Rewards (Page 11)

six of hearts
Mrs. Lion picked a card. It was a Six. That’s how long I will have to wait until my next orgasm.

(Saturday, July 12, 2014) Last night Mrs. Lion had a surprise for me. If you read her post yesterday, you know that she created cards with wait times on them. I didn’t read her post until this morning because I was busy at work yesterday and last night we went out to dinner then she sprung her surprise.  She showed me the cards. She also had me look at each one so that I could see they all didn’t say, “1 year”. Actually there was only one card that had a long wait. It was for 21 days — three weeks. She didn’t like that card. I was less disturbed by it, but I really wished she wouldn’t pick it. Luckily, she drew six days. I can do that.

It’s funny that she created the cards at pretty much the same time that I had decided it was fine if she didn’t give me fixed times. This sort of thing often happens with us. We each express a preference, then go away and think about what the other said. In a short time each of us has agreed to the other’s idea. We’re back where we started. The thing is that there is merit in both ideas. Her original concept of not telling me when I will get to orgasm makes me wonder each time she teases me if this is the one. There’s a lot to be said for suspense. The fixed time, on the other hand, adds an interesting dimension to things. As she wrote in her post, I can earn time off by doing thoughtful things.  Though she didn’t mention it, I could have to wait longer if I displease her or break a rule. From her perspective, not telling me is the easiest. She can act on the spur of the moment and always keep me guessing. She doesn’t need to do any bookkeeping about days off or added to my time. Managing the fixed time requires more planning and keeping track of added and lost days.

From my perspective, I think both are fine. It could be fun (interesting, anyway) to work with a deadline and it being changed based on my behavior. On the other hand, simply not knowing if today is the day has its own special appeal. Tom Allen wrote that his wife will tell him that he can wait another week. He waits and then she tells him he can wait another. That sort of mind game is a nice activity for people engaged in power exchange.

What do I really want? I have been asking myself that question for a while now. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to see how long I can go without coming. I just don’t care about that. I want to have Mrs. Lion control if and when I orgasm. Beyond that, I really don’t have any hard and fast ideas. I want her to play with me and tease me. I like when she restrains me and spanks me. I like the shock collar when she uses it. I love being able to give her orgasms. I’ve missed that for a long time. I really like our much improved level of communication. I like wearing my cage. It is a continuous reminder of her control.

That’s another thing I have been thinking about. I’ve been reading what other caged males think of their chastity devices. A significant number are very concerned that the device make it impossible for them to escape or orgasm while wearing it. I know that the most popular chastity fantasy always includes inescapable devices and absolute inability to orgasm while wearing them. I have that fantasy too. But after testing endless devices and interviewing device makers, I know that while you may not be able to get your penis out of a device, you can almost always find a way to get off. The only real life devices that have a chance against a determined male with tools and a vibrator are the ones that include spikes that make erections unbearably painful. Ironically, many of us males are capable of orgasm and ejaculation without an erection. It’s happened to me a few times in my life.

I like to think that I can’t escape my Jail Bird or orgasm with it on. I know if I really want to, I can get out and can get off with a vibrator. It doesn’t bother me to know that. Getting out will hurt and will make me feel badly afterward. The same is true of a vibrator. I never really liked being stimulated by  one. I really don’t think about cheating. It isn’t a moral decision. I just don’t. I asked Mrs. Lion to be my keyholder. Why in the world would I want to defeat what I really want? Even when my device was really painful to wear due to some chafing, it never occurred to me to try to get out. After all, I worked very hard to get in.

deck of cards
I finally devised a way to determine how long Lion will have to wait for his next orgasm.

Yesterday morning I was home from work waiting to take the dog to the vet. I put in a load of laundry and planned on working my second job online. Then, poof. No power. How do the power gods always seem to know the most inconvenient time to zap the power? While I was powerless (ironic when this blog is about my power over Lion) I decided to make some cards with wait times for my pet’s orgasms.

I numbered some slips of paper one day through twenty-one days. Then I added a few that said, “2 random orgasms in 5 days” and “3 random orgasms in 7 days” just to allow myself some fun. I was thinking if we start off with twenty-one days I may throw the whole idea out the window! Of course, being forced to wait twenty-one days would persuade me to come up with ways for Lion to earn time off. The other night he came home with dinner, dessert, and breakfast for the next morning. That should be worth three or four days off. (I’m a pushover.) If he did a few loads of laundry he could lose another five days. We’d be down to a more manageable number in no time!

While those tasks are actually good ideas for earning time off, I’d have to be a little more realistic with how many days he got for each thing. Maybe the dinner, dessert, breakfast thing could be two days. A few loads of laundry may be one day. Letting the dog out and in and out and in (we need a revolving door for her) might earn him another day off. That’s a start. I’ll keep working on it.

After last night’s orgasm, Lion is locked safely away in his cage again. I shuffled the cards, split the deck and picked a card. Believe me when I tell you my fingers were crossed for a low number. Six days. Whew! One day after he becomes grumbly. I can live with that. I’m sure he can too.

woman spanking man
My most frequent punishment is spanking. Mrs. Lion has become a most excellent spanker

(Friday, June 27 2014) Last night we went to the theater so there was no time for any sexual activity. We were both tired and I was still feeling well teased (translation: horny) from the night before. Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote about teasing me and the mixed feelings it generates. I can understand that. I am also very happy she remembers that it is my choice to get this and she shouldn’t feel guilty. Or should she? No! Just teasing. My last post was about the emotional and sexual value of her teasing and denial. This is a profound discovery for me. Since in the short time (almost six months) I have been locked up 24/7, I have gone through periods of no sexual attention and others with a lot. As I wrote, the times when I was sexually ignored felt very lonely to me. This is a punishment opportunity for Mrs. Lion, I suppose, but one I hope she reserves for more serious offenses.

In this game there appear to be two distinct types of punishment: corrective and playful. Playful punishment in my mind is used for forgetting things, eating first, dropping food, etc. It ranges from shocks with my invisible leash to spankings (hard and soft). The punishments fit my need for discipline and are not emotionally painful; they just hurt physically. They really aren’t playful in the sense of teasing me, they do hurt; but they don’t make me sad. Corrective punishments are reserved for lessons I need to be taught. If Mrs. Lion wants me to understand that something I have done (or not done) should never be repeated, then the punishment needs to send a strong message completely outside my discipline fantasy. This can include significant extension of my wait for my next orgasm, no attention for a period of time, removal of privileges, etc. Now, extension of my lockup time is really more of a playful punishment and I expect (hope?) it is imposed frequently. But extension of a month would be corrective. In that case it is a matter of degree.

While Mrs. Lion wrote about teasing and the guilt it can provoke. I think she feels even more guilt about any punishment that I don’t appear to enjoy. That may sound contradictory, but it isn’t. She has learned that I love the idea of being spanked and I love remembering how she spanked me  after she has finished and some of the burning has faded. She also knows I hate it while she is doing it (sometimes). But I have noticed that if she sees I am not having a good time (in a masochistic way) during the spanking, she reduces the force and stops soon after. I think that is because she is doing the spanking for me since it is something I want. She’s right, it is. But there’s more to it than that.

This is very much like my forced chastity. What makes it really work for me is that I have given up control.  I’m learning how it feels to lose control over my sexual satisfaction and how to deal with it, and Mrs. Lion is learning that she should feel good about depriving me. The same is true with discipline. I need to learn that when I am punished it isn’t for my entertainment. It is to reinforce my understanding that if I don’t obey or do something I shouldn’t that there will be consequences I can’t control and won’t like.

Usually it is very arousing for me to be face down on the bed awaiting my spanking. That’s fine for me and Mrs. Lion (she comments if I’m not hard). It’s really good that when she spanks me, she builds up slowly to help my endorphins by starting slowly with her hand and then graduating to more painful toys. It’s perfect! In fact, if we were doing BDSM play, she would be rated as a topnotch spanker. Where things get more difficult is when it is clear I am starting to hate my spanking. My butt is burning and each swat with the paddle makes me want to run away. That’s why restraint (or sitting on my back) is required. If she is spanking me right, I will try to escape. At this point she is in control and I know I’m not going anywhere.

When I want to escape, it is the point where a conversation — one way with Mrs. Lion speaking — is useful. The point of the conversation is to reinforce her control. Telling me that a hard one is coming, or here are ten quick swats is a way of verbally asserting the control her paddle is reinforcing. Similarly, asking me if I want her to stop and then telling me, “No, you need more,” is another assertion of control. That’s the entire point of the chastity and discipline. I love that.

Mrs. Lion has done a wonderful job learning to spank me. She has conquered her feelings of guilt to a large degree and has entered into the spirit of our adventure. I don’t want her to feel this post is highlighting something she is doing wrong. It isn’t. This post reflects my newly crystallized understanding of my need for chastity and discipline. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t change anything, we will be fine. In my eyes she is perfect.