Sex

There is a tendency for our readers to just think of us in terms of our sexual adventures. That makes sense because we created this blog to write about them. These activities don’t define us though they permeate our day-to-day lives. For example, our domestic discipline extends into every aspect of our lives. There are no boundaries on when or how I earn punishment. More about that later.

Pandemic tip: Social distance greeting!

By trade, I am a technology manager and Mrs. Lion is an insurance specialist. Her company put her on furlough in late March. She went back to work in April when her company got a Federal loan. I went on furlough the end of April and I am still not back to work. The $600 a week emergency relief has saved us. That, combined with her unemployment benefit gave Mrs. Lion a bit more than her normal take-home pay. My combined benefit is considerably lower. Still, it is enough to keep us going.

I can’t help but worry that I won’t be called back to work. I realize that it’s been less than three months, but still… If the weekly emergency money is allowed to expire this month, we will be in serious trouble. Obviously, I worry about this. However, I’m actively trying to remain positive.

One very nice benefit is that Mrs. Lion’s boss is letting her work from home three days a week. It’s great that we are together most of the time. Of course, she has to work, but we can chat a bit and she and I have lunch together. Since she doesn’t have to commute, we have an extra hour together each day she is home.

No spankings before dark!

One thing that doesn’t change is that Mrs. Lion still holds off on any disciplinary or sexual activity until after dark. It’s odd since we have a lot of opportunities every day of the week. In fact, since we are both being very careful about avoiding contact with people, we have a great deal of time alone at home; much more than we had before COVID-19.

I must be missing something. I don’t understand this. She can take the five or ten minutes needed to punish me if I do something during the day, but she doesn’t. Now that there are almost no bars to immediately reacting, things still haven’t changed.

That goes for our, well my, sexual activities. I can count on one hand the number of times we started before 8 PM. I would like to start earlier since I tend to get sleepy later in the evening.

I wonder why we aren’t taking advantage of the newer opportunities we have. We’ve discussed this several times. Each time, Mrs. Lion agrees that we should be able to take advantage of our schedule, but we don’t.

It isn’t that we don’t make progress at all. Mrs. Lion continues to “perfect” her spanking technique. She keeps improving as a disciplinary wife. Every spanking is extremely painful and memorable. She isn’t bothered by my expressions of displeasure or my wriggling. She is determined to do the job at hand. I’m not complaining. I’m proud of her.

There has to be a reason why we can’t pursue DD and sex during the day. I’m available and naked all the time. I wish I could figure it out. It’s one thing to delay punishment because it is an inconvenient time. It’s another to just delay it for no particular reason.

After an 8-day wait, Mrs. Lion gave me an orgasm on Thursday night. Once again she did it orally. I love that! I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t all that aroused most of the time she was sucking me. It wasn’t that her efforts weren’t excellent; they were. I just felt “stuck” and didn’t seem to go further. This happens to me fairly frequently nowadays. When it happens, Mrs. Lion usually stops and offers to try again on another day. This time she asked me if I was stuck. I said that I thought so. She decided to push on anyway. I think that she made a subtle change in her technique. Whatever she did, I was on the edge in less than a minute. She edged me a couple of times and then made me come.

It was a very good orgasm. The earth didn’t move, but it trembled a bit. I was a very happy camper. Of course, I had to pay for that fun. I picked “Velcro” from Mrs. Lion’s Box O’Fun. She has innocent-looking Velcro cable ties she fastens around my penis. It’s heavy-duty Velcro so the little hooks that make it work are very rough and hurt when pressed against my tender penis. Also, if she fastens a band on before I am fully erect, the band tightens as my penis grows. That is most uncomfortable!

velcro strips on bed
These are the Velcro strips.

Worse, when she takes it off, the sudden rush of blood back into my penis is painful. Mrs. Lion invented this particular torture. For some unknown reason, she is very fond of it and has a big smile whenever she uses nasty bands. I think it is her favorite kind of CBT. She always writes fondly about it. Her post “Velcro Fun (Not According to Lion)” will give you an idea of how much she likes it. This is a bit surprising. She consistently claims that she doesn’t have fun when she gives me pain.

She makes it clear that spanking me isn’t fun for her. When she first started she had trouble doing it because she knew it really hurt me. Over time that has changed. Now she says that she is neutral about spanking me. She does it when necessary and neither likes nor dislikes beating me. I suspect she does enjoy the satisfaction of getting my ass a deep red and marking me. She disregards my yelps and complaints. It annoys her if I squirm too much and she lets me know by either hitting my thigh very hard or telling me to stop and get into position. Her emotional neutrality makes it possible for her to be the strict disciplinarian that I need.

She seems absolutely comfortable causing me discomfort with other play activities. She likes catching me breaking a rule. I think she likes my reaction when I realize I’ve earned a spanking. So far she hasn’t spanked me for annoying her. I wonder how it will feel to call me out and punish me. Perhaps the very personal nature of spanking me for something she cares about will make it more fun when she punishes me. [Mrs. Lion– Actually, reading this just made me really anxious. I’m not looking forward to having to be unfair.] I know that whether or not she gets new feelings out of spanking me for upsetting her, she will carry out the spanking with enough force to make me understand I did something wrong. Since her spankings have gotten more serious, I find myself actively trying to stay on the right side of the street. My life is much happier with an unspanked bottom.

As long as I can remember, I got erections. It felt good but never meant anything to me. My erect penis didn’t have any particular use. When I was nine years old, my friends told me about sex. I understood what to do with that hard penis but no idea what benefit it had for me beyond the idea that it might feel good. My friends were similarly ignorant.

When I was 11, a friend taught me how to jerk off. We had no concept of gay or straight sex. That first orgasm was amazing. I didn’t produce any semen. It felt great. I was hooked. I was incredibly naive. I had no idea that there was such a thing as interactive sex. Believe it or not, it didn’t occur to me that fucking was related to orgasms. I hadn’t seen a naked girl and, in my house, there was no porn.

Nevertheless, at last, I found a fun use for my hard penis. Rub it like a magic lamp and I got a giant blast of pleasure. Sex with my own hand was all I knew until my late teens. I went to a boys boarding school for my high school years. I didn’t date. I worked every summer. Sex with another person had to wait until I entered college.

My first girlfriend was as ignorant as me. We learned together. Unfortunately, her hymen was very thick and I couldn’t penetrate her. We did research and ended up using oral sex as a workaround. It was very satisfactory for both of us. I had bypassed the teen dating years that form many people’s understanding of sex.

Apparently the erection was an indicator that girls used to determine if things were “going too far.” Boys expected that if they got hard, their partner would “do something” about it. Failing to get him off would cause uncomfortable, blue balls. Girls generally believed this. If they didn’t want to do something with their date’s penis they were careful to avoid arousing him to the point of erection.

On the male side, we learned that we can cure an erection by masturbating. If a date didn’t result in ejaculation, jerking off when we got home could take care of it. Obviously it felt way better if the girl did it. We believed that if a girl made us get hard, she should cure the swelling. Apparently, girls bought into this and if they weren’t prepared for heavy petting or more, they restricted interaction to less arousing activities.

This may have made sense in the raging-hormone era of our teens, but it has no value as we age. Many married couples still subscribe to this. The entire concept of “Not tonight. I have a headache.” is based on the idea that if the wife arouses her husband, she has to have sex with him. A hard husband needs to be given an orgasm.

This isn’t true of the women. They have been trained to get sexual satisfaction by arousing their husbands or by masturbating. The men expect their wives to be aroused and give them sex when they are horny. It’s a subtle-but-important difference. Male sexual arousal is easy to detect. Our penises display our arousal. Women have much more subtle signals of heat.

This all boils down to the simple fact that interactive sex must end with male ejaculation. There is no such rule for the woman. Women’s lib has made us more aware of a woman’s needs, but the absolute rule is ejaculation. Female orgasm is a nice addition.

Male chastity (orgasm control) can change this in a very constructive way. When I have a chastity device locked on my penis, I can’t easily get off. The only sex available to me is what I can do for my partner. I’m not talking about the fantasies where the man is a sexual slave. This is just the normal, logical outcome of male frustration when locked in a chastity device.

Over time, both partners stop associating sexual activity with ejaculation. It’s obviously impossible for me to get off if I’m locked up. In our case, at a completely different time, Mrs. Lion would unlock me and get me off. Sex for her wasn’t involved. It was my turn to ejaculate. Similarly, I would be giving her oral sex with my penis in the chastity device. It was her turn.

Our view of sex was changed forever. My erection didn’t demand to be satisfied. Giving her an orgasm didn’t mean I got one. In fact, it never meant I got one. My sex time was separate at her convenience. It had nothing to do with dominance and submission. We learned that sex was better when only one of us was receiving. [Mrs. Lion — Actually, Lion learned this. I still subscribe to the mutual orgasm concept. Except that I don’t really care about sex anymore.]

Imagine how good this would have been in our teen years. Our dates could feel free to jerk us off if they wanted without worry about intercourse. We could ask them if they wanted an orgasm and give them one safely without them worrying about what they had to do for us. It’s amazing how much better sex is when the erection is no longer in charge.

Since Mrs. Lion has no interest in sex for herself, managing our badly lopsided sex life has been challenging. In a relationship where both partners want sex, mutual horniness assures satisfying action happens regularly. Unfortunately, it is rare for a couple to have identical sex drives. One partner generally wants more than the other. This usually gets worked out by the less horny person providing some one-way sex for their partner when needed. Men, who are generally the more needy partners, will often masturbate to “fill in”.

In our situation, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex at all. She knows I have an active libido and provides me with sexual fun. The challenge is that she has no biological clock that makes her want sex regularly. In that sense, every day is the same as the last. For her, sex is artificial; a service she provides for me.

We have found ways to make things more exciting for me. Male chastity (orgasm control) is a permanent game we play. She is very willing to provide me with sex almost any time I want, but that sexual activity will rarely end in allowing me to ejaculate. I usually end up being edged several times and left panting and wishing for an orgasm. Mrs. Lion enjoys this. I do too.

I don’t always want sex. Mrs. Lion has no automatic way to know when I do or don’t. In the past she would either ask me, or just move over and play with my penis. When she asks, I feel a little uncomfortable saying yes. I feel selfish since I am unable to reciprocate. When she simply moves over and starts playing with me, it often feels abrupt and I start feeling guilty for having her work with nothing in it for herself. I can’t work around this by jerking off. Mrs. Lion forbids that. Power exchange aside, she has strong feelings about me getting myself off. She’s said it’s almost like cheating. I’m hers and she believes all of my sexual pleasure should come from her alone. She would feel this way even if we were totally vanilla.

She recognizes that it is fine to frustrate me by teasing me without a happy ending. She knows that simply ignoring me sexually makes me feel bad. There really isn’t a good solution to this problem. I dislike feeling that sex is a chore for her. She may disagree and say it isn’t. I don’t think it is something she would do very often unless she knew it hurt me to be sexually ignored. In that sense, it’s a chore. Reciprocity is the only way to avoid that.

Given that we have this problem, the question of how to determine when to stimulate me can make it even worse. It turns out that we have stumbled on a solution. Mrs. Lion created the Box O’Fun as a way of assuring we did BDSM activities on a regular basis. It’s a wooden box with little cards inside. Each card has a BDSM or sexual activity written on it. Mrs. Lion creates these cards.

The activities range from things I hate, like dollhouse clothespins on my penis, to fun things like being masturbated (not to orgasm, of course) with coconut oil, which I really like. After I pick a card and we do the activity, Mrs. Lion puts the “used” card in another box. That way I end up eventually having to experience everything she has put in the box. We both enjoy this, sometimes Mrs. Lion more than me.

In the past, once I suffered through the activity, Mrs. Lion would play with my cock (non-orgasmically most of the time). For quite a while Mrs. Lion didn’t bring out the Box O’Fun at all. A week or two ago she started again. She always asked me if I wanted to pick a card. Sometimes I didn’t want to play that way. It didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in sex. I just didn’t want a painful BDSM activity.

I noticed that Mrs. Lion would usually not approach me sexually on nights I didn’t pick a card. I don’t think it was a conscious decision on her part. She wasn’t motivated to move since there was no play activity to do. That got me thinking.

What if performing a Box O’Fun activity is required before I could receive anything sexual? If I didn’t want the BDSM, I couldn’t get the sex. At first glance, there is no logical reason why the BDSM has to be connected with teasing me. However, it appeared that there was a sort of unconscious connection.

BDSM is my foreplay

The more I thought about it, the better I liked it. For one thing, it put me in a position to decide if I would get sex. It also gave Mrs. Lion control. If she didn’t offer me the box, I couldn’t pick a card and experience the activity. If I had to experience that first, there would be no sex that night. We each had a way to signal interest or lack of it.

If I hated the activity I picked, and if I had a do-over card, I could pick a different activity. If I just didn’t want that experience, I could tell Mrs. Lion and we wouldn’t do anything that night. When I was ready for the activity — I was horny enough to take anything — I would let her know and we would do what was on the card. It could be the next night or it could be days later. That’s up to me. In the meantime, no sex until we did what the card said.

That adds a nice game flavor to things. While I can temporarily refuse, I have to be prepared to get no sexual stimulation until we do what is on the card. Mrs. Lion is free to add some cards with things she knows I hate. That adds interest to the game. So far I think she has been rather tame in that department. She is very kind about letting me wash off the Icy Hot when it gets really hot. Maybe she should set a timer and make me endure it until the timer goes off. If I wash it off too soon, it’s the same as if I refused the card. We try again when I am willing or so horny I will do anything.

There is another wonderful benefit of this game: Mrs. Lion doesn’t just dive in and go for edging me. The activity is a sort of foreplay. She usually gets me hard and then does what the card says. It delays the more intense sexual activity and gives me a chance to warm up. I think one of the more serious difficulties I’ve had with what we’ve done in the past is that Mrs. Lion starts and continues until I am as far as she wants. It turns out to be way more fun if we do less goal-oriented stuff first. This would happen almost automatically if we were both horny. With it being me alone, it is easier to just start on my penis and keep going.

I have to pay before i can play

Our current rule is that I have to pick a card and perform what’s on it before I get edged. I can refuse. If I do, no sex until I experience what is on the card. I only get one chance a day. Mrs. Lion can not offer me the Box if she doesn’t want activity. I can refuse to pick if I’m not interested. We both get a choice. By requiring this “payment” before I get jerked or sucked, our sex is more structured and closer to how it would be if we were both interested.

I think Mrs. Lion needs to remove any sexual-stimulation cards like coconut oil from the box. That activity comes after what the card makes happen to me. We’ve only been doing this for a few days. So far, I like it a lot!