By:
In: Lion's Journal, Living with a female led relationship

My job hunt may be nearing the end. The job I had initially interviewed for in late May with six more in early June, went silent until yesterday. I was informed that I need one more interview with an executive vice president. That means the hiring manager and the others who interviewed me agree I should get the job. Today I have a half hour scheduled for the final step. I certainly hope that this one will go as well as the last seven. It will be a big relief for both of us if things work out. Unlike my last few jobs, this is full time and permanent. For the last three years I did work on contracts that covered specific projects. There’s nothing wrong with that except I have to hunt for work at the end of each. Since job hunting has been so painful for me, I am cautiously optimistic about this opportunity. I don’t want to count these chickens before they hatch.

There is a lot of stress for both of us caused by my being out of work. While we have been consistently following enforced chastity and our brand of a female led relationship, I can’t claim that we have been as active since my last contract ended; or have we? One of the interesting side effects of a successful FLR is that it fades into the background. It becomes so ingrained in everyday life that it stops being noteworthy.

I think this explains why it is sometimes hard to come up with posts and why others who write about FLR and enforced chastity sometimes write less frequently. The exotic becomes mundane. When that starts happening, one option is to up the ante: Get a new chastity device. Find ways to make it more secure. Create new, more restrictive domestic rules. You get the idea.

In the beginning, this can work. Mrs. Lion and I have been going very slowly so we have options in terms of growth of our FLR. Enforced chastity is working for us. There isn’t anything we can do to improve it. Unlike some, neither of us considers longer and longer waits between orgasms to represent a path we want to follow. Fortunately, the benefits we get from enforced chastity remain and don’t depend on us doing anything more than our current activities. It seems to me that keeping enforced chastity and FLR alive by ever-increasing restrictions is eventually going to fail. You can only go so far before things are crushed under their own weight.

In some communities where practices like domestic discipline are the norm, there is no expectation that practitioners keep increasing restrictions or make discipline harsher. The authority model, usually male dominant, are the norm. Positive feedback is provided by notice of the “good behavior” of the disciplined wives. Both the dominant and his submissive wife feel pride when community members give positive feedback. That doesn’t happen with us.

We don’t have a community that approves and recognizes our enforced chastity and FLR. There are no external motivators to help us persist. All feedback and approval has to come from inside the relationship. Theoretically, there could be a community of people practicing FLR who could provide the support and feedback needed. Unfortunately, there are very few of us doing this. There may be many thousands, but we are geographically distributed over multiple continents.

I had a hope that an online community could be created that would allow us to openly communicate with like-minded people. While it’s possible to do this in theory, in reality any attempt is quickly overwhelmed by guys who want to use the community for masturbatory fantasies. Every enforced chastity / FLR forum is virtually useless as a meeting place for people who actually practice these things.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with fantasies about enforced chastity and FLR. It’s just that the needs of real-life practitioners are very different from the guys who get aroused reading and chatting about it. If there were enough people living nearby, it would be pretty simple to start building this community. The fantasy folks would be easy to weed out. Online, that has never worked out. In fact, even bloggers like us who obviously practice FLR and enforced chastity, have little contact with each other.

The reason for this, I think, is that all we ever know about one another relates to a very limited set of activities. You just can’t build a community around FLR or enforced chastity. Communities are three-dimensional groups of people with many shared values. For example, the religious communities that practice domestic discipline don’t put the discipline in the center of their interests. It is only a small part that is subsumed by the religious beliefs of the community members.

So, Mrs. Lion and I are a community of two. FLR and enforced chastity represent a very small part of our relationship. Unfortunately, since these things are not part of any family traditions, our practices are not integral parts of our belief system. That means we have to keep them alive ourselves. So far we have been able to do this.

By:
In: 2.0, Female led relationship with discipline, Living with a female led relationship, Punishment, Spanking

I think Lion neglected to follow what he wrote in his own post. He wrote:

“If he persists, she gives him a painful bite. He never retaliates.”

Oh really? Last night’s behavior proves otherwise. [Lion — Is pouting retaliation?]

When we came home from dinner, I was in more pain than usual. I told Lion. I did try to snuggle with him at one point, but my neck was very stiff and I said it was uncomfortable to be in the snuggling position. I went back to my side of the bed and tried not to move too much. Everything hurt, but my neck was the worst. We ran through some TV shows we had recorded and then Lion asked what I wanted to watch. I picked a show, which I almost never do. A short time later, Lion got quiet and even left the room. When he came back, I asked if he was OK. He said, “Why wouldn’t I be?” I didn’t push it. I also didn’t push it when he didn’t speak for the rest of the night. Or when he rolled over and went to sleep without a kiss.

This morning was more of the same. I finally broke the silence by asking him what he wanted for breakfast. I suggested one thing but he didn’t want it. I started making something else and he didn’t want that either. Eventually he told me he doesn’t know what I want and that’s why he was mad. The short version is that he was disappointed because I didn’t tell him bluntly that we weren’t going to play. In the past, saying I’m very achy has been enough. Something changed. Now I don’t follow through with plans and I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. For the record, I didn’t promise or even allude to anything in yesterday’s post.

So, here we are, back to the beginning of 2.0, who emerged after a previous “discussion” about my achiness. No worries. 2.0 is back again. Since Lion insists on acting like a baby, he will be treated like a baby. When we get back from our errands today, Lion will be in a diaper. Any grumbling will be met with swats. On a bare bottom, not through the diaper. Tonight, although it is not punishment night, he will receive swats for the silent treatment as well as the missed good night kiss. Consider this the painful bite, Lion. And don’t even think about retaliating.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Living with a female led relationship, Male Chastity

My last few posts have been introspective. It’s not that I need to rationalize enforced chastity or our FLR. It’s more that I want some insight into how these essentially sexual practices have such a profound effect on our marriage. As you probably know, I’m not the type to just accept the good news and go with the flow. I want to understand the why as well as the what.

A long time ago I read that all love ends in sadness; either by death or divorce. This is indisputably true. Some could take this as a reason to avoid love. After all, isn’t it better to miss out on love than to suffer the indescribable pain of loss? I cast my vote on the side of love. My life is infinitely better because my dear lioness shares it with me. The odds are good that I will die first. So it will be she who suffers the pain of loss. I will be gone.

I feel selfish because the love we share will eventually cause her horrible pain. I’ll just slip into blissful darkness. She will have to manage a new life alone. Of course, there is nothing we can do about this. Because it is inevitable there is little reason to dwell on it. But thinking about the end does offer me some instruction about my present.

When I was a teenager, my father died suddenly. He left behind a long list of things he wanted to experience but hadn’t because he needed to take care of other, more immediate things. I resolved never to let that happen to me. I would experience things as they came up. That way, at the end of my life there would be little left undone.

That philosophy has served me well. It has moved me in wrong directions at times. But eventually I find my way back to the life I want. This can make me appear impulsive. To an outsider I appear to plunge into new things with all four paws. But as Mrs. Lion knows, that’s not the case at all. When something comes up that catches my interest, I find out everything I can about it. My research is quiet. I don’t usually share these forays into new knowledge. At some point I will either decide that I don’t want to pursue it or I will resolve to give it a try.

That’s what happened with enforced chastity. I spent well over a decade learning and writing about it. It always seemed hot, but I couldn’t see myself losing sexual control. Finally, that little voice inside my head said, “You’ll regret it if you don’t try it.”

I usually listen to that little voice. The few times I didn’t, I’ve regretted. More about some of them another time. So, I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. Neither of us expected this to last very long. We both figured my independent personality would grow tired of surrender and the cage would come off. To my complete surprise that didn’t happen.

There have been plenty of times I question my own sanity for wearing this thing. I get grumpy about my inability to get off if I want. At least once a week I wonder if Mrs. Lion really cares if we do this or not. That worry is the worst. I hate the idea of having her go through something she doesn’t want just to make me happy. I know she watches TV shows that I like and she doesn’t. She sometimes goes to restaurants that I love that do nothing for her. I am deeply grateful for those sacrifices. But I couldn’t stand putting her through our power exchange just because it is something I like.

Checking things off my bucket list carries a certain amount of guilt. These are things I want to do. Are they things that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to do? One reason I want her in charge (FLR) is that I hope she will make sure her wants are front and center. I would much rather miss out on something than roll over her wishes.

That concern is what moved me to ask for our FLR. It wasn’t out of a need to give up control in general. It is out of a much more significant need: to be sure that my sweet lioness is being heard and is having her wishes granted.

I recognize that this is a rather extreme way to accomplish this. But in our case I think it gives us the best chance of achieving the balance that will make us both happiest.

By:
In: 2.0, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Living with a female led relationship

We get many questions about the long term effects of enforced male chastity on the caged organ. For the record, there is no evidence that wearing a comfortable chastity device has any physical effect on male sex organs. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about the real long term effects enforced chastity has. First, let me say what I mean by long term; it’s at least a year of orgasm control with or without a chastity device. In my opinion, full time wearing of a device enhances the effects over time.

I’m not referring to the expected effects: loss of expectation of ejaculation with stimulation, increased attention to the keyholder, and increased horniness. Chastity fantasies claim that a caged male will also want to wear panties, do housework, and become abjectly submissive. Nope, those aren’t changes I’ve personally observed. So, what I am talking about? Now that I am one third through my third year of enforced chastity I’ve begun to notice some changes I never considered when we started. There are three:

First, I am more patient. This change felt unrelated to locking up my cock, but it is probably the most easily understood. I’ve learned there are amazing virtues to patient waiting. Orgasms! The toddler in me has learned that impatience doesn’t get me to ejaculate. It gets me spanked. For the first time in my life there are both positive and negative consequences connected to my level of patience. Too little and I end up with a very sore butt. More, and I eventually get a nice orgasm. OK, that’s not too amazing, but I’ve learned to be much more patient abut everything else as well. Part of the reason that I am more patient are reminders from Mrs. Lion when I am too ready to growl. But I think the most significant reason is increased self awareness brought on by our power exchange.

The second effect is that I am kinder. A day doesn’t go by when I am not reminded that I depend on the kindness of Mrs. Lion if I am to have any sexual fun at all. I love sex. Until we began enforced chastity I always had the option of taking sexual satisfaction into my own hand. I didn’t have to depend on anyone. I pride myself on my independence. Of course, now I am totally dependent for any sexual activity; even an erection.  I understand how it feels to need the kindness of another. It’s a lesson I will never forget. I have to return the kindness Mrs. Lion gives me to others who need mine.

The third is much more subjective. I think I have gotten more controllable. It’s one thing to surrender sexual control. That’s exciting and fulfills fantasies. Of course, over time, the excitement of the fantasy goes away. For me the fantasy is replaced by a desire to obey. I’ve never been particularly obedient. That’s one reason my nickname has always been Lion. I’m independent and go my own way. I don’t ask permission. Well, I didn’t. Now, I ask first. Maybe this means I am more submissive. I don’t know about that, but I do want permission to do a lot of things I used to just do on my own. This ranges from deciding what to eat for dinner to where we go on vacation. I don’t argue as much with Mrs. Lion when she tells me to do things. When 2.0 is out and about, even the smallest hesitation gets me a sore rear end. She’s not out that much lately, but as she emerges more often, I expect that I will be more obedient.

These changes are the direct result of enforced chastity and orgasm control. Sex is a powerful motivator. I have a theory. I think the reason that so many of us caged males want a female led relationship is due to the changes our sexual power exchanges make to us. It isn’t a magical transformation. It’s very gradual and depends on our keyholders growing in authority as we grow in… well, submission. I never anticipated these changes. I never believed that sexual control would leak into other parts of my life. Well it does. I like the new me.