By:
In: Bondage, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Sex
hands tied
I love my hands restrained when things are done to me. It’s very hot, like my cage. It removes any choice of what happens to me.

(Thursday, June 19, 2014) This is the sixth day since my last orgasm. It’s not a record for me, but it has been a while since I had to wait this long. Last night Mrs. Lion kept her promise and spanked me. She used her hands (very good hands) and a nasty wood paddle that has a sandpaper and a smooth side. When she wanted to administer hard paddle shots, she put her weight on my back to prevent excessive movement. It was pretty effective. If she ever decides to administer a series of hard paddle swats, I think she might want to have me lean over the edge of the bed and sit on my back. I tend to buck and try to escape. It may take a while before I learn to hold still, if I ever can.

Following the spanking, she began playing with my cock and swatting my balls with her hand. I had no idea whether I would get to orgasm. Her hand made me feel amazing. Oh, I wanted to come so much! She stopped just before I could come. She did this over and over and then announced that I would get my wish; she wouldn’t be making me come that night. I didn’t grumble. I did emit an “Awww!” But that was it.

Before the games began, she groomed me and so I am now pubic and ass hair free. After all was done I was left wild. I have a doctor’s appointment today to check my leg. wild. She was concerned that I would cheat and masturbate. I asked why. She told me that I had mentioned that I should have my hands restrained when she unlocked me after no orgasm for a while and she thought it was to prevent cheating.

On the surface it makes sense that being restrained would prevent any impulsive behavior on my part, but it isn’t the real reason I made that request. I don’t think there is a real danger I will overpower Mrs. Lion and jerk off madly. But just as I want the key hidden, I want to know that I have no choice. I can’t do anything about being denied orgasms. After all, forced male chastity is a form of bondage. Bondage translates on its most basic level to removing choice from the bound person. My cage denies me any choice in whether I can get erect or orgasm. It has maximum psychological effect on me if I really don’t have a choice. I don’t have access to a key except in an emergency and when unlocked my hands are safely restrained. I can’t take matters into my own hands.

Even though it is very unlikely I would actually cheat or overpower Mrs. Lion, I find it very exciting that I can’t. I think this is hard for her to understand. After all, if I won’t cheat and can be safely left wild, why would I need my hands restrained when she removes the cage? It isn’t completely rational. But then, is having my cock in a cage?

I can be left wild for any reasonable amount of time without risk I will come without permission. But it defeats the point of my lockup. In a case like today where I need to be examined, obviously I can’t be in my cage for the visit. Well, I could, but I would have a lot of embarrassing explaining to do. I am grateful that Mrs. Lion spares me that. If we wanted to be really high security (which would be fun), she could have kept me locked and accompanied me to the doctor, unlocking me in the car just before we go in. We did this once because we forgot to unlock me the night before. I really  liked that adventure. However, as hot as it is, to do this Mrs. Lion has to lose pay by leaving work early to drive to the doctor’s office to meet me.

That brings me to one other important point. Everything about my forced chastity adds effort and takes time from Mrs. Lion. As a former top, I fully understand that there is a personal price for the top that is paid for providing dominant services to the bottom. Each added level of chastity security requires more thought, time, and effort from Mrs. Lion. So, it makes sense to suspend the high security imprisonment at times that would further inconvenience her. I’m an adult, after all, and I have a reasonable amount of impulse control. Any male who doesn’t, shouldn’t be caged; he should be in therapy.

I try to consider any requests in that light. My wish to be restrained when unlocked is just one more chore for Mrs. Lion. I think I can make it painless and take only seconds. We have a set of velcro restraints. They are custom made using industrial webbing and very heavy duty velcro. I can’t release myself from them We have an eyebolt in the back of our headboard on my side of the bed (one on hers too). We can leave the restraints tethered there and when it is time for an unlock, it should only take a few seconds to secure me.

That sounds simple and reasonable, but it could just be too much. Every bottom likes to believe it is easy to meet his requests for bondage or more control. It often isn’t. It’s my kink that I like to be restrained. It isn’t my kink to defy my top if I’m not. Bondage turns me on. I used to love to be the Indian when we played cowboys and Indians as kids. I always ended up tied to a tree. I loved it. No wonder I want my cock locked up full time and my hands restrained too.

I don’t expect Mrs. Lion to understand why this turns me on. I’m not sure I understand it myself. It just works for me. My first partner all those years ago liked me in bondage. She also really liked that I could never escape on my own. Every single restraint was locked securely with a large padlock. We both knew I wasn’t going anywhere without her releasing me. The locks were her idea and weren’t really necessary. After all, bondage needs to be supervised at all times. A bottom can get into serious trouble just tied on his back spread-eagle. All sorts of health emergencies can occur. My first top knew this and always supervised me. So the locks for her were like having my hands restrained when I am uncaged. Absolutely unnecessary, but very hot.

Mrs. Lion shouldn’t take this as a must-do. As I mentioned before, there is a price the top has to pay for each new chore associated with her domination. I think every bottom, including me, tries to rationalize each request by minimizing it’s impact on the top. I don’t want to do that. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to restrain my hands when she unlocks me in order to make me happy. I am happy now.

 

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment
feeldoe more
This is the Feeldoe More. It is a double dildo designed to give maximum pleasure to the woman. The smaller end goes inside her. The longer, larger end goes up my butt. Click the image for purchase information.

Chastity aside, power exchange can do funny things to your mind. When I first started playing, I ended up as a bottom. At the time, it wasn’t so much my choice. My partner and I tried both roles. She was miserable the morning after bottoming. I liked it. So, I became the bottom. However, the role did some funny things to me. After a few days of our new, more intense relationship I found myself easily upset. I came close to tantrums over small things. I was constantly unhappy that I wasn’t getting enough attention, spankings, etc. I was sinking into depression. The play itself was great fun. My partner was a wonderful top. Her IQ was over 180 and she applied her intelligence to her role. We both read everything we could find and tried a wide variety of activities. Sounds perfect, right?

From the top/bottom perspective it was. But it was seriously affecting my mental health. After a few months we parted (we had been living together). While I really missed the play, I was no longer depressed. My next top/bottom relationship was with two women. One topped me and the other bottomed to me. This is the ultimate switch sccenario. I loved it. Who wouldn’t? It was my first chance to top consistently. My bottoming was limited to sessions we would arrange. The rest of the time the three of us were equals.

After that, I realized that my mental health was much better when I topped. Since I didn’t want to give up BDSM, I elected to be a top. I became active in the New York leather community and evolved into a teacher and leader, and for a decade owned a 24/7 submissive/slave. All in all, I topped for over twenty years. During that time I had a few opportunities to bottom at various events. A famous BDSM author and I  switched at alternate events. It was great fun.

The 24/7 dominant role was wearing on me. It became a huge emotional drain. I became less and less interested in providing the master role. We parted after 10 years. I missed her terribly, but was also relieved. I met Mrs. Lion about this time. I was convinced I wanted to bottom again. The need was very strong. I worried about the emotional consequences but decided that in one way or another I needed the play. So, I introduced poor, vanilla Mrs. Lion to the world of spanking, dildos, bondage, and cock and ball torture.

She was great. Over a very short time she learned to play at a very advanced level. I loved every second of it. Our relationship, however, evolved with me providing much of the leadership. I paid the bills and made (with consultation) most of the major decisions. This seemed to suit us both quite well. I’ve written about my difficulty with initiating sex. This created distance that eventually ended our play and most of our sexual contact.

I realized that I really needed the play we once had. I need to feel the physical/sexual control that we enjoyed early on. Mrs. Lion admitted that she really missed the sex we had and her libido had effectively shut down (she’s written about that here). We still loved each other most of all. We do everything together and our care for each other has just grown. The sexual issues did no damage to our relationship. That in itself is pretty amazing, but it’s true. That’s what made it safe for me to introduce the idea of forced male chastity.

Even while functioning as a full-time master, I felt a strong attraction to chastity devices. I started a web site to review these devices. Manufacturers provided me with samples of products. My slave rolled her eyes at my two or three day “test” periods, but she accepted them with good nature. Had I found one that I could truly wear full time without making major life changes, I might have needed to find a new relationship.

So, in January 2014 I discovered that amazon.com sold inexpensive Chinese chastity devices. This renewed my interest and I ordered a few. Most were surprisingly wearable. So, in early February I asked Mrs. Lion how she felt about being my keyholder. She agreed and you can read the resulting adventures here.

Early on I realized that I wanted some degree of control and discipline. I also worried that the old depression could accompany this change. I decided that with three decades of topping and occasionally bottoming under my belt, I should be better equipped to deal with any emotional issues that come up. I didn’t discuss this concern with Mrs. Lion. In fact, I didn’t even think about it consciously until this week.

What started me on this trip down emotional memory lane was what Mrs. Lion calls my “grumbly” attitude. After about four days of denial, I get grumbly and whine a bit about my condition. Today is my fifth day and last night I was grumbly. I felt neglected. It’s true that since my last orgasm (Friday, June 13) she hasn’t really teased me or paid any sexual attention to me. My whining was slightly justified. She told me that she was just feeling a bit overwhelmed with household and work duties. I also think she hasn’t been sleeping too well and that affected her too. I wondered if I was falling back into my former bottoming depression.

I don’t think I am. Mrs. Lion informed me that she planned to end my grumbles tonight. I asked her not to. She has other attention planned for me. She said she will “manscape” me; remove any pubic hair that has grown in and spank me. She isn’t promising to keep hands off my penis. I’m glad. I would love some teasing, well lots of teasing. I just want to wait to see what I feel.

The biggest difference between then and now is that I don’t feel the irrational urgency that swept over me regardless of how much we played. Now, I am happy that we do play and any grumbliness that creeps into my personality is limited to attention to my penis. From a practical perspective, I do hope we can do our anal play more regularly. I would like to be pegged, but that requires me to relearn how to accept what Mrs. Lion chooses to penetrate me. I would also love to try a double dildo we have (see photo). It is anatomically designed to stimulate the woman while she has the other end deep inside me. I would love to make Mrs. Lion come by pegging me. Am I still greedy for more play? Oh yes! Does that greed take over my life and depress me? Nope, not so far; and I hope never. Stay tuned.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity
most of what you read on the web represents a combination of ignorance and extreme positions on forced male chastity.
Most of what you read on the web represents a combination of ignorance and extreme positions on forced male chastity.

I’ve been reading and writing about forced male chastity for over fifteen years and I’ve been locked up full time for almost six months (with breaks for sex, hygiene, etc. but otherwise full time). Mrs. Lion and I have been writing here about our experiences as long as I have been locked up. I think this qualifies me to comment on the general state of forced male chastity on the Internet. So why this buildup? Well, I decided to go back and revisit what’s available on the Web and then consider what that would mean to someone new to forced male chastity.

The first thing I noticed is that most of the conversations on forums and blogs talk mostly about subjects that have nothing to do with forced chastity. For example, on one forum, a member asks about underwear that is comfortable while wearing a device (I discussed this just a few days ago in this post). Surprisingly, most of the replies discussed wearing women’s panties and the like. Suggestions ranged from menstral pads to female thongs. Similarly, discussions about living with forced chastity invariably discussed other kinks like cross dressing, adult baby, spanking, etc.

Another favorite topic is chastity hardware. Many of the conversations talk about coping with discomfort associated with their owner’s devices. The implied message is that wearing a chastity device is painful and uncomfortable. Most of the coping advice flies in the face of good hygiene and healthcare. For example, many suggest regular application of skin lubes to relieve painful cock and ball rings. Healthy skin should not be greasy or damp. They fail to recognize that the real problem is that they have the wrong size or type of device.

Things really go off the rail when the conversation turns to how the keyholder should behave and how the caged male should treat her. One disturbed writer claimed that if the male wants to orgasm he should throw a tantrum to convince his keyholder he really wants it. Keyholders are advised to monitor every minute of their caged male’s lives, keep them restrained during any time out of the cage, make them eat from dog bowls on the floor, etc. Those activities are certainly valid for some, but not required to practice forced male chastity.

I have to watch out too. Since I have been locked up full time for months, I tend to think that my lifestyle is simple enough for everyone, and that if you are considering forced male chastity that you would naturally want to do what I do. Well, no. You don’t. Based on my contacts over the years and filtering the wheat from the chaff on the Web, here is my take on how most people practice forced male chastity:

  1. The vast majority of people who do this use inexpensive imported chastity devices that don’t fit very well, but do control access to the penis. Most people practice limited lockup in the context of sex play. Lockup times range from less than an hour to a weekend.
  2. I haven’t found anyone who is locked up with no other sexual play associated with the chastity. Most, if not all, approach forced chastity as a form of sexual submission. Many limit it to the keyholder determining when and if the caged male gets an orgasm. Of course, this implies that the male is locked up more than a few hours. Others use being locked up as a punishment. Almost by definition, being locked in a chastity device and surrendering the keys to someone else is a power exchange. Exactly how that power exchange is expressed varies by the people doing it.
  3. There is no right way to practice this. Like any other sexual activity, forced male chastity is between consenting adults. Recently, I tried to see if I could find examples of situations where the keyholder initiated the forced chastity. I only found two, one of which was a reintroduction of forced chastity months after the male discussed it. What does this mean? Simply that the male wants to be locked up and wants his keyholder, at the very least, to decide when and if he can orgasm. Anything you read about keyholders forcing males into chastity is obvious fiction.

Like many things on the Web, a great deal of what you see represents extremes of belief. This is especially true with forced male chastity. Most of the males who write on forums either want to brag, share a fantasy and pretend it is reality, or ask advice of other inexperienced males. Very few experienced, full time, caged males and their keyholders bother to participate in these forums. There are a handful of blogs like ours that share real life forced chastity experiences and advice. In fact, the reason I started this blog was my utter horror at the misinformation floating around the Web.

Please remember that if you read something about forced male chastity that seems extreme, it probably is. The bottom line is that if you decide to become caged or to be a keyholder, all you are signing up to do is the power exchange about when and if the male gets to get erect and orgasm. Everything else is purely optional. Mrs. Lion and I do what we agreed would match my particular kinks and her desire to support them. What you do will probably be quite different.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex
hand in undies
Manual stimulation alone doesn’t immediately make me hard. I seem to need more.

Last Friday when we were away, Mrs. Lion unlocked me and played with me. To my surprise and dismay, it took quite a while for me to get hard. It had been over five days since my last orgasm, so I was certainly massively horny. Still, it took a few minutes for me to stand at attention. I expected that I would be erect the second Mrs. Lion touched my cock. I can’t explain why she had to work so long to get me hard.

One possible reason is that I was out of practice. That doesn’t really make sense. My penis attempts to get hard at least once every night. I know for sure my body remembers what to do when my penis is stimulated. But then what could be going on? When Mrs. Lion began fondling me, it felt good but not in the I-need-more-now way. After a bit, it felt that way again, so it wasn’t anything she was or wasn’t doing. Her mouth-to-cock resuscitation was immediately successful.

I’ve noticed this resistance to manual stimulation some other times too. It isn’t that my penis is so sensitive that her manual stimulation hurts. It doesn’t. It just takes a while to feel good enough to get erect. A theory of mine is that as time goes by I grow less sexually sensitive in general. I just defocus from penile stimulation. That doesn’t make me less horny or wanting release, but it may make my cock more “cautious” about what should be arousing. Even before I was caged, manual stimulation without any conversation or other non-penile warmup would make it take longer for me to get hard. So, taking me out of my cage without verbal or other sexual activity may just not set me up to get instantly hard. Part of this, of course, is my age. As we grow older, we need more stimulation in general.

I do know that Mrs. Lion really turns me on. Rubbing or licking her gets me hard inside my cage as I arouse her more and more. I can feel my cock wishing it could replace my finger or tongue inside her. That is a great turn on! Another possibility that might explain my delayed reaction is that for the last several years we have not been very sexually active. Mrs. Lion hasn’t been feeling very sexual. I, not being great at initiation, just made that worse. So, for me sex has been occasional handjobs, the rare oral sex, or masturbating myself. I didn’t masturbate often, weekly at the most, often less. But the bottom line was that my penis was handled and masturbated by me or Mrs. Lion without conversation or other stimulation. I came every time, but I can’t say it was wonderful. It was release.

Now that sex has moved more toward the center of our lives things are different for the two of us. Unfortunately, apparently my penis hasn’t gotten the memo. I would like to return to my former self; reacting to even the smallest touch from Mrs. Lion. I think this will require a new approach. For example, when Mrs. Lion says she will tie me to the bed and… (fill in the blank), I react immediately. If she tells me that she will spank me, or she will make me hard and then make me suffer, or…you get the idea, it seems to go straight to my cock.

Does this mean that Mrs. Lion is doing something wrong? No, not at all. I think I have always been this way. I need the images in my head before the hand on my cock has the desired effect. In fact, this may be why initiation is so hard for me. I don’t seem able to self-generate the required mental stimulation. It’s not that I don’t have a vivid imagination. Obviously, I do. I just don’t seem to be able to easily start my own motor. As I think back over my life, this has always been the case. It’s just how I am wired. This lion doesn’t have an electric starter. However, Mrs. Lion knows how to get me started when she wants.

I have wondered if I could be trained to respond more readily to physical stimulation alone. I am not sure exactly how that would go, but I think that I could be taught to associate a phrase or gesture with erection. It would take time and patience, but it might work. If it does, the next step could be to use this to get me to initiate. I’m not sure. Mrs. Lion will have to decide if this makes sense to her and to us.