There’s a famous scene in “When Harry Met Sally” in which Sally fakes an orgasm in the middle of a restaurant. It all stems from a conversation about women faking orgasms and men not knowing. I don’t pretend to be the worldwide authority on orgasms and whether or not all women have faked them at one time or another. I’m not a fan of faking them. If the world didn’t move then it didn’t move. I do believe sex can feel really good without actually having an orgasm. I’m not talking about intentionally keeping someone from having an orgasm, as in edging. I mean sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

I haven’t been interested in sex for a long time. I haven’t figured out why. I know the mechanics of it still work. I can have orgasms. I just don’t get turned on enough to pursue them. There have been times that I’ve given Lion “real” sex so he can come inside me but I don’t have an orgasm. Should I fake it when I ride him? Would that make him feel better? Would he know I faked it? I guess he’d suspect now that I’ve wondered about it.

For the record, I love having Lion inside me. I don’t care if I have an orgasm or not. I should do it for him more often, whether I’m planning on giving him an orgasm or not. I’ve never tried to edge him vaginally but I assume it can be done. It just takes practice. Sounds like a plan to me!

Every so often a blog appears that offers “advice” on sexually controlling a man. Invariably,the “facts” are incorrect. In the interest of helping couples who want to institute male sexual control, here are a few clarifications:

Sperm builds up in the testicles
The myth is that sperm accumulates in the balls. They are reputed to ache if allowed to get too full. Nonsense! I had a vasectomy well over 20 years ago. Given the “full balls” theory, mine should have exploded ages ago. The fact is that if a man doesn’t ejaculate, sperm and other semen components are absorbed back into the body.

Male hormones are depleted if a man ejaculates too often
Male hormones affect the interest in sex, but they exist in the body with our without ejaculation. One misinformed blogger claims that frequent ejaculation reduces critical hormones like testosterone and that results in unhappiness. Her/his theory is that infrequent ejaculation will make a man happier. Puleeeze!

A man can’t be truly happy unless his partner controls his orgasms
This is the base premise of most femdom fantasies. Some men, like me, are happier surrendering sexual control. My happiness has nothing to do with the bogus physiological crap you read on the Web. It’s all about how we are wired. I’m hormonally normal. I know because I’ve been tested. My testosterone was measured when I was jerking off daily and when I was lucky to get off once a week. No change. The tests weren’t to disprove the silly theories. My doctor was ruling out causes of another problem.

Make no mistake, guys can have sexual issues. I’ve been having one lately. Mrs. Lion is sure that my problem — the ability to get aroused but unable to go past a certain point — is the result of my recent cold. Could be. I sure hope so. Clearly it can’t be due to Mrs. Lion’s control over my ability to have sex. It may be hormone related, but if it is, there is no correlation with my ejaculatory frequency.

Male control “methods”
Along with the pseudo-science, there are frequently methods on how to initiate and maintain sexual control. I find it hard to believe a woman would want to pursue them. However, these methods are entertaining masturbation fantasies for the guys who read about them. Few, if any women read those blogs. Sadly, their partners will try to convince them to pursue these methods in their real-life sex. Recently, these methods refer to “retention” as a euphemism for orgasm denial. It does sound more “professional”.

What works
The simple fact is that real-life orgasm control is an honest game played by both partners. It isn’t a way for a woman to control her man. It’s a contract between the partners. Some people put it in writing. That’s a good idea. The rules of the game are simple:

  1. The male partner agrees to turn over all sexual control to his partner. He will not masturbate. Any stimulation of his penis will be by his partner or at her instruction. She can tell him to jerk off.
  2. Sex with her will be at her initiation and in the way she wants. He agrees to provide her with any sex she wishes without any expectation of sex for himself.

That’s it.

Mrs. Lion and I have other power exchanges that include discipline and enforced chastity. None of them are required for orgasm control.

Tell her about the simple, two steps
If you want to begin orgasm control in  your relationship, consider asking her to institute the two steps above. It’s easy to understand and works. Start with simple reality and then let your experience grow together.

 

Yesterday we went to get bagels at the only place that makes decent bagels in the Northwest. Of course, that’s our opinion. And we picked up Lion’s birthday cake at an Italian bakery with a “small” sub that would feed a neighborhood. We shared said sub for lunch and, through the miracle of the internet and Alexa app, Lion turned on the wax warmers as I drove home.

We still had to wait a little while for the wax to be at the correct temperature, but they had a head start. It turns out that Lion didn’t have much hair on his flip side. I took care of some patches on his legs. His crack had very little fur. Maybe there’s something to this waxing thing. I think we may have figured out that the trick to getting any remaining wax off of him when I’m done is to douse him in mineral oil, rub it in, wait a minute or two and then towel off the oil. He was less sticky when he went to take a shower. Now we have to figure out how to get the wax off the waxing table sheets and we’ll be good to go.

After dinner Lion was looking for a snack. He’d forgotten about his cake but once he saw it he needed it. Happy birthday to him. He loves this cake. It may not be as good as the cake he could get back home, but it’s wonderful when he can find anything that comes close. When I put the plates in the dishwasher I teased him that we could have birthday cake when the dog had her ice cream. He would have if I didn’t decide I was going to have the rest of my piece of chocolate cake I’d brought home Friday night.

I did get around to giving Lion his punishment for spilling on his shirt Friday night. I thought I gave him a good spanking. He managed to hold still until I told him how good he was being at holding still and then he rolled away. Isn’t that just like a toddler? I made him stand in the corner for five minutes – no punishment stool, no mouth soaping. A little while later I asked how his buns were and he said they were fine. So much for an effective spanking.

Lion was surprised that he got an orgasm last night. I wasn’t sure if I’d just edge him until he broke or what I’d do, but I decided to let him go all the way. Why? I like to keep him guessing. Afterwards, he said he didn’t think he’d get an orgasm. Good. That’s the plan. He shouldn’t ever think he’s going to get an orgasm. He shouldn’t ever think he’s not going to get an orgasm. He should have no idea one way or the other.

Lion snoozed a bit while we watched TV. After he was done snoozing, we started watching a show I like that he doesn’t. He asked if we could snuggle. Of course. When I moved over he asked if there was something wrong. Was I tired? I was but not too bad. He wondered because I wasn’t touching my weenie. I was watching my show, but OK.

Once I touched my weenie, of course, he sprang to life. Lion asked if I wanted him to pause the show. Nope. I was watching it. Then I wondered out loud how frustrating it would be if I didn’t actually get him to the edge but just kept playing with him for a long time. He didn’t know. Oh well. I decided we didn’t need to find out.

Instead, I edged him mercilessly. Every time he got near and seemed positive he was getting an orgasm, I stopped. Again and again. And then I finally went far enough for him. He said it was a week between orgasms. I told him that wasn’t a very long wait. He disagrees.

Later on he said I really didn’t have to play with him. He was fine snuggling. Then why did he ask? Sometimes (ok, it’s frequently) I don’t understand Lion. If snuggling was fine then not playing with my weenie wasn’t an issue. I know we can pause a TV show. I figured we’d wait another day for festivities. I know I could have put my foot down. Maybe it was a test and I failed miserably. Maybe Lion was looking for me to say I was watching my damn show and he’ll just have to chill out for another night.

It really didn’t bother me on the scale of recent annoyances. It’s more of a head-scratcher than anything. Things that make you go, “huh?”