Since Mrs. Lion has no interest in sex for herself, managing our badly lopsided sex life has been challenging. In a relationship where both partners want sex, mutual horniness assures satisfying action happens regularly. Unfortunately, it is rare for a couple to have identical sex drives. One partner generally wants more than the other. This usually gets worked out by the less horny person providing some one-way sex for their partner when needed. Men, who are generally the more needy partners, will often masturbate to “fill in”.

In our situation, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex at all. She knows I have an active libido and provides me with sexual fun. The challenge is that she has no biological clock that makes her want sex regularly. In that sense, every day is the same as the last. For her, sex is artificial; a service she provides for me.

We have found ways to make things more exciting for me. Male chastity (orgasm control) is a permanent game we play. She is very willing to provide me with sex almost any time I want, but that sexual activity will rarely end in allowing me to ejaculate. I usually end up being edged several times and left panting and wishing for an orgasm. Mrs. Lion enjoys this. I do too.

I don’t always want sex. Mrs. Lion has no automatic way to know when I do or don’t. In the past she would either ask me, or just move over and play with my penis. When she asks, I feel a little uncomfortable saying yes. I feel selfish since I am unable to reciprocate. When she simply moves over and starts playing with me, it often feels abrupt and I start feeling guilty for having her work with nothing in it for herself. I can’t work around this by jerking off. Mrs. Lion forbids that. Power exchange aside, she has strong feelings about me getting myself off. She’s said it’s almost like cheating. I’m hers and she believes all of my sexual pleasure should come from her alone. She would feel this way even if we were totally vanilla.

She recognizes that it is fine to frustrate me by teasing me without a happy ending. She knows that simply ignoring me sexually makes me feel bad. There really isn’t a good solution to this problem. I dislike feeling that sex is a chore for her. She may disagree and say it isn’t. I don’t think it is something she would do very often unless she knew it hurt me to be sexually ignored. In that sense, it’s a chore. Reciprocity is the only way to avoid that.

Given that we have this problem, the question of how to determine when to stimulate me can make it even worse. It turns out that we have stumbled on a solution. Mrs. Lion created the Box O’Fun as a way of assuring we did BDSM activities on a regular basis. It’s a wooden box with little cards inside. Each card has a BDSM or sexual activity written on it. Mrs. Lion creates these cards.

The activities range from things I hate, like dollhouse clothespins on my penis, to fun things like being masturbated (not to orgasm, of course) with coconut oil, which I really like. After I pick a card and we do the activity, Mrs. Lion puts the “used” card in another box. That way I end up eventually having to experience everything she has put in the box. We both enjoy this, sometimes Mrs. Lion more than me.

In the past, once I suffered through the activity, Mrs. Lion would play with my cock (non-orgasmically most of the time). For quite a while Mrs. Lion didn’t bring out the Box O’Fun at all. A week or two ago she started again. She always asked me if I wanted to pick a card. Sometimes I didn’t want to play that way. It didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in sex. I just didn’t want a painful BDSM activity.

I noticed that Mrs. Lion would usually not approach me sexually on nights I didn’t pick a card. I don’t think it was a conscious decision on her part. She wasn’t motivated to move since there was no play activity to do. That got me thinking.

What if performing a Box O’Fun activity is required before I could receive anything sexual? If I didn’t want the BDSM, I couldn’t get the sex. At first glance, there is no logical reason why the BDSM has to be connected with teasing me. However, it appeared that there was a sort of unconscious connection.

BDSM is my foreplay

The more I thought about it, the better I liked it. For one thing, it put me in a position to decide if I would get sex. It also gave Mrs. Lion control. If she didn’t offer me the box, I couldn’t pick a card and experience the activity. If I had to experience that first, there would be no sex that night. We each had a way to signal interest or lack of it.

If I hated the activity I picked, and if I had a do-over card, I could pick a different activity. If I just didn’t want that experience, I could tell Mrs. Lion and we wouldn’t do anything that night. When I was ready for the activity — I was horny enough to take anything — I would let her know and we would do what was on the card. It could be the next night or it could be days later. That’s up to me. In the meantime, no sex until we did what the card said.

That adds a nice game flavor to things. While I can temporarily refuse, I have to be prepared to get no sexual stimulation until we do what is on the card. Mrs. Lion is free to add some cards with things she knows I hate. That adds interest to the game. So far I think she has been rather tame in that department. She is very kind about letting me wash off the Icy Hot when it gets really hot. Maybe she should set a timer and make me endure it until the timer goes off. If I wash it off too soon, it’s the same as if I refused the card. We try again when I am willing or so horny I will do anything.

There is another wonderful benefit of this game: Mrs. Lion doesn’t just dive in and go for edging me. The activity is a sort of foreplay. She usually gets me hard and then does what the card says. It delays the more intense sexual activity and gives me a chance to warm up. I think one of the more serious difficulties I’ve had with what we’ve done in the past is that Mrs. Lion starts and continues until I am as far as she wants. It turns out to be way more fun if we do less goal-oriented stuff first. This would happen almost automatically if we were both horny. With it being me alone, it is easier to just start on my penis and keep going.

I have to pay before i can play

Our current rule is that I have to pick a card and perform what’s on it before I get edged. I can refuse. If I do, no sex until I experience what is on the card. I only get one chance a day. Mrs. Lion can not offer me the Box if she doesn’t want activity. I can refuse to pick if I’m not interested. We both get a choice. By requiring this “payment” before I get jerked or sucked, our sex is more structured and closer to how it would be if we were both interested.

I think Mrs. Lion needs to remove any sexual-stimulation cards like coconut oil from the box. That activity comes after what the card makes happen to me. We’ve only been doing this for a few days. So far, I like it a lot!

shock collar under lion's balls
This is a dog training collar cut down to fit around my cock and balls.

Mrs. Lion invented a game she calls Zapardy. It’s played while we watch “Jeopardy” on TV. The way it usually works is that she has me strap on my shock collar (it goes around my balls). I answer questions when I think I know the answer. If I get them right, nothing happens. If I get one wrong, Mrs. Lion zaps me with the shock collar. It’s a distinctly unpleasant sensation. Under those rules, I can avoid getting a shock simply by staying silent. We discussed modifying the rules so that silence gets me a zap and wrong answers get me two.

We only played the game once this year. I managed to answer the questions I chose correctly and there was no zapping. That’s when I thought about changing to the system where I get penalized for being silent. This was about a month ago. We haven’t played since. I think the problem is that by the time Mrs. Lion decides it may be fun, the show is already started. The only potential solution for this is that I strap on the shock collar every night. Then all Mrs. Lion has to do is open the app on her phone to play.

The other day I was thinking about our NFL game. That’s the one where I get swats anytime a team scores. It’s easy to play that game because football doesn’t move very fast and there is plenty of time for Mrs. Lion to get the swats in. With Jeopardy, it would be very difficult. Questions come one right after the other. It occurred to me that if we had a hand counter, you know the clicker used to count people entering a store, Mrs. Lion could simply click it each time I earn a swat. Then after the show finished, she could administer all of them at the same time.

I suggested that I get one swat for being silent and two for being wrong. There are 60 questions in the game. Plus the final question. So, if I remain silent through the entire program, I would earn 61 swats. The total goes down or up from there depending on how good I am playing. If Mrs. Lion wants, she can add “interest” by making “Daily Doubles” more dangerous. She could make failing to answer one of those worth three swats and getting it wrong, six. If she wants to be particularly mean she can up the ante. She can assign two swats for silence and four for a wrong answer. That would make the end-of-show reckoning considerably more painful. Or, she could have a coin flip at the end of the game and if I don’t win the toss, she doubles the number of swats.

This game is a lot easier to play. She put the clicker on her nightstand, so all she has to do is pick it up and we are off and running. We both like spanking games once the inertia is overcome. It’s a way of inserting some non-punishment spanking into our lives. It is also fun because we both like quiz shows. What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

I was a bit surprised at Lion’s reaction to being able to put off the Box O’Fun. I figured it was a way for him to tell me if he was up for play or not. I was keeping up my end of the bargain by offering, but he’d be able to beg off if he wasn’t feeling well or wasn’t horny, etc. I never envisioned it as a way for him to pay for sex.

While the things in the Box O’Fun are mostly painful things, Lion likes pain. He’ll never admit to it, of course, but why else would he like having his balls tied tightly or being spanked? He’s the one who came up with most of these tortures. The two that come to mind that as my additions are Velcro and the tiny clothespins. I guess they’re the evilest, but they’re only variations of things he’s suggested. I’ve recently added coconut oil masturbation to the box. How is that paying for sex? [Lion — Maybe that’s sexual green stamps.]

I don’t really mind his thinking. As a character in one of our favorite sitcoms said when she was asked if it bothered her that her husband was fantasizing about another woman during sex, “He can think about whoever he wants. I’m thinking about Denzel Washington.” He can think he’s paying for sex. I’m thinking I’ve done my job by offering. I guess it works out just fine.

I’m more concerned that I haven’t come up with any more ideas for the Box O’Fun. I mean, Lion thinks I do too much cock and ball torture. There is a lot of it in the box. But there’s also pegging, figging and butt plug cards in there. We eliminated them from the box recently because of Lion’s intestinal issues. If he’s okay to continue with that, I’ll add them back in. Obviously, we’ll have to get some ginger for figging, but that’s easily solved. I was also thinking of adding in a card called “Lioness Choice”. As you can imagine, I’d get to pick what I want to do. I know I can do that any time I want, but I really want to try to keep doing the Box O’Fun. Any time we stop doing something, we tend to stop for a long time. If I don’t have him pick from the box one night, I’m more likely to forget it the next night. It’s a slippery slope.

We seem to have a lot of slippery slopes. Having him masturbate for me, my forgetting things, health issues, etc. can or have all derailed us at different times. The worst one is inertia. Once we stop something, it’s extremely difficult for us to start again. That’s why I think the Box O’Fun is so important. Even if we’re down to the last card I should bring out the box. He needs to pick it. If we make it a ritual, we’re more likely to continue.

travel box o’fun

I was sort of concerned how we’d manage things on our camping trip. We’re tired when we get home. We tend to leave things in the camper until we’re more rested. Certain things come in quickly, like laundry and food. Unless we had a Box O’Fun for the camper, I could see it sitting out there and we wouldn’t have it in the house. Or, and this is more likely, I could see us simply forgetting it altogether. And then we wouldn’t play. And then we wouldn’t play once we got home. And then inertia would set in. And you know how the rest goes.

Lion ordered a larger Box O’Fun because I said it was difficult for him to mix up the cards for a real random selection. Once we have that box, we can use the old box for the camper. It should be just fine for a few days of camping. And I might want to modify the cards that are in the camper box. I don’t think we’ve ever traveled with ginger, for example. There may be other things that the camper is just not conducive to doing. As soon as we get the new Box O’Fun, I’ll start working on the Travel Box O’Fun.

Lion had to cancel his appointment for a shot in his shoulder. We didn’t want to take a chance on getting caught up in the ongoing demonstrations in Seattle. I understand the demonstrations. I don’t understand the looting. Some places have peaceful marches and even cops are joining with the marchers. I won’t say the looting is only happening in the big cities because I don’t have a lot of information on the subject. In my humble opinion, looting seems to negate any peaceful demonstration. The bad news will generally overwhelm the good. The other thing that bothers me is that I’m unclear how George Floyd made it to the ground. The only video clips I’ve seen, show him being handcuffed, told to sit (which he does), told to stand (which he does), being led toward the police car and then he’s on the ground with the cop kneeling on him. How did he get from point A to point B? And what did he supposedly do that led to him being face down on the ground? He was handcuffed. How much of a threat could he have been? I do realize he was a big man. But he was handcuffed. Did he headbutt the cop? Insult his mother? What could he have done that would lead the cop to put him on the ground? And what could he have done that would make the cop think it was okay to kneel on his neck like that? He’s down. He’s handcuffed. I don’t get it. End rant.

Lion’s appointment has been rescheduled to next Wednesday. That’s another week of pain, but it doesn’t really seem to get in the way other than not being able to hold his arm in certain ways. Sometimes he needs to adjust his position more during spanking because of the way he has his arm. I know we can’t snuggle the same way because having his arm around me hurts. If I snuggle in, sometimes his arm is even sensitive to touch. If I forget and rub it, he can go into orbit. I don’t know if the shot will help all these things. I just want Lion to be in less pain.

The other day, I said I was going to add some things to the Box O’Fun. First up is a coconut oil hand job. Now, when I say hand job, I don’t necessarily mean it will go all the way to orgasm. I just mean I’ll get him to the edge, or as far as he can make it, while using coconut oil. I’m sure there were other things, but I was waiting until I found my index cards. All the items in the Box O’Fun are written on small slips of folded index cards. I just found the cards this morning.

The other thing I need to decide is how to handle the do-over idea. On the one hand, it can be a card in the Box O’Fun. On the other hand, it can be a reward I give to Lion for going above and beyond in some way. At this point, I’m leaning toward doing both. I’m terrible at finding things to reward him for, but I think I should retain that ability. I’m also thinking that my own veto power should be limited. I said that I should be able to call a do over depending on what he picks. At the time, I was thinking about his picking spanking a day after he’d gotten a punishment spanking. However, I could see being tempted to do it if he picked something I wasn’t really up for or, more disturbingly, if I wanted him to have another opportunity to pick something I’d rather do. So I am hereby limiting my veto power to things we’ve recently done such as a play spanking a day after a punishment spanking or if he picks the same thing two days in a row. Other than that, we both have to do whatever it says on the card whether we want to or not (with the exception of his using a do-over card). It’s only fair.