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In: Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm, Rewards

I don’t normally put so much emphasis on Lion’s orgasms. I don’t. Really. OK, a little. But tonight is his first orgasm since we hit reset on things. Lion is finally horny again after unemployment and job distractions took him off his game. He didn’t feel like playing. Now he’s back to his horny self, giving me Lion weather reports and grumbling (mildly) about how horny he is.

Monday is our anniversary. Lion will be a few time zones away. However, today is the anniversary of the day we first “met” online. Tuesday is the anniversary of the first day we met in person. See? We have this cluster of days that are special. His missing our wedding anniversary might be annoying if it weren’t for the fact that today is special too. And, really, every day with Lion is special. I did schedule his orgasm date for today on purpose. It was never going to be his “maybe” date. It was going to be an orgasm for sure. I scheduled one for Monday too, but he’s obviously not going to get that one. No, Lion, you may not give it to yourself.

Last night, in addition to edging my poor Lion within seconds of coming, I made a list of assignments for him. I’ve assigned points to each task. I’ll give him a goal and we’ll see how he does. If he doesn’t reach the goal, he’ll be punished. These tasks are not difficult. It’s almost as easy as tying his shoes. Those are worth the fewest points. The more difficult tasks are worth more. It’s up to him if he wants to go straight for the most difficult right off the bat and complete his goal early, or take his time. What if he earns more points than he needs? I bet I could come up with some sort of reward for that. But Lion tends not to use the rewards I give him. I’ll have to make him an offer he can’t refuse. I won’t allow him to carry points over to the next trip. It would be too difficult to keep track of and we’re not at all sure how often he’ll be travelling. I’m not going to hold three points for a trip six months from now. Nope. He’ll have to settle for a reward.

Today we’re doing laundry and running errands to get Lion ready for his trip. He leaves early in the morning. That gives me all day to putter around an empty house. Neither of us is looking forward to being alone. I guess that will make the homecoming that much better.

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In: Mrs Lion Comments, Rewards

Lion’s eye is finally healed. Three long weeks after that first panicked exam. I kept telling him it would take time, but I didn’t realize how long it had been until I looked at the calendar yesterday. He’s not 100% yet, but by next week we’re hoping he’ll get the approval to go back to wearing his contact lens in that eye and he’ll actually be able to see.

Although I never timed it previously, Lion was also able to hold one of the nasty little clothes pins for over three minutes last night. I was stroking him the entire time and I’m sure the movement made it both tolerable and intolerable. Of course, removing the clothes pin hurts too, so I was proud of him for that as well. I’ve been careful to pick a new spot each time I put one on. I don’t want to take a chance that he “remember” the pain. I don’t mean that he’ll actually forget it. I mean if I continue to put it on one spot, it may hurt more over time or somehow damage that area. I do not want to damage my pet.

Lion was extremely horny yesterday. He still had two days to wait, and when I started edging him, he really did have two more days to wait. But as I edged him a few times, I decided that the combination of his eye finally being healed and how proud I was of him for holding that horrible clothes pin for so long deserved a reward. And if you ask Lion what the best kind of reward is I bet he would say an orgasm. Especially when he’s very horny. So I gave him one. And then I made him eat his cum. I don’t know why. I’m usually more selfish with it. I love the taste and he doesn’t. Feeding it to him seems like a waste, but something made me do it. Maybe it was to show him that even though I’m nice to him he shouldn’t take it for granted. I don’t know.

What I do know is that Lion was a very happy boy afterwards. And, yes, he still gets his scheduled orgasm tomorrow, unless he’s not horny enough for it. For all I know he’s back to being very horny right now. It’s not outside the realm of possibilities. Sometimes I think he feels all the horniness I do not. As if somehow that horniness was given back to the universe and had to go somewhere, so Lion stepped up and took the extra share. He’s just holding it for me until I’m ready to take it back. What a guy!

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Humiliation, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Rewards, Sex

One of our loyal readers, mot0324, posted an interesting comment yesterday:

After all this time I am surprised that you want a “wild penis”. Having worn my JB for several years I no longer feel comfortable without the feeling of confinement.

You and Mrs. Lion have a great blog, thank you for sharing your adventures. And best of luck with the job search. Although I was able to retire early, I realize many folks don’t have that option, either mentally or financially.

First of all, thank you for the good thoughts. It helps to know that our friends care beyond enforced chastity and FLM. This reader brings up an interesting point. He said that he needs to be wearing his Jail Bird in order to feel comfortable. He doesn’t say what specifically, feels uncomfortable when it is off. In my case, I used to want the device on all the time because it meant that Mrs. Lion was in control and would provide stimulation. Going without the cage, I feared, would return us to the lack of sexual activity we suffered for years prior to our enforced chastity. To me, the cage was the symbol of the new, exciting changes we had made.

More recently, I’ve learned to completely trust the changes we have made. I no longer think that the cage is the driving force. Both of us have adopted enforced male chastity and FLM. The cage is a tool and a symbol, not the source of our changes. I don’t mind wearing the cage. I like it. It’s like my wedding ring; a symbol of my commitment to my lioness. Of course, it’s more than that. It physically prevents me from erection, and in a weak moment, self stimulation. It’s bondage that I experience 24/7.

So why would I wish for more uncaged time? I have to admit that it was more convenient. I could pee standing up without making a mess. I could touch my penis. Touching didn’t result in my getting hard. I think the cage and our commitment has made self stimulation close to impossible at this point. The cage isn’t needed for that. I liked being wild. Part of this enjoyment probably comes from the fact that I am not constitutionally submissive. I am learning to submit. I didn’t arrive that way. Mrs. Lion is challenged to train me to submit. Sadly for her, this lion is, at best, a switch. I’m more of a wild beast in need of taming. So an unfettered penis reminds me of my wild days when I could do exactly as I wished.

This might seem odd to you. After all, I asked Mrs. Lion to do enforced chastity and FLM. Some deep down part of my lion heart craves the control this provides. I recognize that and I do my best to cooperate with my taming. This is fairly unusual. All enforced chastity and FLM is consensual. The male asks to surrender. The female agrees to take charge. I freely admit that is exactly what happened to us. I knew this is what I need.

Initially, my desire to do this was driven by very hot fantasies about how it would feel to be dominated. I’ll bet this is what starts it off for most guys. Many dominant women promote these fantasies to put their partners in the right state of mind to begin submitting. In our case it came all from me.

As we also know, after a relatively short time reality sets in. A large number of couples abandon it at that point. Sometimes the woman finds enforced chastity and FLM exciting and will help keep her male’s interest alive. Strategic rewards and punishments continue to feed his original idea of how things would work and he stays engaged. I realized that Mrs. Lion didn’t have the tools to do this with me. She also was neutral, at best, about enforced chastity. Since I have decades of experience as a top (dominant), I helped her learn how to keep me interested and involved. It didn’t take long for her to work it out for herself.

Despite the fact that I completely understand the process, I began to become conditioned. I learned not only to accept orgasm control (the point of enforced male chastity), but enjoy it. With sexual stimulation as the reward, obedience became something I like to do. Now, with suspension of stimulation as a punishment, I’m learning that I can’t be even a little selective in what I choose to obey. I’m addicted to being edged, teased, and occasionally brought to orgasm. I need that and need it often. Withholding these sessions hurts.

All this circles around to the chastity device itself. I no longer need it to prevent me from unauthorized penis play and masturbation. I just don’t do it even when wild. Like the commenter, I am used to having it on, but I don’t think I need it there all the time. So, after a few wild days, I wanted more. No big reason, just because. It was good, I think, that I did. Because when Mrs. Lion handed me the base ring even after I asked for more free time, that little action sent a powerful message: It doesn’t matter if I think I can be good while wild. It doesn’t matter that I wanted some more time. All that matters is what Mrs. Lion wants. She wanted me back in the cage; so back I went.

There is a subtle difference between consent and choice. I consented to surrender control. Once I did that, I gave up the right to make individual choices that differ from Mrs. Lion’s wishes. It was very good that I wanted more wild time because it gave Mrs. Lion another chance to let me know that I didn’t get a choice. She wanted it on NOW, so it went on. Lions don’t get to decide.

Even more importantly, laid-back Mrs. Lion was assertive and had me do what she wanted even though she knew I didn’t want to do it. She has a hard time with “No!” I have a hard time with that too. My education in submission requires a lot more no’s accompanied with rewards for my instant obedience. As she stated in an earlier post, we both need our brains rewired so that our roles become automatic and easier. I need to learn instant obedience and feel the consequences and rewards when I react incorrectly or do as I should. I need to hear, “Good Job!” and “Good Boy!” when I obey. I also need the opposite along with punishment when I fail.

Mrs. Lion has a problem with this. She thinks it’s demeaning; like talking to the dog. In a way she’s right, but in a more important way I’m not unlike the dog when it comes to obedience. I am being trained to obey, even do tricks. I need the same kind of direct feedback to succeed. Over time, I will feel rewarded when I hear, “Good Job!” or “Good Boy!” Whatever works is what we need to do.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Rewards

It’s no surprise that I’d rather watch movies at home. No crowds. Pause for pee breaks. I can ignore the movie and do something else while Lion watches. So giving Lion a reward of seeing a movie I know he really wants to see was a big deal. Over the years, going to the movies has become somewhat of a battle. He’ll say he wants to see a movie. Each time he sees the commercial he’ll say he wants to see the movie. After it’s out of the theaters, he’ll say he really wanted to see the movie. Eventually I realized that he’d never see the movie unless I looked up show times and wrote them down for him. Then he had the information he needed to see the movie. Nine times out of ten we’d go see the movie. So what’s the problem?

Either I don’t want to see the movie or don’t care if I see the movie. I’ll go with him. But usually I couldn’t care less if we go or not. So why am I the one looking up the information? That may seem like a small point, but given the fact that Lion, pre-unemployment, buys what he wants when he wants it including opera tickets, symphony tickets, theater tickets, etc., why is going to see a movie any different? Why am I the one who has to make that decision? And I know you’ll say it’s because I don’t really want to go and he doesn’t want to make me do something I don’t want to do. Hello? Opera. Symphony. Theater.

So a while ago I made the rule (and this was even before FLM) that if he wanted to go to the movies he had to look up the show time and decide when he wants to go. He will do it very rarely and I have still done it for him a few times for movies I know he really, really wants to see, even though it annoys me every time. His reward movie was no different. It’s his reward. Why am I doing the work? And yes, I had forgotten about it. I thought of it the other day, wondered if it was still playing, and promptly forgot about it again. I’m glad he remembered. I am. The movie was ok. It was just like the TV show. But I’m glad he remembered because it was a reward and he earned it. If he had forgotten I probably would have transferred the reward to a different movie he wanted to see. I’m not evil. I wouldn’t rescind a reward just because he forgot. How many times do I forget things? Don’t answer that.

All of this leads me, in a roundabout way, to Lion’s post today. Here’s my quandary: I don’t like to be in charge. He wants me to be in charge. When I think about being in charge I worry I will hurt him somehow. How could I hurt him by being in charge? When he’s down from being out of work I could tell him to snap out of it. Suck it up, Buttercup. I’m tired of hearing your whining. There are so many things wrong with those statements. There’s no switch to make yourself feel better when you’re down. I hate when people tell me to just get over it already. And I’m not tired of hearing Lion whine (even though he doesn’t really even whine). I’m more of a we’re-in-this-together kind of person. I could tell him he’s not allowed to spend any money even on lunch when all he really wanted was something from the McDonald’s $1 menu. Just because I decide not to go out for lunch to save money doesn’t mean he can’t have lunch out occasionally. Demanding he stay home and not spend money at all would be unfair. He hates being cooped up in the house all day, every day. As much as I love being home, I got stir crazy after a few days when I was unemployed and home all day, every day.

As I see it, my job is to manage things. Yesterday, I wanted nothing more than a day at home. I knew we were going to the movies in the evening. The day was mine. Lion was stir crazy. He needs to be out and about at least once a day and we had to get our mail from the post office anyway, so off we went. Did it kill me? Nope. Would it have killed Lion to stay in till the movie? Nope. But there are times when I need to give him a longer lead than others. He wants to make me happy. I want to make him happy. Give and take. That’s how it works.

I’m trying hard to manage work and home and money and Lion. I can’t make all the decisions all the time. I’m just not wired that way. I’m trying to make more decisions. Baby steps. It would be too difficult for me to flip a switch to make myself an extreme dominant. I would burn out in a minute. And I’m sure Lion would hate it too. Just like you can’t lose 50 pounds in a week, I can’t become super dominatrix overnight. Besides, if we don’t figure it out on our own, it won’t have much chance of succeeding.