Rules

We had a fairly busy day yesterday. We drove about an hour to retrieve our camper. This is only the second time I’ve tried to park it in our narrow driveway. It actually went better this time. I won’t say it was without incident. It took me a few tries before I got it where I wanted it. It’s all set up and the fridge is on so we can have a little more food delivered if we need to.

Lion had some work to do and I puttered around the house. We were both pretty tired. I made dinner while he took a shower. While I was cleaning up after dinner, I noticed he hadn’t put the coffee pot together. I decided to be generous and remind him. Between not sleeping, getting the news that he’ll soon be furloughed and venturing out for the first time in a month, I figured he didn’t need to be punished. He said he knew he needed to do it but he’d been so tired and had so many things going on he hadn’t done it yet. He promised to do it while I was showering.

At that point it didn’t really matter to me if he did it or not. He hadn’t. I decided not to punish him. It was done. It’s not such a monumental task that I couldn’t have done it in the morning. There are times I tell him the food spilling rule is suspended if I realize it’s a meal that he can’t help but make a mess. That’s the thing with our rules. We deal with his transgressions and we move on. I don’t keep poking at him about doing it. We do joke about it sometimes, but I would never be mean about it. Salsa has a way of jumping onto his shirt. He knows it. I know it. It’s sort of funny. I may tell him to be careful when we sit down in a Mexican restaurant but it’s not mean. It’s not like we’re at a bar and I tell him not to get drunk like he did last time when he made a fool of himself with the waitress. (That never happened. Just an example.)

I try to be reasonable with the rules. I’m sure Lion thinks I’m too lenient. I knew Lion hadn’t had his coffee break yesterday. We were getting the camper. I knew he was working most of the afternoon. I knew he was tired. What would have been gained by punishing him? It wouldn’t have made me feel any better. It wouldn’t have made him feel any better. If I can’t make decisions like that then what’s the point of being in charge?

Today is another matter. He took a sleeping pill last night and got a decent amount of sleep. I think he’s actually napping right now. It’s not a workday. We aren’t going anywhere. I won’t be so generous about the coffee pot today. [Lion — After I woke up (at nearly noon) got washed and shaved, the first thing I did was prepare the coffeepot for tomorrow morning. Mrs. Lion is let me know that she is not in a charitable mood today.]

I keep feeling like I’m getting a cold or the flu. Unfortunately, this will go on for months. I don’t tend to actually get sick, but I feel as if I’m on the verge. It’s not a fun way to live but it happens almost every winter. Last night was particularly bad. I was cold and achy and tired. I felt better after I ate but still not great. I just didn’t feel like doing anything but hunkering down under the blankets.

Poor Lion was trapped in his cage with no fun to be had. He was worried about me and the only time he grumbled was a tiny, “poor Lion” near bedtime. He was kidding, of course. Being locked up for one day is not a big deal. He knows I won’t let him languish in the cage. At the very least, my weenie will come out tonight to stretch his legs, so to speak.

Lion asked me if his being hairless meant anything to me. Honestly, the only time I notice his being hairless is when we snuggle and my nose is not tickled by chest hair. Aside from that, I only notice his hair in passing. If, for example, I’m jerking him off, I might notice a few long hairs but they don’t bother me. As a matter of fact, when I ranted about having to wax him the other day, I was envisioning tons of hair, especially on his legs. I don’t know where I thought this hair was magically going to appear because he didn’t really have much hair anywhere. I guess that shows how much I pay attention. I didn’t even notice the obvious hairs on his balls when I’ve been locking and unlocking him. Duh!

He says he’s impressed with my substantial new rule. It’s something that bothers me a lot like interrupting. It’s not a froufrou rule like eating first or spilling things on his shirt. He did comment that he must be behaving himself because he hasn’t gotten a spanking recently. I told him to wait until Thursday night when we watch “Grey’s Anatomy”. If he can’t behave himself then he’ll get himself in trouble. Of course, the rule does not apply only to “Grey’s Anatomy”. Any show we watch could have the audacity to have a soap opera component. The nerve!

When I unlock the poor Lion tonight, I think I’ll see how many clothespins I can get on my balls. It’s been a while since I loaded them up. It just feels like the right time to do it.

I got it! It finally hit me this morning. Lion’s new rule is that he can’t keep muttering “soap opera” under his breath when I’m watching “Grey’s Anatomy” or other shows that have storylines that diverge from the premise of the show. Yes, “Grey’s Anatomy” is a medical show but it never claimed to be 100% about medicine. It’s about the people too. It would be pretty boring if it was all operations and broken bones.


Lion loved “Suits”. It was about a law practice but there was a high dose of soap opera in it. Occasionally I’d point that out simply because he always makes the comment during my shows. He said he knew it did. Apparently that was okay because it was his show. He liked the characters and could follow along. He doesn’t pay enough attention to my shows to be able to follow the soap opera storyline.


I find it incredibly annoying when he makes comments during my shows. I usually don’t during his shows unless I’m jabbing him with the same comments he makes about mine. So now he has a new rule. Those comments will earn him a sore butt.


I should clarify. If he says he’s lost because he can’t follow the soap opera parts, he won’t be punished. If he just mutters something about it being a soap opera, he’ll be on the receiving end of a paddle.


Aren’t you proud of me for thinking of a substantial rule? I am. I’m actually finding things that piss me off.

Woohoo! Go me!

Lion complains that I leave stuff in the dish drainer. Ok. Now it is
his job to make sure it is empty. I see a red bottom in his future.

I am on the hunt for some new rules. I’d like at least two that Lion is sure break often. These would be along the lines of spilling food on his shirt or eating first. Then I need one that is more serious, like interrupting.

He’s been leaving the cabinet door open in the bathroom and I thought that might be one, but I seem to have a similar affliction. How would I know which one of us did it?

He gets frustrated with me because I don’t put away the utensils I’ve had to wash by hand. They sit in the dish drainer for days. I figure I put everything else away and I washed the damn things, so what if I didn’t go that extra mile to put them away. Maybe it should be his job. After all, he’s getting the coffee pot out of the dish drainer when he gets the coffee ready for the following day.

Admittedly, this is an inconsequential rule. That’s by design. I want him to break it so he gets swatted more often. This way we’ll stay in practice and not have to do maintenance spankings like we did last night.

I think we’ve decided that the softer punishments like mouth-soaping don’t mean much to Lion. In order to have an impact, no pun intended, he needs a spanking. Last night’s maintenance spanking lasted less than five minutes. Maybe the lesser offenses get fewer minutes. That seems fair to me. [Lion — Based on our experience, shorter spankings aren’t effective.]

So far that’s all I have. I think I’ll have to wait for him to do a big thing and then I’ll decide it would make a good rule. It was only after he kept interrupting me that I got so frustrated I made it a rule. There must be something he does that pisses me off. I’ll know it when I see it. So will he. [Lion — No more growls?]

Thwack!