Orgasm denial

hard lion

When you watch TV shows that center on the husband being a buffoon, which is almost all shows, the wife tends to be a bitch. At some point, someone will say the phrase “happy wife, happy life.” Lion is not a buffoon, I don’t think I’m a bitch and the phrase tends to be “happy husband, happy life.” I know it doesn’t rhyme but bear with me.

Lion was upset the other day, thinking that I was bored with him or that I didn’t like him. He’s a very sensitive guy. If I spend too much time on my iPad or I don’t follow through with plans of sexual attention, he thinks something is wrong. In an effort to dissuade this, I changed our agreement from sexual attention at least every other day to sexual attention six days out of seven. I further promised to make afternoon delight the norm for as long as we’re quarantined and on weekends thereafter. We started yesterday.

At some point in the early afternoon, Lion went into the bedroom. I finished what I was doing and followed him. We watched some TV and snuggled a bit before I put the moves on him. When I finally moved into the handjob position, I grabbed the Magic Wand. Lion sighed. Clearly that wasn’t the attention he was hoping for. I told him I didn’t need to use it, but he told me to continue. He wasn’t very convincing. I proceeded for a few minutes and he did seem to be enjoying himself, but it definitely was not what he wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted either, but I’d decided to do something that was a little more than “just” masturbation. What I really wanted to do was give him a blow job, so I told him to lay across the bed. If you want to see a man move fast, tell him you’re going to give him a blow job.

Since he was already pretty hard from the Magic Wand, it didn’t take much to get him the rest of the way. I didn’t go right for sucking though. I kissed him all over and then teased him with the tip of my tongue. And when I finally started sucking him, I made sure there was a lot of suction involved. I don’t normally do it that way because it can get too intense, but intense was exactly what I was going for. I asked him how many days it had been. He said eight and I made a comment about that being no good. I didn’t say what that meant. It could have been too many or too little. At that point, I wasn’t sure which one.

As I continued making him squirm, I decided that I’d get him as close as I could for as long as I could without pushing him over the edge. If it happened, it happened, but I didn’t really want it to. Eight days is an average wait, but I haven’t really gotten him to the edge much since his last orgasm. He needs to suffer a bit. How can he truly enjoy an orgasm to its fullest if he hasn’t been frustrated enough? What’s enough? It’s not an exact science. Many times I think he’s suffered enough and, after orgasm, he’ll say he didn’t really want one. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy it or really want it. He just wanted to be denied again. That’s when I feel like I can’t win.

I don’t know how long I’ll make him wait. Maybe he’ll get lucky today. Maybe it won’t be till Thursday. Maybe, since days are meaningless right now, I won’t have any idea what day it is. But eventually, he’ll have the orgasm he so dearly wants.

Sex is different for me. It’s not that I’m no longer interested in it. I really love sex. More than six years of orgasm denial and control has trained me on every level of my being. I suppose the best way to explain this change is that my expectations are managed. I no longer expect to ejaculate even when stimulated right to the edge of an orgasm. Like Charlie Brown in “Peanuts”, I take a running start to kick the ball that’s teed up in front of me. The joke in the comic strip is that Charlie Brown never learns that Lucy is going to pull the ball away at the last second. I’m just like Charlie Brown.

In the heat of the moment, each and every time Mrs. Lion masturbates me to the edge of orgasm I fully expect I’m going to ejaculate. Somewhere in the intellectual part of my brain, I know that she’s going to stop before I reach the peak. The rest of me is ready to go. Just like Charlie Brown, I hope to be able to get that orgasm. When Mrs. Lion stops, the intellectual part of my brain says, “I told you there was no need to get so turned on she was never gonna let you come.”

Mrs. Lion is too smart to let me really learn. She gives me the chance to ejaculate regularly, but not too regularly. She lets me get over the top often enough that I am ever hopeful. She will even edge me multiple times and then push me over the edge. Other times, she’ll edge me multiple times, stop, and say “Not this time.”

I’m panting too hard to sigh. If I could, I would let out a big deep sigh of disappointment. The big difference between orgasm denial and orgasm control is managing ejaculations. Some people believe it’s far more controlling to withhold orgasms for very long periods of time. Doing this creates a very different mindset. Guys that don’t expect to ejaculate for months on end become a cheering section for their own denial. It becomes a sort of contest. Extending the wait is a contest. I imagine there’s a sense of disappointment when his partner finally lets him ejaculate.

It’s diametrically opposite to my situation. Mrs. Lion will give me an orgasm every 4 to 10 days. Sometimes she will make me wait longer. The average is about seven days. That’s long enough to make me really want to come, but not so long that I am not actively hoping that each time she plays with my penis she might let me ejaculate. It’s positively diabolical. Just enough time to get truly frustrated, but not so much that I will lose hope.

Edging every day or two guarantees that the right hormones are flowing. I’m rarely more than 48 hours away from being brought right to the very brink of an orgasm; actually, being brought to that brink over and over and over again. It’s exciting to think about. I find it fun as well. I never know when sexual activity will result in me scoring a touchdown. I don’t have any input into the process. I just have to lie there and hope for the best.

One sacrifice I make being under orgasm control is that I have to be sexually passive. I can’t initiate. I have absolutely no control over how stimulated I will be. I have to lie on my back while someone else — my lioness — has complete control over my sexual pleasure. If I’m tempted to take things into my own hands, we have a collection of male chastity devices that guarantee nothing sexual will happen without Mrs. Lion providing the action. After over six years of this, I find this very natural. I’ve surrendered control for so long that I don’t believe I could take it back if I wanted to. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Lion has no such interest.

Orgasm denial is one of the most popular topics in the world of submissive men. It’s developed enormous mythology around the power of suppressing ejaculation. This came to mind because I read a ridiculous post by a self-proclaimed female dominant who claims there are all sorts of physical and mental effects when a man is prevented from ejaculating. It’s part of bigger mythology surrounding the immense power of a penis.

There’s no question we like our cocks. I’m very fond of mine. I like it because it’s capable of giving me extremely pleasurable sensations. Nature intended this. After all, in order to propagate the species we need some sort of incentive to have sex with a female. Primates also use sex recreationally. Unlike most other mammals, we mate for fun without pregnancy being the objective. In other words, we enjoy recreational sex.

As males, we learn that when no one is around who will have sex with us, we can take care of it ourselves by masturbating. It’s a fun activity that when not overdone, is completely healthy. Men who decide they want to submit to someone sexually, generally relinquish control of when they can ejaculate. This is certainly true of me. Mrs. Lion has trained me not to masturbate. The only way I can ejaculate is if she uses her hand or mouth to get me off. She doesn’t do this when I ask her to. She does it when she decides I should get an orgasm. This is called orgasm denial or orgasm control.

Both men and women have mechanisms that cut in when sex is not available. In the absence of sexual stimulation, the desire for sex diminishes over time. This is a complex process involving brain chemistry and hormones. If, on the other hand, there is sexual teasing, conversation, or visual stimulation, the desire to have sex will stay reasonably strong without actual sexual activity.

BDSM orgasm denial is intended to keep the male as interested in sex as possible without allowing him to release. Mrs. Lion plays with my penis almost every night pushing me as close to orgasm as she can over and over, without letting me come. This make sure that all of those nice little hormones are circulating in my body and I ache for a chance to ejaculate. The fact that I can’t because she won’t let me is a very hot expression of her power over me.

I get very horny and think sexual thoughts, get some spontaneous erections, and very badly want release. My body isn’t particularly troubled by all this. Contrary to popular belief, being sexually aroused and denied for any amount of time is nothing more than frustrating. My balls won’t swell up. I won’t produce hormones I can’t get rid of. All I’ll do is feel very frustrated. If I happen to be a submissive man, I could channel this frustration into increased obedience. I could imagine that if I was a good enough boy she might let me ejaculate.

On the other hand, if it’s me, I’m just going to get frustrated and horny and grumble a little bit now and then. I don’t feel any overwhelming need to get more obedient, do the dishes, or lick Mrs. Lion’s paws. The desire to do that is all in the mind of the person who wants to do it. There is no biological force making a man more submissive if he is horny. That’s not entirely true. I don’t think there’s a guy in the world who hasn’t done stuff he doesn’t want to do in the hopes it will get him into the panties of a woman he’s pursuing. How much he’s willing to do is a function of how badly he wants her.

Orgasm denial, no matter how long it goes on, is a psychological game. There are no physical risks associated with not having ejaculations. It’s absolutely safe to be edged and never allowed to ejaculate. It’s frustrating, but that’s the idea. If you think about it, the whole point of orgasm denial and control is to create a powerful mechanism that can be used to dominate the man. All the activities around orgasm denial draw attention to the penis. That attention is drawn in a way that encourages arousal. However, it doesn’t permit ejaculation. It’s designed to increase interest in sex and to emphasize that satisfaction only can come from the woman who’s in control.

That’s it. It’s almost impossible to play this game without increasing the dominant partner’s control. If one seriously agrees not to get himself off, he’s lost the game of power. Mrs. Lion makes sure that my interest in sex remains high. She celebrates my erections and stimulates my penis until I’m almost ready to ejaculate. She does this daily in most cases, and makes sure she lets me know that she likes how quickly I get hard. She also lets me know that I’ll get my chance to ejaculate when she’s good and ready.

She generally keeps me waiting between four and 10 days. She can keep me longer if she wishes. Some men like much longer waits. I haven’t come across a couple where the woman demands long intervals between orgasms. Generally, most women want the wait to be just long enough to make the point. That is, long enough so that he knows that no matter how much he wants a chance to ejaculate, he’s not going to get it until she decides she wants him to have it. After all, it’s about power. Most women like seeing men ejaculate. Many, like Mrs. Lion, have fun giving him orgasms. Orgasm denial is an extended form of foreplay. It’s also a very good way for a woman to assert sexual power.

We got started late last night. It was after 9. Sometimes that doesn’t matter. If Lion has been snoozing a lot his batteries can recharge and later doesn’t always mean failure. However, he hadn’t been snoozing.

I think the problem was more in the manner in which I was playing with him. When I told him he was spoiled the other day, I was only half-joking. I really think he’s tired of handjobs. Oh, I know he can get excited and, if there’s been spanking or if I’ve tied his balls or used some clothespins, he’s very happy with a handjob. But I think he’s secretly hoping I’ll give up and go for oral. Now I have a secret of my own.

I almost did give up last night and go for oral. But then I thought about the possibility of his being spoiled. No, I don’t think he’s consciously not getting hard so I’ll “give in”. Lion doesn’t do things like that. And I know he gets bored with regular old run-of-the-mill hand jobs. However, he hasn’t had a handjob in days. His last orgasm was oral but the time before that was a handjob.

Last night’s issue was most certainly the time we started. But I’m still going to tease him about being spoiled. I know he loves oral ministrations. I decided last year to try to even the score between oral orgasms and handjobs. I didn’t make it by a long shot. Maybe this year I can do better.

Of course, oral orgasms are not always the intention. It used to be that as soon as I moved between his legs, he knew he was getting an orgasm. Since I’ve figured out how to edge him orally, it’s not always a given. I’m happy about that. I like keeping Lion on his toes. It’s sort of like Schrodinger’s cat: is it alive or dead? Maybe in our case, it’s Schrodinger’s orgasm: it this an orgasm or frustration?