Letters

(Monday, May 12 2014) Time for another look into our mailbag.

Dear Journal,

I’ve been reading about male chastity for a long time. It’s hot to think about. I’ve been married five years and my wife and I are very normal. We haven’t done anything kinky. I don’t know what she will think if I ask her to lock me up and take charge of my sex life. I want this so much!

Needs to be caged

Dear Needs,

Almost all of us had exactly the same concern. I spent months thinking about being locked up before I finally got up the nerve to have the chastity talk. During that time I read all I could find that was written by real couples who successfully got into forced male chastity. Most of what I found, particularly on the forums for chastity, were single males writing completely unrealistic fantasies. This lack of real information is why I decided to share here.

There is no simple answer to your question. My approach was to simplify what I was asking. In the first conversation you just have to explain what it is you want; in this case, to have your penis locked up and have her hold the key. The inevitable question from her will be, “Why?” The answer to this can be kept simple. Something like, “Because I want you to decide when I get sexual release, and I want you to know that I can’t masturbate or even get an erection without your permission.”

Undoubtedly there will be many more questions. Many women will ask for time to think about it. That’s a good sign. You’ve waited this long, you can wait a bit longer. I suggest you show her this site. Ask her to read the section for prospective keyholders: How To Cage Your Man. This should answer many of her questions.

If you are lucky, she will agree to try locking you up. Shop for a chastity device with her. When you get it, put it on and give her the key. Now the hard part. You will be tempted to come up with all sorts of ideas on what she should do now that you are caged. Resist them. She has done her reading. Just stay quietly in your cage and let her decide what’s next.

Dear Journal,

I’ve been caged for a few weeks now. My wife seems to enjoy controlling my sex life. She has unlocked me and given me an orgasm at least twice a week. I know I should be grateful for this, but one reason I wanted to be locked up was to make a dream come true; not being allowed to come for at least a year. I told her about this several times, but she wouldn’t agree to such a long term lockup. What can I do?

Don’t make me come again

Don’t make me come,

Many men fantasize about long term chastity. Very few actually do it. When you gave your wife the keys to your cage, you surrendered control of your sexuality. As Mrs. Lion has graphically shown me, this can be long term teasing and ruined orgasms or being made to come every day. The point is that she is the boss. In a sense, your wish to not come for a long time is an expression of you wanting to control how she tops you.

You may want to ask yourself whether you wanted to be locked up at all? Did you want her in charge of your sexuality, or did you want her to  help you give up sex for a year? Maybe you asked for the wrong thing.

You Cum Too Often, Cage Hurts, What’s With The Diapers and more

You Cum Too Much

Hey caged lion, you aren’t really into chastity. Just look at your orgasm log, you cum more than I do and I’m not locked up. I think you aren’t really into chastity.

–Once a week

Dear Once,

I’m sorry that you don’t get enough. Forced chastity isn’t necessarily abstinence. A lot of  people into forced chastity find them having very little sexual release. Others, like me at least for now, are getting frequent release. Forced chastity is about control. My cage effectively prevents me from getting off. Mrs. Lion, my keyholder, decides when and how I get release. Our agreement says nothing about how often I get to cum. We agreed that I will be locked into my cage 24/7 and that Mrs. Lion will decide when or if my cage comes of and for what purpose.

So far she has given me two sabbaticals from captivity, both to allow sores to heal. Each time she released me she also made me cum. In her words, “You may be a wild lion for now but you aren’t likely to want sex for a while.” She’s right. She blunted the edge of my desire. When she decided I was ready to return to captivity she locked me up again.

The point is that my penis is not under my control. Mrs. Lion owns it. It just happens to be attached to me. She and only she decides when she wants to take it out and play. It’s up to her to take care of her toy in any way she sees fit. I’m very happy that she owns it and that so far she has been quite interested in playing with it. Unlike you, I can’t decide to play with it myself. If I get horny I have to deal with it. I only cum at Mrs. Lion’s pleasure. That’s why it’s called chastity.

It hurts to be in my cage
Dear Caged Lion,

I’ve just gotten into being caged. I bought a CB6000S and have been experimenting with different sized cock rings. One of them seems to be the correct fit. I can just get one finger between the ring and my body. The longest I’ve been able to wear it has been for a few hours. The skin under the ring gets very sore and red. I just can’t keep it on.

Chafed

Dear Chafed,

This soreness is not unusual with a new device or just taking up chastity. As you go about your daily activity, your body flexes down there. The plastic ring on the CB6000 is pretty “grippy”; there is considerable friction between the ring and your body. As a result, your normal movements force the ring to overcome the friction and irritate you. Some people use lube under the ring. That will temporarily alleviate the friction. Others try larger rings. That sometimes helps, but of course reduces security. In my case, when I started out with a steel device, I had a 2″ ring. After an hour or two one of my balls would escape.  I moved down to a 1 7/8″ ring. That stopped the escape, but I could still get two fingers under it. Finally, I went to a 1 3/4″ ring. It was pretty uncomfortable for a few days. I got quite red and hurt. Mrs. Lion had to give me a 24 hour rest. Eventually, it stopped bothering me at all as my body learned to live with the cage.

I suggest you consider going from the plastic to stainless steel. There are inexpensive cages available from China that can provide a pretty good fit. Be sure to measure carefully. See our measurement page for instructions on how to find your size. You can find the best prices and assortment on dhgate.com. Expect to wait three to four weeks for your cage. If you are in a hurry, amazon.com and ebay both list devices. In the meantime, try going up a ring size or two on the CB6000. You might also try pulling your scrotum skin back toward your body so there is a lot of loose skin between the ring and your abdomen. Some find this helpful. Lube isn’t really going to work long term. Also, take off the device and give yourself some time to heal.  Good luck!

Must I wear diapers?

Dear Caged Lion,

I enjoy your blog, but there is something I don’t understand. What do diapers have to do with chastity? Are you saying that in addition to being caged I should also expect to wear diapers?

–Staying Dry

Dear Dry,

Diapers have nothing at all to do with chastity. Years ago Mrs. Lion and I were experimenting with topping and bottoming (she was/is the top). One idea I had was to make me wear a diaper. At the time I figured that being made to wear diapers was a very clear signal of my submission. I wasn’t interested in being an adult baby. That just isn’t my thing. There was definitely a feeling of helplessness when I had to sit in a wet or dirty diaper until Mrs. Lion allowed me to change. All in all, neither of us really enjoyed it and we soon dropped that form of play.

When I asked Mrs. Lion how she felt about locking me up, she agreed because she knew I wanted it. She knew that I really missed bottoming. In fact, she said that she was considering putting me in diapers again since she knows that makes me feel submissive. I didn’t comment. I really prefer using the toilet. Shortly after locking me up she told me that she wanted me to wear a diaper from after work Friday until I got dressed for work on Monday. She said that I only had to pee in my diaper. I could use the toilet to poop. That was a relief. Of course I agreed.

After a month of weekend diaper service, I can say that it still isn’t fun for me.  I don’t really like to pee myself. However, having to wear them does, in fact, make me feel more submissive to her. Last night after discarding a wet diaper, I forgot to put on a new one. That earned me some swats with a very painful paddle. This amazed me. It’s been years and years since Mrs. Lion disciplined me. My butt hurt but my heart soared. That was just what I needed.

The key reason the diapers are going along with my chastity is that she knows I want to be locked up. She also knows that I would rather not pee myself. Both the chastity and the diapers to me are expressions of her control, but the diapers are her idea, not mine. That by itself is enough to give me the sense of submission I so badly wanted.

So, no I am not advocating diaper wearing as part of your chastity. It’s part of mine because it works for us.

My husband wants me to lock him up

Dear Caged Lion,

Your blog is great. Your section for keyholders helped me understand just what my husband wants. I was surprised and a little upset when he told me that he wanted me to lock up his cock. I thought he didn’t want to have sex with me. Now that I know more we have been talking about locking his cock. I now understand what he wants, but I am not sure I can do everything he says he needs. He wants me to control him and tell him what to do. He says that if I don’t please him, I should keep him locked up longer and not orgasm until I think he is being good. I’m a busy woman and I don’t have the time to be his nanny. I want my husband to be the man of the house. I am fine with controlling his sex life, but I don’t want to be his mommy.

–Not his mommy

Dear Not,

It sounds like your husband wants more than forced chastity. This isn’t unusual. I have fantasies that go far beyond our current activities. I think that is natural. However, he needs to understand that he is turning control over to you. That means he shouldn’t expect to create the scenarios that you do with him. He wants you to take charge. So do so. Tell him that you are okay about locking him up and controlling when he gets to orgasm. Ask him if he understands that you, not he will decide what else you control. You may expect him to be sexually aggressive and work hard to keep you satisfied. You may tell him that you want him to do more around the house. However, you don’t want to punish him. He has to be in charge of his own life. You might also let him know that if he is a good boy and makes you very happy, you might reward him by taking him out of his cage for some fun.

The key is to clearly communicate what you want and what you are willing to do. Ask him if he still wants to be caged. If he says yes, then lock him up and do things your way.

If you would like to ask Caged Lion, just click on the Contact Us link.We love mail.