Category: Living with chastity

I am writing this post on Tuesday. You, of course, will be seeing this on Wednesday. So, references to yesterday and today are relative to Tuesday instead of the date of publication. Are you confused?

Anyway, last night (Monday), Mrs. Lion gave me a lion Brazilian; a Lionzilian. She’s gotten very good at it. It used to take her 30 to 45 minutes to take off all the hair from my upper thighs to my bellybutton. Last night she did it in less than 20 minutes. There was a little problem.

In order to get the hair from my butt cheeks and crack, I am on my knees with my head on a pillow legs as far apart as practical on our massage table. This gives her excellent access to my perineum, scrotum, and the inside of my crack. When she finished, I had to get off the table. I was maneuvering around looking for the best way to do it when I slipped and fell. It wasn’t a long distance of course, but it was enough to wrench my back. I was in terrible pain. Fortunately, I have some old opioids I saved from my surgeries and I took two plus some ibuprofen. It didn’t exactly take the pain away, but it helped. I was up until after 4 AM before I finally got to sleep.

Mrs. Lion took care of me wonderfully. She got the medicines for me and helped me get as comfortable as I could. She stayed home from work today to assist me. I stayed in bed until a little after noon and then finally managed to get to the bathroom without too many spasms. If you’re curious, I used a pictcher like a urinal. After finishing my bathroom activities, I managed to get into my office and sit down at my desk. I’m writing my post for you now. For the record, I’m currently not in pain. That’s not entirely true. There are a couple of spots on my bottom that hurt when I sit. I did not get those injuries from a fall. Mrs. Lion inflicted them on Sunday night.

There was no spanking, play, or sex last night. If I am moving around better today, the spankings will resume tonight and maybe the other stuff too. When I lie on my back I am pain-free. So far, the same is true when I sit at my desk. I am quite sure that lying on my stomach will not hurt my back and will give Mrs. Lion access for spanking.

If you wonder why I’m talking about this in the middle of suffering an injury, it’s because we both want to avoid disrupting our successful pattern. We don’t want to go back to the situation we had when I was recovering from surgery. Is not that our lives were falling apart. It’s just that it’s so much better when our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) and orgasm control are in place.

We checked in with each other on how we were feeling about resuming the spankings I am owed and sexual activity. Mrs. Lion’s position is that if I’m not in pain when I’m in the proper position and I can get back to my normal position on the bed, then I should be getting this to the spankings I am still owed. It’s a little funny that I was thinking the same thing.

I can’t explain it, but I feel much better when there are few excuses possible to suspend our FLRD. Mrs. Lion trusts me to be honest about my level of pain. There is no possibility that paddling me will have any effect: good or bad, on my back injury. In fact, the way I knew that I was feeling better today was that I began feeling the sore spots on my bottom. Last night I couldn’t feel any pain except my back. The fact that these lesser, spanking injuries are front and center now means that I think the worst has passed on my sore back.

I’m getting physical therapy to help me recover from the spinal surgery. Part of it is developing strategies to do things I used to do without thinking: like getting off a massage table, or getting up from the floor. We’re working on them as well as helping me restore my sense of balance. I lost some of that after the surgery as well.

I think you should know what’s going on outside of our FLRD and male chastity. Most significant in all this is Mrs. Lion’s devotion to me. She has uncomplainingly taken on all sorts of stuff to help me get through this. I feel guilty that I am making her life more difficult. I mentioned that this morning. Her response was that she wants to be with me. I told her I felt the same way. I want to live as long as I can just so I can be with her.

People get a clearer view of how devoted we are to one another when something like this injury occurs. A lot of people don’t realize that our FLRD, including the painful spankings I get,

I’m heading back to bed now. The ibuprofen’s are starting to wear off.

As Mrs. Lion wrote in her post yesterday,I’m having trouble with sex again. I get super excited when she plays with me or sucks me. However, after a while I just lose interest. I don’t get very close to the edge at all. I’m not sure what it’s all about but Mrs. Lion seems to think that if there’s a little bit more activity prior to going for the gold, we’ll have better luck. I kind of agree. For me, being able to get off requires more than just stimulating my penis. I can’t really put it into words, but there needs to be something mental and possibly physical in order to put me into orgasm mode.

I know that a lot of women believe we males don’t need anything more than a naked female body or a soft hand around our cocks. Maybe that was true when I was 25, but it isn’t true anymore. Mrs. Lion does her level best to turn me on. It’s not her fault that I’m having this trouble now. I think we just have to find a formula that turns on that magic circuit breaker in my head. It gets a little more difficult to do this the older guy gets. I’m confident that we will get there. Mrs. Lion doesn’t give up.

Speaking of not giving up, Sunday night I got the second of the five spankings I currently have coming. This time, she was in her traditional sitting-next-to-me position. It felt like she made a strong effort to pay attention to the center of my sit spot. Several times she spread my cheeks wide so the paddle could reach inside my crack. Actually when she does that I don’t think it gets as deep as she would like. This may be a disadvantage created by the specific paddle she uses. Maybe she has to switch to something with a shorter handle. It’s definitely very effective when she manages to get inside close to my anus. Still, when she did that Sunday night, it allowed her to put some redness very close to my crack down where my butt always has to contact the chair. I can feel the effects of some of that today.

Without any conscious planning, it feels like we have a set of standards to measure various activities. For example, Mrs. Lion and I measure the effectiveness of a spanking by how difficult it is for me to sit the next day and perhaps the day after that. I do get red, but not that red during a spanking. The color never lasts very long. Similarly, I can be bruised but it’s difficult and the bruises rarely persist for long. I think Mrs. Lion has come up with some visual cues to help her know when she’s done a good job. This is an area she’s new to and I suspect needs more feedback from me to perfect.

The second standard is for sex. In a vanilla relationship, male satisfaction can be measured by success in making him ejaculate. In our case, since we practice enforced male chastity, success is measured by how easily Mrs. Lion can bring me to the edge of orgasm over and over. A really great session has me humping air while she gives me just a few quick little strokes just below the head which is enough to drive me right to the edge of ejaculation. She’ll gently hold my penis and then as I calm down just a little bit, a few more quick strokes pushes me again to the edge. When she wants me to actually ejaculate she tends to just go for it. I suppose it’s doesn’t require as much finesse to get me to have a full orgasm.

Over the years, Mrs. Lion has perfected handling my penis to a fine art. She’s even able to successfully bring me right to the edge with her mouth. She knows how to play me like a piano. It’s distressing for me when normal techniques stop working. That’s what’s been happening lately. She is nothing if not determined. I’m confident she will figure it out and will get me back to regular edging. I don’t expect an orgasm until I’ve had several days of intense edging. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I think we’ve gotten a bit out of the rhythm of days and days of edging before I’m allowed to ejaculate. Frustrating as it is for me, it’s also fun. If this move has taught me anything, it’s that Mrs. Lion and I have developed things that we like to do and the way we like to do them. The move has disrupted all this and has made it difficult for us. I think we can now begin to recover what we’ve lost. I guess at the end of the day (I hate that expression), we are creatures of habit.

One of the most difficult things about enforced male chastity and other forms of control is figuring out how to actually integrate the power exchange into your life. Most of the people who read this blog are male. It’s not surprising. After all, enforced male chastity is a practice invented by males for males. I know the concept is that the keyholder/disciplining partner is in charge and makes all the rules. If you think about it, controlling when we get to ejaculate as well as creating rules we are to follow is really for our benefit. There’s nothing in this for the keyholder except doing something that partner wants. How many women think about how often their partners should have orgasms?

That’s the thing. We all get so wound up in the mythology that we don’t consider that our partners are not sadistic penis-focused dominatrixes. They are women who love us and want us to be happy. I would be very surprised if any of them gave a single thought to your orgasm frequency before you brought up the topic of enforced male chastity. When you did bring it up, the topic became relevant. However, I don’t think anybody including those of us who are practicing enforced male chastity have a clear idea exactly how long we should wait between orgasms. I’ve read a lot of posts, mostly by men pretending to be women giving different “rules” for wait time.

I think that wait time is highly individual and is probably best determined by two things: The first is the normal sexual rhythm of the male. How often does he like to ejaculate? Most keyholder’s have a pretty good idea of this. Of course, before accepting the value you imagine is correct, find out if he masturbates secretly. You may have to change the number. The second is a little more difficult to determine and probably needs considerable experiment before you get it right. That is, how long does it take for him to get incredibly horny. And, how long before he loses interest in sex if he doesn’t get to come.

Knowing these values gives you a very good idea of what would make a nice wait time for him. This will take experiment. The only reason it’s important to know his usual rhythm is to give you an idea what you have to do to go beyond. For example, if he generally likes to get off every couple of days, that means you can set his initial wait time at some value beyond that. For example, maybe start out with a seven day wait. That gives him enough time to work up a good head of steam. On the other hand, if he normally comes just once a week, then his first wait time should probably be two weeks.

Despite the mythology, enforced male chastity is really something that only benefits the male. It’s important that we guys understand that. It’s not something being done to us; it’s something we want. So, our partners/keyholders are looking for ways to make this more fun for us. It’s not fair to force them to figure out the rules of a game that only we get to play.

Mrs. Lion has never liked scheduled wait times. She likes to decide on the spur of the moment whether or not I get to ejaculate. I’m fine with this mainly because she decides to get me off long before I’m ready to hump trees. She knows it’s a game and has some fun playing it. I don’t generally want an orgasm less than two days after the last time I came. Mrs. Lion rarely tries until I’ve waited at least three days. If she’s been having success edging me, she generally makes me wait about a week. Very rarely has she made me wait longer.

This seems to work for both of us. That doesn’t mean that sometimes she won’t push things and keep me waiting much longer. I don’t make a big deal out of how long she makes me wait. I do let her know what seems to work and what doesn’t. I want to point out that this isn’t the same as me whining at her about being very horny. She likes that and, after all, that’s exactly the way I should be.

I’m talking about serious, adult conversations where we look at what we’ve been doing and give each other feedback. Other times I can complain and whine as much as I want and she will just give me that little smile and edge me some more.

All of these power exchanges with the exception of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline, are essentially games. Wearing a chastity device is a bondage fetish. I have it and love it. Controlling me sexually is fun for me. It may not be as much fun for Mrs. Lion, but she gets the reward of seeing how it makes me happy.

Mrs. Lion and I tend to think very much alike. The underlying issue that we want to resolve is often different, but the actions we are considering are generally the same. In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote about becoming stricter. Actually, she acknowledged that she ignores it when I snap at her, or more correctly, growl. She also acknowledged that she snaps at me, but doesn’t follow up with her paddle. Her snaps are so mild that I usually miss them entirely.

Her solution, is to summon the energy to punish me when I growl or when I do something that she was previously snapping at me for doing. I’ve only been writing about her needing to put her paw down for years. Maybe finally, 3.0 will actually do it. She has perfected her spanking to the point that it really means something to me. Now, perhaps, she will focus on the way I behave when I interact with her.

I know that a good number of our readers believe that the best way to cure my lack of sexual responsiveness is to make me wait longer for an orgasm. There is a large grain of truth in that, up to a point. In the past, we discovered that after I waited a certain amount of time without edging, I lost interest in sex. It was actually harder to get me hard (See what I did there?) After such a wait, my hormones shut down when they know there is no sex in sight.

That’s one reason we set up our agreement that I would be edged at least once every other day. That kept my motor running and made longer waits more difficult. We seem to have forgotten that. Mrs. Lion suggested that maybe the way to handle my lack of interest is to lock me up and not let me out for anything for several days. I’m pretty sure that won’t work. However, locking me up and letting me out for frequent edging with no hope of an orgasm, could get things going again. This is one case that makes sense to let me know the minimum amount of time this teasing with no possibility of orgasm will go on. I’m not saying that at the end of that minimum wait I will finally get to come. Oh no, this is where Mrs. Lion’s fondness for surprises comes in. After that minimum, she can make me wait as long as she wants and surprise me when she finally decides I’ve had enough waiting.

Strictly speaking, the male chastity device isn’t required for this. However, it does strongly emphasize her control over even the smallest amount of arousal that I can have. That adds fuel to her frequent edging. It becomes my only opportunity to be hard. I’m not sure that this is the answer. For all I know, tonight (Sunday) I will have a glorious Fourth of July orgasm. I never know. That’s a good part of the fun for both of us.