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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Sex

2.0’s post yesterday is revealing just how things are changing in the lions’ den. Lioness 2.0 is much more action focused. She’s been writing about painting my toenails. They look horrid in colors. She’s right. I hate that. She wrote about frilly panties too a few days ago. That’s something else on my “yuck list”. Sadly, for me, we do have a few pairs from one of my horny, masochistic shopping sprees last year. I should stop writing and shopping when very horny, which I am today. So I am going to try to make this post suggestion-free.

A good deal of the folklore about enforced chastity talks about ownership. You know, whose penis is it? Who owns the chastity device. Many bloggers make this point by referencing the penis as “hers”. The same is true of the chastity device. Mrs. lion refers to my penis as “your weenie”, so ownership is apparently mine. The chastity device is also assigned to me. She tells me to “Put your ring on,” and “Now I’ll put your cage on.”

Do these possessive references mean anything? Some guys think they are very important. They say that if their keyholders own their penises they are surrendering more control. I don’t understand that. The vast majority of activity my penis does is to pee. Owning the appendage that directs urine doesn’t feel like a transfer of control. Owning any opportunity for sexual pleasure does. Also, referring to it as “your weenie” sends me a strong message. So far I haven’t been required to refer to it that way. If I had to, that would be a different, more-classic, BDSM form of control; the same as painting my nails or making me wear panties or diapers. It would also feel awkward to write about “her” penis instead of “my” penis. Too confusing for good writing.

What is most important to me is that she owns my sexuality. It’s hers and hers alone. She owns if and when I get out of my cage; and when I go back in. It’s my cage in the same sense that a prisoner lives in his cell. Enforced chastity,  FLR and domestic discipline are ours. We agreed to pursue them. They are mutually consensual. The fact that we do this stuff belongs to both of us. It’s clearly ours.

She, however, owns if and when I get sexual stimulation and orgasm. That’s all hers. She also owns my obedience and  good behavior. She demonstrates that ownership with domestic discipline, BDSM, and withholding sexual release. In a very real sense I belong to her. I’m still an independent critter who has his own life. But at any time she wishes, she can have me do anything she wishes whether I like it or not. It may be my penis, but she owns any sensations it might get to feel. I may be independent, but if she wants me to do something, or not do something, that’s what I will honor. If she isn’t pleased with me in any way, she will punish me. I don’t like her punishments.

So, my penis and chastity device are mine. My sexual pleasure is hers. I am obedient to her and effectively belong to her. And, enforced chastity, FLR, and domestic discipline are ours. Is your situation different? I’d love to know.

 

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In: Edging, Mrs Lion Comments, Sex, Shock Collar

Last night I unlocked Lion and tied his balls up tightly. When I said I was going to get some lube, he said the silicon lube is harder to clean up. Did that mean he wanted to use different lube? No, he said he was just thinking of me and how difficult it would be to get off my hands. The silicon is nice lube. It stays very slippery for a long time. I decided to use it.

As I was edging him I thought about giving him an orgasm and continuing to stroke him afterwards. I know he’s very sensitive after he comes. Too bad. I wanted to do an experiment. So on the next would-be edge I kept going. As soon as he came I kept stroking. He tried to wiggle out of the way and asked what I was doing. I said I still wanted to play with him. He said it hurt. Yup. I figured it did. He didn’t like it at all. Awww, poor boy. That was sort of the point.

Almost immediately after that he asked why I would give him an orgasm. He was worried he wouldn’t be horny for play today. Nothing about thanking me for his impromptu orgasm. (He did say it was the same as a ruined orgasm. Just as unsatisfying because it hurt.) I thought that was rude. But I told him I was sure he’d be horny again as soon as his butt was strapped in the sling. We’ll see if I’m right in a little while.

This morning, however, I decided to change tactics. Ordinarily Lion decides when we run our errands. This results in my waiting around for him or I’ll be in the middle of something when he wants to go. Not today. I told him I was starting the laundry and then the bus was leaving for Costco. It was up to him to be ready. As he dressed I told him to put on the shock collar. I wasn’t about to put up with any nonsense today.

I zapped him once for interrupting me, but other than that he was good. I told him I wished I could zap the other people who kept jumping in front of me. Too bad it doesn’t work that way. Lion did get a warning for interrupting again, but no more zaps. So far. We’re watching a football game we recorded while we were out. He’s making a lot of derogatory comments about the coach and the team. I think another zap might be coming soon.

Later on I’ll tell him when it’s time to play. It’s up to him to get himself downstairs. I won’t wait for him. When I tell him to jump, he should ask how high and when he can come back down. No more Mrs. Nice Lion.

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In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

Here we are halfway through the weekend. Two football games yesterday and a shopping trip. Mrs. Lion put the shock collar on my night table. I took the hint and put it on. While in the warehouse store she tried to give me a playful zap. Nothing. Apparently it wasn’t turned on or in the process of dressing it was inadvertently turned off. So, I retired to the men’s room and corrected the situation. About an hour later when we were stopping so I could get an Orange Julius, Zap! Yup, it was working. Mrs. Lion laughed. I asked what I had done wrong. She said there was no rule she couldn’t zap me for no reason. Of course she was right.

I look forward to weekends. I like the option of sleeping late and the chance we will get to play. Yesterday we were too busy. Today should be a different story. I hope it is. While driving today we discussed my post yesterday and the entire concept of fitting sex, or in our case, enforced chastity, etc. into an impossibly busy life.  We reached no real solution. The fact is that as the years go by, more and more stuff needs to be done. Between job, kids, illnesses and just plain aging, every waking hour is consumed. Sex and other intimate play aren’t given up; not exactly. Those things just don’t happen because there is no more energy or time.

I’ve been thinking about this. It’s unfair to say that the problem is prioritizing intimacy higher on the list. Usually, there is no list, just lots of demands. I think that’s the problem. We grow up believing that sexual activities should be spontaneous. “Moments” should happen and sex follows. This was true for us in the beginning. Our relationship was less evolved and infatuation pushed intimacy to the the top of that nonexistent list. We let other things slide so we could be close.

We didn’t grow apart or feel less attraction. The gravity of the things we weren’t doing pulled us down and away from the intimacy we both love. It happens slowly over years. We learned to rationalize this loss by listing all the urgent things we had to do first. Then we acknowledged that our batteries had run down and there was no energy for sex and love. The feelings remained and there was anger, unexpressed, at the loss. New rationalizations, the if only’s, reinforced the validity of lost intimacy.

It seems that this happens to a lot of us. In our case, enforced chastity was the dynamite that blew us back into prioritizing intimacy. The inherent urgency of dealing with sexual surrender realigned priorities. But even that eventually starts to sink as the gravity of “other stuff” increases. Mrs. Lion and I have been actively resisting this. It’s hardest on her. She’s lost a lot of the energy she had before. It’s probably medical and a way will be found to get that energy back. In the meantime we need to figure out how to keep going sexually. She’s ready to push herself even though hurting and exhausted to make me happy. That doesn’t make me happy at all.

I don’t want to slowly sink into becoming roommates. She doesn’t either. So we will work together to find ways to make things easier for her and allow us both to enjoy the intimacy we are not ready to give up. I think we have made a lot of progress by realizing what drags us down. Together we will keep intimacy where it belongs in our marriage.

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In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

There’s a kids’ game that friends of mine played when they were young. On car trips the first one to spot a VW Beetle yells, “Punch Buggy!” and hits the other kid in the arm. I thought that was a terrific way to reach a destination with the loss of use of an arm. I also realized that the game distracted the kids from the boredom of a long car trip. I know that today’s kids have a plethora of video entertainment to enjoy while traveling so punch buggy isn’t nearly as popular. [Mrs. Lion – My daughter still plays this game. She gets me every time.]

This all came to mind after Lorie commented on my post about loss of play because my lioness has been so tired. I know that most readers don’t go back to the comments. I want to share this with you:

Lorie – “This sounds a lot like my husband & I. I love him with all my heart & soul but the energy isn’t there. Sometimes I just want to snuggle & do nothing but watch TV, I feel so stressed & pressured if I don’t do something sexual most of the time. He recently had knee surgery so he’s been out of sink sexually but now he’s getting back into things & I’m exhausted from being the full time nurse & care giver along with being a full time mom & taking her here & there for appointments & working full time. Who wants to have anything to do with sex after a day like that & that’s every day.”

I can’t argue with her point. Even without her husband’s surgery, she has a full plate. He, on the other hand, due to the surgery probably has more time on his hands than he wants. Now that he is feeling horny again he wants some fun. Sadly, it’s not an unusual problem. She doesn’t mention whether they’ve discussed enforced chastity. I think it offers a way to help bring things back.

In our case, we just pushed other things in front of sex. It was easier. After all, sex is recreation and easily skipped when time is short. The problem for us is that sex and intimacy are very closely related. No sex, then no snuggling followed by less communication on all levels. When we began enforced chastity, it was to indulge a kink of mine. I think Mrs. Lion believed it would just be more work for her with little or no reward.

That’s the root of the problem: work. Lorie seems to be thinking of sex as just more energy-draining work. In some sense, I suppose that’s true. But maybe our case could be instructive. I asked to be locked up. Once locked up it was sexy to be denied. Orgasm was no longer a guaranteed part of sex. If you’ve been reading here, you know that story. With my penis out of reach (hers or mine without unlocking me), my thoughts weren’t about missing the sex we weren’t having. They were about how much I wanted her to unlock my cock for some attention; no orgasm required. While locked up, a friendly ball rub or ass pat became a very sexy event, not the promise of an orgasm.

You can see where I’m going. He gets excited by the fact he can’t have sex. He isn’t upset you won’t have sex with him. It’s making lemons into lemonade. Just for argument sake, consider that it’s been a long, very tiring day and you are so glad to just get to bed. Would you like to straddle his face and have him give you nice orgasms and then you can roll over and go to sleep? You can get sexual pleasure without even considering reciprocation. By the way, he’ll love it. He’s having sex even though his penis isn’t involved.

Maybe on an afternoon where a friend takes your daughter off to her activity and you have leftovers planned for dinner, you can go into the bedroom, unlock him and give him his orgasm. While he’s healing it probably isn’t going to be intercourse, but he’ll have a lot of fun with a handjob. Most guys, including me, don’t get to come every week. I get more orgasms than most guys and I get an orgasm every ten days or so. Lorie, could you manage that?

Of course, I’m almost certainly reading too much into this comment. That’s because I have been trying to figure out why my relationship and sex life have improved so much since I was locked up. I do like lemonade.