone smoothly for us, but we’ve taken our time and worked through things. We continue to do this.

Lion loves to jump into the deep end when we start new things. Domestic discipline is no different. He’s full of suggestions. Full of ideas. Full of information from different sources. He’s excited. I can’t blame him. He’s like a kid with a new toy. He’s also like our dog on a leash. She drags me down the road, choking herself, so excited to find new things to smell. I constantly have to reel her back in and calm her down. That’s Lion. Charging down the road. Excited to get some rules set. Overanxious to tell me his transgressions. “I forgot to take my medicine. Do I get punished?” “This thing happened today and I forgot to tell you. Do I get punished?”

I know he’s trying to feel out the boundaries. What is a punishable offense? I still need to decide. So I told him to tell me when he’s done something wrong so I can decide if he needs to be punished. I can’t whomp him for everything. First of all, we’d have no time for anything else. Second, for the swats to mean anything, they should be for things that matter. Of course, if there are enough of the little things over the course of a day or so (if he constantly forgets to take his medicine or tell me things) then those transgressions should add up to one big thing. We’re very new at this so I’m sure there will be missteps. My job is to make sure we don’t get too far off the rails.

I have to decide when I want to dish out the punishment. Every few days? Certain days of the week? I probably just need to pick one and see how it goes. I can always change it later. So for now I will make it on Mondays and Thursdays. Just random days. If punishment day falls on a play day or scheduled orgasm day I will need to do the punishment earlier in the evening. I don’t want the discipline too close to the pleasure.

And we’re off.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training)

There are a load of stereotypes around power exchange, whether it is enforced chastity or domestic discipline. Yesterday, when we were out shopping, Mrs. Lion confessed to me that we couldn’t be in a Female Led Marriage (FLM) because she doesn’t like me opening doors for her, doing all the housework, running errands, and otherwise behaving as a house slave. If she didn’t want that sort of relationship, then FLM isn’t what we are doing.

That started me thinking about assumptions we tend to make regarding non-traditional activities. What, for example, constitutes a FLM? What is enforced chastity? Are there required activities for each? When we first started enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion had no real idea what it was about. My initial description was less than articulate. I told her that I wanted her to be in sexual control. I wasn’t very clear what that meant and Mrs. Lion didn’t ask.

Over the last year or so we worked out what it means to us. We are on the same page. I’m very sure our brand of enforced chastity isn’t the same as others. What we do fits the current state of who we are and how we live. We have both written a great deal about this here. We are still learning. Mrs. Lion has introduced ruined orgasms into her teasing repertoire. The last two teasing sessions included one each time. I am not sure if they make me more or less horny. I think it depends on where I am in my waiting. Today is my orgasm day. I’m not sure that I am as desperate as I was last week. It’s so hard to estimate these things. At this point I think that a ruined orgasm less than four or five days before my scheduled release probably makes me less horny. When done before then, it is just frustrating. Just sayin’. I may change my mind about its effect later, but that’s my current sense based on very few actual ruined orgasms.

We just began domestic discipline. Like enforced chastity, I didn’t go into much detail about how I think it works. I didn’t want to write the script. I just presented it as control outside of the sexual arena. We have a few examples since we started and that has helped me, at least, get a better grip on how it works. Mrs. Lion is still processing my request.

On our shopping trip, Mrs. Lion explained that because we share chores and she opens her own doors and pulls out her own chairs, we can’t be doing FLM. I didn’t know that was what we were attempting. Maybe we are. So, it’s time for us to start communicating about expectations and definitions. I think that Mrs. Lion’s point about housework and gallantry is a good start. Let’s put FLM aside for now. If she is in control and we practice domestic discipline, does this change the way we lead our daily lives? In my mind the answer is a resounding, “No!”

There is nothing I can find that suggests role reversal or me turning into a domestic servant. That’s a different kink. We have a good marriage with a good balance in responsibilities. I can’t see any reason to change that unless there are things Mrs. Lion would like done differently. That’s the key. Nothing prevents her from asking what I think or how I feel, but she isn’t required to either ask or follow my suggestions. She is the decider when she wants to be.

If we turn our working relationship upside down to support domestic discipline, we will make a mess and quit very soon. This is something new to us, just as enforced chastity was a year ago. I wrote my idea of how to get started in “Your Man Wants Domestic Discipline.” It’s my view of a sensible approach to this practice. The main point is that we start small. We don’t put demands on Mrs. Lion to become a disciplinarian. We don’t require her to keep lists of infractions. That’s my job.

What we do is begin to train ourselves into this lifestyle. Mrs. Lion consciously observes my behavior and cites infractions as she sees them. These infractions are things I have forgotten, “requests” I didn’t obey, as well as other big and small ways I don’t conform to how Mrs. Lion wants me. When she spots one, she tells me and I note it. She will schedule punishment times when I present her with the list of infractions and she metes out my punishment. Simple with no lifestyle changes.

This is how we approach enforced chastity. We both learn at the same time. For example, it is highly unlikely I will get an unscheduled bonus orgasm no matter how horny I am. Mrs. Lion is now amused by my strong need for release. Six months ago, that wasn’t the case. We will continue to talk and write about how we are doing and we will learn how to integrate it into our lives. One thing we haven’t done yet is to decide how long it will be impossible to quit. When we will talk and decide to stop or continue. I propose December 31, 2015. It seems like a good date and it gives us almost ten months to test drive domestic discipline.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

I guess it should come as no surprise that sometimes domestic discipline comes more easily to me than other times. The other day when I thought Lion was going back to town to pick up my medicine after I told him not to, I was ready to punish him. This morning he forgot something when he made breakfast and I was willing to overlook it. It wasn’t a big deal. But it has to be.

In order for domestic discipline to work I need to be consistent. Not that those two circumstances require the same punishment, but they do require punishment. Forgetting a serving tool should not be the same as forgetting something I specifically asked for. Directly disobeying should have an even bigger punishment. If we assume that the punishment is spanking then he may get five somewhat hard whacks for the breakfast mishap. Forgetting the medicine got poor Lion somewhere in the vicinity of ten very hard swats. If he had gone back for the medicine after I told him not to, he may not be able to sit right now. The punishment should fit the crime.

However, I should explore different avenues of punishment. I’m not sure my pet will ever get used to very hard swats, but if he knows it’s “just” a spanking coming then he might not try so hard to remember things. I have to throw in a few extended waits and rescind a few play days to keep things interesting. On the other hand, I have to be careful not to include things that should not be seen as punishment. For example, I don’t want him to view diapers or girly toenails as punishment. They are just a way for me to exercise my control. Something to amuse me.

So not only do I have to be consistent, I have to be creative. I can do that. But I don’t think Lion will like it. Poor boy.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

A great deal of our recent posts have been on the subject of domestic discipline. We’ve both tried to explain how we feel about it. Probably why this is so front of mind lately is that Mrs. Lion has been rewarding me and most recently punishing me for things I have done. We’ve established that there are no clear behavioral issues that I need to correct. We’ve also established that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think in the context of reward and punishment. The main reason for this is that she doesn’t think in terms of having authority over me.

That’s not entirely true. She has come to accept sexual control. She’s very good at keeping me horny and not giving in when I just have to come. That, my dear lioness, is control. The much more difficult challenge is taking things out of the lion orgasm area and into more general parts of our lives. A year ago, it was a challenge for Mrs. Lion to get into a habit of teasing me between orgasms. It was also challenging to set and enforce orgasm dates. She conquered both.

The technique that seems to have worked best to help her is scheduling and sticking to the schedule. Mrs. Lion decided that she would tease me every other day. She has religiously followed this commitment. She has scheduled my orgasm dates far into the future. This assures that she doesn’t have to worry about what to do next. She can change them if she wants, but at the least she has a plan.

Over the last couple of weeks Mrs. Lion has given me two rewards: coupons for extra non-orgasmic play sessions. I love the rewards because  I love when she plays with me, but also because I know she appreciates some extra cooking that I have done. It’s the best sort of positive reinforcement. Last week, when I forgot to run an errand she asked me to do, she punished me with a spanking for forgetting. This is also a great move. I didn’t like the spanking, but I like that Mrs. Lion cares enough to discipline me.

Here we are in February, a year after we started, with a new challenge. Domestic discipline is a bit different than enforced chastity, but it has some of the same characteristics:

  1. It’s different than anything we have done before. Yes, Mrs. Lion has spanked me many times, even on occasion for breaking a rule. But those spankings weren’t rooted in real discipline. The same is true of rewards. That’s new too. Like enforced chastity, discipline has no context in our current lives.
  2. This is unnatural for Mrs. Lion. She never considered controlling my sexual fun and she never considered having power over my day-to-day life.
  3. New behaviors and ways of thinking are required. After a year, enforced chastity is second nature to us both and we have happily incorporated it into our lives. Domestic discipline requires a new way to think and act.

We built good habits and created a long-term, working enforced chastity relationship. It took some “artificial” techniques, like scheduling teases, but it worked. Mrs. Lion likes to hear I am horny. She no longer considers that a demand for release. She’s learned that this is exactly what I asked her to do.

I think we need to build a framework to help us learn domestic discipline. We know enough about each other to know that leaving things open-ended will doom us to letting things taper off. Enforced chastity worked because the chastity device was a continual reminder that we had things we needed to do. We communicated daily about chastity and eventually worked out our current activities. I think we need to do the same thing with our domestic discipline. As I see it, there is a list of things that need to happen for it to work.

My behavior, good and bad, needs to be tracked. Mrs. Lion can’t reward or punish me without reasons. I think that means we need to become more aware of what I do and what I miss. This could become a nightmare until we develop the habits we need to incorporate domestic discipline in our lives. I’m sure Mrs. Lion would hate to make detailed lists of each and every thing she expects me to do. I am not fond of that either. Instead, I think we should evolve into this form of authority.

While it is good to have rules, I do like them, they are way too much trouble all the time. Instead, I suggest that Mrs. Lion not worry whether or not I was told to do or not do something. She should expect me to know what I need to do to please her. Just because there isn’t a rule that I should make the bed neatly doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t discipline me if it isn’t neat, or for that matter, reward me for doing an extra good job. She just needs to become aware of what I am doing and react appropriately. There is no such thing as an unfair punishment. After all, there is no rule that I cook, but when I did a lot, I got rewarded. Well, what if I had the chance and didn’t cook, don’t I deserve to be punished? I don’t have to be asked to do something before it becomes discipline-eligible. It just has to be a lapse on my part. The punishments and rewards will teach me what is good lion behavior, and what is bad. It has nothing to do with fairness.

I suggest that rewards can be small. They don’t have to be extra play sessions. Little things are nice too. There are a lot of possible punishments, but since this is a difficult area, maybe we should start with only one: spanking. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to be in the mood to punish me each time I err. So, we need a way to keep track. I suggest that she give me that responsibility. Make it my job to keep the record. So, if she sees something that I didn’t do as well as I should, she can just say, “Add 10 swats to the list.” I’ll add that to a little list. When punishment day arrives, I can produce the list and she can administer it.

Like teasing, we can have scheduled punishment days. Maybe like teasing it is every other day, or maybe every third day, or every Wednesday and Saturday. She can, of course, punish on the spot if that is what she prefers. It’s just like or teasing and orgasm schedule. It’s a framework to help us learn.

The big trick will be learning to judge my behavior. I suggest that Mrs. Lion consider finding at least one naughty thing a day. She is very good at finding things to reward. Since all she has to do is tell me and I will keep track, it won’t interrupt her other activities. This even can work in public. If I do something that needs correction, she can just look at me and say “Ten.” I’ll make a note. Once Mrs. Lion gets into this habit, or even before she does, she can do different punishments as she wishes.