Since Mrs. Lion has no interest in sex for herself, managing our badly lopsided sex life has been challenging. In a relationship where both partners want sex, mutual horniness assures satisfying action happens regularly. Unfortunately, it is rare for a couple to have identical sex drives. One partner generally wants more than the other. This usually gets worked out by the less horny person providing some one-way sex for their partner when needed. Men, who are generally the more needy partners, will often masturbate to “fill in”.
In our situation, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex at all. She knows I have an active libido and provides me with sexual fun. The challenge is that she has no biological clock that makes her want sex regularly. In that sense, every day is the same as the last. For her, sex is artificial; a service she provides for me.
We have found ways to make things more exciting for me. Male chastity (orgasm control) is a permanent game we play. She is very willing to provide me with sex almost any time I want, but that sexual activity will rarely end in allowing me to ejaculate. I usually end up being edged several times and left panting and wishing for an orgasm. Mrs. Lion enjoys this. I do too.
I don’t always want sex. Mrs. Lion has no automatic way to know when I do or don’t. In the past she would either ask me, or just move over and play with my penis. When she asks, I feel a little uncomfortable saying yes. I feel selfish since I am unable to reciprocate. When she simply moves over and starts playing with me, it often feels abrupt and I start feeling guilty for having her work with nothing in it for herself. I can’t work around this by jerking off. Mrs. Lion forbids that. Power exchange aside, she has strong feelings about me getting myself off. She’s said it’s almost like cheating. I’m hers and she believes all of my sexual pleasure should come from her alone. She would feel this way even if we were totally vanilla.
She recognizes that it is fine to frustrate me by teasing me without a happy ending. She knows that simply ignoring me sexually makes me feel bad. There really isn’t a good solution to this problem. I dislike feeling that sex is a chore for her. She may disagree and say it isn’t. I don’t think it is something she would do very often unless she knew it hurt me to be sexually ignored. In that sense, it’s a chore. Reciprocity is the only way to avoid that.
Given that we have this problem, the question of how to determine when to stimulate me can make it even worse. It turns out that we have stumbled on a solution. Mrs. Lion created the Box O’Fun as a way of assuring we did BDSM activities on a regular basis. It’s a wooden box with little cards inside. Each card has a BDSM or sexual activity written on it. Mrs. Lion creates these cards.
The activities range from things I hate, like dollhouse clothespins on my penis, to fun things like being masturbated (not to orgasm, of course) with coconut oil, which I really like. After I pick a card and we do the activity, Mrs. Lion puts the “used” card in another box. That way I end up eventually having to experience everything she has put in the box. We both enjoy this, sometimes Mrs. Lion more than me.
In the past, once I suffered through the activity, Mrs. Lion would play with my cock (non-orgasmically most of the time). For quite a while Mrs. Lion didn’t bring out the Box O’Fun at all. A week or two ago she started again. She always asked me if I wanted to pick a card. Sometimes I didn’t want to play that way. It didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in sex. I just didn’t want a painful BDSM activity.
I noticed that Mrs. Lion would usually not approach me sexually on nights I didn’t pick a card. I don’t think it was a conscious decision on her part. She wasn’t motivated to move since there was no play activity to do. That got me thinking.
What if performing a Box O’Fun activity is required before I could receive anything sexual? If I didn’t want the BDSM, I couldn’t get the sex. At first glance, there is no logical reason why the BDSM has to be connected with teasing me. However, it appeared that there was a sort of unconscious connection.
BDSM is my foreplay
The more I thought about it, the better I liked it. For one thing, it put me in a position to decide if I would get sex. It also gave Mrs. Lion control. If she didn’t offer me the box, I couldn’t pick a card and experience the activity. If I had to experience that first, there would be no sex that night. We each had a way to signal interest or lack of it.
If I hated the activity I picked, and if I had a do-over card, I could pick a different activity. If I just didn’t want that experience, I could tell Mrs. Lion and we wouldn’t do anything that night. When I was ready for the activity — I was horny enough to take anything — I would let her know and we would do what was on the card. It could be the next night or it could be days later. That’s up to me. In the meantime, no sex until we did what the card said.
That adds a nice game flavor to things. While I can temporarily refuse, I have to be prepared to get no sexual stimulation until we do what is on the card. Mrs. Lion is free to add some cards with things she knows I hate. That adds interest to the game. So far I think she has been rather tame in that department. She is very kind about letting me wash off the Icy Hot when it gets really hot. Maybe she should set a timer and make me endure it until the timer goes off. If I wash it off too soon, it’s the same as if I refused the card. We try again when I am willing or so horny I will do anything.
There is another wonderful benefit of this game: Mrs. Lion doesn’t just dive in and go for edging me. The activity is a sort of foreplay. She usually gets me hard and then does what the card says. It delays the more intense sexual activity and gives me a chance to warm up. I think one of the more serious difficulties I’ve had with what we’ve done in the past is that Mrs. Lion starts and continues until I am as far as she wants. It turns out to be way more fun if we do less goal-oriented stuff first. This would happen almost automatically if we were both horny. With it being me alone, it is easier to just start on my penis and keep going.
I have to pay before i can play
Our current rule is that I have to pick a card and perform what’s on it before I get edged. I can refuse. If I do, no sex until I experience what is on the card. I only get one chance a day. Mrs. Lion can not offer me the Box if she doesn’t want activity. I can refuse to pick if I’m not interested. We both get a choice. By requiring this “payment” before I get jerked or sucked, our sex is more structured and closer to how it would be if we were both interested.
I think Mrs. Lion needs to remove any sexual-stimulation cards like coconut oil from the box. That activity comes after what the card makes happen to me. We’ve only been doing this for a few days. So far, I like it a lot!