Spanking

I received one of my first know-it-all spankings Monday night. Until Mrs. Lion added a comment to my post yesterday I had no idea I was in trouble:

[Mrs. Lion — Lion is due for a spanking based on a conversation we had earlier. I made a statement, Lion said it was dumb (I’m simplifying) and took over the conversation. I tried to explain my statement but he was already fired up. I told him he was being difficult. Voices raised. And we were both frustrated with each other. Mr. Knowitall will get some paddle attention.]

Neither of us was entirely certain about the specifics. We had agreed that wasn’t necessary for punishment. The key is that she remembered that something I said upset her. It was important that she let me know in a way that assured her I understood how unhappy this made her.

I realize that she agreed to punish me because it was something that I want. On her own, she probably wouldn’t spank me for this. Before we began our domestic disciplinary relationship, she would have simply shut down. That was how she handled anger at me.

This is very destructive. I fear rejection and when Mrs. Lion withdraws from me, it is very upsetting in a bad way. Angry withdrawal is not healthy for a relationship.

That’s the main reason I want her to punish me when I make her feel that way. It is much better for both of us. Sometime after I was spanked Mrs. Lion recalled my offense. She was talking about masks with a flap that can be opened for eating and drinking. I interrupted her saying it wasn’t a good idea because exposing the mouth allowed germ spread. In a lot of words I said I thought it was a dumb idea.

Mrs. Lion didn’t necessarily disagree with me. She felt slighted that I just rolled over her thoughts to express mine. She hates it when I do that.

I got a surprise spanking

rubber sp;anking paddle with holes

Nothing was said about it when I upset her. She did withdraw a bit and make a small comment about me interrupting her. It was overlooked at the moment. It completely dropped out of my memory. The first time it came up again was in Mrs. Lion’s comment on my post for yesterday morning, “Being Fair And Strict At The Same Time “. It caught me by surprise.

After dinner on Monday night, Mrs. Lion got a paddle I don’t recall her using on me before. It is a piece of very heavy conveyor belt with large holes drilled in it. When she got it, I couldn’t see it. I was face-down on the bed with my legs dangling over the side. This is our spanking position.

She started off with fairly light swats. Then, after a few of them, she dialed up the intensity. She had me screaming into the comforter in no time.

As usual, I was unaware of whether or not I was being marked. All I knew was that I desperately wanted Mrs. Lion to stop. Eventually, she did. She took a picture to show me her handiwork.

lion butt spanked with rubber paddle
Here’s how I looked right after Mrs. Lion finished spanking me. As usual, the camera doesn’t pick up how red my bottom was. You You can see the damage done by this paddle. I think Mrs. Lion may be using this a lot in the future. Boy, does it hurt!

I think Mrs. Lion took it a bit easy on me. The spanking didn’t seem to last as long as usual. I think she made her point.

Lesson learned (i hope!)

From my perspective, I can say that I will be much more careful about how I communicate with her. I’m sure that at some point, I will earn another meeting with her paddle. At least for now, I’m going to be much more careful.

I hope Mrs. Lion got something out of it as well. I hope that she begins to feel about interrupting and being a know-it-all the same way she feels about always eating first. You may recall that when she went East to visit her family, some of them ate before her. She felt a real pang when they did. She expected to go first. I hope that Mrs. Lion will feel the same sense of entitlement about the way I speak to her.

Research suggests that a hormone, Kisspeptin is one of the key hormones responsible for male sex drive – horniness. I admit it. My hormones can get the better of me. Even when I think that I’m not all that interested in sex, my actions reveal the truth. Take my desire to provide Mrs. Lion with a way to bruise me. Originally it was my idea that punishments should be felt a day or more after I’ve been spanked. This concept is all over the Disciplinary Wives Club writings, not to mention pretty much every other domestic discipline site.

Rationally, I should be afraid of such a severe spanking, I’m not rational when I’m horny. So, I joined the chorus advocating memorable spankings. Mrs. Lion agreed that it sounded like a good idea. She made it clear that it wouldn’t be her purpose, but nonetheless she has been trying to accommodate my concept of adequate punishment.

That’s not all. Those same hormones send me shopping for ways to make things worse for myself. Mrs. Lion didn’t buy our large paddle collection. I did. As far as I know, she would be satisfied with a single paddle that she could use to effectively spank me. Truth be told, I can’t tell which paddle she is using at any given time. I have some idea if it is particularly painful, but that’s as much as I know. She can make any of her paddles hurt me.

About a week ago after a post in which she mentioned that she couldn’t seem to make a spanking hurt more than an hour or two after delivering it, my hormones decided I should help her. I am so thoughtful! Paddles are notoriously bad at providing the sort of swat that will last a long time. That is one reason they are so popular for punishment. No real skill is needed to avoid seriously hurting the spankee. You can hit as hard as you want so long as you swat the lower half of the butt without causing real injury.

Canes and other more sophisticated implements require skill and practice to avoid doing real damage. Also, they aren’t traditionally used for domestic discipline. Aside from paddles, straps of various kinds are also used. That doesn’t mean that some people won’t use canes and whips as well, but for the most part, domestic discipline is relatively simple.

Bottoms, particularly male bottoms, vary widely in how well they “take” a spanking. Some will turn red immediately and display visible bruises with just a hand spanking. Others, like mine, are hard to redden and are very difficult to bruise. That’s not to say it’s impossible because Mrs. Lion has given me a number of spankings that I felt for two or three days after she disciplined me.

Before I go any further, let me say that my hormones are flowing freely. They have to be for me to write about this. Anyway, using just her paddles, Mrs. Lion has to give me a long, painful spanking before it’s likely I’ll feel it the next day. I certainly hate that when she does it. I don’t understand why most of the time she doesn’t quite get to that point. I’m not sure she knows. I am pretty sure that she will continue working on this.

About a week ago when I was feeling particularly horny, I decided I should “help” her find ways to make spankings last. I went searching on a couple of my favorite BDSM stores (Extreme Restraints and the Stockroom) to see what they had to offer in the way of devices more likely to provide the sort of bruising needed to make a spanking last.

Extreme Restraints had a particularly nasty looking device. They call it the Command Impact Cane. This is a nasty synthetic cane that is more than 1/2 inch thick. It’s very heavy and not particularly flexible. There’s no question that this device should be fairly easy to use when a bruise is desired. Since it’s thick and inflexible, there is no danger of it wrapping. When it arrived, and I got a good look at it, I realized that my hormones had done it again. This mother is really going to hurt!

Years ago, a very experienced spanker played with me. Most of the spanking was done using a paddle that did a very good job stinging and making my bottom red. She then picked up another toy and gave me three very hard blows. She spaced them out to give me time to recover. It was the coup de grace. Then she put her toys away and I rolled over. I asked her what she did in the end? She answered that I would be left with a few bruises I would feel for days. I was impressed.

She was true to her word. It hurt to sit for three days after that spanking. I think it’s likely that once Mrs. Lion zeroes in on how to use the new toy, she will also be able to give me those lasting memories. I also think that she may be working on her general spanking technique as well. She’s been using different devices and seems to have the objective of making sure I understand that my spankings are no fun at all.

They aren’t. Even now, I am ready for her to stop long before she is. She has said that she decides when to stop after my bottom turns a certain shade of red. This may be my hormones talking, but I think she may need to go for a darker shade; perhaps one with some white spots. Then, when she goes to use her new bruise device, I will be properly prepared to receive it.

There is a good reason why the spanking starts with a warm-up. It isn’t an act of kindness. It’s a simple fact that in order for a memorable spanking to be administered, a certain amount of natural anesthesia needs to be started. The longer a spanking goes on, the more easily it’s tolerated. This is overcome by increasing the force as the spanking progresses. That way, Mrs. Lion stays ahead of my natural ability to tolerate the spanking so that I continue to feel her displeasure. We learned that the spanking for me is most effective when Mrs. Lion keeps me right on the edge of trying to run away. The longer she goes on, the harder she can hit without me trying to escape.

I think my enthusiastic support of her beating my ass is a side effect of her orgasm control. She assures that my male hormones get plenty of time to build up. As they do, I get more invested in helping her “help” me.

Male domestic discipline is a fairly esoteric practice. Domestic discipline itself, particularly if a woman is being disciplined, has fallen into the very deep well of political incorrectness. Society doesn’t really comment about the male version. I imagine that a lot of women secretly applaud it. Mrs. Lion and I have been practicing it for several years. During that time we’ve discovered more and more people who are writing about their versions of this practice. We all seem to follow a similar pattern when we start. We diverge widely over time.

From what I can tell based on my limited reading, women who get disciplined are generally spanked for being bratty or otherwise displaying disrespect. Men, on the other hand, appear to be punished mostly for behavioral problems. These range from spending too much money to drinking too much or coming home late from work. The difference is that the male version of bad behavior is easily observed and measurable. The female version is largely subjective and relates mostly to how her partner perceives her.

Mrs. Lion punishes me for breaking specific rules. For example, I have to remind her of our punishment days (Monday, Thursday, and Saturday). I also have to prepare the coffee pot every day so that all Mrs. Lion has to do in the morning is to press a button and start it brewing. I have to wait until she begins eating before I can start. I am also required to avoid getting food on my shirt. She really enjoys watching me and catching me breaking one of these rules. What she doesn’t do is punish me for being bratty, interrupting, or being a smartass.

It seems to me that there could very well be a gender difference in what a disciplining spouse chooses to punish. It’s almost as though we men simply expect our women to remember and follow through on their duties. Our women don’t. They discipline for overt behavioral problems.

it’s more than spanking for breaking a rule

split rubber spanking paddle
This is the heavy rubber split paddle (tawse)used on my butt Sunday night. This picture was taken Monday afternoon. You can see some of the damage it did.

Since we first began our disciplinary relationship, I’ve encouraged Mrs. Lion to observe and punish behavior she might find annoying. She’s been generally unwilling to do this. It may be an evolutionary step. It appears to me that the longer a couple practices domestic discipline, the more likely the disciplining spouse is to punish the sort of behavioral infractions I think Mrs. Lion should do with me.

I wonder if it has to do with comfort and safety. After all, it has to feel a little risky to give your husband a very painful spanking. It’s one thing to do a BDSM spanking which might be very painful, but is done on request and is tied to sex. Disciplinary spanking is purely painful and absolutely nonsexual. The disciplining wife knows that her husband does not want to be spanked.

Sunday’s painful lesson for forgetting Saturday was punishment day

split rubber spanking paddle
This is the heavy rubber split paddle used on my butt Sunday night. This picture was taken Monday afternoon. You can see some of the damage it did.

On Sunday night, Mrs. Lion spanked me for the second time in just a couple of days. I had forgotten for the third time in a row that Saturday was punishment day. She was tired of this. She used our heavy rubber paddle and gave me one of the worst spankings I can remember. At one point I was thinking that I didn’t want to do domestic discipline anymore. I was sick and tired of all this pain. It was making me angry.

Anger is a normal phase during a spanking. In fact, it’s a sure sign that the spanking is effective. After the angry phase, tears usually develop and the person being spanked becomes submissive. The angry phase can be scary for the spanker. I know that I never act threatening while I’m being spanked. I do make louder and more angry growls and yelps when I enter that phase. I have no idea of Mrs. Lion even notices. I feel my fists tighten and my toes curl. I am definitely entering the fight or flight zone. It feels almost impossible to stay in position to accept more punishment. Somehow I manage to do that. It’s taken a lot of training. As Mrs. Lion’s spankings have become more severe, I’ve gradually learned to accept the pain without running away.

During the punishment while in that angry phase, I growled to myself about being hurt so much for just failing to remember to remind her of a day. It didn’t really hurt her. That was my irrational self. I know full well that failing to do anything I’m supposed to require consequences. My consequences involve a very painful rear end.

From what I’ve read, domestic discipline has its limits. For example, it seems relatively ineffective as a way to control excessive drinking. I’m sure it isn’t particularly useful for any sort of addictive situation. It has been proven to be extremely effective at behavior modification. Surprisingly, I think it modifies both the disciplinary wife and her husband.

the paddle as marriage counselor

The benefit is that there is a clear path within the marriage to manage disputes and behavioral issues that frequently push people toward divorce. By simply agreeing to a disciplinary relationship, the couple has elected one member to be in charge. This isn’t the same as BDSM master/slave stuff. It’s generally an agreement that the disciplinary spouse has the ability to have the final say. Mrs. Lion does not rule me with an iron fist. I pay the bills and make a lot of decisions for our marriage.

Before we had a disciplinary relationship, I could become autocratic and do things on behalf of our relationship that she didn’t like. She would never tell me if I did something like that. Hopefully, now that we have a disciplinary relationship, she will not only tell me but let me know that any future occurrence will result in a spanking.

The point isn’t that I’m going to be spanked for doing something that annoys her. It’s that she has a voice and the ability to be heard. She has tools at her disposal to guarantee that I will not only listen to her but follow her direction. Since I agreed to this relationship, I may be annoyed when she asserts her authority, but I know that I agreed to allow her to do this. I don’t want her to spank me, but I have to allow it because that is what we agreed.

In the beginning, this was a conscious effort on my part to do what I said I would do. As time goes by, I don’t think about it very much. I’m just as unhappy about being spanked, but I truly believe that I have no choice but to accept it. I’m conditioned to be a disciplined husband. On Sunday I absolutely did not want another spanking. When Mrs. Lion told me to get into position, I did it without complaint. Whether or not I wanted it was completely irrelevant to both of us. That is a big change. In the past, Mrs. Lion would be concerned that I would be unhappy and would cancel the spanking if she thought I wouldn’t like it. I would let her know if I didn’t want it.

Now, I can let her know I don’t want it, but she will just simply tell me that it doesn’t matter. I earned it. I may grumble a bit, but my bare ass will be lying over the edge of the bed waiting for her paddle. That was never in doubt in either of our minds. That represents a pretty big change. An even bigger change is that Mrs. Lion actively works to make my spanking very painful. We are both convinced that if the spanking is sufficiently intense, I will learn to avoid the infraction that prompted it. If I repeat the infraction, it’s a clear sign my last spanking was too mild. I can’t argue with that logic.

What I still don’t understand is why Mrs. Lion doesn’t discipline me for doing things I would imagine are much more impactful for her. I know there are times when I annoy her. From a practical perspective, it shouldn’t be any more difficult to tell me I’m in trouble for that then it is to tell me I’m in trouble for forgetting to remind her of a punishment day. She really doesn’t even have to say anything. She can just give me “that look”. Later, at her convenience, she can remind me of what I’ve done and tell me to get in position for a spanking. It doesn’t require her to do anything at the moment of my infraction.

When this happens on a regular basis, I think we will have made a big step in our marriage. I will be held accountable for my communication style with my lioness. Since I’m pretty sure I make the same mistakes with other people, she won’t only be improving how I deal with her, but she will be helping me with how I am with others.

I really don’t understand why it’s easier for men to punish this sort of behavior from their wives, then it is for the wives to punish their husbands. I think that our disciplinary relationship will continue to benefit us regardless of whether or not Mrs. Lion expands her list of offenses.

Apropos this topic, Julie of Strict Julie Spanks wrote a post, “Catching Up” about her recent experiences. She and her husband have a sort of switch arrangement. In her post she wrote about how they decide what constitutes an offense:

“David and I have settled into our switch routine. We’ve decided the household rules are a) either of us can get spanked anytime for any reason, and b) you get punishment spanked if your spouse is annoyed with you for any reason at all, even if you are in the right. Our theory is that the spanking is to get out some frustrations to keep the relationship healthy, and for the person who annoyed the other to do penance, as our goal is to NOT annoy the other and when we do we have failed.

This is exactly what I think Mrs. Lion should do with me. We don’t have a switch arrangement, so the punishment goes one way. However, Julie has it exactly right.

I chose a rubber paddle that’s split up the middle for last night’s punishment spanking. I thought maybe the rubber would give more of a thud than a sting and, perhaps, bruise Lion a bit. I know I said I gave up on that goal and I have, for the most part. I also like to change up the paddles I use. We have so many of them, it would be a shame not to have some variety.

Lion was not happy when I picked up the paddle. I don’t know if it was because of the paddle choice or because of the punishment itself. Either way, I had a job to do and he got into position without a word. I told him he needs to learn to remember things. He agreed but thinks he can’t help it. Well, I can’t help it if I have to keep punishing him for forgetting. (Obviously, if it turns out he has an organic reason for forgetting, I won’t beat him.)

I think I started out slow. You’d have to ask him if he agrees with that. [Lion– She did.] The rubber paddle is very mean. I built up to harder swats in no time and he was yelping. He did bleed a little bit, but I think it was less than with the wooden paddle. I’m not sure why that would happen. The edges of the rubber paddle are squarer than the wooden paddle. If anything, I’d think they’d cut into him more.

By the time I was done with him, I’d gotten him very red and I was sure there’d be some bruising. [Lion — There was! It doesn’t hurt to sit, but the marks are there.] Why does it always look like it’s bruising when it isn’t? Damn his tough hide! Okay, maybe I haven’t completely given up on bruising him. It feels like a challenge and I can’t figure it out. The main thing is that I whomped him harder than ever. I have to get my point across. He needs to follow his rules.

This morning, he reminded me of punishment day. Good thing. I didn’t want to have to spank him again. Spanking an already spanked butt is difficult. You have to avoid any bruises (ha!) and any areas that have bled so you don’t exacerbate things. Even after a couple of days, it’s easy to open the same spots. I’d be willing to bet that he bleeds from the same spots no matter how long it is between spankings. I almost want to coat Lion’s butt in something to prevent it from opening up during punishment. We’ve tried panties with no luck. I’m thinking of an adhesive coating I’ve seen in TV medical dramas that, I assume, prevent the incision from splitting open. The problem with that is (ironically) his skin is so sensitive, it would probably cause more harm than the bleeding does. Nope. I just have to make it painfully obvious that Lion needs to follow his rules and eventually I won’t need to punish him over and over again for the same infractions.

We’re going to get some of the memory aid vitamins we see advertised on TV. We can both use them. I think I forget more than Lion does. I have no idea if they will work, but it’s worth a shot.