Category: Sex

Living somewhere it snows infrequently is a sort of good news, bad news situation. Since snowplows and other equipment needed to deal with freezing weather are expensive, there isn’t much around here to deal with a snowstorm that rolls in once in a while. In fact, while the weather here is generally wet it rarely goes below freezing. When it does, it’s because cold air from Canada finds its way to us. The Canadian air tends to be dry so there is usually no precipitation at that point. On the other hand, most of our weather comes from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean is warm and wet. So, our fall, winter, and spring are rainy with the temperatures hovering in the upper 40s to lower 50s. Garrison Keillor once commented that the weather here is like spring nine months of the year. We like that.

As you might imagine, we are “buried” under about 6 inches of snow. Back in New York, where Mrs. Lion and I come from, 6 inches of snow is hardly worth mentioning. Here, on the other hand, it’s considered a natural disaster. Schools are closed and people are staying home from work. Since I work from home, I don’t get the day off. Mrs. Lion came home from work early so that she could take me to an eye doctor appointment in the city. After struggling to get from her office, which is only a few miles away, to the house, she wisely decided that we would have to cancel my appointment. It means I have to wait another month to see the eye doctor but that shouldn’t cause me any real trouble.

As Mrs. Lion mentioned in her post yesterday, she slapped my balls for a while as part of playing with me. She commented that my penis didn’t react very joyously to these festivities. She wasn’t hitting me very hard and it didn’t really hurt. I think I was just a little tired. We seem to get around to doing sexual things pretty late at night. Even though we both stay up to midnight or so, I find that my ability to respond drops off sharply after nine.

Maybe things are changing a little bit too. My body may have a longer refractory period at this point. Or, it could be after all this time things we once considered exotic are now routine. I’ve noticed that neither of us has been writing much about things we want to try sexually. That may be a symptom. Mrs. Lion used to come up with all sorts of interesting thoughts. She never got around to some of them, but thinking about them got my motor running. I don’t know. This could just be part of the lull.

It won’t be long before I am going to be securely locked into an Evotion chastity device. It may just be the thing we need to get the fires burning again. In the meantime, I’m gonna join Mrs. Lion under the covers with just my nose poking out until the weather improves.

My slump appears to be at an end. We haven’t tested it, but let’s just say I seem a bit more responsive south of the border. It’s Saturday night and Mrs. Lion is preparing dinner. We’ve been buying Hello Fresh meal kits. We both like the convenience and quality. As a very nice side effect, cooking techniques we’ve learned from preparing these kits have made our ad-lib. cooking a lot better too.

We took a break from watching a divisional football playoff game for dinner preparation. I took the opportunity to get a shower and write this post while Mrs. Lion is working on dinner. During the game, she was texting with one of her friends. I somehow got roped into the interchange. In the middle of this rather confusing combination of us speaking and her typing, Mrs. Lion looked up at me and said, “You just interrupted me.”

She didn’t say anything else at the time. I’m guessing that after dinner she will want to open this topic again, this time with her paddle. In anticipation of this, after I showered I applied liberal amounts of skin softener to my rear end. I admit that I’ve been negligent with my butt softening routine. Hopefully, there won’t be any bleeding. I’m assuming that she is going to spank me. Maybe I’ll get lucky and she won’t.

I’m also hoping we can take the Autoblow on a test drive tonight. This is the Autoblow ai model. The manufacturer claims that he hired a machine learning consulting company to work with him and analyze over 2000 video blowjobs. The result of this analysis is a special pattern of motions the Autoblow provides. To facilitate this level of diversity, the device is capable of applying arousing sensations to different zones of the penis. That’s what their promotional video and literature claim. I’ll let you know what I think when I do my male sex machine roundup. I assume that we will have to use this device more than once before I get used to it and can fully appreciate its benefits.

The Autoblow has a stiff competitor. Mrs. Lion gives the most amazing blowjobs I’ve ever had. She’s in no danger of being replaced by crude automation. It’s interesting to me that over the last year or two male sex machines of various sorts have turned up. These devices, unlike the sex-shop crap that used to be available, are thoughtfully made and premium priced. I wonder what social comment one could make about this new market. Until very recently, premium sex machines were limited to devices intended to get women off.

I received an email today that my Evotion chastity device has completed production and will be shipping to me shortly. I look forward to giving it a nice, long try. I told the manufacturers that I had trouble in the past managing urination standing up with most of the devices I’ve tried. They said that they would be willing to work with me to help perfect a chastity device that makes using the toilet confidently more likely.

Mrs. Lion will give you the play-by-play of what happens later tonight in her Sunday afternoon post. Meanwhile, I admit that I am hoping Mrs. Lion forgets about my little faux pas when I interrupted her.

Fat chance!

Since this blog is about male chastity and female dominance, I generally feel bound to limit my writing to topics directly related to sex and our various kinks. It’s easy to get the impression that Mrs. Lion and I spend our waking hours doing things related to this. Of course we don’t. We are very much like every other married couple. Even the seemingly extreme power exchange is virtually invisible to outsiders. What we do is comfortable for us. Yes, we test and move the limits. But we do it in a way that feels safe. It does because we both know that the most important thing is our love for each other. We tend to take this for granted.

Every so often something reminds me that the way we manage things is fairly unusual. One blogger I read is a middle-aged woman who has spent years searching for a younger, submissive male she can have for a life partner. She trolls the usual Internet chat rooms and forums. Apparently her profile is provocative enough to draw a lot of responses. Based on her writing, she is successful in getting what she feels she needs. Her writing is literate and witty. Her insights and advice to others seems right on target as far as I can tell. But yet, her search continues with disappointing results.

I can understand why she makes the need for her prospective mates to be submissive to her. The longer her search goes on, the more she is convinced that his submissive qualities are the most important factor in a prospective relationship. This isn’t unusual. I know a lot of people from New York who went on similar quests. They always ended up disappointed. The relationships would burn hot for a year or less and then the flame would die. I think the reason for this is pretty obvious. BDSM, male chastity, and female led relationships are constructs rooted in sex. Even though the activities can go on 24/7, they don’t have the depth to meet a couple’s deeper, human needs.

In my former life, I was lucky enough to meet lots of people who are successful pursuing power exchanges and happy relationships. Without exception, every one of them met and fell in love with the objective of finding a wonderful mate. Some of them got into BDSM sometime after they were together. Others started soon after they decided they cared for each other. I think the key was that the pursuit of a partner wasn’t based on finding the perfect submissive or dominant. It was much more conventional.

This was true of Mrs. Lion and I. My story began when after nearly 15 years of marriage I realized that my wife and I weren’t relating so much as a couple. We were parents and sex partners. We stopped being best friends. I also discovered my interest in BDSM thanks to the Internet. I wanted to be spanked. I didn’t have any more advanced ideas other than the fact I thought it would be hot to get a spanking. I asked my wife if she would do it. She gave me a funny look and said, “No way,” in a soft-but-very-definite way. Something happened inside me at that moment.

I don’t know what I expected. I didn’t have any fantasies about her pulling down my pants and putting me over her knee. I just figured we could talk about it and try it is a form of foreplay. She wasn’t a prude. We had every sort of sex. She never talked about it. But one way or another, we would end up having sexual fun. One night, she spooned into me rubbing her naked butt against my penis. Eventually I took the hint, and I entered her anally. From then on, when she was in the mood for this sort of sex, she would spoon me in that way. We never said a word about it. Sex was something we did but never discussed.

Anyway, after her dismissal of my desire to be spanked I realized that there was a lot more wrong than I wanted to admit. I became consciously aware of how we grew apart. Within a year we were separated and divorced. Obviously, there were bigger problems than an unspanked rear end. Her refusal without discussion built a wall I couldn’t break down. In our case, trying to inject BDSM was the straw that broke our marriage.

After the divorce, I had a series of relationships, most included a healthy dose of spanking and other play. I realized that I could be far more successful attracting a female if I did the spanking instead of receiving it. I guess BDSM is largely transactional. So, I spent many years as a top/dominant (that’s a bad word -“dominant” is an adjective, not a noun). Anyway, lots of females sought my attention. I had a lot of fun. I even got spanked sometimes. Contrary to what you read on the Internet, tops frequently switched and topped each other. One of my favorite partners is a famous author in the BDSM world. Her books have sold endlessly for many years. We would meet at BDSM events and take turns topping and bottoming. At one event I would top her; at the next she would top me. It was a lot of fun. I never switched with the women who sought me out as a top.

Anyway, I ended up with a woman who wanted to be a “slave”. She wanted me to own her. In exchange, she would provide me not only with sex, but with all the domestic services needed to maintain my household. The idea of this sort of situation appealed to me. I agreed. We spent about 10 years together. Somewhere along the line, it became tiring to always be in charge. I really wasn’t all that interested in inspecting each task she completed. She was beautiful and the sex was great. She was also a really good person who I enjoyed. The problem was that I wanted more of a conventional relationship and she wanted to keep up in her role. She tried all sorts of ways to rationalize this. She understood what I wanted. But in the end she just couldn’t do it.

Shortly before she moved out, and quite a while after we had stopped any sort of sexual activity, I met Mrs. Lion through an online dating site. At that point in time all I wanted was sex. I wasn’t thinking about being spanked or spanking anyone. I didn’t want the stress and turmoil I’d gone through in my 24/7 master/slave living situation. I visualized a peaceful, loving physical relationship. I dreamt of a calm, happy partnership that felt comfortable and warm. I imagined myself snuggled in a comfortable bed under a warm comforter with her beside me.

At the time I put my profile into this dating site, I wasn’t particularly interested in trying to find that comfortable relationship. I was horny and thought it would be very nice to find someone who also wanted sex. As it turned out, Mrs. Lion was looking for exactly the same thing. Her marriage had deteriorated some time ago and she just wanted a man who would want her and want to make love to her.

See? Sometimes you can find exactly the right person online. I think the key in our case was that neither of us had a complex set of requirements we were trying to fill. I wasn’t looking for that dominant woman who would spank me and make me do all sorts of sexy things. I told myself that I was perfectly happy to give that all up if I could have the warmth and peace I dreamt about. At the time, I figured that sooner or later I might find such a great relationship, but for now nice fucking would be fun.

Mrs. Lion and I chatted through emails for a while; actually not very long. I don’t know how the subject came up but somehow it turned to anal sex. If Mrs. Lion hadn’t reminded me recently that that was the way we started, I would’ve never remembered. I’ve never considered anal sex a priority. I thought of it as a fun diversion, but never the main course. But for some reason, we apparently wrote to each other about it and decided that would be what we did the first time we were together.

All I remember about that initial meeting was that we met in the motel; both of us still had former partners living with us. We met in the parking lot and I went into the office and got a room. We walked together to the room without a word. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but within a very short time were both naked and she was on the bed on her knees, butt in the air and me standing behind her. I remember that it felt really good being inside her. I don’t remember that it was her butt and not her vagina.

In any case, we had fun. We lay on the bed together afterward. I do remember that. And we snuggled a bit and talk. We got dressed. Got in our cars, and drove home. I loved it. I hoped she did to because that want to do it again. We did do it again once or twice a week for a while. When my former slave finally departed, Mrs. Lion would come to my house. We still had lots of sex, but we also had the time and space to just relate to one another. In those days she had a job delivering newspapers.

When she stayed over with me, she would have to wake up at about 1 AM and drive back to our old neighborhood, pick up the papers and make deliveries. I hated when she had to go. At some point along the line, I asked her she could just stay. She did. We both realized that we were much happier when we were together. It was a simple as that.

Somewhere in this time period, I mentioned my interest in being topped. I didn’t feel any desperate need for it, but it was something I had been thinking about. I think I told her during the time we were renting motel rooms. I do remember the first time she tried to spank me. I laid down on my stomach in the middle of the motel bed. Mrs. Lion knelt beside me and gave me my first lioness spanking. I could barely feel her hand at it gently swatted me. It was very sweet. I realized that doing this to me crossed the line she had never considered before. Afterward, we talked about it a little and she agreed she’d try harder next time.

This story isn’t about how she improved as my top. Obviously, she got great at it. It’s about the fact that we started out together with absolutely no expectations beyond getting laid. A friendship and love developed between us that had no transactional conditions. I loved her whether or not she would spank me.

That’s the key. There’s a very big difference between searching and discovering. When you search for something you have a set of requirements and you are trying to find whatever it is that meets those requirements. Our middle-aged, female blogger has a very large set of requirements. That means she has to do an awful lot of searching to find someone that will meet most of them. Almost certainly along the line, she passed up on someone would’ve been perfect for her. He may have been too old; she wants a much younger man. He may not have been particularly expressive about submitting to her. He may have been too anxious.

He didn’t check enough boxes on her requirements. If I had approached my search in a similar way, my profile would’ve contained a list of things I was looking for. Mrs. Lion would have walked right past me. She couldn’t check any of the boxes. Fortunately, I was smart enough to realize that my efforts at finding someone who would be perfect for me hadn’t been very successful. I decided I just wanted to keep things simple. So instead of searching, I simply expressed my single desire: sex. I figured that would be enough for now.

I’d like to claim that I’m brilliant at relationships. I’d like to tell you that all along I was very sure this is the best way to go. I’d be lying. I was horny and sick of jerking off. I wanted to be with a woman who I can have sex with and then snuggle comfortably. That’s it. Well it worked. I got laid on a regular basis and ended up with my best friend and mate. I was lucky. It was absolutely a case of right place and right time. It would’ve been so easy to blow this.

My advice is to consider our story. I don’t think it’s that unusual. The moral is that the longer the list of requirements, the lower the probability of finding something that will make you happy. I’m convinced that I really had no idea what I needed to do. All I knew was I was horny, lonely, and sick of drama. All the other stuff that I think is important to me got put aside. What if Mrs. Lion, like my ex-wife, refused to spank me. Would I have gone back to the dating website?

The answer is a firm No. I had resolved that peaceful love was much more important than the spanked bottom. It was a good decision. Over time, I learned that my need to bottom is much deeper than I thought. We went through periods of time we didn’t play at all. I didn’t go into a deep depression or consider finding someone who would play with me. But I wasn’t as happy as I could be. Mrs. Lion noticed that. So, she included topping me as part of our marriage. It made me very happy. I think that made her happy.

Does that mean I was lucky? Sure, it does. Is this an unusual story? Not so much. The difference between us and our frustrated dominant blogger is that we put each other first right from the start. There were no requirements that had to be met. We only needed to feel that special kind of love. We didn’t let other things blur this most important requirement. We had no list. I had no special physical type. I just wanted to feel warm and loved.

I do. And, I get a sore bottom is a bonus.

jockstrap with points

This is the leather prickly jock that now lives in the Land of Lost Toys.

I’m very lucky. Santa brought me many early gifts this Christmas. Well, I ordered most of them for myself. Mrs. Lion suggested some, and others just looked interesting. For some reason, new toys seem exciting when we order them, and after they arrive, they disappear into the Land of Lost Toys.

One recent example is my spiked jockstrap. It languished for a week or two after it arrived. I noticed it sitting on a box in our bedroom. I asked Mrs. Lion to try it. She strapped me into it and I spent about an hour watching TV with the little spikes prickling my tender area. After it came off, it disappeared into the Land of Lost Toys. That jockstrap was one of the lucky toys. It was used once.

Mrs. Lion noticed a fairly large vibrating butt plug on sale from Extreme Restraints. I ordered it and it arrived about a week ago. It went immediately to the Land of Lost Toys. [Mrs. Lion– It, along with a finger vibrator I bought, needed to be charged. And we’ve been concentrating on our oral play for most of the week. They are ready to go when I’m done with my oral torture.] On Thursday, a rather daunting, large butt plug arrived from another dealer. I unpacked it and showed it to Mrs. Lion. Currently, it’s sitting on our kitchen table. [Mrs. Lion — Actually it’s right beside me on my desk.] I expect it will join its friends in the Land of Lost Toys.

I could go on and on about other toys that we never used. In fact, we have a large trunk filled with them. You’d think that we would stop wasting money on toys that never find their way into our sex life. I guess I’m like a little kid; ever hopeful wishing for the next shiny object. The objects that attract me, and to a lesser extent Mrs. Lion, tend to be uncomfortable if they are ever used. I’m picturing that large butt plug as I write this. That will certainly be uncomfortable as it travels in and out. Of course, there’s a very good chance it may never visit my nether regions.

Another lost toy that never touched my body is a spiked pouch, similar to the jockstrap, but instead of fastening around my waist it straps on like a cock ring. I’ve been aware of these prickly toys for many years. I never seriously wanted to experience them until recently. I have no idea what made me decide it would be a good idea to let Mrs. Lion have these new ways to make me uncomfortable. I just thought she would enjoy seeing me struggle with them.

Spiked pouch

Those particular lost toys are notable because, unlike every other toy we’ve bought, I am the source of my own discomfort. Everything else, from Icy Hot to butt-busting plugs and dildos require Mrs. Lion’s direct management. Perhaps she doesn’t like toys that she can’t enjoy along with me. More realistically, perhaps she just doesn’t enjoy playing with toys.

You might wonder why I am claiming that Mrs. Lion is the one who sends toys to the Land of Lost Toys. That’s because it isn’t particularly sensible for me to suggest she use toys that I know I won’t enjoy. One of the reasons I think that I like to buy devices that I won’t enjoy being used, is that I imagine Mrs. Lion will enjoy watching me suffer through something I discovered and ordered. It’s just another example of me being the architect of my own demise.

All this could be explained as an example of “out of sight out of mind”. It could be that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think about what she will do to or with me. She likes to be spontaneous. Of course, the downside of that is new things tend to be forgotten. I do wonder what that vibrating butt plug we ordered feels like. Will it stimulate my prostate? If it does, what happens?

Over the years, we’ve had a lot of discussions about things Mrs. Lion might try to improve her memory and the variety of things we do. I’m not complaining. Over the last week or so, Mrs. Lion has been focusing on using her mouth. It feels amazing! I am absolutely delighted and would be very happy if this continues forever. Sooner or later I will ejaculate. For now, I am absolutely delighted with the sensations she delivers.

Having said that, I realize that we don’t get around (well, it isn’t exactly “we”) to doing sexual things until 9 or 10 PM. At that point, both of us are getting tired and the thought of doing more than the basics seems unreasonable. If you’ve been following our lives for long, you know we continuously resolve to move sex earlier in the day so that we will have more energy to do stuff.

These resolutions don’t seem to do much good. Similarly, Mrs. Lion has resolved to try various memory aids. We have a house full of smart speakers. There is at least one in every room. These devices, Amazon Echoes in our case, are perfectly capable of storing reminders and delivering them on time. I’ve suggested Mrs. Lion consider taking a few minutes and recording a bunch of reminders for various activities.

For example, “Alexa, at 8:30 PM remind me to lock Lion into his spiked jockstrap.” This is no guarantee she will actually do it, but it is a concrete, written-in-the-ether message that will, hopefully be translated into action.

On weeknights, Mrs. Lion takes her shower after Jeopardy. On nights that she does some sort of play, she generally starts it almost immediately after she gets dried off. If she spends any amount of time on the bed playing with her iPad, chances are very good she won’t think of playing. By 10 PM she may decide to tease me, but she will be too tired to consider using any toys.

It’s too bad there isn’t a kinky “Toys for Tots” (grown-up tots, of course) that accepts new, unused toys. At one point, a few years ago, we donated more than $1000 worth of toys to a local BDSM/sex organization. They happily received them. There was no follow-up; not even a thank-you email. Too bad. We were prepared to give them even more.

Maybe we should just face the fact that we don’t use toys. I don’t think either of us wants to admit that. We are spending a lot of money to needlessly increase the population of the Island of Lost Toys. It feels uncomfortable to make that choice. I enjoy visualizing a new toy in use and then ordering it. I like when it arrives and it’s fun to unpack. I’m a little disappointed we don’t use it right away. After a while, I forget that we even bought it.

I wonder if we aren’t getting into a very kinky rut. Certainly, there’s comfort in habit. Based on our experience, when we stop experimenting, a lot of the fun drains out of our lives. For example, when Mrs. Lion was doing anal training on me every night, everything seemed a little brighter and more fun. The intimacy and sharing the play provided, extended into all aspects of our relationship. When the training stopped earlier this week, it felt like things went back to the lower-energy, less-dynamic relationship mode.

When I was a kid, my parents sent me to sleep-away camp. The camp director always started each summer with a little pep talk. The theme was a simple aphorism: “You only get out of something what you put into it.” It seems odd that spending 20 minutes working various objects in and out of my ass would be input for a happier marriage, but it is. Even painful spankings given as punishment provide energy that charges the emotional and psychic battery that Mrs. Lion and I share.

I think this is a significant realization. Some of our readers have wondered why we would engage in such unpleasant activities. Is Mrs. Lion a closet sadist who enjoys bruising my rear end? She isn’t. The very act of observing and punishing behavioral problems is extremely intimate. I am accepting very painful punishment without complaint. Mrs. Lion is taking the giant risk of alienating me by hurting me when she spanks me. This is a kind of emotional polarity that causes current to flow between us. The current is extremely pleasant and positive.

To a lesser extent, our play activities work the same way. We’ve discovered that our BDSM play and our domestic discipline energize us to be more loving and relate more directly. I don’t know if she’s noticed, but when Mrs. Lion is actively enforcing rules or practicing some consistent play, she spends less time playing with her iPad and more time relating directly to me. We become much more active doing normal couple things when we regularly practice domestic discipline and BDSM play. [Mrs. Lion–Or, am I consciously spending less time on my iPad in order to spend more time relating directly to Lion? Hmmm?]

By extension, each time we send a toy to the Land of Lost Toys, we lose a little bit of the energy using that toy would have given us. I can’t explain it, but being locked into a spiked jockstrap, pegged by a large butt plug, or spanked until I’m bruised, improves our intimacy and brings us closer. During times when we stop sending new emigrants to the Land of Lost Toys and actively play or punish, our lives are better.