Lioness 3.0

Mrs. Lion has been wonderful about daily sexual activity. She has done CBT followed by oral teasing almost every night. I’m horny nearly all the time. It’s big fun. On Wednesday night she created a “racing stripe” of sandpaper-lined clothespins from the bottom of my perineum to the top of my balls. Some of them really hurt.

As she put them on, she kept masturbating me. I was fully erect the entire time. Worse than when she puts them on, it really hurts when she takes them off. My state of arousal reduced the discomfort. Sweet lioness!

Lioness 3.0 is indifferent to my discomfort. In fact, she is proud and happy when she finds a spot that is particularly tender. I may have created a monster. She is equally unconcerned when she spanks me. My reaction doesn’t particularly interest her, though I think she enjoys it when I scream. She gauges her progress by the color of my skin. She gets a little annoyed when I bleed. Her paddle spreads the blood around and makes it difficult for her to see the skin below.

She isn’t being particularly cruel when she draws blood. For some reason, I tend to bleed after she hits an area on the right side of my bottom. When she wipes up the blood, there is no trace of a cut or sore. Apparently, a tiny crack in my skin opens up. It closes almost as fast as it opens. I don’t bleed much. The paddle spreads the drops of blood around as it goes about spanking me. Since she knows that the bleeding is very minor, Lioness 3.0 doesn’t even pause when it happens.

I’ve tried using skin cream to keep my bottom soft and supple. That doesn’t seem to help. Perhaps if I change my position to stretch the skin more, it will stop this from happening. Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem to feel that is necessary.

The entire spanking process is completely out of my control. My only job is to present my bare bottom and stay in position. When I loudly complain and tell her I want her to stop, she ignores me. It’s become very clear to me that spanking isn’t for my entertainment. It’s the punishment that I am supposed to hate. I do.

For the longest time, I had trouble reconciling the fact that spanking, at least the idea of it, turns me on. I can get hard thinking about being spanked. Yet spanking is how Mrs. Lion punishes me. It seemed wrong to get any pleasure out of something designed to make me unhappy.

I finally understand what’s going on. Yes, I’ve always liked the idea of being spanked. Before our domestic discipline, I looked forward to Mrs. Lion spanking me. I would often be hard when I got into position for a spanking.

Once Mrs. Lion learned to spank hard enough to hurt, I would quickly lose my erection once she got going. I didn’t like how it felt to be spanked. Yet, I got aroused at the prospect of getting my butt swatted. This isn’t too different from my reaction to other BDSM play. It was very hot to anticipate and remember, but not while it was happening.

I worried that if Mrs. Lion used spanking to punish me, I would feel the same way about a punishment spanking as a play spanking. For a long time, I did. Things changed when Lioness 2.0 began spanking me harder and longer. It hurt like hell. I wanted her to stop. It was definitely not a play spanking.

3.0 is even tougher. Her spankings are ferocious. I think she is still turning up the volume. I truly hate punishment spankings. Even though I like, even need to be spanked, I would never purposely do something to earn one. They are just too painful to do that.

This, of course, is exactly what we need. We both know that when Mrs. Lion punishes me, it is real. There is no play BDSM element at all. If I happen to get hard thinking about one of her spankings, once she starts I will remember that there is nothing sexy or fun going on. I don’t care what paddle she is using. Frankly, I can’t tell and have no time or energy to try to guess. I am way too busy trying to get through this horrible experience. All I think about is how I could be so stupid to earn this spanking.

Lately, on nights that I get spanked, there is no sex play. Mrs. Lion explains that it isn’t because she wants to withhold sex as part of the punishment. She knows that for some time after I get spanked, the last thing on my mind is sex. She’s right.

Mrs. Lion has mentioned that going to the trouble of spanking me after I annoy her is almost like adding insult to injury. She says that she usually doesn’t feel like expending the energy to punish me. I can understand that. However, we both know it is necessary if I am to learn. I don’t think she has bought into this yet. It’s probably time to bite that bullet. 3.0 knows that. It isn’t easy being Lioness 3.0. It’s also not that easy to be her lion.

Thursday night Mrs. Lion spanked me for my thoughtless behavior on Wednesday. She mentioned it in her post the next day. It was an important punishment. Hopefully, that spanking is the beginning of Mrs. Lion becoming more aware of things I do that bother her. Most couples that implement domestic discipline with the wife as the disciplining spouse begin because there is a behavioral problem with the husband. The most common reason is excessive drinking. The husband will be punished each time he drinks more than his wife permits him.

The key is that both partners believe something needs to be corrected. In our context, domestic discipline is a consensual activity. Mrs. Lion’s decisions about why I am punished can’t be vetoed. I think that surrendering the right to argue is what frightens many men about entering the sort of relationship. Mrs. Lion’s word is absolute, and I have to accept her punishments.

Our reason for getting into this has more to do with Mrs. Lion than me. She has a lifetime habit of stuffing her feelings. In the past, I’ve done things that upset her. I’ve been thoughtless with something I’ve said to her. She never commented when I did. I only discovered her upset when she withdrew from me. When that happened, I’d have to pry what was going on out of her. I felt that ultimately these bad feelings would add up and could endanger our marriage. I talked about this with Mrs. Lion; you can read about that in past posts. She agreed that the problem is real and that my proposed solution made sense.

Since neither of us had any experience with disciplinary spanking, it made sense to try to establish our roles in less threatening situations. After all, Mrs. Lion isn’t just going to suddenly tell me what’s bothering her and then punish me for my offense. That’s why we have our misdemeanors. They provided her with experience catching me doing something wrong, and me accepting punishment. It’s taken a long time to build up to a level of discipline that makes a strong impression on me. Mrs. Lion is now very successful at spanking me.

What we refer to as lioness 3.0, is Mrs. Lion being aware of things I say or do that upset her. Then, she must tell me about it and follow-up with punishment. Identifying offenses has been incredibly difficult for her. The fact that she processed and then discussed the fact that I upset her on Wednesday was a big step. I suggested that it was a spankable offense. She agreed, and Thursday night, I was spanked for it. That’s a terrific step for us both. Yesterday, in an email, I said that my bottom still hurt. She replied that she hoped it would remind me to think about what I did. Perfect!

heart paddle
It may hurt but Mrs. Lion punishes out of love. Contrary to the saying, it definitely hurts me more than it hurts her.

I’m not happy that I got punished, but I am pleased that Mrs. Lion processed my behavior and took action to try to teach me to be more aware of her. One of our readers suggested that she respond to my offense by keeping me caged longer, or worse yet, take my cage off. That sort of punishment isn’t useful for us. Longer-term retribution loses its impact because the offense fades from memory. A timely punishment like spanking allows me to associate my thoughtlessness with a very painful spanking. It conditions me to avoid the behavior that got me punished. The longer-term disciplines wouldn’t have that effect if I repeated the act. Mrs. Lion would have nothing else she could do. In this case, if I repeat that behavior, I can expect a longer (10 or 15 minutes versus five minute) spanking.

Behavior that is deeply embedded in our psyches isn’t going to change after a single disciplinary event. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to suddenly be able to detect and react to everything I do that upsets her. It’s going to take her time and effort to do that. Similarly, I’m probably going to be thoughtless again. It’s doubtful a single punishment will condition me away from that behavior. If it does, so much the better. If it doesn’t, Mrs. Lion will deal with it in a way that will help me learn not to do it again.

Unlike our misdemeanors, which are mainly BDSM, these more severe offenses need serious punishment to be corrected. Only a consistent response will do that. We’ve both learned that I learn by being punished for an offense. We discovered that when I was punished for spilling food on my shirt, I went from doing it frequently to rarely getting food there. In the scope of my life, that’s not a big deal. But it is a big deal in terms of the fact that we’ve proven that I can make changes as the result of disciplinary action. Now, we have to apply that same level of consistency to these more serious behavioral issues.

The bottom line is that Mrs. Lion and I want to make each other happy. I don’t need rules to do things that make her life more comfortable. I want to do that. And I do. We both came to like our BDSM misdemeanor “game.” So Mrs. Lion looks for other reasons to catch me and then punish me. Those punishments we call funishments: unpleasant but not severe things like mouth soaping and corner time. We both find it fun and exciting. That’s the reason I got punished, or should I say funished for forgetting to set up the coffee pot. It wasn’t that I needed severe discipline to get me to do my chores; it was just another way to play the game.

Spanking is reserved for serious offenses or dealing with repeated minor offenses. Mrs. Lion spanked me because I forgot for the fourth or fifth time to remind Mrs. Lion that Saturday is punishment day. I can expect another spanking if I forget again. It was the only time something in the realm of our funishments leaks into the more severe and painful spanking arena.

Both of us have been writing about the fact that I bleed when spanked. I had several theories about this. The one that I believe is correct is that my skin was dry, and when it began to swell during spanking, it cracked and bled. The solution, I thought, would be to moisturize that skin so that it is more flexible; soften it up for the blow. When Mrs. Lion spanked me on Thursday night, there was only a tiny bit of bleeding. She had put me in cotton panties so that it was the same set of conditions we had for the last two spankings. In those spankings, there was considerable bleeding. She is sure that she was just as harsh Thursday night, and there was almost no blood.

I will continue moisturizing my lower cheeks. I believe Mrs. Lion is going to go back to spanking my bare buns. Swatting bare skin is more painful, and she can see the visible results of her work. Mrs. Lion strives to achieve an even, dark-red color on the bottom half of my bottom. She tries to get the same color inside my crack as well. That was impossible, with me covered by the panties.

Before this most recent theory, we were both convinced I needed to toughen my hide. Mrs. Lion proposed to do this through spankings for punishment, and in weeks when I didn’t earn one, maintenance spankings as well. Perhaps she still has to work on my hide, but it’s clear that I have to continue moisturizing to keep it soft and pliable. As far as I could tell on Thursday night, having a moisturized rear end doesn’t change how sensitive it is.

It may seem odd that our domestic discipline is a cooperative affair with both of us supplying input. A disciplinary relationship is something we both want and have incorporated into our marriage. I owe it to Mrs. Lion to help her observe my offenses and correct me when I commit them. We are both on the same side. It will indeed hurt a lot after I tell her of something I did wrong and remind her to punish me. However, our goal is the same. We both want her to be more aware of things that bother her and to realize she has the power and the obligation to punish me when I commit them. We both profit when she does. A sore butt is a small price to pay.

I realize that our readers are much happier when I write about sex. When I read about discipline, I get zero comments. I really like your comments. Hint, hint.

As you may have guessed, this post is about discipline. Yesterday, for the first time, Mrs. Lion told me I would get a spanking for annoying her. In this case, I got a bit snippy when she was having trouble understanding an app on her iPad. To my great surprise, about 1/2 hour after I did this, she told me I was going to get a spanking for it. I pointed out that she gave me a sentence of four spankings when I forgot punishment day, and only one for upsetting her. She asked me if I wanted four more for this offense. I obviously told her I didn’t.

But this situation brings up a new problem. For one thing, Mrs. Lion’s spankings are far more severe than they used to be. Four days of spanking leaves me sore for days after. I know, that doesn’t have anything to do with it, or does it? Here’s the problem: when all we had were relatively trivial rules like spilling on my shirt or forgetting to remind her of punishment day, it made sense to sentence me to severe punishment when I broke those rules, particularly if I did repeatedly.

My “old” spankings weren’t very severe and it took several days of getting one a day to make her point. Now, I feel one of her spankings for two days after she gives it to me. The reason I bring this up is that I think we need judicial reform. It doesn’t make sense to punish me more severely for forgetting to remind her it’s punishment day, even if it’s the second or third time I’ve done it, then it does for annoying her.

Which behavior do you really want to modify, Mrs. Lion? Is it more important that I remember to remind you of punishment day that it is to be more careful about hurting your feelings? I think the answer is obvious.

We started the practice of sentencing me to multiple spankings as a way to make them more meaningful to me. The upside of this is that Mrs. Lion can indicate the seriousness of my offense by the number of days of spankings I receive. This works very well we’ve discovered.

Our judicial universe has grown larger. Mrs. Lion’s penalties have grown more severe. I think it would make sense to consider adjusting penalties to allow for these important growth steps. For example, as it stood this morning before I upset her, I had four consecutive days of spanking coming. That meant that it would be Wednesday before I felt her wrath for annoying her yesterday. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m smart enough to realize that I just got myself another day of pain.

What bothers me is that I don’t think were setting the stage correctly for me to fully appreciate how wrong it is to upset her. It really isn’t a big deal if I get food on my shirt or forget to remind her of punishment day. Certainly, those offenses should be punished. But shouldn’t upsetting her, which is a real problem, be treated more seriously?

I’m suggesting that breaking one of those old rules earn me just one spanking. If I’m egregiously breaking it over and over, then add more. However, upsetting Mrs. Lion in any of the ways that I can, earn a minimum of two. Perhaps, if she is really upset, earn me more. I also suggest that when one of these more serious offenses occur, she deliver the spanking as soon after I committed as possible. That would assure I remember what I did and why it made her unhappy.

I think this is really good news. 3.0 is finally getting her feet planted firmly. Now, for the first time, we can use punishment the way it was intended. I’m not suggesting the old rules go away or that Mrs. Lion not add anymore. I’m just suggesting that her sentencing guidelines be adjusted to encompass the wider world of offenses I can commit.

Now, I hope it’s becoming clear why we worked so hard at this. I know a number of our readers thought we were insane for giving me severe punishment for something as trivial as getting little food on my shirt. All that was rehearsal. Now, we are beginning to use these tools the way they were intended.

Poor lion.

I realized this morning that part of Lion’s problem getting to the edge is that I’ve been so overwhelmed by unpacking and life in general that I haven’t been putting my paw down. Actually, I think I realized it yesterday when I was installing a flood light all by myself despite the fact that he assured me he would get dressed and help. I was waiting for him to help me find the best placement for the light and when he never showed up, I decided he’d have to live with wherever I installed it.

If I approach things as if I’m in charge (duh), maybe it will bring him out of whatever funk he’s in. I’m under no illusion that it will be that easy, but it may help. I don’t know if it will make me feel any better. We’ve been snapping at each other a lot lately so maybe if I put my paw down, he’ll think better of snapping again.

The truth is, I’ve just been too overwhelmed and tired to put up much resistance to his snapping at me. To be fair, I growl as much at him. However, my growl should carry more weight. The weight of a paddle, to be precise. I will try to summon up the energy to give him a good 3.0 snap and follow it up with some swats.

Again, it probably won’t be that easy. Last night he said he may be depressed. As someone who has been depressed (self-diagnosed) for the better part of mumblety-mumble years, I can’t imagine that he’s not. All the nonsense that has happened to Lion over the past year would be enough to drive a lesser man to commit himself. I had a coworker who used to say if we needed her she’d be over in the corner playing with her toes when things got hectic at work. Just being on the outside looking in, helping him through this year has been enough to make me want to commit myself. Maybe we can get a group rate.

This morning Lion has a headache. He may need to take it easy today. My migraine has morphed into a sinus headache. I’ve slept a lot since Thursday night. I’m hoping by this evening, we’ll both be feeling better and I can try to edge him again. It didn’t work last night and he felt bad about letting me down.

I always tell him not to worry about disappointing me. But what if that’s not the answer? What if he needs some swats for disappointing me? I don’t know. I’m grasping at straws here. I just want to help him out of his doldrums.

[Lion — I’m not sure that more growling and paddling will make me feel better, but it is what I believe would work best for us as a couple. As usual, we tend to think alike. You’ll see that in my post tomorrow.]