Category: Spanking

It’s that time of year when the days are very short and the weather dismal. This is when it’s best to be indoors and under the covers snuggling. Yesterday was certainly one of those days. I had the day off from work but sadly Mrs. Lion’s office wasn’t closed for the holiday. Snuggling under the covers alone isn’t much fun at all. So I decided to get out of bed, trudge into my home office, and make you miserable along with me.

I suppose it’s natural for people to try to generalize based on their individual experiences. Sometimes the generalizations are highly flattering, more often they range from mildly insulting to outright libelous. So-called submissive men take hits from both sides of the buffet. Vanilla or non-submissive men consider them an inferior species and often question their sexual orientation. After all, what “real man” would let a woman spank him?

Women aren’t much kinder. Many equate male sexual submissiveness with weakness. After all, “real men” take charge, initiate sex, and make decisions. Of course, there are exceptions. But even people who are in intimate relationships with submissive men fall prey to these stereotypes.

Worse yet, the men themselves buy into this as well. Submission is equated with weakness. That’s not surprising. Aggressiveness equates to strength. Stereotypes tend to oversimplify to the point that real damage can be done to the people being stereotyped. The real question is whether sexually submissive men have flawed personalities that drive them to this role? If they do, do these same flaws appear elsewhere in their lives?

I thought a lot about this. A good deal of the problem may be attributable to terminology. If the word “submissive” is a noun, then it describes a specific type of person. This may seem obvious but stay with me. If, on the other hand, the word is an adjective then it just describes specific behaviors, not the entire person. It’s even possible to overgeneralize the adjective. I am sexually submissive. However, that’s not entirely accurate. I do some things that are sexually submissive but I don’t think 100% of my sexuality is defined by submissive behaviors.

I got to thinking about this because I realize that most of my behavior isn’t submissive. When I read posts by other men who assume a similar sexual role, They too limit their submission to very specific areas of their lives. This brings me to the central point: If I define the boundaries of my sexual submission and I maintain control over them, am I really being submissive?

Dominance and submission in the animal kingdom aren’t choices made by members of a given community. Submission is imposed by dominant members. It’s not a choice. The same is true of human societal situations. Submission is imposed; it isn’t chosen. Sexual submission in the context I’m talking about represents choices made by the person who wishes to submit. I wanted Mrs. Lion to be in charge of sex. I wanted her to expand her authority into other areas of my life. I wanted her to dominate me in specific situations.

This includes physically punishing me for breaking a rule or failing to do something I’ve been assigned. This certainly appears to be classic submission. Mrs. Lion announces that I’ve done something wrong and then proceeds to punish me. Behind the scenes, it’s a little more complicated. I’ve given Mrs. Lion the authority to do this. However, we’ve agreed on specific rules and also general areas of authority she can impose. What we do is 100% consensual. More importantly, we do it because it works for us. It doesn’t matter how it looks to anyone else.

This is also true of my orgasm control. Mrs. Lion has complete say over when I get to ejaculate. I’ve given her this authority because it sexually exciting to me. She has taken it because it provides social and sexual lubrication inside our marriage.

When we first started with enforced male chastity and later domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion was fairly sure I wouldn’t like it once she got going. She wasn’t sure she would like it either. We both knew that would be way too easy to quit after a short time. We agreed to stick with both for at least six months and then decide whether or not we wanted to continue.

To Mrs. Lion’s surprise, I didn’t want to quit. She was willing, but not terrifically enthusiastic, about continuing. So we did. It became part of our lives. It feels perfectly natural for her to spank me when needed and to be the sole arbiter of when I get to ejaculate. You could argue that it just became a habit. We never discussed that until very recently. After my spinal surgery, all rules were suspended and sex was extremely limited. As I slowly recovered, I realized that I felt something was missing. I asked Mrs. Lion if she felt the same way. She said she did. That was when we discovered that our disciplinary relationship and my orgasm control were more than habits. Somehow they have become positive forces inside our marriage.

When I thought about it more I realized that whether we were aware of it or not, we each had to be getting some benefit out of doing these things. It was work for Mrs. Lion and discomfort and frustration for me. When those things stopped happening, there was a subtle change in our dynamic. I can’t explain it. Neither can Mrs. Lion.

So-called sexual submission is not one-way. It’s a conversation between two people. The language is often nonverbal, but it is important to the people who practice it. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t find reason to punish me for a week or two, I start to feel something is missing. That means the connection isn’t just obedience and training. The actual activity of being spanked is very positive for me. I’m not referring to a play spanking. I do like those and they turn me on. I’m referring to a disciplinary paddling. I wish I could be more descriptive about why it’s important for me. All I can say is that whether I get it for breaking a rule or just because it’s something I need, it provides a connection between Mrs. Lion and I we don’t get any other way. It’s also an emotional anchor for me.

I guess I need maintenance spankings when I haven’t provided any other reason to be punished. It’s not too surprising. The need that drove me to ask Mrs. Lion to take charge was much more than some sort of yearning for maternal authority. Just because I can’t articulate exactly why it works, doesn’t mean that there aren’t multiple reasons why our marriage benefits. The important thing to me is that I recognize that our roles are far more complex than the relatively simplistic disciplinary equation they seem to fit into. Each time that Mrs. Lion observes an infraction and punishes me, a bond between us is strengthened.

This is clearly illustrated by the evolution of Mrs. Lion’s punishment style. It took her a very long time to go from light love taps to a true disciplinary spanking. It had much less to do with worry about injuring me than it did trust that I would accept what she chose to inflict. At the same time I learned to remain in place for serious spanking, she learned that she could spank me as long and as hard as she felt was appropriate. She’s learned that while I get some input, it’s completely okay for her to decide where to draw the limits.

We are in a good place. Aside from being my disciplining wife, Mrs. Lion takes very good care of me. We have complete trust in one another. You may think the way we express it is a little odd, but it works for us.

Circling back to why I started this post, I don’t consider myself particularly submissive. I’m pretty much an alpha male. I have voluntarily surrendered power to the person I trust most in the entire world, Mrs. Lion. I prove that I have each time she punishes me. Maybe that’s why maintenance spankings are important to me. It gives me a chance to re-establish the level of trust I have in her.

Sometimes it seems that Mrs. Lion and I are reinventing domestic discipline. Of course, we aren’t. We do seem to need to learn by experiment. Most recently, we both felt that a full-scale spanking seemed out of line for relatively trivial offenses. To try to fix that, Mrs. Lion instituted less severe retribution for those misdemeanors. They include standing in a corner, sitting on the punishment stool, and getting my mouth washed out with soap.

Sadly, I don’t think they are very effective. I agree that it seems unfair that I receive a strong spanking for spilling some food on my shirt. But that’s just because we have a sense that there must be some sort of equity between the severity of an offense in the retribution it earns. I don’t think that’s correct for me.

If the objective of rules and retribution for breaking them is to educate me to avoid those behaviors, the punishment has to send the message that I should not repeat my offense. Getting my mouth washed out with soap or spending some time on my punishment stool apparently doesn’t send that message. Spanking does.

Take, for instance, forgetting to remind Mrs. Lion of punishment day. I’ve regularly forgotten to tell her that Saturday is one of her punishment days. Only after I received a strong spanking, was enough of an impression made that I now work hard to remember. In other words, regardless of how unfair it might seem, a sore bottom is the best way to teach me. If I forget again, I need a refresher course.

Apparently, I’m binary when it comes to punishment. It only works if it’s a long, hard spanking. Anything else has little effect on me. I also think that Mrs. Lion is happier when she gives out binary punishment. After all, a rule is a rule and it must be obeyed. One might seem less important than another and I suppose in the scheme of life offenses certainly have varying weights. However, in our context, anything deserving the attention of becoming an enforceable rule merits the application of severe punishment for breaking it.

At least for me, in order for there to be a real behavioral change, I need two things: First, completely consistent enforcement. I don’t learn very well if exceptions are made. This puts a burden on Mrs. Lion to consistently observe and punish offenses. Second, the punishment has to be meaningful to me. Since I am an adult and I enjoy play spanking, punishments have to be especially severe for me to make the correct educational connections.

This has nothing to do with cruelty or severity. It’s a simple fact that unless a spanking rises to a certain level of discomfort, I’m not going to take it seriously enough for it to motivate me to change. Experience has taught us that. If I am sufficiently unhappy after a spanking, I will be much more careful to avoid earning another. If I’m not careful enough, obviously I need stronger motivation.

For a long time, Mrs. Lion resisted this line of thinking. More recently, she tried giving me consecutive days of spanking as a more serious punishment. It was on the right track but after a couple of days, both of us forgot why we were doing it. The most recent idea is that a minimum spanking lasts about five minutes. Given Mrs. Lion’s skill that’s plenty of time for me to be sorry. More serious offenses earn longer ones. We have yet to get to a longer spanking.

This isn’t entirely due to Mrs. Lion being lenient. My bottom tends to bleed after a while. It appears that the skin just cracks. I’ve been applying skin softening cream to my derrière. My most recent spanking had nearly no pleading at all. I just need to remember the daily skin treatment regime. Maybe I need a rule for this.

The bottom line is that we are all different. Mrs. Lion is learning what does and doesn’t work when she needs to punish me. The more effective she is the more rapidly I learn what I need to know. I guess we could call it the school of hard swats.

I left work early yesterday to get us ready for the wind storm. We decided to eat dinner early in case the power went out. We were prepared. And nothing happened. Oh well. It’s better to be prepared.

Since we ate dinner early, I was expecting to play earlier. I think Lion was too. I don’t think he was prepared to snooze off and on watching TV. Still, it was before 9 when I told him I needed him buns side up.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve given him a play spanking, I almost forgot how to do it. In addition to needing his buns to toughen up, apparently I need to work on my hands too. They can’t handle a lot of swats anymore. Hitting harder was really starting to sting. Luckily I have paddles to help with that malady.

I doubt Lion feels it today. I didn’t hit too hard. I didn’t really hit too long either. I’m out of practice. We’ll have to fix that problem. I think the spanking did the trick though. Lion was hard in no time and I thought I was actually going to t get him to the edge. No dice. He seemed close to me, but he said he wasn’t really. We’ll have to work on that too. Maybe it’s a job for tiny clothespins. You never know. They might help. Sometimes just the threat of them helps.

I can also start anal training again. I’ll see if Lion would rather have an anal activity or work on getting Mr. Weenie more responsive. I know I don’t have to have his input but sometimes I like to know what he’s thinking. Since 90% of sex is in the mind, it doesn’t make sense for me to go romping through his ass if he really wants his balls tied up. However, I still have the final say. He may not want the tiny clothespins, but if I do, he’s getting the tiny clothespins. His input only goes so far.

I am determined to get him back to “normal”. He did say I left him even hornier than when I started last night. But that’s not really the same thing as getting him to the edge.

Our bad weather continues. Now that the snow is done, the wind follows. I hope we keep our power. We have a small generator and the necessary cables to run the lights and our refrigerator. We can also keep our satellite TV going. What with all of the work unpacking, Mrs. Lion hasn’t had time to set any of that up. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be in the middle of a windstorm on a snowy, cold night. I’m keeping my paws crossed that the weather will spare us.

I’m writing this in the afternoon just a little while after Mrs. Lion posted her latest. Last night, she managed to unearth the meanest paddle I’ve ever bought. It’s about an inch thick, and 12 inches long. The striking surface is 3 inches wide. This is really dense stuff. It should provide a very sizable thud. I used it when I was a top to great advantage. [Mrs. Lion – I’m pretty sure we bought it a few years ago.] Mrs. Lion hasn’t used it since 3.0 emerged. Even if she uses it for fun, I expect it will hurt to sit down tomorrow. (Psst: Mrs. Lion, I’m looking forward to that)

I’m not sure how other couples manage moving something that was part of play into a much more serious role. Of course, I’m thinking of spanking. Over time, we didn’t have much trouble transitioning from BDSM to domestic discipline. The issue comes up when we want to go the other way: Mrs. Lion wants to do play as well as disciplinary spankings. It’s not so much that I can’t understand the difference between recreation and punishment. It’s more that I can’t really think of anything else that could be used for such polar opposite reasons.

I’m not suggesting it’s impossible. I think it’s just a little confusing for me anyway. Actually, it could be a good thing from a disciplinary perspective. I’ve noticed that over the last few months I’ve felt less and less sexual excitement at the thought of being spanked. This corresponds to Mrs. Lion’s much more severe disciplinary spankings. If she reintroduces some BDSM spanking, it means that she will work hard to keep me sexually aroused when she spanks me. I know from past experience that this arousal will carryover into disciplinary situations as well. It will make me a much more willing sheep to be led to slaughter.

Even though I’m not broken anymore, my sexual batteries seem to be fairly low power. They need recharging. Play spanking, CBT, and other BDSM fun stand a very good chance of fixing the problem. Assuming we don’t blow away before we get a chance, I think Mrs. Lion is on the right track to recharge me.