Category: Punishment

Perfect for between Lion’s cheeks.

Friday was a strange afternoon. We got some lunch, Lion got a haircut and we came home. Lion watched TV and snoozed a while. I played The Sims. Neither of us was hungry at dinner time. That always throws things off. We were finally hungry at around 8 so I made some snacks. Any play we’d do would happen late, if at all.

Around 9:30 I wondered if it was too late to give Lion his punishment swats. He said it’s never a good time. I suppose that’s true. He may like the idea of getting spanked and he may present his butt appropriately, but he definitely does not look forward to actually receiving the swats.

I decided to use the thick, rubber paddle. Lion says it’s thuddy. The last time I used it on him was for a play spanking and we discovered something interesting. If I use the side that curves away from him, it’s thuddy. If I use the side that curves toward him, it has more of a sting. Both sides are very useful. Aside from the thuddiness of it, I was looking for less marking on the edges. The wooden paddles seem to deliver more force toward the edges and I think that’s what causes bleeding. It’s just a theory, of course. The other reason for using the rubber paddle is that it does some of the work. A slight flick away springs back easily – like a rubber band.

Lion’s buns got very pink very quickly. This paddle is indeed very mean. I didn’t time the spanking. I wanted to concentrate on what I was doing rather than worrying about how long I was doing it. Even if I had set a timer, I would have been worried about when it would go off and had I gotten my task completed in the allotted time. No thank you. I’ll know when it’s time.

I tried to concentrate more on Lion’s sit spot. I made more contact with his lower cheeks and upper thighs. I pulled open his cheeks to try to share the wealth inside. I think I’ll need a narrower paddle to accomplish that. I was even thinking of looking for a riding crop for that intimate area.

Eventually, I inspected the area more closely. I was surprised to find a nasty looking welt on his upper left thigh outside of the area I was aiming for. Apparently the paddle had wrapped. I felt bad immediately. Lion said it didn’t hurt. It’s not surprising. His buns were burning all over. One area would not necessarily hurt more than another.

Despite the evil-looking welt, there was no sign of blood. There were spots that looked like they would have bled if I’d been using a wooden paddle, but no actual blood.

This morning, Lion reported that he does have a sore spot but the welt has calmed down considerably. It’s a normal bruise now and Lion says it’s fine. Let me be clear, even after his buns were no longer burning, Lion was not concerned about the welt. While I was still worried about it, as long as he was fine with it, I realized it wasn’t as serious as I had thought.

Sometime after the spanking, Lion made a comment about my being a one paddle person. I use different paddles all the time so I didn’t understand what he meant. He said I only use one paddle per punishment. It never occurred to me to use different ones. I do for a play spanking but that usually has more to do with building up the intensity. I guess if I add a crop or other narrow paddle for his crack, I’ll have graduated to the next level. Who knew? All this time I’ve just been searching for the one paddle that did what I wanted it to do in that particular punishment session. Sometimes I feel stupid. [Lion — Mrs. Lion is very smart. She focused on a single tool so that she could master it. Now that there is real estate needing something else, I know she will find it.]

Since we started our female led relationship, I’ve struggled with the apparent contradiction between being in a serious Female Led Relationship with Discipline and finding it sexually exciting that I am in this situation. The same basic conflict exists with male chastity and orgasm control. On one hand, it’s very frustrating and aggravating to be forced to wait to ejaculate. On the other hand, it’s probably the most exciting sexual activity I’ve ever had. That’s easy to understand. After all, it’s all about sex.

My conflicting feelings around discipline are much harder to reconcile. It’s true that I’ve always enjoyed being spanked as part of a BDSM scene. As I’ve discussed many times, this enjoyment challenges Mrs. Lion to distinguish a punishment spanking from one that I like receiving. For the record, she’s done a very good job.

We’ve both discovered that our disciplinary relationship isn’t purely about correcting my behaviors. From the beginning, I’ve tried to believe that our FLRD is a serious, non-sexual matter. Yes, I know I am turned on thinking about being spanked, but I also know that once I start receiving a punishment spanking there is no sexual pleasure. If we stop there we have a consistent disciplinary relationship. Both of us have discovered that once I correct the behaviors that earned punishments, both of us feel a kind of loss.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t consult about what we’re going to post. A good percentage of the time, our posts end up being quite closely related. The past few days are a good example of this. Each of us has provided our unique side of the same issue. We are not happy that I am no longer committing offenses. As Mrs. Lion said in her post on Monday, I did interrupt her and she handled it with a growl instead of a spanking. That was the only offense in at least two weeks. She went on to write that she needs to look for new offenses I can’t help but commit fairly often.

This may sound odd to you. It seems that she wants more opportunities to spank me. We are not talking about play spankings. She can give me as many of these as she would like. She’s referring to full-on disciplinary spankings. I didn’t say anything to prompt her comment.

At the same time, without any consultation, I wrote about how I felt there is a hole in our relationship. I missed the sense of stability and control I get when Mrs. Lion spanks me. I proposed maintenance spankings as a way of filling that gap. Obligingly, Mrs. Lion gave me one on Monday night.

If this is just about the need to spank and be spanked, it would be very easy to provide maintenance spankings on a frequent basis. Neither of us is shy about asking for or delivering spankings of any intensity. There’s just a little problem looking at things that way. Mrs. Lion doesn’t get pleasure out of delivering a disciplinary spanking. She enjoys doing the play variety, but not the much more painful disciplinary sort. Similarly, I don’t like receiving disciplinary spankings. It’s true, the idea of getting one is arousing. The actual delivery is anything but pleasant. Even a rather mild maintenance spanking is something I’m sorry I’m receiving.

If both of us don’t consider giving and receiving harsh, disciplinary spankings enjoyable, then why do we both feel we need to find situations to deliver more of them? I know Mrs. Lion is not a secret sadist. I’m definitely not much of a masochist. I believe there’s a great deal more going on than we talk about.

I think we both want the exceptional closeness our disciplinary relationship gives us. You could think of it as a sort of game. I think this is probably true in any domestic discipline situation. The game is fairly simple. One player, the disciplining wife, has a set of rules that both people have agreed upon. In many cases, like our marriage, she also has the right to unilaterally create and punish actions that had previously not been agreed to as rules. The disciplined husband has a very strong incentive to obey all the rules, both explicit and implied. Failing to obey one results in a very painful spanking.

The reason I couched this in the language of a game is based on my most recent discovery. Mrs. Lion and I want more than just to correct my behavior. We want, even like, the challenge of observing behavior and penalizing errors. This may not seem to make a lot of sense. I know it’s true of us because Mrs. Lion’s discipline has been very successful in correcting the behaviors she wanted to change. It’s exceptionally rare that I break any of my rules. If I do, like forgetting punishment day, a disciplinary spanking renews my attentiveness.

Mrs. Lion likes catching me. I like it when she does. I know I’m not going to like what happens next, but that’s the cost of playing the game. Recently, Mrs. Lion felt that a full disciplinary spanking seemed much too severe for infractions like spilling food on my shirt. I agreed. So, she replaced spanking for these minor offenses with mouth soaping and corner time. For the record, I don’t like either of those punishments.

A little surprisingly, getting my mouth soaped didn’t improve my memory and I continued forgetting punishment days. When Mrs. Lion went back to a disciplinary spanking for forgetting, my memory improved immediately. This was nothing conscious on my part. I always try to obey my rules. I genuinely forgot those punishment days. My memory actually improved once my bottom was made sore enough.

I realize that a lot of people are heavily invested in the “seriousness” of a female-led relationship. It does have serious aspects. It isn’t a joke and I have absolutely no way to change the dynamic. The truth is I don’t want to. The more surprising truth is I want Mrs. Lion to find more ways to catch me. I know the price and I openly accept it.

What’s different is that I am much more aware of how important the “game” is to both of us. The outcome of “playing” is that I become a better man. More importantly, we both feel closer the more intensely we play it. I think it’s this very strong benefit of increased intimacy and closeness that makes us both want to remain as strict as possible. The reason corner time and mouth soaping weren’t effective is that they didn’t offer a strong enough consequence to keep us both playing seriously.

Mrs. Lion and I have exchanged emails talking rather lightly about the fact that we need more, easier-to-break rules. For very different reasons, we both want more of those butt-blistering spanking sessions. Even Monday night’s maintenance spanking added a distinctly more positive tone to the rest of our evening. I guess lions just like to play rough.

It’s that time of year when the days are very short and the weather dismal. This is when it’s best to be indoors and under the covers snuggling. Yesterday was certainly one of those days. I had the day off from work but sadly Mrs. Lion’s office wasn’t closed for the holiday. Snuggling under the covers alone isn’t much fun at all. So I decided to get out of bed, trudge into my home office, and make you miserable along with me.

I suppose it’s natural for people to try to generalize based on their individual experiences. Sometimes the generalizations are highly flattering, more often they range from mildly insulting to outright libelous. So-called submissive men take hits from both sides of the buffet. Vanilla or non-submissive men consider them an inferior species and often question their sexual orientation. After all, what “real man” would let a woman spank him?

Women aren’t much kinder. Many equate male sexual submissiveness with weakness. After all, “real men” take charge, initiate sex, and make decisions. Of course, there are exceptions. But even people who are in intimate relationships with submissive men fall prey to these stereotypes.

Worse yet, the men themselves buy into this as well. Submission is equated with weakness. That’s not surprising. Aggressiveness equates to strength. Stereotypes tend to oversimplify to the point that real damage can be done to the people being stereotyped. The real question is whether sexually submissive men have flawed personalities that drive them to this role? If they do, do these same flaws appear elsewhere in their lives?

I thought a lot about this. A good deal of the problem may be attributable to terminology. If the word “submissive” is a noun, then it describes a specific type of person. This may seem obvious but stay with me. If, on the other hand, the word is an adjective then it just describes specific behaviors, not the entire person. It’s even possible to overgeneralize the adjective. I am sexually submissive. However, that’s not entirely accurate. I do some things that are sexually submissive but I don’t think 100% of my sexuality is defined by submissive behaviors.

I got to thinking about this because I realize that most of my behavior isn’t submissive. When I read posts by other men who assume a similar sexual role, They too limit their submission to very specific areas of their lives. This brings me to the central point: If I define the boundaries of my sexual submission and I maintain control over them, am I really being submissive?

Dominance and submission in the animal kingdom aren’t choices made by members of a given community. Submission is imposed by dominant members. It’s not a choice. The same is true of human societal situations. Submission is imposed; it isn’t chosen. Sexual submission in the context I’m talking about represents choices made by the person who wishes to submit. I wanted Mrs. Lion to be in charge of sex. I wanted her to expand her authority into other areas of my life. I wanted her to dominate me in specific situations.

This includes physically punishing me for breaking a rule or failing to do something I’ve been assigned. This certainly appears to be classic submission. Mrs. Lion announces that I’ve done something wrong and then proceeds to punish me. Behind the scenes, it’s a little more complicated. I’ve given Mrs. Lion the authority to do this. However, we’ve agreed on specific rules and also general areas of authority she can impose. What we do is 100% consensual. More importantly, we do it because it works for us. It doesn’t matter how it looks to anyone else.

This is also true of my orgasm control. Mrs. Lion has complete say over when I get to ejaculate. I’ve given her this authority because it sexually exciting to me. She has taken it because it provides social and sexual lubrication inside our marriage.

When we first started with enforced male chastity and later domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion was fairly sure I wouldn’t like it once she got going. She wasn’t sure she would like it either. We both knew that would be way too easy to quit after a short time. We agreed to stick with both for at least six months and then decide whether or not we wanted to continue.

To Mrs. Lion’s surprise, I didn’t want to quit. She was willing, but not terrifically enthusiastic, about continuing. So we did. It became part of our lives. It feels perfectly natural for her to spank me when needed and to be the sole arbiter of when I get to ejaculate. You could argue that it just became a habit. We never discussed that until very recently. After my spinal surgery, all rules were suspended and sex was extremely limited. As I slowly recovered, I realized that I felt something was missing. I asked Mrs. Lion if she felt the same way. She said she did. That was when we discovered that our disciplinary relationship and my orgasm control were more than habits. Somehow they have become positive forces inside our marriage.

When I thought about it more I realized that whether we were aware of it or not, we each had to be getting some benefit out of doing these things. It was work for Mrs. Lion and discomfort and frustration for me. When those things stopped happening, there was a subtle change in our dynamic. I can’t explain it. Neither can Mrs. Lion.

So-called sexual submission is not one-way. It’s a conversation between two people. The language is often nonverbal, but it is important to the people who practice it. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t find reason to punish me for a week or two, I start to feel something is missing. That means the connection isn’t just obedience and training. The actual activity of being spanked is very positive for me. I’m not referring to a play spanking. I do like those and they turn me on. I’m referring to a disciplinary paddling. I wish I could be more descriptive about why it’s important for me. All I can say is that whether I get it for breaking a rule or just because it’s something I need, it provides a connection between Mrs. Lion and I we don’t get any other way. It’s also an emotional anchor for me.

I guess I need maintenance spankings when I haven’t provided any other reason to be punished. It’s not too surprising. The need that drove me to ask Mrs. Lion to take charge was much more than some sort of yearning for maternal authority. Just because I can’t articulate exactly why it works, doesn’t mean that there aren’t multiple reasons why our marriage benefits. The important thing to me is that I recognize that our roles are far more complex than the relatively simplistic disciplinary equation they seem to fit into. Each time that Mrs. Lion observes an infraction and punishes me, a bond between us is strengthened.

This is clearly illustrated by the evolution of Mrs. Lion’s punishment style. It took her a very long time to go from light love taps to a true disciplinary spanking. It had much less to do with worry about injuring me than it did trust that I would accept what she chose to inflict. At the same time I learned to remain in place for serious spanking, she learned that she could spank me as long and as hard as she felt was appropriate. She’s learned that while I get some input, it’s completely okay for her to decide where to draw the limits.

We are in a good place. Aside from being my disciplining wife, Mrs. Lion takes very good care of me. We have complete trust in one another. You may think the way we express it is a little odd, but it works for us.

Circling back to why I started this post, I don’t consider myself particularly submissive. I’m pretty much an alpha male. I have voluntarily surrendered power to the person I trust most in the entire world, Mrs. Lion. I prove that I have each time she punishes me. Maybe that’s why maintenance spankings are important to me. It gives me a chance to re-establish the level of trust I have in her.

I’d assume having an orgasm would make Lion sleep well. Sadly, that was not the case Saturday night. He was awake for a good portion of the night and was snoozing on and off yesterday. Apparently football makes for good napping even though they were good games.

I didn’t really think Lion would be in the mood for love, but I thought he’d like to snuggle. Any time I glanced his way he was snoring softly. Then he’d wake up, watch a bit and drift off again. His shoulder was hurting and this morning, his tummy hurts. It’s nothing serious, but don’t tell anyone in pain it isn’t serious. It’s serious to them. On the way home I’ll stock up on some comfort foods so Lion doesn’t have to eat anything too taxing.

Lion has been a very well behaved boy lately. He’s remembering punishment days. He’s not spilling food or eating first. He did interrupt me but I growled at him and left it at that. It’s my version of a parent counting to three. A warning shot over the bow, if you will. I let him know I caught it and the next time will not be tolerated. He was even on his best behavior when we went to a Mexican restaurant the other night. He didn’t get upset with the waiter. He didn’t even get salsa on himself. Exemplary behavior! I’m proud of him.

My problem now is coming up with more rules. I need some that he can’t help but break to make sure he gets spanked sometimes. I’d also like one more that has real meaning. You know, like not interrupting. It’s difficult for me to find things that annoy me except when they annoy me. I guess I’ll have to wait for Lion to do something annoying and pounce on it. Eureka! That’s the new rule. Depending on how serious it is, I’ll spank him on that first offense. I already have a rule in effect that I can spank him if he annoys me. I’m just looking for a more concrete rule.

Lion isn’t perfect. It’s only a matter of time before he gives me an idea for a new rule. Of course, I also have to be more diligent about enforcing the rules we already have. They’re no good unless I catch him. Look out, my pet.